Anyone ever been in my shoes before?

[lovinarabs]

I recently attended a get together with friends, previously very close friends. One is even my youngest daughter's godmother. Pretty much the entire night I was the butt of jokes. In fact when I was a few minutes late they called me to ask if I was riding my horse and couldn't I make him go any faster. The topic changed from how hysterical my horses were to how old my new house was and how my previous home was so much nicer (only had 3 acres) that I had to be insane to move to this heap, etc.... With friends like that, who needs enemies right? This of course happened after I just went through a similar night at my sister in law's bridal shower/bachloretter party. So I sent this email this morning. I wanted to sound determined, not crabby, but not sure how I well I did with that one.

Hi friends,

Something has been eating at me the last couple of days and I just have to say it this one time and I will be done. When we arrived at Maggie’s a comment was made about what I would be wearing. You all seemed to think it would be pretty funny if I showed up in my horse sweatshirt. That hurt, I really don’t see the humor in it. I guess I must look pretty stupid to you or something. Then when I told how I was ridiculed at Mandy’s bachlorette party for wearing that sweatshirt, “called the “Amish cousinâ€, asked if I would be riding a horse to the wedding, etc…. you all had a good laugh at my expense again. I guess that was funny to you. I assure you it was not at all funny to me. In fact, I left that bachlorette party in tears and vowed that I would never been a doormat for that family’s entertainment again. I realize that many of my friends do not share the love and enjoyment for horses that I have. That is fine. I realize that you don’t “get it†as far as the fact that horses are a dream come true for me. I have always been obsessed with horses, ask any family member or former classmate of mine. My nickname growing up was “Horse†and they even had a cruel little song about me and smelling like horses, aren’t children nice? I have put up with a lot of crap over the years for loving horses, riding horses and owning horses. I will not put up with it anymore. I have owned horses since I was 9 years old and to have 11 horses/ponies is like a dream come true for me. This is truly one of the happiest times of my life. To have a daughter (and hopefully two) who share that dream is the icing on that cake. I watched Libby enter that show ring this year and she lived every daydream I ever had as a child. She has an extreme amount of talent and was beating out kids that had been riding for the last 6 years, her first year on a horse. I hope to show this summer and maybe live a little more of that dream myself. Shannon supports me with his whole being, he even has purchased a horse for himself to ride, so you see – the people that matter most to me, are with me on this. I hope that you understand that I wish to remain friends and we can have a lot of fun together. But I will not be made to feel like a lesser person because I enjoy spending time with horses, or because my house is older now and not up to some of your standards. I know this probably came off as harsh, but you touched a nerve that has been being picked at for the last 21 years so I have to say my fun meter was full on this topic.

 

[whimsical]

I do know how you feel.

Some people have no idea how it feels.

I have always and still get picked on about my height.

Now that I am grown and have the choice to have horses (my parents wouldn't allow me to as a child), I get picked on for wasting my money.

Just know you are among friends here.

 

[Pandora]

I have one friend who I used to do yearly xmas shopping with before she moved. I would be buying my cats and dogs lots of toys and treats for xmas and of course the horses treats too. She couldn't believe how much I spent and said what a waste of money. I looked at her and said "How much did you spend on your 2 kids this year? And I don't even get talk backed to on a daily basis" :lol:

 

[FoRebel]

:aktion033: AMEN! I have had friends that have said just about the same things to me since I've had horses all of my life. Just know that you are among friends here and the people that don't have horses or know the love you can have for and are shown by the horses just don't get it. Keep your chin up! Don't let them bother you.

 

[Buckskin gal]

Yes, we can let what others say hurt us but you know what? Wear what you feel comfortable in....I love my horsey tee and sweat shirts. As long as a person is clean, neat and doesn't smell offensive they should feel comfortable in their own skin. Sometimes we need to just laugh with them, if it is about personal preferences....their day will come.

: Mary

 

[RainSong]

... not to be rude, but I guess I am incredibly lucky in this aspect. While I don't have horses, and have never been able to, my famiyl doesn't make fun of me for my love of horses and enither have my friends ever done so. The occasional light joke, yes - everyone gets that - but nothing like what you've described.

I do admit they don't all "get it", nor are they always the most supportive... but my goodness, they don't ridicule me for it, either! That's just wrong, and quite rude!!!

I hope they get it through their heads that it's just a nasty thing to do... what if you made fun of what THEY loved all the time?

 

[PaintedPromiseRanch]

oh yeah, i hear it all the time. but you know what!?!? i would rather spend time with my horses, donkeys and mules than with most people. so if they have a problem with my choice of lifestyle, well, it's THEIR problem. good for you for sticking up for yourself!! :aktion033: :aktion033: if teasing hurts and it's not funny, then they need to be told to stop!! and if anyone gives you a hard time about the money you spend, ask them how much they spend on their cigarettes or beer or gambling or whatever else they do... and then, ask what they have to show for all that money spent! or, if their hobby is quads or stamp-collecting or whatever, ask them how often THEIR "hobby" greets them when they come home, lends a shoulder to cry on, and LOVES THEM BACK!!!

 

[shane]

well you will ALWAYS be among friends here

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my family dont make fun of me, as they have seen the change in me since my two came along, infact its the best thing thats ever happened to me, apart from meeting myhubby and having my kids......i spend all my free time with my horses, and wouldnt change it,,,,,dont let them get to you,,,,,,,just keep doing what you love

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AND MORE POWER TO YA :aktion033: :lol:

 

[Sonya]

When I lived in PA where I grew up, all my friends and majority of my family are/were horse people, so I never had a problem there. When hubby and I moved to MI, I was horseless for a few years and then I got my first two minis...the people at my work just had a ball making fun of me and my midget horses...most of the time I didn't let it bother me, but it did occasionally get under my skin...so yes, I do know how you feel. Look at it this way...people who say things like that usually do because they are jeleous....sp???. 9 of 10 times that's the case, the other 1 is just a mean #@%$!

 

[misfitminis]

You're not alone. I grew up being called a horse ___er in school. Kids are cruel and I hated going to school. I was recently told that I don't dress the way a pregnant woman should dress. I guess wearing muck boots, jeans, and a large sweatshirt is unacceptable to a few people for a pregnant woman to wear. These people make me laugh. I think they have a need to be mean because they never grew up after high school or they are unhappy with themselves and saying something bad about someone else makes them feel good. My true friends don't care what I wear. They respect me for who I am.

Good for you for standing up to them. :aktion033:

 

[minih]

I can sympathize with you, the people I work with don't "get it" either. I am the butt of alot of jokes about my little horses, the mud on my truck (we live 2 miles down a dirt road), and what I am spending my money on now. I DON'T CARE! I usually make fun right back about their being anal with their vehicles getting a speck of dirt, all the time they sit around in the evenings when they could be out in the barn, aren't they lonely people not to know the feeling of a soft nose pushing your arm out of the way to see what you have in your pocket? Don't let it get to you, wear what you like and be proud of who you are. When we get to the end of our lives, we don't want to remember how we lived for others, we want to live for ourselves, family and good friends. So make some memories for those days later in life when you can't do anymore, and forget the rest. It only matters if you let it.

 

[susanne]

Directly or indirectly, animals have an amazing ability to show us who is good and what is real.

These people are not your friends, and I pity them their inability to know the pure love you share with your horses.

 

[GMAMINIS]

I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL! I FEEL LIKE I AM RUN OVER WITH A FINE TOOTH COME AROUND ALOT OF PEOPLE I KNOW, AND YES IT DOES HURT. I HAVE ALOT OF PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY SHOULD VOICE THEIR OPINION WERE IT DOESNT BELONG, SUCH AS HOW MANY HORSES I HAVE, HOW MUCH I SPEND IN HAY, AND MOST OF ALL HOW MUCH TIME IN OUR DAY IS SPENT WORKING ON THEM. TO ME UNLESS YOU ARE PAYING MY HAY BILL, CLEANING MY STALLS OR SPENDING THE WHOLE DAY DOING HORSE RELATED STUFF FOR ME THAN I DONT BELEIVE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOICE AND OPINION. I HAVE COME TO LEARN THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE SHOULD BE THE ONES WHO SUPPORT YOUR LOVE FOR WHAT EVER IT IS YOU ENJOY AND MOST OF ALL YOUR FAMILY. IT ALWAYS MAKES ME WONDER IF PEOPLE HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO YOUR FACE WHAT THEY ARE SAYING WHEN YOU ARENT AROUND? ANYWAYS I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL AND I AM GLAD YOU STOOD UP FOR YOURSELF AND EMAILED YOUR FREINDS! MAYBE IF THEY KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS YOUR FEELINGS THEY WILL CHANGE THEIR TUNE. BEST OF LUCK! SOME PEOPLE WILL NEVER "GET IT":saludando:

 

[momtotwo]

I guess I must be thick skinned or something. Most everyone I work with knows I have horses and they joke with me about my truck and laugh with me when I pull my notebook out of my pocket and a couple of pieces of hay come out with it but it has never occured to me to take it personally. There have been a few who tell me that I'm crazy to have so many horses and that I spend too much money on feed and hay but I've always figured that everyone's entitled to their opinions (like I think they are crazy for spending $400/month on a car and $1200/month on a house on a LOT <where you can't have a horse!> or $100 to have their nails done or $400 for a pocket book,...). I always figured that it was great that they cared enough to learn about what makes me happy. Maybe they're laughing at me and I don't realize it but I am happy with my horses and with who I am so it doesn't bother me. They do pick on Big Truck, but, since she's a '77 Chevy LWB, that isn't hard to do. I figure they can laugh all they want but I'll be relaxing while they're busy worrying about that big car payment they have due.

Anyway, if it makes you happy, and you aren't hurting someone else, don't let other peoples' opinions bother you. They get up every morning and worry about what to wear and what they'll look like in that outfit and what other people will think of them just like everyone else does. Happy holidays everyone!!

 

[strass]

I’m a 275 lb. man who works a blue-collar job. If you’ve put up with more harassment than I have, I’ll buy you a drink to tell me about it. I’ve heard all the jokes and snide comments. Heck, even at Convention this year, the husband of one of our forum members told me that he refuses to show his wife’s horses because “little horses are just so unmanly†and he didn’t understand how, as a heterosexual alpha male, I could humiliate myself like that. Another husband of a different forum member tried to be more PC about it but also said that he could never show a little horse.

You know what? I don’t give a rat’s A. People can only say things that hurt you if YOU allow it to hurt you. I stick out like a sore thumb when I show. I’m a big and fat bald guy who tends to make my horses look scrawny when I stand next to them. Even those who are kind to me point out that I’m “unique†in the show arena.

This would bother some people…not me. I’m proud of my horses and I’m proud of the little ranch that my wife and I have put together. My wife doesn’t “hold out on me to get me to show†as some of buddies suggest. I volunteer because it’s important to me too. There is NOTHING to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. People always mock what they don’t understand…that’s all it is.

So, I guess my kind, gentle words are: Suck it up. Be humble, but also be proud of who you are. Don’t offer those who are murmuring against you the pleasure of getting under your skin. Instead, quietly feel sorry for them because they are missing a source of happiness that you have found. Respect their opinions as you secretly wish to yourself that they all get diarrhea for Christmas.

 

[Mercysmom]

Don't you just love some people? :no: Here's my little vent on that subject of mean people - and it stinks when they are in your family!

My in-laws (mom and one of the sisters-in-law) have it out for me when their granddaughter/daughter is there. I have two lovely sons who I would not trade for anything but always hoped for a daughter of my own. They rub it in my face ALWAYS on how great little girls are and "don't you wish you had one?" Yes, but that was not going to happen in my life due to my diabetes. I had lost a twin during my pregnancy with Ben and the pregnancy was horrible - I am blessed he arrived alive, despite some early complications that kept him in the hospital before me. Andy's pregnancy had me in the hospital when I was first diagnosed as an insulin dependent diabetic and the doctors were discussing delivering him prematurely and other nightmarish situations. And I lost a baby prior to Andy and Ben.

That niece is a brat to the point that my hubby said at a holiday dinner "Rein in that brat!" (Stunned silence from all family members except my family!). He also warned her when she did her first sleepover at our farm, "No being a brat or we have coyotes out there in the field that we can feed you to," Stunned silence again and he then said, "I am joking about the coyotes but you cannot be a brat or we will take you back to your grandma's." She was good to the point of "please and thank you and I got a few hugs as well." :aktion033:

My sister in law is very jealous of my "girls" - Mercy, Independence, Freedom, Nefertiti, Intrepid and Finisterre. Touche! :lol: She hates that her daughter loves to come to my house due to my two dogs, two cats, a snake, a bird, fish and 6 horses and she called me a "collector." I found that extremely offensive since my animals are well cared for and are not like the nightmarish things seen on TV. She herself has two rabbits, guinea pigs, three dogs and three cats... a case of the pot calling the kettle black!

Don't care if I smell like a horse - at work we had a student who was moving to a different school whose family forgot her birthday. Very, very sad. Our staff got her presents and cookies and I gave her a hug before I went back to my desk. She held on to me for a moment and said "I love how you smell!" I said, "I hope it isn't the smell of horse - mine were kissing me before work!" She laughed and said no and she thanked me. :bgrin

My own sister's two girls are like my own and my niece Zina is a carbon copy of me...in looks and personality - my sister said if she hadn't gone through 27 hours of labor, she would think Zina was mine!

: Zina just got her first very own show dog puppy for Christmas and she, at the age of 8, is looking forward to showing and raising Min Pins. She loves horses and getting to play with Mercy is always high on her list when she visits. Her little sister is happy to shovel manure and she is normally a fastitidious (sp) little girl who doesn't like getting dirty. Amazing, the power horses have!

:

Maybe those mean people are just jealous of you...and since they cannot achieve what you have, they have to rip you down by being mean so that they feel better. You can hold your head high because you are fulfilled in other aspects of your life and living a dream by having horses.

The holiday dinner from h*** is coming for me next week but I am not holding back this year.

Happy Holidays!

Denise

Silversong Farm

 

[minih]

Respect their opinions as you secretly wish to yourself that they all get diarrhea for Christmas.

:aktion033: I love it. That sentence reminds me of an old Gaelic blessing that I have hanging on my wall here in the computer room, May those who love us, love us, and those that don't love us, may God turn their hearts: And is He doesn't turn their hearts may He turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limping.

 

[Pandora]

Strass, my fiance could relate to you in a heartbeat. He doesn't get into the horses, but before he met me he wasn't into pets at all. We now have 5 cats and a dog in the house and he spoils them all. His family gives him a hard time about it, but he wouldn't trade having pets for anything in the world now

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