Does anyone else have

[runamuk]

My teen has had his downs( near rock bottom )and his up's and was until recently doing great..........then it happens he keeps wanting to hang out with this kid whose family I barely know and lives in...... the wrong neighborhood and on it goes........and at the same time he is spending less and less time with his really good friend right up the road whose parents I know very well and where I know he is safe and out of trouble........

This has been coming on for about a month and it blew yesterday when he disappeared .......I had a rough idea where he was but couldn't actually track him down until today....he has been in trouble at school for the last 2 weeks and has lost his grip on following the rules.........I am so frustrated as he was doing well and now he has decided to go back the direction that got him in huge trouble before............

I just get so frustrated that he always seems to fall back into the "bad" crowd ...he doesn't even go to the same school anymore as most those "old" friends (not what I would call these kids)...and blows off his real friends who actually have his best interest at heart and also don't like seeing him do this.......

just needed to blow off some steam......he is home and we have been in each others faces....I am not backing down but man am I getting tired of fighting the same old battles........

isn't there somewhere we can send these hormone cases and get them back at say ...30ish

:

: :bgrin

 

[CyndiM]

I don't have any suggestions :no: . Sorry, just some (((((HUGS))))) and an ear for listening!

 

[minih]

I feel for you, I have a son who is fixing to turn 25 in March. His way of life now is NOT how he was raised. He has completely shut him self off from his family and lives his life in a way I do not approve of at all. He started his rebellion his senior year in high school. I'm sorry I'm not much help, I seem to have lost my battle. I just keep hoping that one of these days he will remember what he was taught when younger and come back to the family. He has really hurt alot of his relatives, so I don't know.... he is my son and I do love him very much. It is very hard. Hang in there.

 

[nootka]

Oh, not me, thankfully. My soon to be 17 year old gets good grades, he is well behaved and I do enjoy his friends a lot, know their parents, where they live, usually where they work and what they drive, so I keep fairly close tabs even though my son is somewhat of a homebody (he loves working on his car and chatting about his car on various forums), and enjoys his parents' company.

That said, there have been a few friends I haven't liked so much, but they pretty much disappeared after I put certain restrictions on the relationships.

I know it isn't always easy and if a kid really wants to do something we don't want them to, they may just go ahead and do it anyway (probably will). I truly hope your son makes a turnaround. I wish all the best for you and he, and so sorry you fought, that is never fun.

Liz M.

 

[backwoodsnanny]

I can surely feel your pain. My son who will be 37 in March was just like this from Junior year on. It was a battle to get him through school and he bucked us at every turn. I can remember trying to figure out where that kid came from. At this point he has made a complete turn around and is a wonderful man to the point I wonder where my devilish son went. He never did end up in trouble with the law except for an OUI at 17 but it was certainly a challenge. On a good note my daughter was the direct opposite and is also a responsible adult. Take heart it can change. My sympathies though as it was a terrible time in our lives. A battle everyday becomes very wearing and affects everything you do. If I can be of any help feel free to PM me.

 

[tifflunn]

Yep I understand, and blow all the steam you want to- I have a 16 year old whom I will be spending the better part of my morning at his school dealing with his latest issue( and hope he can attend school there again)- and yes he has spent the better part of the last few days with us and we will probably blow soon- so {{{{{{{{{{{{{{hungs to you}}}}}}}}}}}}}} because you need a couple of them. I spent a good part of Tuesday night going around to his "Supposed" friends houses explain to a the parents and freinds that he will no longer be there- some will keep him away beacuse I made such a fuss and they don't want that kind - of attention, some are dealing with the issues them selves and are Thankful another parent has stood up and there is the other two who don't care. We do what we can and hopefully it will pay off as long as we keep trying- some kids are born to test every boundry there is and some work naturally well with in them and there is a few that do both. I have been blessed with one of each :bgrin - so if you see me sitting on the side of the bridge debating you know that the one that test the boundaries all the time and the one that test them on occasion have converted the one that doesn't! :bgrin {{{{{HUGS}}}} we do get through it.

Tiffany :bgrin

 

[mountain_waif]

....

 

[Triggy&Blue&Daisy Too]

Sorry to hear you are dealing with this type of thing. My youngest son was a total hellion at that age, my daughter too. The other two were as good as the youngest were bad so God either has quite a sense of humor or at least some compassion from my experience. It wasn't because we weren't consistent or didn't give them love, stability, or structure but once a kid decides to gets headstrong and stops respecting you I'm sorry to say you can do is try to keep your wits about you and ride it out. All the counselling, restrictions, consequences, legal intervention etc., etc. only becomes part of the process but it's never the cure. Some kids just are wired to give their parents heck and some are not. I can only say that those who don't have problematic kids count your lucky stars because for the most part that is what most of parenting is all about, the luck of the draw. Both my son and daughter were 30 years old before they finally woke up and realized the path they were on was leading to their own destructions. Sometimes you just have to wait for your prodigals to return.

Also consider what kind of kid were you to your parents? They do inherit some of our temperments or our mother's would never threaten us with the "just wait until you have kids yourself" thing. Personally, I think I got off lucky

: :bgrin

 

[wildoak]

I do sympathize, I've had one of each too and my younger one is still having problems. She has matured a lot in the last few months due to consequences of some of her actions but it has been no picnic. It is discouraging to hear parents of children in their 30's saying they are still battling their demons, or have just come around although I know that's not uncommon. Just means we have a ways to go.

isn't there somewhere we can send these hormone cases and get them back at say ...30ish

only in a perfect world LOL.

Jan

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

Well if it were me and knowing the families were important I would make sure I did know them and would have then hang out at MY PLACE (OK assuming I didn't have dogs that bite lol) so I could get to know the kids and see.. is the issue the other kid, my kid or a combination of both.

but sadly that is part of being a teen, meeting and making friends and learning what is the type of person not only you want to be but want to be with and the consequences of that

 

[lyn_j]

[SIZE=14pt]Teen years can be tough... I thank God everday that my kids were not problems. All three were achievers in school, 4h and very active in church. I set limits, friends cam to our hourse rather than the other way around and they grew up into responsible individuals IN SPITE OF MY MISTAKES.... Before they were born I put their souls in Gods hands... kept them in my prayers daily and let God keep them.... Im thankful that he did. I have worked with troubled teens on an adolesent residential program of a psych hospital. Sometimes no matter how great the parents are the kids still do their thing.... Maybe we kept themm too busy with Church and 4h and their music extra curicular activities that they just didnt have tome to get into the wrong hands.... All you can really do is believe that you gave them the best start they could get, Pray hard, and help them work thru this really rough patch. I will keep you in my heart and prayers too.[/SIZE]

Lyn

 

[Marty]

OH good heaven's no. I have two perfect Angels here that do no wrong.

NOT!!!!!!!

These are teenagers! They are Aliens! They dont' understand English!

I've had it.

I finally got fed up.

They just seem to "know everything" and don't need thier parent's talks or information.

Nope, moms and dads don't know nothing.

They are going to do what they are going to do.

So ok. Do it. See where it lands you.

No more making excuses for your dumb choices.

We got sick and tired of catching them everytime they slipped up.

We finally had to let them fall.

They have finally learned that there are consequenses and that they are accountable for thier actions and their choices. They went to the school of hard knocks.

Nope they are still not perfect Angels nor do I expect them to be.

But I do expect them to realize that they will reap what they sew.

Mommy and Daddy will not rush to the rescue for stupid bad choices again.

We quit doing that.

 

[capall beag]

Oh no, it is so hard!

I was rotten......... Such a rebel and NO just was not a word I understood. I was the third of 4 and my mother said I just wore her out

:

I always adored my parents but I was a teen so of course I knew better than they did

:

: and I had all the answers

:

Being devilish was so much more fun than being good. However, I had the same great group of friends all through school and my parents knew them all well and my personality didn't come from nowhere...Thanks Dad!

:

My Dad is like me and I think enjoyed the challenge, although he didn't always admit it, my Mum could never understand it because she was just not that way

:

:

I think it is a great idea to welcome their 'friends' to your home and encourage them to hang out there!

On an up note I did fine! Went to college did well there am now happily married with three great kids and I still adore my Mum and Dad! I also moved to America by myself at 19 and adjusted well to this. I meet people who cannot fathom doing this and they seem to spend their lives in such a cautious way.

I always hung out with people I wasn't supposed to NOT because I wanted to be bad, I just found them more interesting

:

My hubby was way more of a rebel than me and he was wild until oh about 6 years ago so I am hoping my kids take after my Mum

:

:

:

Fat chance!! :no:

Hang in there, I know it is rough but just try to keep communicating and stay in tune to him... oh so much easier to write than do I know.

I am not sure my blabbing will be of any help at all

:

 

[runamuk]

Thank you all I just needed to vent....for some reason even though this isn't the first time he has run on me the not knowing where they are leads to parental panic which leads to no sleep which leads to less than good parental form.....I think it is one of their approaches to "wearing us down"

: I am thankful for the major progress made over the last 8 months to a year.......but this backslide is not fun......

Ok we talk and we are open (much more open than many other parents and children) he told me some things that make my head spin BUT I also want him to continue talking so I bite a hole in my tongue and then reprimand the behavior ........

As for having his friends over well we live rural and he only has a few ok one that is within a mile....this new improved bad influence lives in town which is 15 miles away ....yes he has walked or hitchhiked to town in the middle of the night........this time however he pulled a fast one and forged a bus note....bus barn has been reamed by myself and his school as they were told he is not to get off the bus anywhere but home......

My younger one is much more of a try to please you child plus he has watched his brother screw up and doesn't want to be like that

:

I do find it interesting that my troubled one was my easy baby/toddler and my "good" child screamed bloody murder from birth to 6 months along with frequent projectile vomitting ( I have a fairly high grossness thresh hold but do not do puke/spit up).....then he spent the next 1 1/2 years as a terrifying head banger....he liked to slam his head on the coffee table the floor the wall the bricks surrounding the fireplace....geee I always thought he'd be my problem child

:

:

Our other issue with friends is well our standard poodle bites especially teenaged boys/adult men so we have to be very careful and make sure he is locked up ahead of time......

Ruffn tuff I agree but I know the reality of some of these friends and the consequece of his choices very realistically could be death........drugs in particular meth and huffing can kill.......

again thanks for the advice ....and remeber to hug em tell em you love em especially when you want to kill them

:

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

Ruffn tuff I agree but I know the reality of some of these friends and the consequece of his choices very realistically could be death........drugs in particular meth and huffing can kill.......

again thanks for the advice ....and remeber to hug em tell em you love em especially when you want to kill them

:

I totally agree with this but... unless you keep him busy and accounted for in those hours before and after school he can do these anywhere he chooses to (not making light of it of course) and unless you are willing to make bedroom windows escape proof and sleep on a cot outside his room (with NO DOOR) sometimes there isnt much else you can do - I am not saying to give up but well you know sometimes no matter what we want do or say, they have to run there own course.

I would however strongly suggest removing the door to his room if he is sneaking out at nite and random drug tests and room searches if drugs have been found.

I am all about freedom and trusting till they give me solid reason not to

 

[The Dynamic Duo]

That was me last year. But now, in my charter school(not private Breanne!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I am doing a lot better.

 

[wildoak]

I am all about freedom and trusting till they give me solid reason not to

Absolutely. And once that trust has been violated, privacy is a thing of the past. We had some battles over that one.

If you think you are pretty aware of what goes on these days, go do a little browsing on myspace.com at some of the kids pages. I don't shock easily but wow, amazing what they put up for everyone to read. What really concerns me is that so many put their pictures and more personal information than they should out there in cyberspace. They forget that it's not just their friends lurking.

Jan