Hmm... ???????????????

[Feather1414]

Growing up is hard work - but I have found out that being a friend is even more work...

My friend, I won't mention names - is always there for me. We are always talking to each other, although normally its me telling him my problems. He is always saying that I do more then enough for him, but I have to wonder if I really do.

I don't really know how to put into words what I am trying to say.

What can I do to feel more like I am doing something. He quite rarely tells me whats bothering him anymore. I won't go into detail with that, but it's not a good thing for him. Trust me.

Anyone ever have a friend that you talk to all the time, tell them your problems, but they don't tell you their own? If so, how do you feel about that? Does it make you feel like you aren't a friend?

I know that he says I am more then enough for him, but I don't know.

I don't even know if I am making sense anymore!

Probably not.

 

[rabbitsfizz]

Perhaps he will not burden you as he knows you cannot do anything.

You could offer to be his "hole in the ground"

Somewhere he can dump all the stuff he wants to say and you will take it on and say nothing unless you are asked.

You must be very sure you can do this, before you offer.

If you decide to offer, do it at a time when things are good, and happy.

Just tell him, and make the offer.

I have done it for friends and it is very, very hard.

Especially as you know how I love to talk and give advice.

BUT if you feel you can do this for him, make the offer.

 

[Black Magic]

I think I'd thank him for being your "soft place to land"... and that if ever he needs his own soft place to land, you'd like to be there for him.

God Bless,

Lynn W

 

[Crossbuck Farms]

Not sure. What I'd tell him. Just be there like u already are.

 

[Voodoo]

I don't think you really have a problem here. He probably just doesn't want to burden you with his problems. I'd do like everyone suggested and just be sure he knows you are there for him all the time, no matter what, if he ever needs anything you are unconditionally there for him. If you have already told him that then just keep doing what you are doing.

 

[justaboutgeese]

Please , I do not want to be the Grinch here but I see big red flags going up. Almost all of you are aware of what I have been going through and this sounds so much like how it started many years ago. What I see are signs of a clinical depression (No, I am not a doctor nor am I offering a medical diagnosis) that can be managed with great success. But it cannot be managed with love and caring alone. My advice is do what you can to provide comfort and support but do not allow yourself to be the one who ends up carrying his burden as if it was your own. For if you do it will become your own and the pain of shedding that burden can be a heartbreaker. Geese.

 

[Feather1414]

Please , I do not want to be the Grinch here but I see big red flags going up.  Almost all of you are aware of what I have been going through and this sounds so much like how it started many years ago.  What I see are signs of a clinical depression (No, I am not a doctor nor am I offering a medical diagnosis) that can be managed with great success.  But it cannot be managed with love and caring alone.    My advice is do what you can to provide comfort and support but do not allow yourself to be the one who ends up carrying his burden as if it was your own.  For if you do it will become your own and the pain of shedding that burden can be a heartbreaker.  Geese.

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Geese, are you very right. He does suffer from clinical depression, which is why I am so worried about him. All this stuff going on in his life bothers him - a lot. I do thank him daily for being my friend, He knows, I am here for him, but it never seems to be enough. He is on meds and everything for his depression though, thats a relief. Its just scary. I don't want to lose my best friend.

 

[Happy Valley]

Jamie, you are doing a wonderful thing to be a close friend to him. Sounds like he needs you, whether he shows it or not. Just be careful to watch him though and if he says or does anything that makes you feel that little catch in your head that something might not be right, tell someone. You seem to be very level headed and secure...listen to your "little voice."

Stacye

 

[Feather1414]

Jamie,  you are doing a wonderful thing to be a close friend to him.  Sounds like he needs you, whether he shows it or not.  Just be careful to watch him though and if he says or does anything that makes you feel that little catch in your head that something might not be right, tell someone.  You seem to be very level headed and secure...listen to your "little voice."
Stacye

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Actually we are in the same boat with depression. I am just a lot better with hiding it all.

 

[runamuk]

You also mention your friend is a HE......HE's aren't natural born talkers.......HE's typically are fixers so when they can't fix it they feel helpless.....HE's also have a more difficult time expressing their feelings.........it is truly a guy thing........no I am not saying all guys but for the most part guys are wired way different than us girls......I know I live with 3 and communication breakdown is a regular occurance

Just continue to be there maybe talk more about his interests and hobbies and less prodding for what is wrong....focus on the things you both enjoy or that he enjoys......and if you truly think he is a danger to himself by all means talk to his parents or if you are in school together talk to school counsellors........