I made a mistake

[Ferrah]

I was house sitting this weekend. I got paid in advance and used the money to buy some food for the five days and to pay someone who I owed some money.

I invited two friends over, the idea was to sit around and watch movies and play cards. Well it ended up there was four extra people in the house who brought beer...not a whole lot...but beer and one of them I did not know that well smoked.

I did not drink myself.

I thought I had cleaned up properly. I searched every inch of that house and straightened and cleaned everything. Well the lady comes home and there are ciggarette butts outside that I missed and the table had a bit of a mess on it that didn't come off the first time I cleaned. Also, there was a beer can in the house that I did not find because it was in a totally weird spot.

Anyway the lady was kind of upset and I do not blame her. She is a family friend. I am going to pay her back $130.

The thing I am having trouble with is how I should apologize or what I should say. Can someone please help me? I want to apologize, but I am not sure what to say.

 

[CyndiM]

First and foremost is the truth, tell her you are sorry and are willing to pay fo any damages and again how sorry you are.

I would also tell my "friends" and the tag along person they are responsiable for helping you pay for the damages. You have probably learned a very valuable lesson from this, that not all friends are REAL friends.

In the future if you should find yourself in a similar situation. a) Do not invite anyone over. b) If someone shows up you don't want(or shouldn't have) there ask/tell them to leave. It is better to not be cool than to get yourself in trouble for someone else.

 

[sedeh]

Time to fess up, grovel, plead and beg. A few tears wouldn't hurt. I don't know if you had asked permission to have any friends over but in the future I would make sure it's okay with the homeowners. Some don't want people they don't know in their homes.......and I don't blame them!

 

[nootka]

I would go ahead and tell her the whole truth and that you are sorry for your error in judgment and you hope that she can forgive you and let you know how you can make it alright.

She needs to know what really happened and while she will likely not ever hire you again to do anything like this, you have nothing to fear from the truth at this point.

What an expensive lesson, eh, and disrespectful "friends" I would think. Hopefully the lesson will stick, not that we all haven't made mistakes. Saying you're sorry and offering to make amends really does ease the sting.

Liz M.

 

[keeperofthehorses]

Just be honest and speak from your heart. If she's a family friend, and has known you a while, she'll be able to feel and see your sincerity. The words you wrote on the computer came across as remorseful, so I'm sure in person you'll be able to find the words. Tough lesson learned, but learned well I'm sure.

 

[ChrystalPaths]

Did she give you permission to have friends over? When the extra people came you could have told them they just couldn't stay. When the beer and cigarettes were to be seen you should have asked them to leave them out or asked them to leave.

I do not mean to be harsh but if I hired a person to sit for me I am putting my whole faith and trust in them. I do not give those lightly and I believe no one else does either. Had I come home to those things I would be furious. I may not ask for the $$ back but I would not ever trust you to sit again.

Yes you should apologize profusely. As for the $$, that is between you both. I hope you have learned something here. Never take advantage of anyone. You could have managed with one friend if you had permission. In my home that would have been a female friend only also.

It's terribly hard to find a house sitter/horse sitter/dog sitter and when you do one tends to go to great lengths to make them happy and comfortable while they sit. You knew it would be a bit boring and a party was a bad judgement call. Please don't be mad, but I'm a mom and this is what I would tell my own kids. You're a good person who made a bad call. Now all you can do is grovel and hope she will trust again in the future.

 

[sharon]

Just like the others have said.......be totally honest. Make sure she knows that you know you were wrong.

 

[MeadowRidge Farm]

You did a very good job at telling all of us on the forum what you had done, now go and do the same to the lady who owned the house. As for paying her back, I would tell her your intentions and take it from there. She MIGHT forgive you and not expect any money back, if she feels you have truly learned a valuable lesson in this. If she does, I think your friends should all be contributing to this. Corinne

 

[JO~*]

Live and learn.

When I pet sit I don't even let my husband go into the persons house.

I take it very serious when I am entrusted with others pets and home.

I think paying back the $$ is a good idea

 

[mininik]

Wow. I can't imagine ever inviting anyone over to someone else's house. Even if this hadn't turned into a disaster and the home owner didn't find out, it was still very wrong. What would you have done if someone had broken or stolen something? If these people had pets and one "accidentally" got out because of one of your friends that would really have been awful. If this were my place, I'd be fuming...

If I were you not only would I offer these people a full refund with a sincere apology, I'd also give them a gift basket, tickets to the movies or a gift certificate for a free dinner someplace nice.

"I would also tell my "friends" and the tag along person they are responsiable for helping you pay for the damages."

I have to say I disagree with the concept that these so-called friends should have to pay for anything they did. Obviously there was a decision made by the housesitter to "be cool" and let these uninvited people party with alcohol and cigarettes in a stranger's home. If they weren't supposed to be there and were asked to leave but wouldn't, THEN CALL THE COPS. Take responsibility for your actions. Don't try to point fingers and place the blame where it doesn't belong.

 

[capall beag]

Tell her the truth and tell her how sorry you are.

Now, I may get flamed here but personally a beer can and a couple of cigarette butts wouldn't bother me. Heck the mason who has been here forever finishing our patio leaves dozens, no exaggeration, of cigarette butts and beer cans all over my property, now that ticks me off!!

I do think it was poor judgement on your part but I think you are young? and young people sometimes make poor judgement and you did. Learn from it Real friends would clean up their mess..... perhaps you need to rethink those friends??

Don't beat yourself up about it just don't do it again.

 

[Ferrah]

I am 18 years old, and honestly this whole thing is completely out of character for me. I can honestly say I have no idea why I let the tag alongs in, let alone the beer and cigarrettes.

I dont smoke, and I dont drink, so why on earth I let this happen I cannot imagine.

The owner of the house has allowed me to have a friend or two over in the past, but only because she knows me well and knows that this sort of thing is completely out of chracter for me.

Which is why this is probably even more of a shock.

It was stupid, stupid, stupid.

 

[mininik]

"Now, I may get flamed here but personally a beer can and a couple of cigarette butts wouldn't bother me. Heck the mason who has been here forever finishing our patio leaves dozens, no exaggeration, of cigarette butts and beer cans all over my property, now that ticks me off!!"

No flames here but this isn't JUST "a beer can and a couple of cigarette butts." This is trust betrayed with a party of strangers in your residence while you are away that you don't know and didn't invite. For all you know these are people who could be stealing from you, or breaking your things, or letting your pets out. They are trashing up your place and what was LEFT OVER when you got home were "a beer can and a couple of cigarette butts." Big difference.

LOL I've re-read my responses and gee, can everyone tell my mother put the fear of God in me regarding respect for other people's property? If I had done this at 18 or otherwise I would have been whipped!

:

 

[Relic]

For sure tell the people how sorry you are. Just think how they must feel to have trusted you and how let down they probably are. How would you feel in there shoes?? lf you were one of my kids you would have to repay the people and l would feel horrible knowing they let there friends get control over whats right and wrong after all the preaching l did on the subject. Just because you didn't clean up well enough and got caught doesn't make it right if you would have gotten away with it either in my book. l think trust is fragil and takes a real long time to be earned back when you betray it.

 

[stormo41]

sounds like peer pressure to me. you did not want to tell them no you can't bring that in here, but you did because you did not want to seem mean or rude, or like you never have any fun. just tell her what happend. and good for you for not drinking.

 

[Ferrah]

I just want to clear one thing up. Even if I had cleaned up well enough not to get caught, I still would have told her. The guilt would have gotten to me.

Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it, and I have used and will be using a lot of it.

EDIT To add: I know to do a lot of the things everyone suggestion I do...but I guess it never occured to me at the time...only later, when I had time to think over it.

This entrie mess will bother me from now until forever. A fitting punishment.

 

[justaboutgeese]

The way I see the issue is not that there was a beer can or a butt on the ground outside, The issue I see is that you were left in a position of trust and the trust was breeched. People when they allow you into their home are giving you access to the most personal aspects of their lives. This "mistake" has possibly left their personal lives and posessions in the care of your friends and their drop ins. Asking for forgivness is easier than ever regaining their trust. This lifes lesson might end up being one you will learn never to repeat at some later stage in life. Lets hope it works out well for you and the people who placed their trust in you.

 

[hobbyhorse23]

Wow. I'm startled by some of the responses here. I house-sit and pet-sit as do several of my friends. We all take the responsibility VERY seriously but having friends over has just never been a problem. Not that I have any friends actually still in the area these days, but nevertheless I always ask while we're laying out ground-rules if I may invite a friend over or have my parents substitute a feeding in an emergency and the answer has always been "Oh Lord yes! Are you kidding? Have a party! And your parents raised you, of course I trust them to feed my animals as long as you show them what to do." It always startles me that these people who won't trust anybody but me to handle their animals tell me to make free with their homes, but I guess they know that my version of a wild party is two friends and a pizza.

:

Now don't get me wrong. I've never actually HAD a friend over while housesitting for anyone but my parents. But I've been given permission every time.

We get mad because the only housesitter we can find that we trust with our horses always leaves the house a mess. We find her stuff for weeks and garbage all over, dirty dishes piled in the sink, etc. Now that's irritating. I've had people complain to me that if I hadn't left a note on the kitchen counter and a pile of mail in the garage they would think I hadn't been there because things are so neat! LOL. I take great pride in putting everything back exactly as I found it. It's a game to me.

Apologize, grovel, and never ever do it again.

Leia