I'm so bummed

dixie_belle · May 3, 2018

You all know I've been struggling with some depression issues because of my husband being ill. I decided I needed to get out of the house a little, get away from the issue so I joined a quilt guild and a homemakers group thru the local extension office. Now granted, all these ladies are quite a bit older than I am and are all local. Generations local. They know everyone. So the homemaker group I chose (and there are several to choose from) was small, only 7 ladies. I wanted a smaller group so I could get to know them, rather than one of the larger groups. And it's pretty informal, which I like, too.

Second meeting, no one bothered to call me to tell me where it was. (It changes each month). OK, well, I'm new so maybe they didn't have my phone number. No big deal. Last month the lesson was on recycling your old junk to make new junk. LOL One of the ladies called everyone.....except me, of course.......to ask them to bring anything they had upcycled into something new to show everyone. No biggie.....maybe they didn't have my phone number (again). Monday the extension office has this program where we get a charter bus, go to Lexington to the Markey Cancer Center and all get screened for ovarian cancer. Well, sign me up. So I'm on the bus and one of the ladies in my group says....now don't forget, we cancelled Wednesday's meeting. Um......when were they going to tell me? So, there was another little old lady who joined just two weeks ago. I called her on Tuesday morning to tell her that the meeting had been cancelled and she said she already knew because they had contacted her. OK, I get it. Honestly, I do. Took a while, but I get it now. What were they going to do....hide in the bushes and laugh at me when I showed up? Big joke. Well, don't you know I was teary eyed all day Tuesday. I guess the homemakers group just isn't a good fit for me. They have to accept everyone but they don't have to really accept you, evidently. Maybe I'll look into one of the other homemaker groups. Or friends of the library, or something.

OK, my rant is over. I'm just really hurt.

chandab · May 3, 2018

So sorry the Homemakers group wasn't friendly and inviting. Perhaps one of the bigger groups would be more open and inviting.

How is the quilt guild? I joined the local quilt guild around ten years ago, honestly can't remember when. Most of the ladies have been friendly and inviting; I've even become friends with a few outside of the group. (It's a little hard to participate, since I live so far out in the country, but weather permitting, I make the main monthly meeting, and occasionally make the all day sewing Friday.)

A few years ago at the Christmas party, one gal (one I hadn't interacted with much) informed me that I didn't like her and what a horrible person I was. Another gal calmed me down and explained about this woman and how difficult she can be. I pretty much avoided her for like two years, then all of a sudden she was civil again. Now her health isn't great, so she hasn't participated much.

I'm one of the youngest members of the guild, so other than quilting, don't have much in common with many of the women, but a few have been very friendly and I've even had lunch outside of guild with them.

Marsha Cassada · May 3, 2018

I am thinking, too, the larger group might be better. Sounds like the small group is cliquey. Maybe your work is so nice they are intimidated or jealous? Sounds like they are doing some fun programs, though! All the home ec groups in my area are defunct. I'd love to join one.

I'm glad you came here and unloaded your rant! Sorry to hear about the tears. Sometimes a good cry is good for us, though.

Ryan Johnson · May 3, 2018

Try not to take it personally, unfortunately any group can be clicky and petty, especially when new people join. Its sad that people choose to be like that. Id hate to think how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

And dont let this dampen your motivation to get out and about, its the best thing for you and shortly you will find a group thats welcoming and not full of nasty old biddys

Cayuse · May 4, 2018

Wow, they sound like a bunch of "mean girls" and who needs them! I am sorry that you had to go through that experience. I have a hard time with some organized group activities because of the "cliquey-ness" too.

Maybe if you tried a larger group it would be better, the ones who tend to be cliquey will cling together leaving the rest of the gang to do their own thing. Sometimes a bigger herd is more peaceful than a small one ☺

Mona · May 4, 2018

Do you think there is ANY chance they don;t have your number?? Maybe either misplaced it or got it written down incorrectly, why you are not getting the calls? If I were you, I would call the person in charge of making the calls to everyone and directly speak with her about what's been going on. Maybe you are thinking/feeling the worst thing when actually it may be some sort of problem or misunderstanding, and even if they say no, it;'s not that, they don;t feel you fit into their group, at least then you KNOW, and can stop fretting and move onto a different group??

Minimor · May 4, 2018

Did you ever say Oh, hey, do you have my number? Because no one let me know? It is easy to think the worst--and maybe you aren't wrong in your asumption--but i do like to put them on the spot and see if they stammer out an excuse--or if they are honestly apologetic and next time you do get a call. Unfortunately sometimes those who know everyone forever are not accepting of newcomers to the area. Perhaps one of the bigger groups would be more inclusive.

Debby - LB · May 6, 2018

I'm sorry that happened to you, it would have hurt my feelings too. I second calling the person in charge and putting her on the spot! although I'd probably just not do that especially if I didn't feel totally welcome in the group. You may feel more welcome in the larger group. Don't let it stop you from trying again, it's their loss.

jeanniecogan · May 7, 2018

ok, that happpened to me at a small church we joined. they made us feel really welcome at first and we both did as much as we could for them. when i got sick with my bad back and knees we had to give up most of the jobs we had been doing so mike could do most of our own stuff, and take care of me. slowly, they all went away. leaving us feeling pretty bad. i think if we ever join another church it will be a large one. i feel your pain.