Just when you think it can't get much harder......

[anoki]

Boy, where to start.....I haven't been on here much for soo many different reasons.

Last fall, we started putting up a new workshop 40'x80' - half of which is for my work and also dog kennel. I have put many, many hours into helping with this, and it is getting soooo close to being finished so I can move in...yet there is sooo much to do!

And I am soooo far behind in my 'real' work!!!

My little 'perfect' pup, Cash, that was a singleton born last September has had some serious skin problems since January. I have tried anything and everything and FINALLY he is starting to look 'normal' again (and took about 5 years off me from fretting about him!!!!!!).

My horse, Anoki, went lame in January....which my friends (one of whom is a retired vet) insisted was 'just' an abscess....which took 3 weeks to 'clear' up, and I was never convinced it was just an abscess......

These friends (who own the barn where I've worked for over 14 years-also where I've boarded my big horse) went away for a week in early April. When they came home, they told me they were getting out of horses and moving.....not just a little move, they are moving clear across the country......shocked, upset, and rather heart broken kind of sum up my feelings since then. Though I am not surprised they have decided to pack in the horse 'thing', they are getting older and finding it harder to keep up with everything....but the decision to sell the place and move THAT far away is still a shock to me. They are like my second parents...but I know they can't keep living their lives for everyone else....and I told them that.

People tell me well it's just a job....but it was never and has never been 'just' a job. That place has been my life for the past 14 years, so it is hard to say good bye to all of it. This place is amazing.... I have yet to find any other place that offer close to the same level of care and attention to each and every horse in their care.

They offered me their Hannoverian (a 1/2 brother to Brentina), which I gladly accepted. He has some quirks which would make it difficult to put him 'on the market', but he is such a talented boy.

They were back for a week, before I took off to Pennsylvania for the Cardigan Welsh Corgi Club of America's National Specialty (more on that in another post in a few days). When I came back after 10 days away, my Anoki was lame again, and they had called the vet out for some other work with other horses in the barn. When I saw him, I knew he had foundered.....our farrier had told me that he had actually foundered back in January, but Anoki showed NONE of the 'typical' symptoms. Again, there were none of the 'typical' symptoms. NO heat in his feet, NO standing with his feet out in front of him, NO reaction to hoof testers, but he was definitely sore on his front feet. The only thing was the way he was walking.....

Xrays confirmed that he had rotation in both front feet

We don't know why, but suspect Cushings (waiting to test that in the very near future). I don't know if he will ever be sound again, but he will never compete again....

I am kicking myself that I didn't push to have a vet out back in January....I just did not think it was only an abscess....

I keep bouncing from everything will work out, just wait and see, to what the h*** is going on and how am I going to do this.....everything just seems so daunting since they told me....and I am going to miss them soo much....

~kathryn

 

[Valerie]

Kathryn,

I am so sorry to hear about all of this.....the stress on top of more stress on top of even more stress.

I am so sorry about Anoki.........that is just terrible and I know how bad it is when our "kids" are hurting.....

Just remember when one door closes another one opens......and you are very talented, you will land on your feet, I know you will.

Sorry your friends are getting out of the horses, it's a tough decision and it sounds like you had a very good heart to heart talk with them and it sounds like it's their time for them.....I totally can understand that.

Take care and remember your forum family is here for you.

 

[Shari]

((Hugs))

 

[Equuisize]

That is a lot of 'stuff' to be going on at one time.

Not that it ever helps when you're in the middle of things

but things most often do work out and happen for a reason.

I wish you a cup that is overflowing rather than a plate that

so full.

 

[anoki]

Thanks everyone.....

I have been trying hard to think that it is all happening for a reason....but you are right, when you are right in the middle of all of it, it is hard to think that way.

Since the beginning of the year, I've had a really odd feeling that something major was going to be happening this year. It is still a shock when that was not what I was expecting. I do not have a good feeling about the outcome with Anoki....more xrays will be taken this week, so hopefully it shows no more rotation.

On the up side, there is someone interested in their farm....and they are wanting to keep it as a horse farm and boarding facility....and they want me to stick around to help them with it. So we will see what happens

~kathryn

 

[sfmini]

I agree with Nancy, some of the best things that happened to me were a result of the most awful things happening.

That is no comfort right now, I know, but do know I am very sorry to hear all of this. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, you know where to find me.

Hang in there, it has to get better.

 

[gimp]

Thanks for the explanation, Kathryn. I've been a bit worried.

First, let me say, congrats on getting a handle on Cash's skin stuff. And on the new horse. He's something to keep those friends close as the physical distance increases.

I went through a similar thing many years ago. A couple in the neighborhood decided to pack up and hit the road. They were my kids' adopted grandparents. She was there with me when I went through the trauma of losing my Mom. I mourned the "loss" for months prior to them leaving. I saw them a week ago when they were in town and we picked up where we left off on their last visit a year or so ago. I miss them, but they are so happy. It was the right thing for them. For me? Not so much...

When you are in the middle of it it is difficult to see the end of the dark tunnel. It will be there, and I suspect many good things will follow.

I will keep you in my thoughts, and hope that the new owners can be a blessing to you and that the changes will be, at the least, tolerable. Breathe, my dear. Change is tough, but so are you.

Nancy

 

[Shortpig]

I'm so sorry you are going thru all of this in just one year, actually not even a whole year. I pray it turns around for you as the year goes on. I hope you don't find anymore damage when you get the new xrays on Anoki. It always atonishes me how quickly a horse can founder. I wish you the very best and please keep us informed on things going forward.

Marie

 

[anoki]

Thanks....

It does feel better to talk about it....I have tried numerous times to post about it in the past couple of weeks, but I just couldn't do it. I have left the barn in tears every day until this week....

It sounds like the deal will be going through....which means they will be leaving in less than a month....which makes me even more sad about it all. When they first told me I was upset, but thought, hey it could take a year to sell the place....less than a month later, they have a serious buyer....

I rode my 'new' horse for the first time today. I haven't been on him in years! It was fun...a little nerve wracking...he definitely isn't *my* Anoki, but we get along. We just have to get used to each other-him used to my cues, and me used to not asking in quite the same way. I don't think about all the little things when I'm riding Anoki, everything just happened without me thinking about what I was doing.....I know it will get that way with this guy in time.

I just keep hoping it will all work out in the end.....but I'd be lying if I didn't say that right now, I don't know how it is going to do that.....

~kathryn

 

[Matt73]

Big Big ((((HUGS))), Kathryn

As my friend (who's husband is going in for heart surgery next week, among other things going on) said tonight, it all comes at once

As long as you have your friends and family to support you, you'll get through this

 

[hobbyhorse23]

As my friend (who's husband is going in for heart surgery next week, among other things going on) said tonight, it all comes at once

So true! A dear friend of mine hasn't been able to find a job since he got out of the army almost 17 months ago, now owes the unemployment office money through a government screwup, just lost his dad to cancer and now has found out he's going to be losing his childhood home and may have to move back in with his mother. Oh, and one of my critters he dearly loves was just diagnosed with a mass that will probably kill him in the next couple of months.

He said cheerfully that it feels like the world is kicking him when he's down and then adding insult to injury, but from over here it looks an awful lot like he's getting some external help to break some unhealthy habits. He's held onto a lot of things, mentally and emotionally, for years and has never been able to truly break away from them although he's sure tried. I think things are aligning in such a way as to force him to start fresh and I believe many good things will come of this but right now it sure looks dark. Life is hard!

My heart breaks for you with Anoki. I've been going through the same thing with Kody's back injury and know very well the heartbreak you're feeling. Your buddy is still there, but he's not the same and may never be able to do the things he enjoys again and there's so little you can do about it. It's awful!

A new horse helps (Turbo for me, the Hanoverian for you) but it's not the same and feels like a poor substitute for your old friend. I'm not out of this one yet myself and keep clinging to the hope that somehow he'll magically be able to do the things I want him to again, but I can admit that the alternate road we've been on has had some rewards. For the first time in years I've been able to go camping with friends, explore my local city, catch some concerts, and otherwise enjoy more normal summer activities that are usually lost in pursuing horse shows. Kody has finally discovered that in-hand work can be a dance between the two of us rather than viewing it as a battle where I'm trying to push him around. He's learned lateral work which has really strengthened him and will make him a much better dressage horse if he ever gets back in harness. He's learning to enjoy a little bit of herd life and playing with someone other than me. I still would have preferred the way I thought 2009 would go

, but it hasn't been all bad! I suspect I was supposed to learn the lesson that it's okay to sit back and miss some horse shows, maybe pay more attention to the people in my life, and prepare myself for the day when I'll have a family and will need to turn my attention to other things. I know there's another lesson here as this pattern is repeating in my life and that usually means there's something you're supposed to be learning but I haven't figured it out yet.

I hope I get it soon as I do NOT want another horse to mysteriously become unuseable so I can get the point!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're not alone, we're all here for you and can sympathize with what you're going through. It's got to be scary to have all that going on at once! Keep us updated and my prayers are with you and Anoki.

Leia

 

[twister]

Kathryn I just saw this post, so sorry to hear you are going through so much but you are not alone in this, you can always talk to your forum family. I am sorry about Anoki too, hopefully you will get good news when you get the other tests done. <HUGS> Yvonne

 

[anoki]

Thanks guys.....

This is a HUGE change....and it does scare the bee-geezes out of me......

It is now official....their farm has sold, and they move out June 15th

I will be driving them to the airport that day....and I'm already not looking forward to it.....

The new owners are very nice....know nothing about horses, but aren't ignorant about it either. They really do want to learn the 'right' way.

Anoki had new x-rays done on Thurs...NO more rotation!!!

But he did have 15 degree rotation on one foot, and 10 degree on the other

I have been riding my new guy more....wow, this horse has range.....and talk about a lateral work machine!!! I just hope I can keep him going at this level and push him up.

For now I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.....it will all work out the way it is meant to work out....it just scares me that I don't know which way it's 'supposed' to be going......

~kathryn