My mom's not being very supportive!

[Celtic Hill Farm]

Ok, so we are starting our Senior Projects, and i wanted to do my on Saddleseat. My mom didn't like my idea. Witch really buggs me! shouldn't she be supportive in what i want? I know she thinks saddleseat is dumb, and dosn't really want me to ride it let alone show it, because she thinks ist's supid and pointless. She dosn't think it will help me...HELP ME? GWAD dose she already have a dicipline picked out for me? It just buggs me, she has always been there for me. But she dosn't like me doing this and isn't veary supportive. It's just veary frustrating for because, i have rode dressage and hunters for a year and a half, for her. To make her happy. And now i'm tired of making her happy, and me being misreible when it comes to riding. And she isn't beeing suportive, and it just buggs me becaue i know this is my dicipline. I really want to ride and show this. Im really not looking forward to geting a horse, because i'm 90% sure she isn't going to get what i want, and rather what she wants me to have...i.e...quarter horses...did i mention i hate q-horses? She grew up wiht quarter horses. She dosn't understand why i want to show. She thinks it's pointless, all the time and money for a ribbon. BUT! she will bring my brother all around for his hocky...for what? so he can chase after a rubber disk? ehhh... it just bugges me. And i'm tired of her not being suportive with me when i want to show and ride...i understand that it costs alot of money, and stuff, But i don't think one OPEN show is ureasonable! ehhh...it just buggggs me alot. becasue i just want her to understand that this is my "Sport" this is what i live and breath for. I Live to ride, to show, To go out in the ring Show. But, she just makes it hard!

Like ik we are short on money, and stuff (we have two houses and the one has been for sale for a year and won't sell) but really, i work now (at the barn) and will be able to pay for most of it. She just dosn't get how much it would mean for me to show. She just thinks it stupid and pointless...yea because i totaly going to have a hrose to go out on a trial and walk aroud...yea...that's not pointless at all... ehhh...

thanks for listening to me vent...

 

[uwharrie]

showing Saddleseat can be very expensive depending on what breed you choose. Gaited horses require special farrier services and if you go with pads and all it really ads up. While I was in college I worked horses for a lady who was big in saddle seat. Her main breed was Saddlebreds but she also had quite a few fancy ponies she trained. ( I never really took to saddleseat being more of a hunter/jumper person myself)

I could not believe how expensive it was to maintain and show those horses (and that was back in the 80s) Not to mention how much the horses themselves cost. My husband learned to ride on a saddlebred broodmare who was in foal at the time. That foal sold for $50,000 as a weanling!

Is there a show barn in the area that specializes in saddleseat? Perhaps you could work off riding privledges/ lessons. And beleive me if you are serious about showing you will need lessons to be competative no matter how good a rider you are. Even the very top riders in the country have instructors working with them.

 

[Celtic Hill Farm]

I an currently work with a Saddlebred that rides saddlseat. The person i work for owns him is leting me work him after i am done with my work (cleaning stalls...i still get paid $) and she said i could show him! Also my Cusin Trains Morgans, my Aunt showed Saddlseat horses for 15 years. My Dressage Trainer also rode park Morgans as her first seat. So i have trainer/instructers to work with. The thing is, with all the other disciplines there just to boring for me.

 

[mydaddysjag]

Hey, my mom wasn't thrilled about me even having horses. She is scared to death of them, and has panic attacks any time she is around them. She would much rather I never had them, and even admitted that when I was a kid she told me horses were like cattle, something that stayed out in the field and you just looked at. I would have never expected my mom to purchase a horse for me, its not her nick. I say if you want to ride saddleseat and you have a job, YOU buy the horse, pay the farrier, pay the board, and all of the fees.

When I was footing the bill (which i always have) my mom was as supportive as she could possibly be. She came to all of my shows, and I did barrel racing, so she was always scared to death of me getting hurt, and had tried to talk me into scratching my classes MANY times. But on the other hand, she would ALWAYS help me do things not directly involved in handling horses. She would run to the tack stall and get me brushes, halters, and tack, get me patterns for showmanship classes, heck, once I went to wait for my class, and after my run I came back to a clean, freshly bedded stall.

She did it while I was waiting for my class, as a surprise for me.

My main point here is just because your mom isnt supportive right now doesn't mean that she always wont be. I say if you pay for everything, she will see that this is making you more responsible, and will support you more

 

[ruffian]

What didn't you like about Dressage and Hunters? Were you not successful? Dressage is extremely difficult, and it takes talent and focus to do it well. Are you wanting to quit because you think you will do better at saddle seat? It sounds to me like if you were able to do it for 18 months that your mom was being very supportive.

Although it is very hard to read your thread, it appears that there is a money crunch in your family, as there are in just about every home right now. If you already have the dressage and hunter equipment, is it fair to ask to spend more because you want to change disciplines? Even though you say you are working and can pay your way, there will still be expenses that you may not be able to cover, and will fall back on your family. And all you want to do is ONE show? That's a lot of money to lay out to go to ONE show. I did a quick Google, and used saddle seat suits were $750. Then you need the saddle, bridle, and show supplies, not counting the horse, trailer, truck, and show fees.

As a "mom" I would be less than supportive if I had provided the opportunity for my senior year daughter to show at dressage for 18 months, and then have her arbitrarily decide to change without a very good reason.

By the way - quarter horses CAN be used for saddle seat.

IMO you need to look at WHY you think your mom isn't being supportive, and then look to yourself for why you want to change, and how you can make things better for yourself.

 

[anoki]

I have to agree with mydaddysjag. Neither of my parents were supportive of my horse obsession whatsoever. That is how I got into the minis, but that is a whole other topic. My Mom used to be a Registered Nurse & worked in the ER....saw a few nasty horse accidents come in and decided I was going to have NO part in being around big horses. I started volunteering at a local stable once I got my driver's license, then started working there. I got a full time job after I was finished school, I paid to lease a horse, then bought a youngster, boarded & leased another horse at the same time....ALL of this was paid for by me. My Mom was and has been very supportive when I proved that I could provide for the horse thing myself.

Prove to her that you can take care of things, and she shouldn't have any 'reason' to not support you....

~kathryn

 

[Sunny]

You wrote: " Witch really buggs me! " PLEASE clarify that before I ream you out! Did you mean that to be part of the first sentence, and saying "which" really bugs me? Or did you mean "the witch really bugs me"??? Big difference there!!!

My daughter is nearly 13 and if she showed me the same attitude you seem to show your own mother, she wouldn't have a horse at all! I don't know you from Adam, but you sound awfully spoiled to me, and need a lesson in appreciating what you have.

 

[White Socks Miniature]

I am 23. My parents have always been supportive of my "horse habit", my dad built me a barn, a paddock and a riding ring. However, I have bought my horses, I pay for thier feed, vet bills, farrier care, show costs, ect. I have always done all the chores in the barn as well as have a full time job. They are supportive because they can see how dedicated I am to them, to my job and to helping the family. As a teen I had my fair share of fights with my parents (before I had horses) as I am sure everyone has had. Times may change but the game never does. If you want something, YOU need to do it. You cannot honestly expect your mother to pay for and support something that she does not want. Also I do not think that you hate QH's, you are just saying that out of spite for your mother. Take everyones advice, and do not cut off your nose to spite your face.

Cheers

Masako

 

[uwharrie]

So are you saying you mother will not let you show this horse? or she will not let you Buy a horse? There is a huge difference.

I assume you are young, and I know you have heard it before but you don't always get what you want when you want it.

My suggestion ( as a horsey person who had none horsey parents) is continue to take lessons, and take your friend up on showing their saddlebred. I don't know how much ring experience you have, but if you are new to showing, until you try it for a bit you will not even know if you like it.

I know it sounds fun but showing is a ton of work, and the competition can be cut throat ( especially in the youth divisions)

If you put the work in on someone else's horse and show you mom how much you enjoy it and how hard you are willing to work at it she might just come around. There are even colleges out there that give scholarships in horsemanship.

I an currently work with a Saddlebred that rides saddlseat. The person i work for owns him is leting me work him after i am done with my work (cleaning stalls...i still get paid $) and she said i could show him! Also my Cusin Trains Morgans, my Aunt showed Saddlseat horses for 15 years. My Dressage Trainer also rode park Morgans as her first seat. So i have trainer/instructers to work with. The thing is, with all the other disciplines there just to boring for me.

 

[Celtic Hill Farm]

My Mom had horses growing up, she was in 4-H, she Worked at one of the biggest tack shops un New England.

What didn't you like about Dressage and Hunter

Too Boring, and I hate the way hunters look. Well I like the way the Arab hunters and Morgan Hunters look, because they are more up headed.

I like dressage a lot, because it teaches you a lot that can be used in every discipline. It teaches you proper collection, balance, all the basics. But I want to show, and showing dressage is not my thing.

you already have the dressage and hunter equipment

Yea, I do have dressage and hunter equipment. (Dressage Saddle, Close Contact saddle, Dressage Bridle, Hunt Bridle, Breeches, Hunt Coat,) But I also have a Lane Fox Saddle and Saddlesuit.

but you sound awfully spoiled to me, and need a lesson in appreciating what you have.

HAHA, sorry. I’m definitely not spoiled, I work my butt off to get what I want, I save up for everything I get, I think the only thing they bought me was my show saddle, and I bought it on closeout/sale. That was really rude of you to say.

So are you saying you mother will not let you show this horse? or she will not let you Buy a horse?

Well... I think she is going to let me show, but she made it clear she isn't buying me any equipment. I don't think she likes the idea of me showing saddle seat. She has told me that she doesn’t like saddle seat.

If you put the work in on someone else's horse and show you mom how much you enjoy it and how hard you are willing to work at it she might just come around

That was what I was going to do! I was going to work really hard so I can do well at the show. And work really hard on my Senior Project, which is on saddle seat (yea that peeved her off) and show her how serious I am about it. I explained to her that this is what I love to do is ride saddlseat. like, my freshman year (same time of year) I was working with a Breeding Stock Appy, and I was gong to show him. But we couldn’t find a Saddlesuit that was inexpensive. Then this summer I trained my TB saddlseat, I even taught him to park out. And now I'm riding again...and actually...lol...my friend and I are going to train my donkey for saddlseat… just for fun! ha-ha.

 

[Matt73]

What do you "hate" about the way hunters look. I'd stop saying you "hate" things. Start saying "I Prefer...". I know it's just your anger and insecurity creeping through. Try to be more positive

You're going to insult a lot of people. And I'm sure you really don't "hate" Quarter Horses etc. You just "prefer" something else over something else. There are good things in every breed and discipline as well as bad. Now...here's a hunter. Looks like pretty perfect conformation to me

(Cabardino: A Holsteiner Stallion)

P.S. A lot of breeds are succesful at the higher level of Hunter including Thoroughbreds, Many warmbloods (Hanoverian, Dutch Warmblood, etc.), and even some Quarter Horses...

 

[Marty]

Settle down and stop being so angry; you're lucky you are riding at all!

I think it is great you want to experience many different diciplines. When I was your age and older, I did the same thing and was able to experience and work with many breeds. That was just plain lucky that I was in the right place at the right time. I was alll over the place with breeds before I settled into my nitch which turned out to be Quarter Horses.

Mothers are not magicians and cannot pull a rabbit out of a hat all the time so give her a break. She's probably doing the best she can. These are not easy times for a lot of people and showing horses is an expense. If you cannot get what you want right now so be it. Suck it up and enjoy what you do have and your day will come. May all your dreams come true.

 

[mydaddysjag]

May I ask how old you are?

Also, did your mom purchase any of your current tack? I'd be pretty ticked if I purchased my child that amount of tack, and then they decided to up and change disciplines, and YES, I would expect them to pay for any other tack they wanted. Who's to say that your going to like saddle seat in 3 or 4 years, and then your mom will have purchased you a Dressage Saddle, Close Contact saddle, Dressage Bridle, Hunt Bridle, Breeches, Hunt Coat, and so forth. It's just not economical.

Have you sat down with mom and asked "would it be alright if I sold X X and X to pay for this new piece of equipment"

As far as this little comment

"HAHA, sorry. I’m definitely not spoiled, I work my butt off to get what I want, I save up for everything I get, I think the only thing they bought me was my show saddle, and I bought it on closeout/sale. That was really rude of you to say."

Actually, I think you just proved the other posters point, because it sounds very unappreciative. I have lost a lot of respect for you, and that comment alone makes me think you are spoiled, and have no clue just how bad the economy is. Don't worry, you'll learn when you get out on your own. I have bought most of my saddles USED, and would be thrilled to have a new saddle that was on sale. Heck, I was thrilled when what I got for Xmas one year was my mom giving me $100 towards the new saddle I was having made. I didn't walk around saying "Oh, yea, all she did was pay $100 towards something I paid the rest for"

I think if you look at all of the posts, you'll realize that all of the posters are saying the same thing, and maybe realize that maybe it's not mom being irrational, maybe its you.

 

[Keri]

As a child still living at home, you are required to do what your mother says. If she doesn't want you showing saddleseat, do what she wants you to do. Its only a few more years. Keep working at the barn in your saddleseat discipline. Then when you've mastered it, ask you mom to come down to the barn so that you can show her how much you've learned. That may change her opinion. I worked all through high school to pay for my first cart/harness/mini that I showed locally. I took lessons from a man down the street and "worked" my butt off too. But my parents had the vehicle and trailer (until my senior year when my boyfriend (now hubby) and I bought a trailer so that we could do our own stuff with his truck). So you at your parent's mercy. Being a teenage isn't "fair", but after you grow up and have children of your own, you'll see the wise-ness in your mother's decision. I think worrying about paying the bills and keeping a roof over your head is more important than trying to finance another horse to feed and show.

 

[Reijel's Mom]

I can understand your frustration, particulary if you feel your mom is more supportive of your brother's endeavors. Try to sit down and have a good talk with her about it.

And do feel blessed with what you have - many of us did not get to do all that you have done with horses already to give you a good start/foundation. I worked in high school, too, but I didn't get to use it for fun horse stuff - I wasn't allowed to own the "hay burners". Instead, my money went mostly for my clothes.

 

[stormo41]

I know how you feel, I've been there when i was in my teens.

you sound like a really hardworking person and not spolied at all. I think what you are getting at is that you would really like your mom to give you her emotional and mental support rather then $$$ support. I know i would rather work my but off for what and have my parents be proud of me and support what i'm doing then having their money and be doing something that I don't love to be doing.

Just keep telling her that this is what you really enjoy and show your friends horse this year and hope that she will come around.

 

[Littleum]

Be glad your parents are involved at all, and are willing to participate at all.

My parents could not support my horse habit growing up. They also withheld emotional support. They thought if they gave me emotional support I would expect financial support. Their support consisted of "tolerance"- meaning I was permitted to work at the barn, work as a nanny/babysitter for cold cash, have my own pony (which I supported myself) and go to shows several hours away (sometimes for several days at a time) I was secretly bitter, felt unloved and misunderstood on the inside, but actually it was an adult friend who said to me as I was helping her wrestle yearlings in return for a trailer ride "Wow, your folks must be pretty cool to let you just go to these shows. My folks wouldn't have let me out of their sight!"

Really put it in perspective for me. There I was inwardly ungrateful and angry, thinking about what I could do with just a "little" support ($$) and I hadn't realized how much I actually had gotten out of it. I still wish they would have shown a fleck of interest, but it was a difficult time for my family so I don't begrudge them doing what they thought was best. Now they're SUPER interested and always look forward to seeing my ponies when they visit. Mom is all excited my new driving horse is something she can drive when she comes to visit, and Dad really loves seeing horses trotted out for him to admire. I'm very glad I shut up when I was a kid and didn't burn bridges there, because now the horses are something we all enjoy.

Maybe think about what you're getting, instead of what you're not getting. Might not be exactly what you want, but something is better then nothing. And since you rely on your mom for her indulgence and support, you are beholden to her opinions.

 

[joylee123]

Hey, my mom wasn't thrilled about me even having horses. She is scared to death of them, and has panic attacks any time she is around them.

My Mom used to come pick me up at the stables and If I was still on horseback, she'd lock the car door

Joy

 

[mydaddysjag]

My Mom used to come pick me up at the stables and If I was still on horseback, she'd lock the car door

Best memory was when I was younger, my horse untied her lead while I was turned around getting something from my grooming kit, and went wandering around the side of the barn (barn had a fence with latched gate around it, and I was on my way to get her)

I didn't know my mom was there to pick me up yet, and when I walked past the horse trailers to get my horse, I see my mom, standing on a trailer fender on the opposite side of my horse saying, IT ISN'T FUNNY, GO HER" I had to laugh pretty hard before I could actually escort my horse back to the hitching post.

 

[AppyLover2]

Oh never mind.