I just want to give you my own experience with my stallion and three mares. Your description of your little guy is so similar to Jumper's when I first got him, nearly a year ago. By the way, what is his name ?
I got Jumper along with Flicka and he was in terrible shape emotionally. He was so scared of humans, he always seemed to be dreading my next move. He was wild on the halter, pulled me around and so forth. He kicked me if I tried picking his hoofs up to clean them... In fact, for the first few days after I got him, I thought I had made a terrible mistake by purchasing him.
The truth was his former owners completely neglected him, never brushed him and I have this feeling they may have been very rough in his handling, because of his abnormal behavior whenever I tried to touch him or gently pat him on the neck.
I decided to do a few days of observation. I asked someone else to handle him when it was time to put him in his paddock. That person, aware of his attitude, would take a defensive pose (pulling back on the halter, or blocking head movement), which resulted in Jumper pulling harder, trying to run around, tensing up etc.
After 3 days of seeing the same thing morning and evening, I decided to try something completely different. I took the lead rope and brought him back to the barn from the paddock myself. The difference, however, was I stayed calm around him, did not pull back on his halter, and gave him enough lead rope for him to had free head and neck movement. The result ? He immediately calmed down, lowered his head and followed me calmly to the barn.
This was
our first victory. I don't consider that I was the winner. We both won. He had understood that no harm was meant by haltering, and I won by staying calm and confident that we could both come to some level of understanding.
After this, came a long struggle for him to understand that grooming was meant to be enjoyed, not scared of. He hated curry combs, so I used a brush. And I brushed his tangled mane with it. He began relaxing. I relaxed even more. He turned his head towards me and gently blew on my hair. I even saw tears in his eyes and such a look I've never seen in the eyes of a horse. Another victory.
Now, I can do anything around Jumper, he doesn't mind. Brushing, training, hoof cleaning patting him... He knows I will never hurt him and he respects me for the respect I give him.
The whole concept of training horses is about gaining their confidence and trust. Once we have this, they naturally come to respect us. Sometimes, we need to define the do's and dont's, but in a manner in which the horse will still respect us.
From my experience, I learned that stallions, which are often seen as dangerous, are just normal horses who exteriorize their anxiety more than mares or geldings. Oftentimes, it comes back at us in a attitude of defense (such as kicking, biting etc). But really, all they want, is to be free from anything that they don't trust. They don't want to dominate, unless they are trying to kill. Horses are prey animals.
So, I learned that I needed let Jumper trust me. And being calm around him helped him a lot, because animals (I'd say especially horses), can sense every emotion we have, whether we hide it or not. In order to be calm, I stayed positive, I focused on something else besides the horse himself... I learned to forget he was a stallion and treat him like I'd treat any other horse. And it worked. Now, I can go by the mares' stalls with him calmly focusing on me until I've taken the halter off and closed his stall door.
Because you see, it's not about showing him that you're the boss and that you're the dominant. It's about being a friend to him and showing him you respect him, so he will naturally respond by respect you. Horses in the wild are in groups and they respect each other because they NEED each other for survival. It's the same thing in our relationship with them.
I'm sorry for such a long post. I hope it helps, though. I just wanted to share my own experience.
