O:kay, I have had it.

[MiniforFaith]

Hi everyone, as I sit here balling, I really need help on what to do.. My inlaws are the ones form @#ell.. We have had a lot of issues since Aug. of last year. All because of my @#itch of a sister inlaw..Well she is getting her way, again. 2nd Christmas they family is not getting together.. My mother in law and father in law came back home from Fla. yesterday to be home for the holidays. Hubby called his sister and asked if we all could get together for Christmas. I have two kids age 12 and 6. She has two, 6 and 4. My kids are the outcast.. But my two want to spend time with their cousins on the holiday..She said, I guess.. Now MIL says no there won't be a get to gether..She was suppose to come and see the kids today. SHe just called and said they weren't coming

I cleaned all morning getting ready for them..Then I got the mail, and the SIL sent a picture of her kids to Paul, only, my husband.. Now, when I did ours, all of our names where on it, and so was all theirs. I am just so upset..Why can't they grow up and realize Christmas is about the kids and family.. This is all because of me..I look at her wrong, and I am not good enough to be married to their son/her brother. Hubby is not doind a @#amm thing about it. So he has to pick me or his family. THis is what happened back in 97 when we went threw a divorce. And I fell like we need to again, because he is not standin up for me or his kids.. I am so tired of getting hurt, and them getting away with it. He is at work, now.. If I had somewhere to go, I would be packing right now. I only have my dad and I know, since my sister has be doing the drug thing again, I can't move in there..I had to take my kids to work with me last night because I had no one to watch them.. But it was my last night, so, I guess that doesn't really matter either. I am so upset, if Paul didn't have my car, I would be over his siters in a heart beat..

I am so tired of being hurt, my kids being hurt and Paul not doing anything about it..

Thanks for letting me vent, and how would you handle this, or what would you do..

Okay, have to go and calm down, feel a major panic attack coming on..

 

[Charlene]

there are no easy answers, hon. i'm so sorry you have to go through this EVER but most especially, at a time of year when everybody should be jumping at the chance to see little kids having Christmas fun.

i've never been one to seek outside counseling and i don't know how you feel about it but maybe an impartial person could help you put things into perspective so it wouldn't seem so overwhelming. i know counseling can be costly but there are ways around it...your public health department, for one, can guide you.

i'm having a pretty hard time with the holiday season this year since the loss of my beloved gary is still so fresh. i have thought about talking to someone but i truly get more good thoughts and prayers when i come right here to the back porch! i spent the morning wrapping gifts. gary always helped me, he picked out the ribbons and bows to use so every time i made my selection, i cried.

i think about lisa, too, and what i KNOW she is going through.

take a few deep breaths, step back and ask yourself what is the most important thing to you. plan some fun things to do with your kids and if paul doesn't want to take part in them, do them without him. maybe he will come to realize that HE must get his priorities straight, too.

i don't know what else to say except that i hope you can salvage some of the holiday and hopefully, things will look better for you soon. (((HUGS)))

 

[iluvwalkers]

[SIZE=12pt]Jodie, wish I had the magic answer for you

. You have to do what's best for your children and yourself. I know what I would do but I am not you so that won't help. Thinking of you, Nikki [/SIZE]

 

[MiniforFaith]

there are no easy answers, hon. i'm so sorry you have to go through this EVER but most especially, at a time of year when everybody should be jumping at the chance to see little kids having Christmas fun.

i've never been one to seek outside counseling and i don't know how you feel about it but maybe an impartial person could help you put things into perspective so it wouldn't seem so overwhelming. i know counseling can be costly but there are ways around it...your public health department, for one, can guide you.

i'm having a pretty hard time with the holiday season this year since the loss of my beloved gary is still so fresh. i have thought about talking to someone but i truly get more good thoughts and prayers when i come right here to the back porch! i spent the morning wrapping gifts. gary always helped me, he picked out the ribbons and bows to use so every time i made my selection, i cried.

i think about lisa, too, and what i KNOW she is going through.

take a few deep breaths, step back and ask yourself what is the most important thing to you. plan some fun things to do with your kids and if paul doesn't want to take part in them, do them without him. maybe he will come to realize that HE must get his priorities straight, too.

i don't know what else to say except that i hope you can salvage some of the holiday and hopefully, things will look better for you soon. (((HUGS)))

Thanks so much

I know you are having a hard time now too. This time of year is always hard on me since I lost my mom 5 years ago..Your Gary was a true man. I can't say that about my hubby.And I feel so bad, that what you just went threw and you made time to post for me..

Ok, the tears are rolling again..Thank you so very much again. If we are still together for Christmas, I won't be here if his mom comes. I know that they do not want me in the family and I won't be here.. I hope you can make the best of the upcoming days. Pm me if you ever need anything, not sure what I can do, but I will try..

 

[minimama]

I will tell you exactly what i have done. I am in the same situation. Can never do anything right or it is never enough or what ever.

I gave up. Told my husband he is on his own with his family. I do not shop for them do not buy them anything do nothing for them will not talk to them on the phone, no cards no nothing at all. If he wants them to have something he has to take care of it. As far as out children, we have older children that can make up their own minds where the Grands are concerned and our younger too go up to visit with him occasionally when he goes. but for the most part they have made the choice not to go because of the way we have all been treated.

So, after all of this and my finally putting my foot down, Now my husbadn stands by me and supports me. He has told them off and let them know we come first. Took him long enough! LOL

 

[jayne]

Jodi, you are responsible for your actions of course, but please don't get so down about things you can't control. If they want to be poopieheads, there isn't anything you can do about it. What you CAN do for you and your sweet family is focus all your attentions on making the holiday season a special time for them, with warmth and decorating (stuff you can make together) and baking together and making traditions of your own that everyone will look forward to every year. Maybe pick a day and go down and help people out at a food bank or homeless shelter, so to be reminded of how rich we really are and that it's the season of caring and love. I think a lot of people think love is something you feel, but the older I get I think love is something we do. Obviously the inlaws aren't practicing love, but that shouldn't stop YOU.

Jodi, I know you don't know me, but I read all your posts and you are such a sweet lady and a good mom and you are truly making a huge effort to grow and become the person you want to be. Rise above this test and BE the mom you want to be, and maybe the inlaws will see what they're missing. They might not, but it's their loss. In the meantime, you've made special memories with your family that will last forever.

Jayne

 

[Chaos Ranch]

Been there..those in laws can really devistate a marriage. Mine are horrible... my mil is a holy roller... not Christian...Christian is fine. But she throws her scriptures at me ALL the time and I get REALLY tired of it. She frowns on me cause her son isn't preaching as she thinks he should be... as if it's my fault.

I had 3 kids when my husband and I got together... 2, 1, and newborn. You'd think in 13 years those people could learn to love them..seeing as how their biological families on their real dad's sides have nothing at all to dot with them, in fact, Donnie even adopted one of them. Nope... when we walk into her hosue during the holidays or family things and she's got company, my older 3 will filter past her and as soon as the two we have together come in she says AHhhh... now there's Donnie's boy Casey, and his little girl Meagan.

BURNS me up. Then to make matters worse, in front of Donnie they will say " You know we love ALL those kids the same" ... but then when he's no where around, she makes sure me, and the the kids all know it's just not true.

I really wish that when you got married, you didn't have to marry the entire family.... but unfortunatly that's the way it is. My husband does NOT ever stand up for us and there have been some VERY terrible things done and said against us over the years. It really makes me resent him and not believe him when he claims to love us... I could never stand there and allow someone to talk down to my kids or my husband, I would tear their necks out from under their heads.

I have gotten to where I don't do the family things anymore...and yes, they do talk bad about me because of it... but no... it doesn't bother me because their opinions of me no longer affect my opinion of myself. Who are THEY to define who we are? They call me stuck up, they will make little snide remarks here and there... but I burn their biscuits by simply saying .. "Yes, I know you feel that way and I have no desire to change your opinion of me."

That usually shuts them right up.

 

[Sonya]

oh I know how you feel...my inlaws are monsters sometimes! My husband and I have had 1 large arguement about it and then a few small ones...the arguements only got smaller because I chose not to make a big deal of them. I am lucky that they live 400 miles away, so the issue doesn't come up often. Not sure what your situation is as to how often the in laws are around. If it is just occasionally (like my situation..2-3 times a year) I would just deal with it, I would just take it with a grain of salt and frankly not give a $hit about them one way or the other. Don't let them get under your skin...now if you have to deal with this often, you are definately going to have to come to something with the other half or it will lead to your divorce. I don't have kids so that makes my equation much simplier.

((hugs)) take a deep breath and do not let them make you miserable!

 

[Mona]

Awww Jodie, this really sucks! It must be so hard on you, and especially at this time of year, when family is supposed to mean so much! I hope things will work out for you and your kids. Take care...HUGS.

 

[mad for mini's]

Holidays are definitely the most stressful time of year, trying to keep all sides happy is not an easy chore but you can not take this on by yourself . It is a two way street . Sometimes you have to draw the line for the sake of your sanity and the happiness of your children . It is a loosing battle if you're the only one on your side of things , do what it takes to make you and your kids happy and forget about the other people causing the trouble. Your kids will thank you in the end , I think at a certain point they get old enough to realize what you have done for them and what kind of people their relatives are.

 

[MiniforFaith]

Jodi, I know you don't know me, but I read all your posts and you are such a sweet lady and a good mom and you are truly making a huge effort to grow and become the person you want to be. Rise above this test and BE the mom you want to be, and maybe the inlaws will see what they're missing. They might not, but it's their loss. In the meantime, you've made special memories with your family that will last forever.

Jayne

Jayne,

You are such a sweet person. Thanks so much, as what you said meant a lot to me..

Tried talking to hubby and it is like talking to a brick wall. So from this point on, they are his mess to deal with. i won't have anything to do with them.. And thanks for all the replies, I am just sorry that there are others out there that are going threw the same thing..

Jayne, thanks again, and I hope you have a Very Merry Christmas.

 

[SampleMM]

Hi Jodie,

It took me 12 years to figure out that my husband and my children are the family. You don't need any of the others! Just plan a nice Christmas for your "real" family and let your in-laws do whatever. I used to have that feeling that I wasn't good enough for my husbands family but I now realize that's not true. They are just very insecure, unhappy people that wanted me as miserable as them. After 3 years of not doing anything with them as far as holidays or get together, they now call me and treat me like a person. Put your foot down and take a stand. Don't let anyone make you feel less than. If somebody makes me feel uncomfortable or bad about myself I just keep far away from them. Remember, you need only your husband and your children for a wonderful Christmas.

Christmas Blessings,

Debbie

 

[Elsa]

[SIZE=10pt]Jodie, I can't begin to image what you are going through. I've never had to deal with the situation and the utter frustration you must be feeling with your husband. He should be the person that sticks by you no matter what, and if his family mistreats you, he should be the first to say something. I'm really sorry you have to go through this, and maybe he needs a wake up call if you think it will do any good. I hope you have a good christmas despite all of this. ((hugs))[/SIZE]

Elsa

 

[Brandi*]

I don't really have any advice for you but I do know what your going through! I have a #$%%^ sister-n-law too! She even forgot to invite us to my husbands, brothers b-day party once even though the whole family was there OH! Her and I have the same b-day and she won't acknowledge that it is mine too!!!!

I am so sorry and I really hope you and your hubby can work things out! It's not worth losing a marriage over

 

[MiniforFaith]

The only update I have is that he still has not said or did a thing about it. But he did say we aren't going anywhere on Christmas. If the kids are important they will come here to see them.. So looks like no grandparents for my kids on Christmas. I wished my mom was still with us, then my son knew what love from a real grandmother was.. My daughter is to young to remember..

 

[Reijel's Mom]

Aww, hon, they can only bother you if you let them. I KNOW that is easier said than done, but I think many of us have family members that are like that, whether they be in-laws or blood family.

I just wouldn't go out of your way to plan for ANYthing with/for them, that way you aren't setting yourself and the kids up for disappointment.

I'm probably in the minority, but as for your husband, he is in a tough position, and I guess I'm not sure what it is he CAN do about your SIL not wanting to get together, your MIL not coming over, or the card being addressed to him only.

I would just focus on your immediate family and TRY to forget about the rest (I know, easier said than done!).