Personal

[Kathy2m]

I hesatated posting again but I'm hoping for some moral support. I posted awhile ago about my 24 yr old. He moved home back in July or Aug. so we could help him get back on his feet. He has a drug problem, he ended up violating his probation and was in jail for 3 weeks. While he was in there he came clean about his drug use and admitted he was an addict. He detoxed in there and when he came out (Oct. 31) said he felt so good being drug free. He started court ordered drug classes, which I know he is going to because they give him a monthly evaluation which he brought home to show me. He has the addictive gene, on both sides, My family has alcoholics in it and so is his biological father. I'm trying my best to trust him, but he lies about things. My husband got him a very good job and a vehicle to get to work. I suspected he might be using again, he admitted he did but only a few times. I told him I wanted him to get more help through a detox center, he said he's not that bad anymore. We compromised and he agreed to NA meetings. I have explained to him that because of all his lies I cant trust him and he has to prove himself to me, I check up on him anyway I can. He is starting to resent all my questions, when things get a little rough he always threatens to move out, which I feel is not in his best interest, he is still very imature for his age and needs our guidance. I'm not sure how much more I can take. He is breaking my heart, I have the support of my family but I have to live this nightmare. I talked to a counselor at the rehab facility he says I cant understand what Adam is going through because I'm not a addict. I chose not to drink or do drugs at an early age because of what I saw in my own family. I tell him everyday that I love him and all I want is what is best for him, if that means me being a pain in the neck so be it. I lived this with my brother and mother, I refuse to be an enabler. But the mother in me just wants to believe everything he says and it is SO hard to stay strong and go with my convictions. I just not sure how much more I can take without breaking completely. I have friends who tell me this is something I cant control and not to dwell on it, just try and more forward. I dont know how to do that. Thanks for letting me vent, Kathy

 

[Denise]

My heart breaks for you. My family went thru the same thing as you are going thru. My older brother was an addict for years, tried detox centers 6 times, lied like crazy, missed work so many times, disappeared for days. He would come back and apologize and swear he was getting clean. Like your son he would get angry when we questioned him about his behaviour when he was suppose to be clean. He never did get clean, he overdosed at the age of 47. We did try everything we possibly could. They must want to do it for themselves. You cannot make him do it, your support is what he needs but in the end you must live your life. Be there for him but go on with your life or it will pass you by. My mother died trying to help him, she spent years trying to help him, it was so sad. She really had no life, he used it up. You must go on and try to find happiness.

 

[Sandy S.]

I feel for you, we started living this life with our oldest with prescription drugs and alcohol while he was in high school. He is now 35 and has served a couple of years, he has children and missed them growing up, he is out and now it seems he is starting to get back to the same routine again. I am a mom, I love him, I want to be there to help if I can but it seems it is never ending. He can only do what is right for a little while. Their are rules in this life and laws that you have to follow, but his thought is it is ok since everyone else does it and gets away with it, so he will do it. Doesn't think about the consequences if he does get caught. What do you do, it is not in a mom to totally give up on their child.

All I can do is tell you to hang in there, pray that something will finally get through to them.

 

[Basketmiss]

I am sending prayers your way..

What a tough situation to be in..

Above all your son needs to realize HE has a problem. He CANT have ALITTLE drugs or alcohol if he is an addict. He has to realize he cant have ANY...

But it is hard to get that thru their heads!

Help him but he has to HELP HIMSELF. Dont do like Denise's mom and die trying. You are entitled to a life too. You have made the right choices to live that life in peace. Now your son has to do the same thing for himself...

(((HUGS))) to you both...

 

[Gini]

deleted

 

[Just Us N Texas]

I really can't offer you any advice except try and remember the AA creed. I know as a parent, you only want the best for your son, but nothing can be done if he doesn't want that same thing for himself. I have a friend who's son is in his 40's, and he has had periods of drug abuse in his life. He has finally just gotten straight in the past year or so.

Good luck.

 

[wildoak]

Been there too. As I've heard more than one counselor/recovering addict say, if their lips are moving they are lying. They can say all the right things they know you want to hear, but it doesn't mean diddly if they aren't sincere, and only time proves that. An addict can't use "just a little" and be okay in my opinion.

I'm sorry you are living with this, it's no picnic and there are far too many of us dealing with it as best we can.

Jan

 

[A Yankee In NC]

Hey, I am so sorry that you have to endure your sons addiction.

I come from an a family of alcoholics and have watched my dad and his youngest brother die well before they should have from the life-long useage of alcohol.

I pray for you to have the strength to cope with all that is on your plate.

God Bless

ellen

 

[minih]

nevermind---

 

[lvponies]

I've been going through this for the past year with my now 17 year old daughter. She was in juvie last summer, then released on probation with mandatory drug tests. Even though she knew the consequences, she did drugs anyway and failed a drug test. The courts revoked her probation and she has been in court ordered rehab since September. The facility is about 3 hours away from us. Court mandated that we pay $1000.00 per month in child care costs!!! I about fainted in court when the judge said that!! Anyway.....Since she's been in rehab she has said over & over that she can't wait to get back to her old life and to drugs. She should be coming home in the next month or 2 as they can only hold her for 6 months. I'm scared to death!! She has lied to us too many times to count. I can't trust her for anything!! She drove my younger daughter home from a high school football game in a black out. Doesn't remember any of it!! She's done and prefers hard core drugs too.....heroin, crack, pills, etc. I will get her into follow up care when she gets home, but I don't think I will ever be able to trust her!! Her therapist told me that alot of kids she sees are from neglectful homes. She said my daughter says that she has always had a great home life. She thinks that she is a "thrill seeker" and that when she got back I should try to get her interested in maybe rock climbing or something interesting. I don't know!! I do feel for you and do believe that they won't change until they make the decision to do it for themselves. I can't do it for her. If it takes her hitting rock bottom to make that decision, then that's what it will take. Our lives have been disrupted by her behavior enough in the past year. I know that probably sounds cold, but you can only do so much for them and then they have to take it from there and do for themselves.

You and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers!!! I am truly sorry for you're going through and I definitely feel your pain!!