Prayers Needed for my MIL

Bunnylady · Mar 24, 2008

I know that, for some of you, I only have to say the word "Alzheimer's" and you know where I'm coming from. My husband's mother has been slowly slipping away from us for several years now. At this point, we're not sure she knows who we are anymore. If you ask her a question, she answers in monosyllables, if at all. She's 82, has Diabetes and has blood pressure problems, but they have been controlled with diet and medication. Lately, she's gotten rather frail, and has had several falls. Last week, she fell, and hit her head. She was hospitalized, and x-rays were done. They revealed a fracture in (I think I got this right) the 2nd cervical vertebra, so now she has to wear a neck brace. They say she's been aspirating food, so a feeding tube has been inserted. She's been running a fever, temps at times as high as 102, had some breathing problems, so her doctors think she may have pneumonia. Her blood sugar readings are all over the place.

She's been living in a senior care facility near her oldest son, about 3 hours from here. My husband has gone to see her today, and I dread the report when he gets home. He believes she's dying, if not this crisis, probably the next one. With his business, he has a number of older people as customers, and has watched this slow downward spiral too many times to feel optimistic.

It's gotten so I hardly know what to pray for anymore. I mean, if she were an animal, "quality of life" issues would probably have been raised before now. She and her husband (who passed away 2 years ago) both signed living wills several years ago, and we aren't sure that feeding tube doesn't violate her wishes, if we could know them. Sadly, even if she recovers completely from this latest setback, she's still 82 and quite frail.

But, she's his mother. We aren't ready to let her go just yet. He says he feels like he's five years old, and lost at the mall. He can still talk to her, even if it isn't quite a conversation. She listens, who knows how much she understands? It's very hard to see her like this, but thinking of not seeing her at all is even harder. I'm worried about him. His father was an abusive alcoholic, so family matters are VERY complicated. When he lost his father, there were a lot of unresolved issues, but to lose his mother too? I just don't know. I think he needs the prayers as much as she does. .Please, pray for all of us.

minie812 · Mar 24, 2008

I feel for your hubby. "Old Timers" runs heavy in my hubby's family and he has watched his dad-aunts & uncles fade away from it. It is truely a sad & wasting disease and the outcome is never good. The feeding tube can sometimes make a person go on indefinetly as the quality of ones life deteriorates. I would talk with the doctor now because in some states once inserted it cannot be removed even at the wishes of the family the hospital takes over and makes the decision...my prayers are with you.

bluetaterbaby · Mar 25, 2008

My prayers are there for all. May God bring comfort and healing to all.

God bless,

Joan

lvponies · Mar 25, 2008

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!

SunQuest · Mar 25, 2008

This is so hard. Been there with my grandmother.

What did I pray for? I prayed for her sufferning to be lessened. I prayed that God would take care of this situation as He thought it was best. God only knows when it is the right time, and I had to turn this over to His hands to see that my grandmother had the best choice made for her. As you are aware, I couldn't pray for her to pass away quicker, and yet I definately couldn't wish more suffering on her. So all I could do was pray for the suffering to be lessened in any way that it could with God's help.

Yes, it is tough. Watching someone go down hill like this is very very hard. I will say that it was so much easier to deal with when it was my grandmother than when it was my uncle-inlaw. You see, with my grandmother it was only me I had to worry about. When it was my husband's uncle, not only did I worry about him and his wife, but I desperately worried about my husband as his uncle was the one who raised him and was a father to him. Like your husband, it was the only parent he had left, and coming from a really broken family, it was really the only family he had left. This put huge stress on me. I worried about how he would deal with it just like you are worried. To make it worse, my husband was turning to alcohol to deal with knowing that his uncle was teminal.

Anyway, to make a long story shorter, my husband handled the days after his passing well. You see, he was able to make things right with his world. He was able to say the "I love you"s and was there the night before he passed. I drove my husband the hour each direction to ensure that he saw his uncle and wouldn't be alone for the drive.

All you can do is be there for your husband and hold his hand so he is not feeling alone on this journey. I can't say how to do that other than just be understanding and loving and be his port in the storm. And make sure that he knows he is loved by you.

Hugs, and praying for the best outcome for all of you envolved in this unpleasant situation.

PS... I bet your husband will handle this better than you think. Whether he admits it or not, I suspect that he has been greiving over the loss of his mother for a long time as those one way conversations do get old at times. I also suspect that in a wierd way it will be a releif to your husband when she passes as he won't be worring about her any longer. At least this is what my experience with my husband taught me.

Mona · Mar 25, 2008

I have no advice to offer, but just want to say I feel so sad for you and your husband. It must be so hard for all of you to be going through this. Sending hugs and prayers.