Really worried about one of my friends..

[_minihorses4ever_]

Okay, there is this girl who used to be one of my best friends. Well, for the past few months, she has been trying to make her way up the "social pyramid". I am still her friend, but ever since she has been hanging out with the "popular" kids, she is... different.

At lunch, I still sit with her sometimes, and for about the last 2 months, she has "had a big breakfast" or "just not feeling good" at lunch. She normally would eat pretty normal, but sometimes I would have to make her eat, because I know some of those excuses are not true. Say one of the times she said she had a big breakfast, I told her, "There is no way you still aren't hungry from breakfast because you ate it probably 7 hours ago. I KNOW you haven't eaten anything since." She gave in, and ate. But just recently (yesterday), I found out she is on a diet from my best friend. I was like SHE IS WHAT? This girl is NO WHERE near overweight, I mean, she is very fit and normal looking. Now that I recall, I remember a few times calling herself "fat". I am really starting to worry now, seeing as I know how dangerous those "diets" can get, and the last thing she needs is to become anorexic or bulemic. I really think she is trying to fit in with the "popular" look, which her new "friends" are sporting. I want to tell her I think she is headed in the wrong direction, but lately she has been blowing me off. I can just see her saying, "Whatever Breanne, stop acting like my mother.' (because I care if she is eating or not..). I am so confused right now as to what to do. Can anyone help me?

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[Scoopiedoo]

First, I am sorry that this is a worry for you, but KUDOS to you for catching on!!!! I would suggest trying to talk to her about it first, but since you said she has been "blowing you off", she may be unwilling to listen OR talk. If that is the case and you REALLY believe that there is a problem, I would strongly suggest that you go to her parents and talk with them. They may, or may not, have the same concerns. She will probably be even more ticked at you if you do that, but if you really think that she is engaging in anorexic or bulemic behavior, then I wouldn't hesitate! These "diets" can turn really ugly very quickly and I would rather have my friend be alive and mad at me than dead and unable to be, which is what you seem to be worried about. I hope this helps in some way, if you need to talk, you can pm me.

Jodi

P.S. You are a good friend for caring.

 

[nootka]

Be prepared, if you go to her parents and they let her know what you did, to lose your friend. I know that sounds awful, but she will likely be very hostile towards you and though you are doing something in her best interests, she will see it as a betrayal of trust and so you have to be strong about it and do what you feel is the right thing.

If it were my child, I would want to know, and I would not divulge the "teller" but then again, she may figure it out anyway.

You are right to be concerned, this will either get out of control and risk her health, or it will be something she battles off and on all of her life. Either way, she needs to see a counselor and discuss what she's doing as well as be monitored for health conditions.

My best to you, this is a very difficult thing, and it is wonderful that you notice and care. Most of all, I would let your friend know that you, indeed, do care about her and are concerned. Perhaps you could download and print some info on eating disorders and give it to her, or get some from your local mental health dept.

She will likely not be happy about it, but she will get a message that you care.

Liz M.

 

[Miniv]

From what you describe, it sounds like she is just on the "edge" of doing something stupid with her dieting.

I agree with Liz (Nootka). Get on line and learn all you can about anorexia and bulimea. Print up anything that may pertain to her and when the time is right slip it to her with a note -- something like -- "I'm worried about you and I care."

It may just be the wake-up call she needs before she does anything stupid. But also be prepared for her to react negatively at first.

Good luck,

MA

 

[nootka]

I didn't mean to come across so negatively or try to talk you out of this. I would go ahead and give her the info/note like MA suggested, and if she "cuts you off" at first, she may in fact come around later and thank you. It won't be easy, but doing the right thing is more important.

Liz M.

 

[CharmedMinis]

Well I have an eating disorder..........easting disorders actually...........so I will tell you this.............

It sounds to me like things are just starting to get out of control, once it happens it happens fast.

And, NO she will not listen to you, you need to go to her parents, ask them to not directly tell her that you told them. She may figure it out, and you may lose a friend, but it's for her own good.

My eating problems started in High School (I'm 24 now), and in hind sight I sooooo wish someone would have tried to help me back when my problems started, I think things would be 100 times better now if something would have been done back then.

If you want to talk just PM me.

And THANK YOU for caring so much about your friend

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[mininik]

Okay, I understand everyone's concern, BUT, I never eat breakfast and often skip lunch. In my case this is not some sort of mental disease, anorexia or bulimea but it is a pattern I started in high school. People noticed and asked questions then but the simple fact of the matter was and is that I'm no longer hungry at breakfast and if I can do without lunch, I will. Sometimes when people ask it is easier for me to say I ate earlier but if they keep asking it isn't hard for me to just eat something to shut them up.

Now maybe if your friend ate something when pressured but then ran off to the restroom I'd be worried, but I doubt that's happening or you probably would have mentioned it. I also think it's a little selfish to think that your friend's new "friends" aren't true and that she's heading down the wrong path unless you can see the future. You might be right in the end but you'll never know until then and won't you be such a good friend for still being there for her.

 

[_minihorses4ever_]

Okay, I understand everyone's concern, BUT, I never eat breakfast and often skip lunch. In my case this is not some sort of mental disease, anorexia or bulimea but it is a pattern I started in high school. People noticed and asked questions then but the simple fact of the matter was and is that I'm no longer hungry at breakfast and if I can do without lunch, I will. Sometimes when people ask it is easier for me to say I ate earlier but if they keep asking it isn't hard for me to just eat something to shut them up.

Now maybe if your friend ate something when pressured but then ran off to the restroom I'd be worried, but I doubt that's happening or you probably would have mentioned it. I also think it's a little selfish to think that your friend's new "friends" aren't true and that she's heading down the wrong path unless you can see the future. You might be right in the end but you'll never know until then and won't you be such a good friend for still being there for her.

No, I have to disagree a bit there. I have known most of these people since kindergarten, and I know their pasts.. I was friends with a few of them in the past.. I know how they are capable of hurting people (mentally). For instance, a few weeks ago, two of them teamed up with each other and said some very mean and inappropriate things to my friend; which left her crying the rest of the day. Then, a day later, they came back saying, "Oh, we shouldn't have said those things." If I knew these people had "really good intentions", then, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.

And a little update here. I found out that she got off the diet, because her "boyfriend" (I know, silly at this age.

: ) told her that she needs to stop the diet thing. So, for now, I am going to pull back off, but will still be cautious. I would never want anything bad to happen to her.. Thanks you guys, I knew I could get some really good advice. I will definetly be bookmarking this page.

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