Why do you think weight becomes important

[Frankie]

I have noticed with a number of men, they kind of get caught up with, aggravated with, their wives weight, or gaining off, especially after that 40 thing, that a lot of women get. I know not all women do, but a lot.

So why do you think men care? Do they not understand hormone crap enough? Concerned with what the person looks like that is on his arm?

Other reasons????

I know not all men care. Some men do care and will not say. My hubby says, do you need new clothes?

He really is nice about it, but is he saying, dang girl, why the extra pounds???

Men, feel free to give us your thoughts, since we are not married to you.

 

[lvponies]

Carolyn.....JMHO, but a doubt too many men will touch this with a 10 foot pole!!!

 

[justaboutgeese]

Personally I can`t imagine being that shallow !!!!! All I care about is that my wife is happy. Part of being happy is being happy with yourself. So as long as my wife feels she looks good I agree with her. In a post not very long ago I told the poster "when I close my eyes and think of my wife the vision that comes to mind is how she was when we met" In my mind thats how she will alway look. Seventeen years old and pretty blond hair with a cute figure. Near as I can tell when I open my eyes her hair is now a silvery grey but the rest is still the same. PS I am will be sixty next birthday she will be ???.

 

[rabbitsfizz]

They do have some sense

And a highly honed sense of self preservation, I might add. Any man mentioning my weight, lack of, gain of, fluctuations of. would be searching on the light shade for his testicles!!! (and I don't get PMT anymore!!)

 

[Frankie]

Don't anyone think my hubby is insensative, he is the opposite!!!!!! He would never say a word.

But I have seen others say, and do a lot!

 

[runamuk]

Personally I can`t imagine being that shallow !!!!!  All I care about is that my wife is happy.  Part of being happy is being happy with yourself.  So as long as my wife feels she looks good I agree with her.  In a post not very long ago I told the poster "when I close my eyes and think of my wife the vision that comes to mind is how she was when we met"  In my mind thats how she will alway look.  Seventeen years old and pretty blond hair with a cute figure.  Near as I can tell when I open my eyes her hair is now a silvery grey but the rest is still the same.  PS I am will be sixty next birthday she will be ???.

478915[/snapback]

​

My hubby is the same never mentions my weight gain or loss except in teasing.....when he teases that I have gained weight I remind him that I could lose 10 lbs real quick with a boob reduction

that usually stops him in his tracks

Now that doesn't stop me from thinking I am a giant cow who has let myself go

but he would never say anything.....in fact I haven't met many men who would

 

[minisaremighty]

All I care about is that my wife is happy.  Part of being happy is being happy with yourself.  So as long as my wife feels she looks good I agree with her. 

478915[/snapback]

​

I think that is how my husband is, however, I wasn't happy with my weight and he knew it. BUT we were both overweight. He took iniative first and lost 35 lbs in 2 months with a regular exercise routine and new eating habit. He's in the best physical shape he's ever been in (he's 35). I followed suit after seeing how much happier he was with his new body. I've not lost as much, only 15 lbs so far, but have only been working on it for 1 month so far. I feel great, I can see the difference and I'm very motivated to get back to what I once was before kids. I've got another 15-20 to go and I'll be thrilled (I'm 36). We made a life change together and it's been wonderful. Our eating habits have changed completely (and amazingly it wasn't that hard and we are NOT dieting, just eating "wiser") and we exercise regularly. In fact we look forward to it now (something that I would have NEVER dreamed in a million years, if you know me I have always hated exercising!!). We are both much healthier now and plan to stay that way.

I think that there are many men who think the way you mentioned. In many cases, however, they need to look at themselves first and see if THEY are what they used to be

Maybe because their wife is starting to look their age, it makes them feel older???

 

[Jill]

I don't know. I'm sitting here thinking if Harvey complains, I will just sit on him.

 

[minisaremighty]

 

[Miniv]

Yep, Larry made some cutting comments back when I put on the pounds.......

Then HE put on the pounds and I LOST some, so he shut up very quickly!

MA

 

[chandab]

My hubby is the same never mentions my weight gain or loss except in teasing.....when he teases that I have gained weight I remind him that I could lose 10 lbs real quick with a boob reduction 

 

that usually stops him in his tracks

478926[/snapback]

​

Me, too... I've "threatened" my husband with the same type of weight reduction, so the kidding doesn't last long.

 

[Pepipony]

This is a very sore subject w/me because I had been quite sick for some time, put on weight, hurt like h*** and was on meds that made, relations, rather unpleasant and hubby 'didnt get it' at all. Didnt even really try. I lost a bit of weight untill hubby made the fatefull statement of how much BETTER I looked after I did. Wrong words.

Men are shallow and ignorant. They do not realize the toll that hormones can play nor are they smart enough to factor in having kids. I am SO tired of these TV shows and commercials that have a skinny woman and am overweight man. Rediculous.

Men think that women will never change, meanwhile they are too dense to look into the mirror and realize we arent the only ones. Hubby has gained more weight than I , does nothing to stop it ( not that I mind) while I try, I workout, somewhat when I can and I really watch what I eat. More so because I ate like a bird while sick and still gained.

If my hubby ever made my weight an issue, the gloves would come off. Our meals would be salads 24/7. Note I said "our" meals

*** NOT ALL MEN are shallow,ignorant or dense. Well, matter of fact yes they are, just to different degrees

 

[lilhorseladie]

Ok, from experience here... I have a male friend who constantly talks about women's weight...my theory is that he doesn't like what he sees in the mirror himself every morning and he wants what he feels is an attractive woman to want him. It makes him feel better. This man is my husband's best friend. He is not skinny by any means and always makes comments, like he has lost weight. He constantly tells me I am wonderful and then will start on about this woman he met who is heavy set, about like me... I always say, well I'm not so bad.

My husband is probably self conscious the other way. If I suddenly lost weight he would want to know who I was trying to impress. Now, some may say I am fat, I don't feel fat...most of the time. My husband respects me, and yes, he may tease...but with a belly like his...

 

[Marty]

My husband sure does care and he lets me know about it too! I'm a whole lot younger than he is and he still has a great body and takes care of himself. I do not. We both hate me being fat too. "You let yourself goooooooooo" and yes I did. Not a bit proud of it either. It does affect him because he knows I don't look good and that makes me not feel good about myself. All confidence is gone and I have been reduced to a shy recluse, with very limited public appearences to town. Trips to the plus size department get old and very depressing. Wearing stretch shorts and oversized tee shirts don't always get it. When you find yourself dying for winter to come so you can wear sweat suits for every occasion, something has to change. They boys have threated to call "what not to wear" tv show on me too!

Recently, for the first time in 16 years, I have lost 12 pounds and shrunk a size and I am elated.

I"m going for another 12. All I did was cut out the pepsi and watch that sugar. Little to no candy. I feel so much better already.

 

[Jenn]

You can call them shallow all you want, but there are actual instinctual reasons why men prefer women who don't resemble marshmallows. Subconsciously, we're all still animals and men are looking for women who look like they would be good breeders - so we're talking narrow waist, big hips, big breasts. Think Halle Berry. She's probably really fertile, whereas Courtney Cox Arquette was SO skinny that she had problems conceiving (really, she should have started before she was in her 40's, too ...) - she put on some pounds and BAM! She was pregnant.

But, just like men don't like fat women as much, they also don't like skeletons. Most guys just want an average woman, something a little bit soft to cuddle up to at night. Women are actually more fertile when they're carrying a few extra pounds.

On that same vein, women look at men the same way. There's a reason why we all lust after Brad Pitt - we're subconsciously looking for a man who would be a good hunter and provider and his physique SCREAMS "successful hunter!" I don't know anyone who lusts after Danny Devito.

 

[strass]

Carolyn.....JMHO, but a doubt too many men will touch this with a 10 foot pole!!! 

 

 

478912[/snapback]

​

I wouldn't touch this subject with a 10 ft pole.

 

[Pepipony]

Lusting after a healthy woman is one thing. To make a comment to your wife about her weight when you are no longer 21 is something entirely different. Men always go back to the 'its instinct' when they dont have the brains to rise above that. Let their 'woman' say its hormones and they have a coniption as though hormones are easily overcome, yet instinct cannot be. Just let that portly, bald man try and go get a nice young hottie ( sans bank account) and we'll see how far instinct takes them.

Marty, guess hubby helped you carry your boys to term? ( and here I am hoping this hubby is the father of the boys and not a previous hubby LOL)

 

[capall beag]

I think this is an interesting topic.

When I met my hubby I was very slim and that that was one of the things that attracted him to me, Although he told me I needed some meat on my bones!!

After 3 kids I had meat on my bones!

But I recently lost the weight and am now closer to what I was when we met, note the word closer!!

My husband was always very flattering to me and never made me feel anything but good but it was my mother who told me "I should loose some weight", another family member told me my arms looked like a sumo wrestler!! Now I am just shy of 5'10" and at my heaviest I was 164 so I think sumo was extreme!!

It hurt my feelings and then I got mad and now I am 20 lbs lighter!

My husband definately likes my new look but what he really likes IMO is that I am happier with it and more confident in myself!

I agree with Marty, I was not comfortable in my bigger body it just was not me. I did not loose the weight for anyone but myself and I didn't diet just walked alot!!

I love food and dieting is not an option for me!

I think it is harsh to have a loved one tell you you need to loose weight. However, my Mum was just telling me because she thought I would feel better without the weight, she carried extra pounds for years and complained about it for years!

Now I am glad she spoke up she was honest and I now feel better.

Personally I wouldn't care if my husband gained or lost weight but I would hate to see him loose confidence in himself or become self conscious due to weight gain.

BTW my hubby drives me crazy eats whatever he wants and has weighed the same since highschool!

I tell you though it bothers me how men aka my husband! can't understand that your body changes!! As mentioned I have had 3 babies all were breastfed! All I will say is the wrapper is similar but the present inside looks different!

well my hubby seems confused why this would be!! He got very used to my nursing figure and now seems a tad disappointed, you get my drift!!

This bothers me because there is nothing I can or would do about it and I have 3 beautiful healthy babies to show for it and thats reality but I think so many images of women show otherwise that perhaps some'men' get confused!!

My hubby is not a jerk about it but I know what he is thinking, "Where did they go??"

Oh men, what are we going to do with them!!

Now I will tell you one more thing, my Mum is visiting at the moment and she keeps telling me that it is important to Look good for your husband!

I was walking with her the other NIGHT, pitch dark, I was in sweats and had my hair in a pony tail, my Mum said "Oh Honey, you should make more effort to look nice, your husband deserves you to look nice"

Now don't get me wrong I love and respect my Mother BUT I think this is a wacky comment!! I keep telling her that my husband thinks I am beautiful as I am! She just gives me that look like "He deserves it"!! It is really starting to grate on me but maybe it is a different generation thing!!

I am sorry this is

I guess I just wanted to vent!

I know my Mum is still very beautiful and ALWAYS looks her best and my Dad would expect that of her BUT my hubby is not like that and I am not gonna run around trying to look cute all the time, I would be worn out!!!!! and if I do look good it is because I wanted to look good not because I owe it to someone! agh!!!!!!!!!!

OK I better be quiet now!

 

[minisaremighty]

Now I will tell you one more thing, my Mum is visiting at the moment and she keeps telling me that it is important to Look good for your husband!I was walking with her the other NIGHT, pitch dark, I was in sweats and had my hair in a pony tail, my Mum said "Oh Honey, you should make more effort to look nice, your husband deserves you to look nice"

 

 

Now don't get me wrong I love and respect my Mother BUT I think this is a wacky comment!! I keep telling her that my husband thinks I am beautiful as I am! She just gives me that look like "He deserves it"!! It is really starting to grate on me but maybe it is a different generation thing!!

 

 

 

I am sorry this is 

  I guess I just wanted to vent!

I know my Mum is still very beautiful and ALWAYS looks her best and my Dad would expect that of her BUT my hubby is not like that and I am not gonna run around trying to look cute all the time, I would be worn out!!!!! and if I do look good it is because I wanted to look good not because I owe it to someone! agh!!!!!!!!!!

OK I better be quiet now!

479214[/snapback]

​

Hmmm. I've been the totally frumpy mom for a long time. Just now getting my body into good shape again. I heard Dr. Laura talking about that exact thing once. That we wives SHOULD make an effort to dress nice all the time. Not just for our husbands, but for ourselves too. She did say something that has stuck in my mind. Be the woman your husband WANTS to come home to. If every man had a choice, he would most likely prefer us to be sexy trim young things, but I certainly can't pull THAT off! LOL!

BUT I can dress nicely and be attractive, nonetheless. I've made every effort as of late to be dressed with make-up and hair done (used to be in sweats, no make up and hair pulled in a ponytail) EVERY day when hubby gets home. It actually has been very interesting. He's been much more responsive to me when I ask him to help tidy up a room or load the dishwasher. Before he would do it, but wasn't happy about it. Now he's doing it eagerly with me while we have a nice conversation. Other little things I've noticed too. It's been rewarding for ME by taking the extra time to make myself look nice each day, and I think it has for him too!

PS. I have breastfed 3 children, for a total of 5.5 years, so I KNOW what you are talking about!

MY hubby does completely understand that, so I'm lucky! LOL!

That's what a Wonderbra is for!

 

[rabbitsfizz]

You know what?? You lose the MIL/Husband/Mother and you lose 160 lbs in one go!! Try it- it works wonders for your morale too!! I recently lost 20 lbs and it was H*ll- everyone was SO unhelpful- merely because I am really really small they think it is not possible to be over weight. My ideal weight is 90 lbs +/- a few lbs and I was 119 lbs- so I felt I looked like a small weather balloon- so I lost it for me. It has not been easy and I have only just stopped being permanently hungry, BUT I've made it- I still have a few pounds to go but I'm happier with what I see in the mirror. And I did this in spite of being told I was NUTS. Help like that I do NOT need!!