A pep talk...

[Chamomile]

Hey guys!

I was talking with my husband tonight and he informed me that I need to focus my attention elsewhere, besides my horses. He is sure that if I focus on anything but the horses, I'll be able to remember things better. I am terribly forgetful!! All the time...

Has anyone here ever wondered what it would be like to not have horses?? I have had a horse ever since I was born. There has never really been a time without horses in my life. I certainly had horses long before I had a husband or kids!!

I know that I could be a better mom and sometimes I wonder if I didn't have the horses if I would be?? But then I think about how miserable I would be and would that be better for my family?

Ugg! I have 7 minis and would like to get my numbers down to 5... but really there is only one horse I can part with! I have my little mare up for sale, but I don't really want to sell her as she is so good with my kids, and my 4 year old thinks she is his... I could sell my stallion but

that doesn't make me feel good!! Especially since he told Bonnie Fogg that he doesn't want to be sold again... He has had many homes, poor man!

Anyway, sorry to babble on and on... Sometimes I just need to vent a bit!

 

[CAM]

Boy that's tough. Horses are a passion of mine but my husband also has a passion of his own. I can't imagine my life without horses anymore. I have been there but this is a dream of mine, one that is very fulfilling and I can't imagine going back to the days when horses were not a part of my everyday life. I have recently decreased my numbers to focus less of my day-to-day activities on horses and be able to focus more on family time that is non-horse related. It is a good feeling to take some of the weight off and to find a little "free" time to spend with family when the horsey chores are not so great.

Good luck in trying to find a balance between the many loves in your life.

 

[susanne]

To quote a t-shirt I once saw:

"He said it was him or the pets, and -- {sob} -- we miss him!"

Lucky for Keith, we share our love of animals and music...and lucky for him, he knows better than to ever question any of my interests. Fortunately, we support each other in all pursuits, whether or not we share them.

Mindy, to give up your horses for your kids would set a horrible example for them. They need to know that life is about pursuing what you love. They need to see that you have the courage and strength to follow your dreams. Anything less is hardly living.

 

[luvmycritters]

To quote a t-shirt I once saw:

"He said it was him or the pets, and -- {sob} -- we miss him!"



LOVE it!!

It would not be a good thing to give up your passion, not good for you and not a good example for your kids. Cam said it well - finding the balance between your loves is the key.

 

[rabbitsfizz]

I would suspect there is just a little of the "don't focus on the horses, focus on me" in there!!! I would also go and see your Dr about the loss of retention memory- it could be simply hormonal. When I was at my worst I had to have a white board on which, every evening before I went to bed I would write, "Today is Tuesday- things to do- GET OUT OF BED!!!...Call Vet...etc" Now that's a bad memory!!

 

[kaykay]

i think alot of the memory problems women have are stress related from trying to do everything and be everything to everyone. I went to the dr years ago complaining that i couldnt remember anything. He said well lets look at your life. your married, have 4 kids, work fulltime etc. He said THATS why you cant remember anything. LOL. I do believe he was right.

I am so lucky that i have a husband who also loves the horses. While hes not as passionate as i am he is in there with me. I do though take time to listen to whats important to him and i dont require him to go to every horsey event. I also make sure that i spend time with the kids where there is no mention of horses.

its a balancing act but it can be done

 

[Kathy2m]

I'm a list writer too, just too many things going on not to. I have had horses since I was 12, lessons before that, to get to own one. After high school, on to Meredith manor horse school because I wanted a career in horses, had it for over 25 years. I got tired of the spoiled brats you had to teach to make money so I quit, got out of horses for 4 years, and felt totally lost without them so much so we sold our house moved to where we could have some property and I could have them again. I often think some men have a hard time with the bond women have with horses. My boys all love the horses and so does my husband but not like me, they all have their own things going on.

Once again I agree with kaykay it is a balancing act you get better at it the longer you do it. Good Luck, Kathy

 

[susanne]

I think there's an enormous truth in what both Jane and kaykay said...he may be feeling that you don't have time for him, and that's something that will hurt the strongest.

Can you carve out a few moments each day when he has your UNDIVIDED attention? With all the nurturing of kids and animals, it can be easy to forget to nurture those big kids as well!

(I always tell Keith that he's one of my puppies -- that leaves no doubt in his mind that he's well-loved!)

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

I had a husband who wanted more of my attention then I could give, he wanted to be above the kids and the animals

the key word in that sentance is HAD

I think yes he is crying out for a bit of attention which I can understand for a bit but with 4 kids .. he just cant be the focus for now anyway horses or not..

and of course if you need to sell your stallion you know where to go

 

[Chamomile]

Thanks you guys! You are so supportive. It's good to come here for horsey advice since most of you also are addicited to the horses

I am lucky in that my husband likes motorcycles and basketball. At least he has his own thing! One thing that we are really struggling with is the fact that he plays basketball two or three times a week and we as a family go watch him... but he won't come watch my horsey things, although I would never require him to!! But also he regrets the fact that he has to help with the boys while I'm showing and participating in clinics... He says he isn't nearly as busy with his things as I am with mine... well I can see that as his motorcycle doesn't require feeding and watering every day! BUT I certainly am not away from the home as often as he is!!

Another thing that may be contributing is I am a stay at home mom and feel that I need a little away from home time, without the kids, once in a while! I had to take my poor kids to the horse shows this year, they were 2 and 4... it didn't go over very well as the days are so long. If my friend's wonderful husband hadn't come along to help with the kids, I would have had to go home early... I only went to 3 horse shows this year and it was like pulling teeth!

As for list writing, I've tried that, but I forget to look at the list!!

If I can just remember that I wrote one and then remember to get it to my bag and into the car we don't seem to forget too much stuff! RabbitFizz!! I always forget how old I am!!! Seriously, I'm never sure if I'm 28 or 29. When I met my husband I thought I was a year younger than I am... my best friend gets a huge kick out of this! I just can't keep track. Birthday's are very stressfull for me, as I can't seem to remember them in time... and my wedding anniversary! I always forget that one. ugggg... sigh....

Thanks again guys! I think I'll start staying off the computer when my husband is home and try to pay more attention to what he is saying... I don't want him to think I don't love him! Because, lucky for him, I do!

I spend sooo much time with the boys, it's just that Craig is at work and doesn't see all that we do. I guess all the colored pictures and letter writing just appear!?

I'll happily take your advice and try harder! And I won't sell my beloved horses either. I'm sure I can make it work. As the boys get older I think they will show

more interest in the horses as well, which will only make things easier!

Edited to add: Lisa, we must have been typing at the same time! Of course I know where to go if I need to sell my beloved Sam....

!!

 

[rabbitsfizz]

Mindy I think you need to have what I call my "NOW your know I love you BUT....." talk!!! Pretty soon! Sit him down and tell him. The BUT..... parties up to you but I suggest you write it all down so you neither forget anything, nor say too much! You need to tell him that you are working a job just as much as he is, that you are contributing every bit as much as he is, and anyway, just who actually carried the kids and spent X number of hours in labour giving birth to them, thankyou very much?? Does he believe that myth that you forget the pain?? Ho! I'd like to see a man try it...TWICE???? He has his basketball, but you are being asked to give up some of the horses? He has his motorbikes but you are being asked to give up the horses?? I don't think this is fair at all. Tell him if he gives up the basketball AND the 'bikes and gets NO other hobby, you will give up the horses, and make a bet with him for a few thousand dollars that he goes insane first, get him to write it down and sign it and date it, because once you are nuts your word is no good!!!

Seriously, sit back and read what you have written:-

You work a 24 hour day.

You look after, occupy teach and nurse two children that I presume you both decided you wanted and I presume he was overjoyed at their arrival safely.

He introduces them to people as "His kids"?? He loves them??

You also feed him, wash his clothes and make sure he has clean underpants on.

You take the kids to watch his basket ball and his bikes.

You nurse him if he is sick.

What does he do??

He goes out to work and provides money to put food on everyones plates and pay the rent / mortgage.

He plays Basketball.

He plays with his bikes.

Take a good long look in the mirror Mindy, you are a good and worthwhile person and you deserve a little more respect than you are getting.

 

[Hosscrazy]

I am absolutely not giving you advice, just sharing my experience...

My husband told me to chose between him or my horses. That was 5 years ago.

I have my horses and have never, EVER been happier.

Liz R.