Oh Marty, I'm so sorry your sad. It's very hard to let them go. After my accident I gave my 2 yr old gelding away. I was the only owner he'd had, was there when he was born. Played soccer with him when he was a youngster.
But he wasn't broke to ride, he wasn't happy here and I knew it. So I gave a valuable horse to a trainer. I can visit him any time, I went the first week and he remembered me. The second time he didn't answer his call, he forgot me. Broke my heart, but he's happy and will reach his full potential.
I still cry and think of him often. But I don't visit anymore, it's too hard on me.
On the other side, my Snip and I are still in touch with her first Mommy. Linda (Roxys Run) and I a good friends and I shared all the show results with her. Hope that happens for you, it makes it easier I think.
Maybe a vacation in Florida this summer?
Lee