Alcohol Phobia.

[Secret22]

A year ago my parents had a one off party and drunk a tad to much - ok alot to much. They strted arguing in front off a few guests we had around and then it got bigger and bigger. My dad got really really mad. Dad went outside and was about to drive off in his truck but he'd left his keys inside so he came back to get them but someone had locked the door. there was alot of screaming and yelling and one of Mums friends grabbed me, my sister and my brother and sneaked us around the back into the horse paddocks. We sat and listened for a bit then things got abusive. I freaked and ran dowen the road, the rest followed except my Mum and her other friend and Dad. I ran down the road and into my friends house that lived down the road from us. I ran inside and started calling out to her Mum and Dad. They came running downstairs and asked what was wrong. I couldnt tell them - was hyperventilating and nearly passing out. My Mum had just had an operation and I was scared she was going to get hurt even more to the stiches she had in her stomach. I remember everything going blank and then waking up in someones arm sitting on the floor with a blanket around me, my friends Mum was talking on the phone to the police. I could still her yelling, screaming and glass smashing from three houses away. I paniced and tried to get up but the arms around me tightened and told me in a gently voice that things were going to be ok. I straggled and tried once more but it was useless.

I heard the police siren coming and I ran outside begged them to help. I was sat in the back of his car and droven to closer neighbours of our right next door to our house. The screaming had stopped by then and Mum and her friend that had stayed with her walked into the neighbours house crying and Mums friend ws covered totaly in blood. I screamed and nearly fainted. She told me Dad had gone to hospital cause he had cut all up his arm.

The next day we went home and I walked into the house, not even having to open the backdoor. It was all smashed in and the whole kitchen and draw where the keys were kept were drowned in blood. I found out my dad had to have an operation on his arm. He was kept in hospitl a couple of days and then the police presewd charges on him. He could of gone to jail but he only had to pay a fine. Him and my Mum had a huge talk and Dad said sorry.

Dad still drinks but not nearly as much and if he wants to have a drinking night he has to go out and drink at the local bar with his mates and stay at here place the night and not come home which he does on occasion.

I am scared to death, I developed a phobia over the fight they had and now I cant stay at someones house if someone is at my house. Only if the rest of my family is out of the house. I was paranowed for weeks if my mum or Dad had a sip of alcohol. I couldn't even go out of the house for the first few months although now I jsut cant stay away at night.

I am scared it is going to happen again even though it probably won't. I get teased a little bit from school and it is on my mind constantly an night.

I wished it never happened

 

[tigeresss]

That's deffinetly an awful thing that shouldn't of happened and I'm so sorry you had to witness it. I true reminder what alcohol can do to people. I do am not a fan at all of alcohol, for different reasons, mainly that I have too many friends and family that have died from alcohol related incidents.

I know it's hard to do but don't worry about the kids at school. Many kids are very sheltered and totally clueless as to what "the real world" is like and so they just tease because they are rude and annoying people that just don't understand.

Have you talked to your mum or dad about how you feel or even an adult you trust? Also you may want to look into going to visit a counciler. It sounds quite overwhelming and crazy and you may even be very resistant to the idea, but they can really help sort things out. Especially if your parents come and you all do it together, it really helps to work things out.

I can't say much more as I have to go finish my homework but I will come back to this later.

 

[shortymisty]

You are not alone, many people and kids have gone through similar situations but it's never pleasant, and it always hurts the children more. Maybe if there is an al-anon group that you can talk to you will find there are a lot more kids in your situation. Although I have children myself, I was married to an alcoholic and someone once asked me the one question that made me realize I could not change the alcoholic but could change and protect my children. This question I never wanted my child to ask . . . "Mommy, why didn't you protect me from this" This being the abusive alcoholic situation. That is why I left and my children are better for it. I know you are not in that situation, but maybe if you feel comfortable talking with your mother, she can approach you're father with that question. Alcohol is all around us, widely accepted, but you shouldn't have to suffer the consequences of the abuse and that is what it is abuse. I'm sorry you had to go through that a year ago and it is obviously very much alive in your mind, please seek an al-anon program or something similar, they are usually kept confidential also. I just have never known anything good that has come from drinking excessive amounts of alcohol. Hugs to you from North Carolina.

 

[Sonya]

I'm so sorry this all happened, very scarey. Alcohol does strange and terrible things to people. ((hugs))

 

[MInx]

Here in the states they have a branch of AA called ALANON and probably do there too. It's for also ALATEEN..it's support for kids of families who drink and helps a lot. You might try going there. Or to another support ground to help you stay strong and get through the hard times. Hugs and good luck, Maxine

 

[Marty]

If this happened a year ago and you are still this upset about it, you need to talk to someone about it that can help you. You've been traumatized.

Please go straight to your mother with this and talk it out. I am sure that if she is aware of how this has affected you, she will know the next step to take.

 

[nootka]

Aww, I'm sorry for you.

I grew up in a household where this happened several times in a week, and our family ended up in the newspaper (this was in a small town) more times than once because of the violence, and most of it was due to drugs and alcohol.

As soon as I could, I moved away to my father's house, where there was none of that. I realize you are "stuck" there, but it seems, too, that this is something your parents are putting a stop to, though the once was bad enough.

I think it would be a very good idea for you to seek counseling for the trauma you experienced. Don't discount it and hide it inside. Deal with it now and understand how it happened and why, and hopefully you will gain a sense of empowerment to move on in your life and be healthy emotionally.

If you ever want to talk, you can pm me or I have ICQ and MSN, as well.

I do know how you feel, and for that I'm sorry. Nobody who matters blames YOU for this or anything that happened.

Liz M.

 

[Secret22]

I feel like I am being a wimp because my sister and brother werent affected at all by it.

 

[mininik]

Marty's right. You really need to sit down and talk to someone about what happened and what you're feeling. You may think your siblings have "gotten over it" by now but they may not have... Either way, I'd definitely go talk to your school councelor if your parents don't have any other suggestions.

 

[nootka]

No, you aren't a wimp because your brother and sister weren't affected by it:

First of all, they WERE affected by it, whether they show it outwardly or not, even if they deny it, I guarantee they were affected.

Second of all, this kind of thing would affect anyone, and to think that a young person who trusts their parents then witnesses those people behaving that way is not right.

To go and get help is not being wimpy, it's being realistic and there is no shame in it.

I was mostly the "stoic" one in our family, didn't show outward signs of affectation by the violence and chaos, but it did affect me and likely I would be more of a secure person if I'd admitted that and asked for help, but that was not my nature.

Anyway, please don't feel bad for needing another perspective and another point of trust in this situation, it's completely normal that you would need that, and not only that it is best for all involved. Perhaps they can help you find a way to communicate with your parents and resolve it as best as possible, because there is the broken trust issue there, too.

My best wishes,

Liz M.

 

[Secret22]

I am scared to talk to my parents. I don't want them to think that I hate them or something and I don't want to bring it up because they have forgotten about it. I fel nervous talking about it in person to people wether I know them or not. I just feel stupid although I know I shouldn't.

It is not in my nature to express those sort of personal feelings but online it is different. I love this site because it is the only place that I can acually express myself with out being froced or whatever. My Mum suggested concealing when t first happened but I denied I had a problem over it.

I feel stupid for the fact I can't go away from home at night - I dont know even why I cant - I just get all upset and start shaking and hyperventilating, I get a sore stomach and feel like throwing up.

 

[Jess P]

You aren't alone, hun. Something similar (minus the blood and damage to the buildings) happened to me two summers ago with my mom, stepdad, and two of their friends. It was scary and I almost moved to my dad's house for sanctuary. My stepdad still drinks, 3-5 cups of wine a day and I keep telling him that it is enough, he gives me this dumbfounded look like he hasn't been drinking.

Keep your chin up, sweetie, you are right for not liking alcohol.

 

[nootka]

Well, your parents may appear to have forgotten it, but they haven't, I guarantee it. They might like to forget that it happened, but the best way to deal with this is to get it out in the open and talk. If you need someone to "go between" you, so be it, and I do think that might be best, in my experience and observation.

A third, objective party with experience dealing with such problems, to help be an advocate for you most of all.

You sound like you may have post traumatic stress syndrome over it, and it's not going to get better by ignoring it or hoping it goes away.

Your parents will just have to understand that you need to deal with this in order to move on and get yourself back to a healthy state of mind and also to get your trust back.

Hope it all goes well,

Liz M.

 

[shortymisty]

You are not a wimp, you have taken the first step whether it be writing it down and looking to this forum or talking with someone. You may not think you're brother and sister are not affected, but they may be silent too. If you don't feel comfortable about talking to your family, I don't mind if you e-mail me with how you feel. I know only too well what alcoholics can do to a family and though I have divorced him, he is still the father of my child and I too get tied up in knots when it's his visitation time. Luckily for me I can stop those if I believe he is drinking. You are brave for having lived through this and maybe just getting it out there to someone else albeit a stranger or a friend of the family, someone you have taken control of your life and not wanting to continue to feel the way you do. Worrying like this as you know can also have health effects so you do really need to take care of yourself. When you feel that way, start writing it down, get on the forum, get it out there and though we are only words on a computer at this point, we are still human beings that care and truly would like to help you get through some of this. I know this might not solve the problem but this problem will not go away tomorrow as you have been fretting over this long before that awful night that is so vivid in your mind. I don't mind if you e-mail me or just come on the forum and seek me out, it's time for you to start healing, you can not control what your parents do, but you can control how you feel and what you do and you have taken that first step . . . Hugs still coming from North Carolina a true G. R. I. T.

(Girls Raised In The South)

 

[Marty]

You are no wimp. You're a kid who was just stuck in a bad scene that was no fault of yours.

Please do not dismiss your mum like that. Your mum is way more connected into you than you think. Trust me. You are her baby forever and she does have every right to know what is going on in your mind. She would want to know. And especially since your mum offered you councelling at the time. You should not have been dishonest with her.

Now look, don't feel embarrassed to talk to your own mother. Mom's know stuff. I am willing to bet you that she has known for a long time that something with you is not right and she would be very relieved for you to be able to go to her. Yes, you can do it.

Just go up to her and say "remember that night..............." and she will of course say "yes" and then you just take it from there. You have to trust your mother once in your life and by golly, this is that time.

You cannot hide this in cyberspace and you shouldn't.

Just go and get it over with and don't put this off another day.

You are going to have to just suck it up and get the guts to go talk to mum.

No one can help you if you don't take the first step.

 

[Horse Hugs]

I'm really sorry that you had to go through such a scary experience. That's a lot for any young person to handle and you shouldn't have had to. Listen to Marty, though, and talk to your Mum. She needs to get into counseling, also, with your Dad. Maybe when she hears how affected you have been by this she will wake up and seek help. People that drink in such excess are usually very unhappy and need to talk about their problems with a professional before it's too late. I wish you luck and don't ever think you are a wimp. You've been through a lot and it must have been very hard.

 

[Secret22]

My Dad drinks 3-5 cups of alcohol a night. I didnt want to say that at the start cause I was ashamed of it. I'm really scared. I know I need to talk to my Mum but its ooooo embarrising

 

[Sonya]

DO NOT BE ASHAMED! This is NOT your problem. If this is a problem, it's your Dad's, not yours. If it is a problem, it is unfortunate that he has effected the family the way he has. My advice would be to go talk to your Mom about how you feel about everything. Alcoholism is a disease (I'm not saying your Dad is an alcoholic, I think the only one to make that determination is your Dad himself)...alcohol can do tremendous damage to everyone. Please talk to your Mom about this, it is very important how you are feeling. ((hugs))

 

[Secret22]

I think personally my father is an alcoholic :no: I know I shouldnt say things like this but he stopped dringking for a while and then started again and drunk more and more till now it up to 4 glasses or more a night.

 

[Sonya]

Please talk to your Mom about how you are feeling, it's not fair for you to have to be dealing with this alone. Believe me, if there is a problem, she knows it too, but is afraid also, so you both have that in common. Good luck, I'll be praying for you!