As of this morning at 11:30, it's been 28 YEARS....

[Hosscrazy]

MA - I just wanted to wish both you and Larry a very happy anniversary!

: Congratulations!!!! :aktion033:

Liz R.

 

[minisaremighty]

HONESTY almost to a painful point but not to hurt,

COURTESY be kind and respectful to each other...if we can be courteous and polite to others we should be more so at home,

GOOD HUMOR and the ability to laugh thru the good and the bad,

FINANCIAL sharing..not his mine but ours

CONVERSATION/COMMUNICATION...we begin not having enough words to say all we think and feel then get complacent and the words just dry up and fall like autumn leaves, and mostly

INDEPENDENCE...don't let the other become the world; keep some of one's "self" and that spark wil always be there.

I totally agree with this and being best friends. In fact, we are such best friends, that we rarely spend time with any other friends! Works for us!! It's really been enjoyable for us over the last year since the kids are old enough to leave home alone now. We go out for 1-3 hours every other day or so! It's been amazing!

 

[backwoodsnanny]

After almost 38 1/2 years I would say faith in God, faith in each other, laughter, and sometimes just plain luck. Marriage is work if it is to last. I also see a giver and a taker in every relationship but sometimes Im the giver and sometimes Im the taker. To be able to reverse those roles and make it work is very important and it will happen over and over again in a long term marriage.

 

[Warpony]

Um, what everyone else said!!!!

I've had a bad marriage and a good one. Honesty, respect, humour, communications... all of those things are so important.

But another thing I have found to be important (and this falls under the respect heading i think...) is the ability to agree to disagree. My husband and I each have different religious and political beliefs, we agree on the majority of stuff, but disagree on the details of some things.... and we are fine with that. There are some major things in there we disagree on, but we respect the others right to have a different opinion without feeling the urge to belittle them or be condescending about it. My ex wasn't like that. If I disagreed about something he felt it was his duty to show me the error of my ways and to educate me past my ignorance and stupidity. My husband now tries to understand why I believe the way I do, even if he doesn't agree. I do the same for him. Just because we have "become one"doesn't mean we have to be exactly the same, celebrating our differences helps keep us strong.

 

[minisaremighty]

is the ability to agree to disagree.

OH YES!!! HOW could I have forgotten this one???? For me and my hubby, it ranks up there really high! LOL!!! He knows he is different and his personality type is only shared by about 1% of the population, so he has learned HE has to accept that most people don't agree with him, and I am included in that. We agree on a TON of things, but there are a few biggies that we agree to disagree on. We RESPECT that we are individuals and honor that we do not HAVE to agree on EVERYTHING to still deeply love each other! He realizes he did REALLY good when he found me, because not many people would put up with him!!! LOL!! Of course, I can't imagine ever being without him, so I think I lucked out too

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[Miniv]

I think these follow-up points are very true.

Nita -- Marriage IS work. And I think the give and take has to coincide with communication. Trust me these 28 years haven't ALL been a bowl of cherries. Somehow, we been able to work through the PITS.

Warpony and Kathy -- Yes! Independence and Respect go hand in hand.........Larry and I respect our independent interests. And because of our independence we have respect for eachother! (We also have common interests as well.)

MA

 

[runamuk]

:aktion033: YOU ALL BASICALLY SAID IT!!!

Larry and I both put Being Best Friends at the top of the list.

After that, Laughter, Respect, Loyalty, Communication..........

What Larry added to the list was actually a question. He asked our nephew that if anything bad happened and they couldn't have sex again, would he be okay with that?

It was that last bit that blew me away.

MA

Yep ours is being best friends first........sure helps to enjoy each others company even on mundane days :bgrin :bgrin

I have only been married for 11 years but we have been together for 16 and for us the only way out is death

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I love that last one :aktion033: :aktion033: good question Larry

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[PaintedPromiseRanch]

congrats on all the wonderful long marriages and you are so lucky! it took me 20 years and 2 bad marriages to find a GOOD man, now i tell him, he has to stick around AT LEAST 20 years, it's only fair. we will hit #7 this spring...

lessons learned from the bad marriages are: #1, drugs and alcohol have NO PLACE in a marriage... :no: :no: and it is NOT a good idea to pay more attention to the TV than your wife :no: :no: and from #2, money is NOT IMPORTANT, you can marry a rich man but if he is not truthful and does not treat you right, no amount of money can make up for that! my second husband said to me, "you never loved me", and my reply was "you know what, you are right! because i fell in love with what you presented yourself as, which is NOT who you were at all". (after we got married it was like he thought that license was a car title and he OWNED me, he totally changed, it was the scariest thing that ever happened to me, to find i was married to a complete - and NOT nice - stranger!) he also said, "i never hit you", and my answer to that was, "i wish you would have, because i would have left after the first time, instead of staying here and letting you beat on me with your words for two years". no one could understand why i left, but verbal and emotional abuse does not leave visible injuries so other people have a hard time seeing how badly you have been hurt.

well history like that enables me to appreciate what i do have now, and be very very thankful for it.

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: we are neither of us perfect and do not always get along but for the most part since we were friends first and most important, we get through the tough times. both having kids from prior marriages has been a tough row to hoe but we try our best to present a united front, and when we can't, we concentrate on the fact that in a few years the kids will be grown and the issues will be gone. so even if we don't agree about things, we only have to get through them temporarily...

but definitely be friends first! i would RATHER go to home depot with my husband than to hawaii with my ex, i would have more fun!!!!

and that last question was a great one, also an important point to consider! because you never know what life will throw at you...

 

[RobinRTrueJoy]

TRUST

 

[SWA]

Just wanted to say Congratulations to you both, and wish you many, many more together. Same for your nephew and his future wife as well.

 

[Sandy S.]

AFTER 35 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, AND BEING TOGETHER FOR 40, I AGREE WITH ALL THAT HAS BEEN SAID.

COMMITMENT TO YOUR MARRIAGE IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT, FRIENDSHIP, COMPROMISE, LAUGHTER, WHAT WE HAVE IS WHAT WE HAVE, NOT HIS OR MINE. PICKING YOUR BATTLES, MOST YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF WILL IT MATTER A WEEK FROM NOW. SPENDING TIME TOGETHER AND NOT GOING YOUR SEPARATE WAYS ALL THE TIME, YOU HAVE TO TAKE TIME OUT FOR EACH OTHER WITH ALL THAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD. I AM THANKFUL FOR MY HUBBY, OVER THE YEARS HE HAS COME TO LOVE ANIMALS I THINK JUST AS MUCH AS I DO. HE COULD NEVER GET INTO REGULAR HORSES LIKE I WAS, BUT HE LOVES THE MINIS AND THEY ARE OUR CHILDREN SINCE OUR CHILDREN ARE GROWN. WE TRY TO SHARE MOST OF OUR INTERESTS AND DO THEM TOGETHER.

JUST REMEMBER COMMITMENT, COMMUNICATION, LAUGHTER, COMPRIMISE AND PUTTING THE OTHER PERSON IN MIND FIRST, ASK YOURSELF WHAT WOULD THEY DO, FEEL OR SAY

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[HGFarm]

Congrats, that is wonderful!! I can't offer any advise because mine was not successful!! Real communication and HONESTY with each other - and make sure that you have 'your time', 'my time' and 'his time'. Trust is another big thing and working TOGETHER on stuff- not someone dumping things on the other.

Ok, there I did add a couple of things......... :new_shocked:

 

[Happy Valley]

Thank you for this wonderful thread. I recently married and we asked ourselves the same questions and came up with the same answers. I hope to have many wonderful years with my best friend and companion.

Stacye

 

[runaway ranch]

We have been married 33 years as of Jan 10th. We both think the following have helped our marriage be healthy & last so long. Commitment, honesty, sense of humor and the ability to understand that you can disagree and still love one another. Oh yes, and that the goal in an arguement isn't for one person to "win", but, that the issue is to settle it in a way that the relationsip wins. Hope that makes sense.