Can I vent just a little here?

[MiniHoofBeats]

This is not aimed at anyone in particular...just some venting I would like to get out because it truly hurts my feelings...

Ever since I became a member on here, all i've ever looked for when coming to this board was good reading, informative facts, and opinions on particular questions I may come up with.

Now, I know I am a very random person...one minute I think of something, and the next minute I go off searching for it, and then when I find it I have more questions...no big deal, we all do this i'm sure...it's called research before you buy, whether it be an animal or an item...we all do it...so, why is it that I get the personal hits on this forum? I know everyone has been given permission to voice their opinions, and i'll be the first to admit that when I ask a question, I am asking everyones opinion!!! But, I am asking opinions related to my question...not opinions personally aimed at ME...

I read through every topic on this list and I hate to say it...to think it...but I don't see hardly anyone else getting personally bashed like I do...I don't understand, what is it about me that so many of you have personal opinions about??? I mean, sure I am well aware of the hard times I went through, this board was the first place I went to talk about it because I thought I had many of you here to support me...I thought that is what this board was about, support...but I have only learned through the last year on here that if I am not careful how I word things I say, I get more people personally bashing me...and usually about things that I am already VERY aware of, that I don't want brought up again...all I look for is support, and help learning...but usually I get at least one reply that is just downright depressing.

I go through so many emotional highs here at home, and then when I come on here to talk about them I soon get depressed, and to be honest, it makes me NOT want to come on here or share anything...and I know i'm not the only person, I read a lot of people who start out saying "I dont post on here very often, I usually just read..." and every time, i'm thinking that is probably because they too get personally bashed so they learned to step back and just read...which is so sad...it's so sad that I don't look forward to asking questions on here, or sharing personal moments, because what I learned is that in every topic I start, at least one person has something personal about me and my past that they bring up...and that depresses me!

So...I just had to vent...I don't get it what it is about me but I have noticed this more in the last month than ever before and honestly, it makes me just want to quit this board all together and go through everything myself, learn everything by myself and just ask my local friends here what their opinions are...I know for a fact that they are here to support me, and they may think something bad but they keep it to themselves and they still support me, and answer my questions...I know they are here for me.

There are a few of you on here whom I love so much, you have always been there for me, and supported me no matter what direction I chose, you were still there to help...you know who you are, and I thank you so much for everything...because of you I have stuck around on here and tried to stick up for myself very often...thank you =)

I love this board, if there is anything someone doesn't know they can ask it here and expect a very quick reply!! I have had quite a few questions on here answered right away, straight to the point, and maintained on topic! But I think it's sad what i've learned...to expect at least one bad reply...that is something no one on here should ever learn to expect...

*breathes* ok! I think I feel a little better...i'm sure this may open a can of worms but I had to get it out! I don't think its fair and I do think maybe some forum members should start thinking about what they say, before hitting that submit button...you may be staring at a screen, but on the other end is a real person, with real feelings.

Thank you for reading, I know this is kind of long.

 

[Jill]

I'm sorry you feel there are some who are personally bashing you

What I think is that there are a few people here who like to get a rise out of people. When "they" find someone they can get to, then they do seem to target that person.

Probably the best defense is to truly not care what those certain few think or have to say.

 

[minis3]

I read this with great interest. I agree completely! I have many times thought of saying something similar on this board. Some people here don't seem to care what they say to others. Some people here like to be-little others and make them look and feel stupid. Some people here are just plain RUDE!!!

I haven't been here long and there are some folks here I would love to meet. You can tell that there a nice person just by what and how they say things. They are kind, thoughtful people.

And then there are the others! But, unfortunately it takes all kinds to make a world!!!

I realize that there will always be different opinions on things here but, when you reply, remember that there is a living, breathing human on the other end. Being thoughtless and rude is not necessary.

And minihoofbeats, I don't feel anyone here should be made to feel the way you do. And there are probably other folks here that feel the same as you but won't say anything for fear of 'rocking the boat'. And I say three cheers for you for having the courage to speak up!!

 

[mountain_waif]

....

 

[MiniHoofBeats]

Thank you, all three of you, I truly appreciate members such as yourselves who understand and can see some of the things that happen on this board like I do...I thought for a moment maybe I was the only one, but I know I cant be...there are too many members for me to be the only one!

I am glad you three had a little something to say...I am hoping this thread will open some eyes and get people to truly re-read questions, and re-read what they have wrote before pushing that submit button...it is so easy to be mean, but it means a lot to others when you are supportive =)

 

[Marty]

Queen Of Dumb Subjects here, at your service......VARRRRROOOMMMMMM

I'm sorry to hear that you feel you have personally been bashed. Not sure what post(s) you are referring to but sometimes it is very hard to type the words you want to come out on the other end when you can't hear the tone of voice it was meant to be or the personal facial expression behind it. See? That didn't come out right either......oh nuts. But no one is supposed to come across flat out mean or rude even when there are heated subjects. Try not to take it as a personal attack on yourself.

Some of my topics over the years may have seemed pretty dumb and then I became a research-a-holic.

Even after researching a subject, I still like to see what others have to say on the subject and I like to pay attention to their real life hands on experiences. Book knowledge is fine and necessary, but so is hands on information too.

For instance, I'm going through yet another bought with white line disease. I've had this on and off for years with the same horse. I know what helps and what measures I take for it and I've researched the subject forever. But I still like to come to the forum and see what others do in this case. Doesn't mean I don't know, doesn't mean I'm stupid, doesn't mean I didn't bother to research, I just like to hear others opinions on many matters. I like to see subjects tossed around and investigated. The same goes with my feeding program. It's one of those areas that just boggles the mind with me and after a while and we beat that one to death around here, but it still is a subject that is of continued interest; especially because there are so many new things being introduced on the market on a daily basis, who the heck can keep up with it all? So I don't think people are picking on you as an individual, I think they are reacting to the subject matter and you are entitled to ask any thing you want wether some think it's dumb or not. Tuff noogies to them. Ask away.

Please take the time out to have a nice hot cup of herbal tea and take deep breaths and relax. You're going to be fine.

Here's your hug for today ((((( )))))

 

[nootka]

I think one of the "problems" is that one of the last times you went on a posting spree about your subject of choice is that it is a very touchy one. I am particularly "hot" about the subject of dwarfs and dwarfism, and I think many of us/them wanted to convince you that it was unlikely that what you were hoping was true, and I know it seems like a buzzkill mentality, but this one thing is a skeleton in the closet of this breed, and probably still very much in danger of becoming more common due to the "desirability" of dwarfs to a certain type of people, for various reasons.

I myself know of a person here who breeds them almost intentionally (well she breeds for color and she breeds very obvious dwarfs). When I asked innocently about the outcome, she said it was fine with her as she could get more for a dwarf of any color than for a good healthy solid colored mini.

I didn't really know what to say. It's a free country and yet there were almost a dozen dwarfs on a farm of nearly 200 animals, mostly minis, and ranging in severity and obvious discomfort.

I guess it seemed like you had put on some blinders even though you repeatedly said no, it brings out the panic mentality and the aggressive side of some of us.

I think you are young, and have a lot of enthusiasm, and if all of us claimed our enthusiasm was directed properly at all times, we'd be lying. It just comes across as capricious and maybe concerning and I think you'll see there's a bit of a history with those that seem to get very enthusiastic to what seems to the "board" all of a sudden (which it is, to us, as we haven't been around, milling it over w/you or around you, for the weeks or months prior, all we have to go on is the post, and that is misleading and helps drive a conclusion we might draw).

Then if someone is feeling defensive, a terse post can be taken the wrong way, and even other times, a post made can just "hit a chord" with someone who is also feeling "crunchy" for lack of a better term, and so it begins.

It is part and parcel of this wonderful place, to have things we don't necessarily want to hear. I know it's hard to have a thick skin all the time, and I've taken some things badly myself here and there, and probably behaved inappropriately at times (man it's been 9 years, I don't think I could be good THAT long), but the good far outweighs the bad and I think your enthusiasm will be tempered with a great wisdom.

I've seen that you can take constructive criticism quite well so I commend you for that. Just need ot learn to ignore what you don't need to hear, though know if indeed it is something you have already considered. And that is a HARD thing to do, believe me.

L.

 

[Marsha Cassada]

I don't think, in general, that chat groups are for very thin-skinned people. I have felt bashed a time or two myself, and I go away for awhile to recover. It is as Marty says, you can't see faces or hear tones of voice, so you can't tell if someone is smiling or sneering in the reply. And I, for one, have sometimes not addressed the correct issues in the original post.

Some people state their opinion, and then get mad if you question it

Since I don't like confrontation, or stirring things up, I get my feelings hurt. But I always come back, because there is so much experience on the forum, and so many people willing to share their knowledge.

It isn't true about sticks and stones. Words hurt too.

Marsha

 

[Cronewolf]

This forum seems to have one of these threads every few months, someones feelings got hurt. After one, everyone [or almost everyone] will be more careful before commenting, However pretty soon things get back to where someone is getting stomped again. Most often a youngling. Please remember you all had to learn somewhere, and youths are the heart of where we will be in just a few years. Not every one is lucky enough to have someone close enough to have a personal mentor . Mistakes will be made , if we are kind perhaps only on paper. Yes you can learn on your own and from your own mistakes, but who pays the price for that ? The one you are learning on, the horse. So, come on ,folks be nice, none of us were born knowing what we know, remember that there but for grace go I. And younglings, remember that the person on the other side of the keyboard is just a person also, and you have no way of knowing on in their lives either, so toughen up a little. Like my mentor often told me, the world didn't revolve around me. {and at 62 I still will once in a while get my feelings hurt} but I still show up here every day my computer works, and wonder what became of some who do not.

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

Well I do agree with Liz in that some of it is when youhave a touchy topic to begin with. Doesnt excuse it but just sort of something to know for next time. Heck i have started or came in on some touchy subjects and from that was told

i should have my kids taken away, or they feel sorry for them having to grow up with me. (never mind both are straight A students involved in school activitites and such)

I am a horrible human being, for spending money on horses and vet bills

How dare I spend so much money on our Dwarf Sadie blah blah blah blah. It did hurt at first especially when I thought they were friends and on occasion still does but really most of it is just blah blah blah. Someone trying to make themselves feel better or look more important, many times they dont even honestly have the practical experience to back up what they are saying or are in reality totally different .

It is hard but many times you have to let it go in one ear and out the other.

When it comes from someone you thought was a friend well there is a lesson there as well and usually looking back.. I can see the signs that are so obvious in hindsight.. it wasnt really a friendship in the first place it was me meeting a need for someone and once I was no longer willing to fill that need... they were no longer my friend big surprise there LOL

Just look at the responses you get.. listen to what sounds like it might work for you (even if not what you wanted to hear)and throw out the rest

 

[Frankie]

If I understand this correctly, it is not the responses you have gotten from your question, thread. It is "additional" responses about other things you may be doing, that are bothering you. Not the answers to the original question.

Some times people do add more and maybe we all need to look at that. Stick with the original question. Especially if the response or added comment is hurtful. If you feel you really can't keep quiet, this put the additional response in a pm.

I do not believe we have the right to "attack" when not asked of us. Then we might have a war or two on our hands.

Remember, they know you from here,,,,,,,you know you all the time, who has the better knowledge of you and what goes on? :bgrin

 

[rabbitsfizz]

NOBODY has any right to attack another, physically or verbally for any reason except, possibly, defence.

That being said, I have to add that often an attack is seen where none, whatsoever, exists or was intended to exist.

As Marty said it is often impossible to tell what was intended as there are no facial cues and no tonal ones either.

I am not saying "get a thicker skin" I am saying, be sure an attack was made before you get so upset.

Of course, if this is a matter that has been PM'd as opposed to on the Forum, put the matter into the hands of a moderator.

I preferr to say everything out in the open, on the Forum, then, if I am in error I have more than one opinion on it, not just the response of the person I have PM'd.

 

[Lauralee]

hey minihoofbeats

first of all let me say that I took a look at your profile picture and you are such a pretty girl!!!!

I don't have any idea what the rude posts were that you mentioned BUT

I would like to offer some minor advice.

I think that it helps when the poster has a name. It makes the other posters identify you more as a real person. Now i realize that for some reason you may not want us to know your name. BUT from a psychological perspective, even if you just put your name in the signature line, it might help other people to view you as a real person with real feelings.

Again, just MINOR advice and does not excuse any rude behavior here, but could help prevent future attacks.

Another small bit of advice would be to pretend that you are posting on the Oprah show and proofread everything you write as if it is going to be read on national television over and over.

That will help you to take a new perspective on how to postthings here, so that they are not misconstrued. And I myself need to do the same from time to time as I forget that there are many many people with varied opinions reading these posts, some of whom will get their feelings hurt if I do not choose my words carefully.

I have not read your posts and I didn't see any personal attacks lately, but just wanted to add my thoughts. You look like a very nice person in your picture, very upbeat, and smart too. Its hard to convey that in a post.

 

[~Palomino~]

I have noticed it alot (people getting upset on your threads) and I think you have a right to be upset about it. The worste thing about this forum is people butting in and making comments that were never asked for and saying things that they are saying just to say it... its almost like they like to her themselfs talk... I have noticed alot on the threads you started and a while ago someone posted asking what everyone thought was the top 10 bloodlines and almost every single post said, you don't need to worry about bloodlines and they are not going to do anything blah blah blah blah blah. not ONCE did it say in the original thread, I am looking for the top ten bloodlines that I should buy, not ONCE! All they were asking is what they thought the top 10 bloodlines were. People need to stick to the OP and if they want to answer the question then thats fine, but don't add things on there just to here yourself talk... That is the #1 thing that bugs me about this forum, is people add stuff that was never EVER asked... also people just assume some things, just like when you was asking about if dwarfs can be bred on one thread, and your other thread was somthing about owning dwarfs and those people just assumed that you was going to try and breed dwarfs, and that is wrong of people to do... I just don't see why its so hard to stick to the OP, and if you have somthing to say that is Off Topic, then there is a little PM button right there that you can use to PM that person.

Its as simple as that to me. Maybe not others but I just don't see how it could be so hard.

Now after saying that, I can't say I have always stuck to the OP. I don't want to be a hypocrite and say I have never done that cause I am sure I have. But over the past few months I have tryed to stick to the OP.

Gage

 

[MiniHoofBeats]

First let me say, Frankie hit the nail on the head...

"If I understand this correctly, it is not the responses you have gotten from your question, thread. It is "additional" responses about other things you may be doing, that are bothering you. Not the answers to the original question. "

I am not bothered at all by what people reply to a question I ask, I asked it to get peoples replies!! What really hurts is when someone comes in with a personal attack...Mary Lou did help a lot when she read through one of my past topics and saw a forum member who had a little too much to say to me and not in a PM. I am glad we got that worked out, and there haven't been any issues between myself and this member since =) And yes we have talked a few times since!

There are still one or two members out there who are saying some personal things regarding my past and even though they'll tie it in with my question, it still is something that doesn't need to be said with the rest of the forums eyes to read, you know?

I personally read, re-read, and then triple read after I post every word of what I type...I put myself in the other peoples shoes and make sure it doesn't hurt their feelings, if something does then I will remove it...sometimes things just don't need to be brought up over and over and over again.

Thanks for letting me vent some more here lol!!!

 

[kaykay]

I guess im probably the one you think attacked you

It was not at all meant as an "attack" in any way shape or form. And I think I said it very respectfully and not at all rudely. I am sorry I hurt your feelings as I did not mean to. Someone else on the forum was asking very similiar questions to yours. I gave her the same advice and that was to slow down. She was not at all offended and has actually called me several times to talk about buying horses, breeding etc.

 

[Warpony]

I'd just like to add that in all my years on line I have learned that sometimes people have very good intentions and mean no offense, but really feel they need to warn someone of a possible pitfall, or caution them of some possible future outcome... and even though they have the original posters best interest at heart that person takes it as an insult. Also often when we are really excited and someone sort of rains on our parade, no matter how right they may be and no matter how good their intent... it can make us feel attacked.

I'm not saying this is the case here as I am not entirely up to speed on what is happening in this case, but these are just things I have seen in several years online in news groups, bulletin boards, and forums.

Without being able to see the person and hear their voice, as others have said, it can be hard to tell if they mean it to be a thoughtful concern or a biting insult. I always choose to jump to the conclusion that the person has my best interest at heart rather then assume it is an insult, and if it turns out to be an insult I just let it go.

The big problem comes in when the original poster then reacts to the reply as if it was an attack when it wasn't. A person makes an innocent post, someone else makes a well meaning reply, then the first person comes back and blows their lid... and then the person who replied gets all snarky because they were just trying to help and the next thing you know two people who had nothing but positive intentions to start out with now hate each other. :-( I've seen it happen over and over and over. As much as we need to stop and think before we post, we also need to stop and think before we react to a reply. If someone is constantly feeling attacked when no one else seems to have the same issue it may just be that they have a hard time reading intent in text and they might do better avoiding text based communication where they might get their feelings hurt.

 

[LindaL]

As others have said, sometimes you can't "read" exactly how someone meant a comment, since you can't read their facial expressions or body language on text. (I think that smileys are a good way to help with that!) Over the years, I have gotten my feelings hurt by reading too much into what was written, but have figured out, either by asking that person directly or by letting things go, whether they meant to hurt my feelings or not (usually NOT!

: ) I have tried thru the years to look past certain comments, not read certain people's threads or past their posts and just accept that not everyone is kind, accepting, helpful, etc. MOST of the people on here ARE those things (and more!) and I consider this place like my "2nd home" with family I care about!

:

I am sorry you have had your feelings hurt...(((hugs)))

 

[Yaddax3]

I'm kind of new to this forum, so I don't have a clue what you (MiniHoofBeats) mean when you keep referring to your past. I'd bet a lot of folks don't know. So, now, I'm intrigued. What is it about your past that would cause people to attack you?

And are they truly personal attacks or are you just thin-skinned and wounded by any comment that isn't uplifting or complimentary? (My guess is, even if you are thin-skinned, you'll say you're not. I've never met a thin-skinned person yet who will admit to it.)

I know one thing. This probably is the first and last time I'll respond to one of your posts. I'd be worried about offending you and making you feel bad.

 

[Sonya]

I don't know particularly what happened, but I have seen in the past alittle of some of what you are talking about and certainly don't take it personal. I have seen some pretty nasty things said and they are usually by the same people, so obviouslily this is their problem and not yours, so don't let it bother you.

I know one thing. This probably is the first and last time I'll respond to one of your posts. I'd be worried about offending you and making you feel bad.

If you speak (or write- which is much harder to do) to someone the same way you'd like to be treated, I don't think anyone would hardly ever offend or hurt feelings!