Divorce and getting your ducks in a row

[Frankie]

When you feel stuck,,,,,,,,need to go forward,,,,,what is/was first for you to get into place? To go do? To take care of to go forward?

Besides a bombfire, already did that. Instant gratification, but no long term satisfaction.

What was the "right" first thing for you to do, and how long did it take you to realize it, then do it?

8 Months into it, and still NOT final.

 

[Laura]

It took mine over a year, more like 18 months

For me my only concern was making sure Mia was safe and after that I really didn't care about anything else... Good luck...

 

[Seashells]

Keep God in your heart, hold your head high and look at the joys in life. Things just fall into place.

 

[Hosscrazy]

It took me a little over a year - you'll get there. It's a great time to remember who you are, and what you enjoy. I joined numerous groups in my area - wood carving, hiking, went back to horseback riding...went to car shows, horse shows, etc. I spent a lot of time reconnecing with my friends, and spent a lot of time with my family members. Think of things that you've always enjoyed doing, or things that you've always wanted to do and use this as an opportunity to accomplish those things.

Liz R.

 

[Marnie]

And just keep in mind that this isn't "the end", it is "the beginning". Four little words were a comfort to me more than once when times were rough - This too will pass! Concentrate on your kids, family, job, animals, the beauty of life, the freedom you now have, no more dirty socks to pick up, meals that have to be cooked, freedom from boring tasks taking care of someone else is a wonderful thing. It took me many years, beers and tears to get where I am (after 2 divorces) but I am truely happy the last 14 years. If it wasn't for the heck both Nate and I had been through in our life, we probably wouldn't appreciate each other so much like we do now. Good luck, you'll be ok and probably better for it, some day you'll look back and realize that you've learned alot from this experience.

 

[FoRebel]

It took my divorce 18 months to be done... he wasn't very compliant with trying to get it done and over with!

 

[OhHorsePee]

Breathe, would be the first thing I would advise you. Let there be enough time for yourself and enjoy getting to know you again. It gets kinda weird at times after a divorce. Friends some times divide up too. What I first noticed with mine was how peaceful life was. Then came the "every decision is mine" realization. I started cooking for my boy's and myself meeting our desires and tastes. It was wonderful. It was also lonely at times.

Enough reminissing! We had already had seperate bank accounts and one joint account so that was easy. I signed off of the joint account. I had my will re-done. I had him removed from my insurances as beneficiary and him dropped from my health insurance. Which I wan't allowed to remove him from my health insurance until the divorce was finalized. I started a new savings account. I went to the school and made them remove him from the records there.

Good luck!

 

[yankee_minis]

Going through it right now. Why is it that women do all the work in the marriage and they end up at the poverty level after a divorce? He acts like an ostrich so you have to make all the adult decisions. For 25 years.

He cheats and never apologizes for it. Blames you for it.

Then you file for divorce and he becomes vice president of a company with a 25% raise, company car and moves 800 miles away from you and the kids.

I don't know what my life will look like.

But I don't have to take care of him.

I don't have to hear, "There's probably a year we didn't file taxes. I have no idea which year it was. And I don't know how much we owe because I haven't been opening the IRS letters." true story. (He even signed for my certified letters and didn't give them to me)

I'm looking for a Sugar Daddy that likes horses. Know of anyone?

 

[Frankie]

Thanks so much for the thoughts and suggestions and kind words.

I just do not understand it, he filed, (On Valentines Day) and he is the one dragging his feet.

Just let me go forward!!!!

I think I have some. After all, I bought 3 new horses, divorce presents I guess, or no one to tell me I couldn't.

Just tired of feeling stuck, and having no control,,,,,or it seems to me.

thanks again