Do you have any type of a "bucket" list

[Frankie]

The things that go through our minds when we're in our 50's.

Most people have a bucket list of things they want to do before they go,,,mine is a list of past relationships that I want to repair,,,kind of. A few special people where things went sour, some were just once in a while friends,,, we didn't agree to disagree,,,some, things just came out of my mouth with out thinking,,,others I was hurt by.

So I have been trying to find them. These are from 2 to 24 years ago! I have sent regular letters by mail, emails hoping to find them, and have found phone numbers although not 100 percent it is the right person.

One very important to me I can't find. Not sure where to go next.

I have heard back from one, by email, and has since emailed me again, so that was nice.

I don't know what I expect, so I expect nothing.

Not sure why I'm doing it, maybe all my life changes. But it has been fun to search, fun to find, and yeah, I do feel better for doing so.

Do you have a sort of bucket list? More of things to repair?

Oh geese, does this mean I'm getting old? I can say, I wish I had done it sooner.

Will continue to search.

If this were you on the other end of my search, do you know how you'd feel?

 

[wcr]

I think the 50's are a time when we do a mental housecleaning and throw out the crap we have been carrying around all our lives and get down to what is important. I know I have done a mental housecleaning and it is very freeing.

I also have been in contact with 3 people that have fallen out of my life in the last few weeks and it is pretty cool. One was a best friend from high school I haven't seen for 40 years. My ex brother-in-law I haven't seen for about 15 years and his brother who I grew up with and haven't seen for 35 years.

 

[Matt73]

I'm 36 and have a few regrets on how I've treated people in my youth; I was a selfish brat, a monster. I have gone back and apologised for my behaviour to many (ex's etc.). There's one, especially, that I have to apologise to and tell the truth to. I look back at the person I used to be (in my mid teens to mid twenties) and cringe. Sometimes I think I may be being too hard on myself, that many youth are the same way; but that doesn't make it right

 

[RockRiverTiff]

Sometimes I think I may be being too hard on myself, that many youth are the same way; but that doesn't make it right

This really hits home. I just want to say for any younger members that are reading this that it's never too early - or too late - to set things right. I may be a ways from 50, but I learned my lesson early. I was mean to a girl in grade school, moved away in high school, and will regret how I treated her for the rest of my life. She died in a car accident before I came back home, so I never got to apologize to her, and it tears me up inside to know I'll never be able to make it right. Life's too short people!

 

[Matt73]

I must say, too, that I was picked on quite a bit as well in elementary school and early high school. I think that when you're bullied/teased, you can often become a bit of a bully yourself.

 

[Mominis]

This is a really good thread.

I think the biggest part of setting things right is self forgiveness. Though you may not have the chance to apologize for your wrong-doings in person, in some cases, forgiving yourself for the things that you did is just as important. I read a study someplace that said that a very high percentage of depression cases are triggered by negative self-talk. Negative self-talk is caused by failing to forgive yourself for your wrongs. It progresses to self flagellation in a person's own mind.

Might I suggest that you sit down and write letters to the people that you have wronged. Maybe you'll never send them and maybe you will. But, either way, it will help you make peace with yourself on some of the issues that are bothering you. A very good friend who has seen me through some seriously rough times in my life suggested that I do this and I have to say that it worked wonders for me.

I don't know if you are a Christian or not and it's frankly none of my business. However, if you are, let me lay this on you. When you committed whatever wrongs that you did, you were not the same person that you are now. You have committed yourself to God and people can see that in your life, they can tell that you are someone else and someplace else with your spiritual development than you were when you committed the wrongs that you have. Make your own peace with the things that you have done by writing letters, having conversations, or whatever you need to do. Then put the problems down by giving them to God. He has much bigger shoulders than you do.

I am not what you would call a 'bible-beater' and am usually the last person to quote the bible (except for my favorite:Judge not lest ye be judged). However, some problems or past wrongdoings are just too big for a body to handle on their own. That's when you just give it to God.

If you do get a chance to speak to people that you have wronged and they do not accept your apology, you cannot control that. You just have to put out there your regrets about the situation and go on. You have to know that you did your best to make the situation right and if the person to whom you are making amends does not accept them, that's okay. You did what you needed to do and you have to forgive yourself. No one can say that they've lived without fault. We all have things in our past that we wish we could take back. I know I do.

 

[Katiean]

I was kind of adopted into a Rodeo Family. My roommates family owned a Rodeo Stock Co. I became close with her parents and her sister. Her sister got me addicted to Diet Pepsi. At the Jr. Rodeos Debbie worked the chutes with her dad and I worked the stands for dates for that night. It worked out great. After the Rodeos we didn't even go home to shower and change. We went out dancing rodeo stink and all. We had a blast. I was even close with both parents. My dad had passed and my mom wasn't around so they just took me in like one of their own. I was in my early 20's. I just got back in contact with Debbie's sister. I think the last time I saw Mary (the mom) was about 12-15 years ago. She was ill then and was told she passed 10 years ago. Johnny (the dad) passed last June. It was hard to hear. I wish I could have been there then but you move away and lose touch. I am glad that I am back in touch with Joann though.

 

[hobbyhorse23]

It's become very important to me in the last few years to tell people when they've made a difference in my life. There was a friend's grandpa in elementary school who always took me under his wing when my own grandparents could not be there and he saw how lonely I was. He was the neatest man, truly special, and I loved him. My mom ran into him in the grocery store every now and then over the years and I caught up with his granddaughter (my classmate) on Facebook this summer. I never asked about him as I assumed he'd already passed away but I thought constantly about what he'd meant to me. I finally got up the nerve to ask about him and found he'd only passed a month or so before. It breaks my heart that I did not take the time to tell that special man what a difference he made in my life before it was too late.

I recently tracked down the only truly great teacher I ever had in high school and sent him a letter telling him that I remember what he taught and that he shaped me. Turns out he's high up in a teacher's association now and my letter came just as he was trying to convince a group of educators that it's important to treat your students like intelligent people and expect they will succeed instead of fail...in other words, the way he treated my class. My letter validated his feelings and supported him when he needed it.

SAY these things. Now, not later. If you admire someone or they made a difference in your life, tell them so. Tomorrow may be too late

and those words can mean the world to them.

Leia

P.S.- There's a new country song out titled "The Call" which talks about how much difference hearing from a friend at the right time can make and reminds us to go ahead and pick up that phone if we're thinking of someone and it really struck home with me. Just knowing someone cares can change a life.