Forum bullies

[krissy3]

When you have a serious question , and really need help , and some senior member uses the "quote" button and rips into you? I find this forum to be about the friendliest, supportive and helpful one out there, but, man ..oh ..man, some of those big horse forums have a lot of senior bullies on them. And oh my gosh , if you try to defend yourself by writing back , they bully you even more. I wish the quote button was not an option , or that people would get down off their high horse ( literally ) and really give sound advise without telling the poor topic starter exactly what she did wrong. If someone is asking for advise they obviously know there is something wrong with the picture, dont ya think ?? Why make them feel worse, by rubbing their faults in their face , and all over the web for everyone to read. This is why I like this forum the best....you can get good info, and 90 % of the people are genuine and want to help rather then making you feel like a looser, idiot horse person. I was on a farrier forum and some poor guy had a question and the farriers just tore into him...his question was never answered , and I am sure he felt badly for even asking ...Why do you think we have these bullys? Why do you think they need to be right all the time? Its sort of like the reality shows , now they are finding them to be quite hurtful to some people , I think if we are not nicer to people with less expierence we will be like those reality shows , with people having mental breakdowns.

What do you guys think ?How many of you have been bullied??

 

[Jill]

It's pretty hard to bully me -- online or in person. If someone pushes me, I will push back harder. Plus, I try not to care about what people who don't want to treat me nice think of me... that's a load of pressure off your shoulders if you can do that!

I think really everyone on this forum tries to help. I may be naive, but I think everyone here has the foundation of wanting to help and loving the breed. Sometimes (rarely, but sometimes) "we" can get upset when a member posts things that just demonstrate extreme irresponsibility. But, that situation is fairly rare. I've been here a long time, and have learned a lot from other members who are willing to share their honest opinions.

LB is different than most forums I've seen, and I think that is thanks to the sincere willingness to help that by far most of the members feel, and to the moderators stepping in when need be.

PS another thing you may be running into on "big" horse forums is a general disrespect for the miniature horse breed... nothing you can do about it other than to strive to show other breed enthusiasts how nice and versatile today's minis are!

 

[miniwhinny74]

In my limited experience dealing with "big horse" people, I have found two different types: the people who are the nicest, most informative and helpful people around AND the disdainful people who believe that if you weren't born in a saddle, you have no right to even LOOK at a horse, let alone touch it!

I'm very happy to say that I've yet to find that the latter holds true with mini people. They always go out of their way to be friendly and really enjoy being an ambassador to the breed to people who are new to minis. And when you add to the mix Lil Beginnings forum(s) and the wonderful people here...

I think the mini world is the best place to be!

 

[Betsy]

This is the only horse forum I have ever been on. And I LOVE IT!!!!

I have learned a lot from everyone, we have our days when we're not in a good mood. But when someone needs prayers for family or animal, everyone is so kind and prays for them. To me I don't think you could find better caring people than Lil Beginnings!!!!

Lil Beginnings Rocks!!!!

I am proud to be on this website for 7yrs. In my opinion this is the best website out there!!!

Thank You to the wonderful people who run this website, You have made a wonderful one!!!!!

 

[Marsha Cassada]

I'm pretty sensitive, and yes, I've had my feelings hurt on here before, but I knew it was never personal. When people feel passionately about something, it is bound to come through that way.

But yes, sometimes passion keeps the poster from actually answering the question posted. When I posted my question about docking a dog's tail, I never went back and read the topic after the first 3 posts. There was no constructive reply, it was all bashing. I did get several replies privately, which were MOST helpful and constructive, so it was worth posting the topic. The people who contacted me privately all said I should have a thick skin to post such a controversial topic. Since I did not realize the topic would be controversial until I started to read the replies, I plead innocence.

I was on a miniature horse yahoo group, and did end my membership there. There were several bossy know-it-alls on there that spoiled it for me. If I want to be lectured and criticized, I will call my mother

 

[user 488]

This is why I like this forum the best....you can get good info, and 90 % of the people are genuine and want to help rather then making you feel like a looser, idiot horse person.

We have had threads in the past about people feeling bullied on this Forum and I have always said "If you think this Forum is bad then you need to go to other Forums as this one is extremely TAME"

You are always going to have people with very strong opinions that will sometimes come off as bullies but they are not really being bullies.....again, just very strong opinions. Other Forums have people that are just down right rude and nasty to others because there are no rules in effect. On LB we try to maintain a nice atmosphere.......I say try because sometimes no matter what you do there is someone that is always going to be unhappy about something.

Krissy.......thank you! It's always nice to hear about someone who sees the better side of things.........the positive side!

If I want to be lectured and criticized, I will call my mother laugh.gif

LOL! Isn't that the truth!

Carol

 

[Hosscrazy]

Hopefully when you are asking a question you will receive informative feedback - most of the times, I've found, there are people on the forums that have experience and knowledge that they can share with others.

For the non-informative, irrelavant responses...simple solution...

Liz R.

 

[Jill]

Just something else I wanted to throw in because I've seen it happen over and over again. Sometimes a member will ask for opinions, but all they really are willing to hear is a pat on the back (ie, your horse is perfect, you are doing everything exactly right, no -- don't geld him, etc.). In those cases, people's feelings get bent out of shape because what they asked for (honest opinions -- and from a huge group w/ a wide range of knowledge, experience and preference) wasn't really what they wanted. They didn't want honest opinions but just an echo back of what they already think

 

[Littleum]

Having been accused of being a "forum bully"... (Man, go to some other forums! I'm a kitten!)

Let me just toss this out for consideration.

Sometimes someone comes and asks a question that smacks of "oh my god, if you even have to ASK this question you shouldn't be anywhere near this situation!"

IE:

Newb poster: "Hi, I'm a novice rider and my horse rears a lot and falls over with me. How can I fix it?"

Forum "bully":"Oh my god, get AWAY from that horse! Are you crazy? Even ASKING that question means you're not qualified to tackle this problem! In the very least get a good professional trainer to help you!"

Newb poster: "I'm not going to pay a trainer, I don't have any money. How can I fix it? I trained him all myself and I think I did a pretty good job and he's sweet and pretty and leads real nice and it's just when I want to do something he doesn't want to do he rears and flips."

Forum "bully": "You're going to get killed. That's so dangerous most pros won't even handle a horse like that. You shouldn't be anywhere near that horse, you need professional help and you probably should consider giving the horse away. Horses like that are incredibly dangerous and you're way out of your league."

New poster: "I'm NOT out of my league and thank you very much for being a snob. Not all of us can afford trainers and have to do the best we can with what we've got. Miss know It All, must be nice to be rich and have trainers and all that. I'll just watch a video or something, people on this forum are so $#)($#) unhelpful, you snobs!"

Now what's really going on here?

Newb Poster came in and revealed the depth of their inexperience. They're SO naive they have NO idea how much danger they're in (or how much harm they're doing, or how stupid they're being ect) Forum "bully" came along and called a spade a spade, but actually gave good advice. Newb poster didn't want to hear it (and forum "bully" wasn't exactly sugar-coating it) so they just said everyone on the forum was a snob and to go you-know-where.

I've seen that a LOT. Someone comes in, starts asking very telling questions, gets answers they don't want to hear and gets angry- only they don't know enough to know they're actually getting exactly what they need. Or someone comes in and starts spouting off about things they don't understand, gets set down and again, just accuses everyone of being snobs and mean.

95% of the "snob" accusations I've seen are actually senior members telling newb members what they NEED to hear, but don't WANT to hear: the truth. It's a lot easier on the ego (and wallet) to simply tell someone they're being a snob/bully/mean/nasty instead of swallowing the meds. A lot of really sage advice is often dispensed by the so-called bullies/snobs/meanies.

 

[user 488]

I've seen that a LOT. Someone comes in, starts asking very telling questions, gets answers they don't want to hear and gets angry- only they don't know enough to know they're actually getting exactly what they need. Or someone comes in and starts spouting off about things they don't understand, gets set down and again, just accuses everyone of being snobs and mean.
95% of the "snob" accusations I've seen are actually senior members telling newb members what they NEED to hear, but don't WANT to hear: the truth. It's a lot easier on the ego (and wallet) to simply tell someone they're being a snob/bully/mean/nasty instead of swallowing the meds. A lot of really sage advice is often dispensed by the so-called bullies/snobs/meanies.

YEP!

 

[Marsha Cassada]

I agree that many posters are uncomfortable with straight answers. But, that does not address the "bully" who makes no effort to answer the question but simply forces his passionate opinion on the readers, or carries the post off on a tangent.

I enjoy this forum so much because of all the helpful members. I've been on long enough to recognize members whose opinions and experience I value. I usually read their topics and replies.

An alternate answer to the example newbie post might mention: ill-fitting/incorrect tack, or a health/conformation issue with the horse. Could the newbie ask an experienced horseman to observe the situation and perhaps detect some problem? The newbie would be more likely to think about his situation if he had some constructive options to investigate. Just calling him a moron might be the truth, but isn't exactly helpful or educational. It also assumes the horse is an irredeemable renegade (most pros won't even handle a horse like that).

Who is the newbie to give him away to? A pro who doesn't want him? Anothew newbie? NOT constructive.

If the newbie is truly an arrogant moron, or course nothing will help. But other, reasonable, readers of the post topic might have food for thought if constructive options are given.

 

[tagalong]

We have had threads in the past about people feeling bullied on this Forum and I have always said "If you think this Forum is bad then you need to go to other Forums as this one is extremely TAME"

I have said that as well in this past when some have gotten upset about "heated" threads or "bullies".... this forum is extremely tame... barring a short period many years ago...

Newb Poster came in and revealed the depth of their inexperience. They're SO naive they have NO idea how much danger they're in (or how much harm they're doing, or how stupid they're being ect) Forum "bully" came along and called a spade a spade, but actually gave good advice. Newb poster didn't want to hear it (and forum "bully" wasn't exactly sugar-coating it) so they just said everyone on the forum was a snob and to go you-know-where.

Littleum - you left out the next step - the offended poster then starts a thread to tell everyone who tried to help them what awful meanies they are....

And Jill also said it well...

Just something else I wanted to throw in because I've seen it happen over and over again. Sometimes a member will ask for opinions, but all they really are willing to hear is a pat on the back (ie, your horse is perfect, you are doing everything exactly right, no -- don't geld him, etc.). In those cases, people's feelings get bent out of shape because what they asked for (honest opinions -- and from a huge group w/ a wide range of knowledge, experience and preference) wasn't really what they wanted. They didn't want honest opinions but just an echo back of what they already think.

 

[Littleum]

Newb Poster came in and revealed the depth of their inexperience. They're SO naive they have NO idea how much danger they're in (or how much harm they're doing, or how stupid they're being ect) Forum "bully" came along and called a spade a spade, but actually gave good advice. Newb poster didn't want to hear it (and forum "bully" wasn't exactly sugar-coating it) so they just said everyone on the forum was a snob and to go you-know-where.

Littleum - you left out the next step - the offended poster then starts a thread to tell everyone who tried to help them what awful meanies they are....

You're right. And the step after that where folks chime in about oh yes, people are so mean and arrogant and it's better just to ignore them and enjoy your own life! (While your horse rears and flips over on you... )

 

[Pepipony]

Cant say its happened to me, as I dont really worry about it and soon forget LOL However, YES, I have read some and really found it amazing how people can be. People ask questions to learn, not to be bullied. If they need bullying, then they would already know and not have to ask. There is a difference that some people just dont see, or get. Just dont let it bother you, who cares what they think? ( so long as you or your horse/dog/etc arent in danger)

 

[Willow Tree Miniatures]

I HARDLEY EVER POST ON THE FORUM. BUT I DO READ A LOT OF THE OTHERS POSTS. IT IS FUNNY TO ME THAT USUALLY THE SAME PEOPLE POST REPLYS ON EVERY TOPIC AND THEY SEEM TO KNOW IT ALL. I WONDER IF THEY EVER LEAVE THIER COMPUTER.....

 

[Jill]

I HARDLEY EVER POST ON THE FORUM. BUT I DO READ A LOT OF THE OTHERS POSTS. IT IS FUNNY TO ME THAT USUALLY THE SAME PEOPLE POST REPLYS ON EVERY TOPIC AND THEY SEEM TO KNOW IT ALL. I WONDER IF THEY EVER LEAVE THIER COMPUTER.....

As a frequent poster with a lot else going on, I can sincerely say that I hope some of those "know it alls" will be around at their computers when you find yourself in need of their advice. I've been here for so many years and I really do think that the vast majority of members who offer advice have good intentions and many of them have a lot of knowledge to back it up