I have decided I no longer

[Feather1414]

I have been debating on creating this topic, but I think its now come to the point where I will say something.

I no longer want to be involved with the miniature horse breed.

Its been decided within myself for quite a while now that I no longer want to show.

Nor do I want to train horses in any way shape or form. For right now I have decided to leave my website up and standing, but don't expect updates. I don't know how much longer it will stay up either.

If you are wondering why, which you probably are my reasoning is really quite complicated.

I dont know how many of you remember back in October when I posted that my mom read my online diary and we got into a huge fight. This fight is still going on, and if anything has only gotten worse. I go through a daily battle with my mother for everything. We fight over friends, myself and horses quite a bit.

I don't say this lightly, but my life has been complete and utter heck these past few months and it doesnt seem to be getting any better.

My horses remind me of what my life used to be like. A life that is not coming back. My mother told me that she won't help me whatsoever with my horses. That means that she wouldnt transport them to shows, myself, wouldnt help me with anything regarding them. Right now she only feeds them for me in the morning.

I am very sorry if I have let anyone down. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

So I hereby state it: I quit. Its a lot easier to give up what my mother dislikes and make her happy, then to continue battling.

At least this way she can just yell at me for my friends.

edited to say: Currently, I am going to keep Peanut and Dealer in my care, but I think that it will come to the point that I sell them.

 

[CLC Stables]

Well it seems like giving up is the easiest, but you really need to prove to her that this is what you want.

IF you truly wanted the minis you would fight for it. Giving up is not a fighting attitude.

Sit and talk with your, rather than yell or fight, lots more is resolved that way.

Been there done that, mom now owns 1/2 of one of the horses.

I had to prove to her I could do it,and she is proud.

 

[RAPfrosty]

I'm sorry you feel this way, let me just say that you have the right to feel the way you do. Nobody is saying that you shouldn't feel angry or defeated but that doesn't mean you should give up. I think you should spend some more time thinking this through before you would goes as far as to sell your horses. If you mom is really making you feel this bad and pushing you as far as to give up your dreams I think that is a seriouse problem. You two really need to talk about this and if the two of you can't talk about it without totally blowing up maybe you could write her a letter to her or vent to a close friend or family member who could possibly then talk to your mom. I hope all goes well and you feel better, just think, it WILL work out ok in the end! If you need someone to talk to or vent to your welcome to email me or PM me!

 

[Feather1414]

For the record, I have tried literally everything to try and talk to my mom.

I am not the one who starts the yelling either. If I bring up anything even remotely about myself, she goes into this lecture about how I think the "world revolves around me" and how I think that "everyone should bow down to me" and that I can "do whatever I want" and all this.

I do talk to my friends and all.

I do love my horses. But wouldn't it be better if they went to a home where they could be loved, and their owners wouldn't have to deal with all that I do?

 

[Jess P]

You know how I feel about this. :no:

You are my best friend in the horse world, my mentor, my supporter. I don't want you to give up.

 

[midnight star stables]

Oh Jamie... I'm so sorry.

I hope you do change your mind.

I was (& still am) having a similar fight w/ my mom... How did we solve it? Bought her a warmblood! :new_shocked: .... I guess it worked.... She yells at me less...

Anyway, I know how hard you worked to get Dealer & I know you were planning to train at a trainers.... I hope you don't have to lose your goals & dreams. :no:

One day I hope to show against you in Nationals... my gelding on yours... maybe it won't happen after all :no:

Prayers & Hugs heading your way!!

 

[newmini]

Jamie your life sounds tough right now. I'm not sure how old you are or your mum but it does get better. Your mum might be going through something in her life and is having a tough time with you growing up. When I was a teenager my mum and I had terrible fights, we said horrible things to each other. It got even worse just before I got married. I had my own dog at the time who helped me through the worsed of it. I think you will be very sorry to give up your mini's you need them more now than ever. They will be a big support for you. As for your website...keep up the good work. I have my first mini after years of large horse horses. I enjoyed your website. Take Care

Jen

 

[Marty]

I am very very sorry to hear about this.

I think teen agers should come with instructions because we have traumas around here too. Everyone is so darn sensitive sometimes that I just want to say "hey! Get over yourself!"

Everyone seems to be so darn stressed out. How come?

However I think the trouble is not just about the horses, but that is a part of it that is contributing to the real problems between you and your mother, and the horses are just one small part of it. Maybe there is a way you two could go for some counselling, or just try to get alone somewhere and call a truce and just try to sit and talk calmly and rationally with eachother, not at eachother. But this shouldn't continue and you and mom have got to find a way to resolve your differences before you both go completely nuts.

My mother fought me tooth and nail too about the horses all my life. I never heard the end of it. It did mess up my intended career and interfered with my college education until I finally dropped out. In fact, what she predicted proved she was right all along. Please do not underestimate your mother or her views or opinions.

I'm sure your mother wants the best for you and is trying to understand, but I fear that neither of you is listening to eachother at all. I hope you can get this resolved because it seems that both of you have been hurting for a long time.

Best wishes for you both. Hugs.

 

[Ferrah]

I am very sorry to hear this.

Personally I think you should follow some of Marty's advice.

I went through something similar where I actually quit riding because my mother was always on my case. I didn't like going to the stable anymore and riding became a chore, not something I loved.

After awhile though, the no riding thing became very difficult to me, I need horses in my life. Horses are my therapy. They don't judge me, and I can talk to them for hours about everything going on in my life and I don't have to worry about them judging me, or arguing with me.

Shortly after that, by scraping and saving for money I was able to lease and eventually buy my riding horse Ferrah. After that I had a new resolve to do what made ME happy, and everyone else could just...wel...they just had to live with it. I am very lucky to have parents who put up with me and allow me my little personailty quirks. I just tell them that horses were part of the fine print when they adopted me. However, I have had to pay for absolutely everything horse related.

I had very similar fights with my mom, basically explosive fights that got nowhere.I'd like to say it gets better, but for me it got worse before it got better. But for me anyways, I knew that I couldn't make my mother happy if I wasn't happy. I worked on myself first, before I started with her.

As for the giving up horses thing...if you really and truly have no interest in horses anymore...then it would be unfair to both you and them for you to keep doing it. If you still have a real desire to work with or even just be around horses..don't give up...keep fighting for what makes YOU happy...it's worth it.

 

[Devon]

WOW I am so sad to hear about this

: I could never give up Wee Man but some people dont stick with it forever. If you would rather be without horses then thats fine lots of people do. I hope you are happy in the long run and I really hope you change your mind I think you will regret it.

 

[Cronewolf]

:new_shocked: Sorry you are going through this war. When I was a teenager I wanted to study animal husbandry in college but my dad didn't fill that was something for a female to study He decided I must be either a teacher or nurse bcause those were female jobs. Now I'm almost 61 and am still very sorry I let him change my mind [but he held the purse strings and wouldn't pay unless I did as he wanted} I hated nursing and have always been sorry I listened, and didn't follow my dreams. We each must do what wee are going to do and noone can decide for us so good luch and I hope that in 50 years you aren't still sorry you didn't continue.

:

 

[Crossbuck Farms]

I agree with Marty. I fought with my mom over big horses. She did not want show them. That is why my mom and I started showing minis together. Now we are the best of friends. I think you are giving up to easy.

 

[jdhand]

Well I am an outsider looking in. First I don't know what you said in your diary that made your mom mad, but let this be a lesson to never write about things that could cause you trouble later. If you love the horses and enjoy them don't give up. Life is hard. Now it is your mom, but later in life it can be people you work with, a neighbor, a relative. There are always people in life that make things complicated. If I were you, I would get up earlier and feed my horses myself. I would do everything there is to do and not expect your mom to do anything. Then just ask her what she would charge you to take you to the shows you want to attend. Do some babysitting, house sitting or yard work and earn the money to pay her. It sounds like she is angry and maybe hurt from some issues and wants you to realize all she has done for you. Being a mom can be a thankless job. Try going above and beyond and patching up the feelings and don't expect her to take care of the horses for you. You can do it. I feed about 25 miniatures every morning and evening. My daughter hates the horses and won't come and take care of them for me when we show, so I have found someone else. She doesn't like them, and she doesn't have to. Hope this helps. Just remember that the Bible says Honor your mother and father. Sometimes this is hard I know, but try and see if you can.

 

[MiLo Minis]

Well I am an outsider looking in. First I don't know what you said in your diary that made your mom mad, but let this be a lesson to never write about things that could cause you trouble later. If you love the horses and enjoy them don't give up. Life is hard. Now it is your mom, but later in life it can be people you work with, a neighbor, a relative. There are always people in life that make things complicated. If I were you, I would get up earlier and feed my horses myself. I would do everything there is to do and not expect your mom to do anything. Then just ask her what she would charge you to take you to the shows you want to attend. Do some babysitting, house sitting or yard work and earn the money to pay her. It sounds like she is angry and maybe hurt from some issues and wants you to realize all she has done for you. Being a mom can be a thankless job. Try going above and beyond and patching up the feelings and don't expect her to take care of the horses for you. You can do it. I feed about 25 miniatures every morning and evening. My daughter hates the horses and won't come and take care of them for me when we show, so I have found someone else. She doesn't like them, and she doesn't have to. Hope this helps. Just remember that the Bible says Honor your mother and father. Sometimes this is hard I know, but try and see if you can.

The above is excellent advice!!!! I think you would be happier with yourself and your mom if you followed it rather than just giving up and getting rid of your horses - that is just going to give you one very good reason to resent your mom which is obviously not going to help an already bad situation. There are always 2 sides to every story and we have only heard yours. I would guess that your mom has an entirely different version of events and somewhere in the middle is the truth.

 

[minih]

You were just given some excellent advice from jdhand. As a mom I would be more receptive and listen if you approached me with that attitude.

 

[Marty]

Ok I have something else to say and to ask you:

One thing that my parents strongly said to me was: "A horse is a luxury that we cannot afford. You are on your own with it."

And by God I was. 100% all the time.

That being said, my parent's never as much as bought me a bag of feed EVER. I would never hit them up for a thing even if I was broke. I would not dare ask. I bought my own truck, trailer, tack, saddles etc. and paid for everything myself. My parent's went to only ONE horse show that I was ever in. Just ONE lousy show out of hundreds. Talk about no support.

Now then, what are you doing to help feed and house and financially support your horse habit?

Feed, hay, farriers, vets and shows cost a bundle.

Is the problem that your mother cannot afford this?

Are you contributing to the costs here?

Are your grades suffering?

Are you a brat at home?

I'll tell you that my kids always have thier hands out..........they want more, more, and more and I cannot afford their every want. If they want it, they have to get up and out the door and work because I've quit shelling out for their every whim. Christmas comes only once a year thank heavens.

 

[txminipinto]

Jamey,

Let me let you look into my life at your age. I come from a "non horsey" family, yet I was born with this thirst for the equine. I remember making my dad stop if a horse was hanging it's head over a fence within reach so I could pet it. In about 5th grade, I BEGGED for riding lessons and did what ever it took to get them. Once I got the lessons, I volunteered at the stable to clean stalls, etc so I could ride whenever I wanted. In Jr. High, we moved out to the "country". I started begging for a house with land so I could get a horse. My parent's bought a house in a residential neighborhood. Ever since 5th grade, I had been saving allowance, birthday money, christmas money for a horse and my parents put it in a savings account for me. I would have made a deal with the devil to make my dream come true. I worked hard, getting jobs at local stables so I could save more and get more experience. In 8th grade, my dad took me out for a "drive". We ended up at the home of my first 2 horses, Amber and Snickers. We bought both and they taught me a lot about what it takes to keep horses, train, and show. Granted, my parents' seeing that I was totally devoted to this goal did help me out. They bought my first trailer and saddle (both were usable but not show worthy!). The summer of my Junior year in high school, Amber was stolen from my pasture my dad leased for me (at the time, I had 3 horses that I had purchased all with my own money). It was devasting and following an accident on Stretch (my barrel horse) that resulted in a spinal injury, I almost quit. Amber was never found.

Now, following high school, I did have to quit for a little while because of college. But, I got married to a guy who knew that while I didn't have horses now, I would in the future. After we were married, we moved further out into the "country" where horses were every where! I worked at a mixed practice at the time and a client came in wanted someone to start a colt for them. I voluntered my services for a fee and quickly got back into the horses. This horse had some serious issues that I was working thru. Never had a problem with her until one day she decided it would be a good day for a rodeo try out (mind you this is after 60 days of in the saddle work followed by 30 days of ground work). Yet, another spinal injury. This time I was off for good. No more riding.

Fast forward to today, and I'm heavily involved with the minis and shetlands (which at one time in my youth, my dad said weren't worth the investment). I now train and show professionally for other people. To this day, my mother is still "you're still into horses!?". In fact, a couple weeks ago she called as I was returning from picking up a new client horse. In her most irritating snooty voice, "you're still training other people's horses? I thought you got out of that (I had sent last year's client horses home after Nationals)."

What I'm getting at is that if you want it you have to work for it. Nothing worth wanting ever falls in to your lap. To this day, I have to scrape every penny to pay for my horses. And don't ever think that buying a horse is the most expensive part of horse ownership. The feed alone will make you bankrupt!

If there's a will, there's a way. Be stubborn, hold on to your dreams because that's what makes you move forward in life.

 

[mininik]

Don't ever let go of your dreams, even if you can't show or have to sell the horses you own now. I, too, grew up in a non-horsey family, strapped for cash and living in a big city. In order to fulfill my dreams at a young age I had to work hard and never give up. Unfortunately, I did have to give up showing and the horses to try something else for a few years, but they stayed close to my heart and now I'm back. Just know that even if you've decided that you can't do what you want to right now it doesn't mean you never will again...

:

 

[nootka]

I could never have a horse 'til I was out of the house.

My evil mother even took me to see a little $50 pony and told me we were going to buy him (she wanted me to tell the courts I would come live w/her and the pony was my "bribe"). I got to go visit "George" several times and believed he was mine even though he was too small for me to ride for very long (he was about 11 h. and I was 8 and already tall), I would have a HORSE to love and care for. I truly believed he was mine but the "check bounced" and the people sold him to someone else. I was devastated and never forgave her for that (among OTHER things much worse).

I would urge you to find some kind of mediation counseling. An uninvolved and trained third party to work between you both and with you both to help you understand the issues causing so much pain.

I would give my eye teeth for a daughter to go to horse shows with, but since your mother is uninterested and also hurt enough it seems to use the horses against you, this is not an option.

You need to repair the relationship with your mother first of all, and the rest will fall into place.

If your mother is not willing to meet you halfway and attend this counseling I do indeed say she has problems that you can't solve and there is still counseling available to you alone to help you cope. Ask your school counselor and/or nurse for help or look online or at your county's Mental Health Dept. This is very important.

If you ever want to talk, you can PM me or I use Yahoo, MSN and ICQ.

So sorry for the pain all of this has caused.

Liz M.

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

Well I clearly remember the whole diary issue.. sigh

I understand and agree with alot of comments here but not all. First off sometimes it takes just saying your sorry (you know that fake it till you make it idea) and letting your mom know you appreciate her. As the mom to a teenager there are times I want to slap her silly. I know she is a great kid, gets great grades and talks to me about all the important things but there are also times she is ungrateful, spoiled, selfish and hidious to be around. That is her job really as a teenage girl. I am the adult and should know that but there are times that it does hurt that I do so much and she acts as if it is her right for me to run around and do what I do. Most of the time she says thanks and that is enough for me. Try to give your mom some unexpected thanks once in a while. If she is feeding your horses.. leave a little note by the feed at nite for her to see in the morning saying I really appreciate this - offer to do something without being asked help with dinner, the laundry anything usually although not always it takes a pretty small thing to feel huge to a mom.

My oldest hates the horses as well but she can hate them all she wants her job is to feed them and care for them ONLY when I am gone at shows and she does it. I liken it to I dont love driving her everywhere, dealing with her friends, supporting her by going to EVERY game she cheers at sometimes I just dont feel like it and I do it anyway for her -so a few days out of the year she can do something she doesnt like for me.

Now yes there have been mistakes made on both sides and there is nothing more trying then a mother daughter relationship- me and my mom still have many issues as adults and there is lots of resentment on both sides- not every parent is meant to be somone you will be close with your whole life - some are lucky enough to have that but doesnt always happen.

Try to help out a bit more when not asked, say thanks alot more even if you already are doing it, do those little extra things and see if that eases up some of the pressure for you.