I really messed up this time...

[nootka]

Yes, being a teenager is stressful. It is hard to know where we fit into the life we will soon be thrust into, whether we are ready or not!

It is scary wondering if we'll make it, after all, we have no real experience to know that we WILL and many times, our parents forget to reassure us that we will, rather they expect us to, at all costs, and we don't know that we are up to the task!

I am not a teenager, but was one...*LOL*...many years ago.

I had lots of tough issues to deal with within our family, and NO PRIVACY. It's bothered me for a long time, and I still have certain issues with privacy and the respect of that, or lack of.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that there is no stress quite like that of people in the young adult/teenage period of life, and I think great risk for them to make it to safe and sound adults. Parenting is not easy, either, and lots of deep emotions are tied up within.

We don't always make the best choices as parents, but hopefully your mother will realize that she needs to be consistent and dependable, always there for you, never wavering. Even through my hardest times, those that stood firm (even if I did not agree one bit) were the ones I clung to the tightest, and ultimately kept me sighted in on a decent life when I had very little example of them.

Try to get beyond your betrayal of your privacy, be a "bigger man" and offer her a truce, but explain to her your need for space and privacy. It might help to see someone and talk it out, but in my experience, this proved to be a bigger betrayal because my psychiatrist eventually, apparently, spilled all to my parents. I had a lot of trust issues, and probably haven't fully worked them out.

Wish I knew what to say except to say that even though this seems insurmountable, it will be pretty insignificant with the passage of time and the experiences you will soon have.

Best wishes to you,

Liz M.

 

[rabbitsfizz]

Dazzler, you need to think again. School is very stressful. Peer pressure is just the start. When I was 16, well over 40 years ago and a different world, I had a nervous breakdown whilst at school, due to persecution...FROM A TEACHER!!!! A friend of mine went through the same school and the same thing happened- but, in those days, no-one made a fuss, so nothing was done. 30 years later this teacher still remembered me, so she knew what she had done!! I had a rotten home life as well, so Yes, stress happens, from the moment you are born, you are stressed. It is actually what causes us to do things. Without stress of some kind we would just sit around and smile- well, I lived through the sixties, so I know all about that....man

Jamie is stressed, over stressed, that is the difference. I am sure you are really stressed, I am sorry for everything that is happening to you, but do not, please, belittel other peoples problems because of it

 

[Crossbuck Farms]

I can honestly say I did have a great home life, good friends, some troubles here or there. I don't care if you are still in school or graduated a 100 years ago drugs and sex are easy to deal with. JUST SAY NO! I DID!

PepiPony- I have a pretty good handle on life. Other comments I will keep to myself.

Ladybug- Why on earth would you let someone walk all over you. Stand up for yourself. Been there done it.

Ashley-Almost all your comments are always negative at me. To keep typing would be a waste of posting space

Rabbit and Lisa Yah I'm stressed and venting, thankyou for the sympathy.

In general I'm not belittling problems as much as I'm saying sooner or later you have to grow up. Why so much stress with college? It's your life and your future don't rush into it take your time.

Okay firing squad fire AWAY!!

 

[yankee_minis]

I'm not going to be very popular here. But....

Mom had every right on this planet to read the diary. However, if it hurt, it hurt. She'll get over it eventually. You have the right to vent. It's not about her.

What your mother was looking for were hints on things that you might be doing that could be considered "risky".

Someone who is/was into cutting is exhibiting other behavior(s) that should have raised a red flag with a parent. Trust me-- your mother has seen some things that make her think you are doing something that isn't safe, or at the least, not in your best interest. You might think that's not true-- but it is.

I snoop on one of my children. It is 100% necessary. I don't need to snoop on the other children. However, I'm not above checking out what they're writing in chat rooms and through instant messages.

It is my responsibility to pay attention and be vigilent.

 

[js1arab]

Feather, I just wanted to let you know that you have made me take a hard look at my own parenting. I could see your situation from two sides, but hadn't really thought about the third view. "I" could see how "I" felt about your situation as a parent, "I" could remember how "I" felt to be a teen, but I never really thought at first what it might be like from the eyes of my teenager. We had another one of our grouch fits the other day and low and behold, what do you think he says to me (and no he didn't read your post

) He says " Mom, why does it always have to be your way. You always tell me what to do and how to do it, when will you ever figure out that I need to learn to do things myself" Ouch!!!! It really stinks when someone says something that you can't defend because you know it's true. After we both settled down a bit, I did try to explain that I am only trying to help him so he has every chance at becoming a well rounded adult. It will obviously be harder than just this one talk, but hopefully, if we can keep the communication open it will help. I do want to add that in his case, he has given me plenty of reason to distrust him, nothing dangerous, more just annoying as all get out and sometimes dishonest or thoughtless, but none the less, I have to learn to let go sometime and let him make his mistakes. It's just so hard as a parent, we want nothing but the best for our kids and without a doubt, no matter what my kids do to make me crabby, I love them so deeply, I would give my life for them in an instant and never think twice about the times they've upset me. To all our teens on here. Hang in there. With as many of us old crabby people as there are running around, it must somehow be possible to survive the teenage years, but I don't remember it being easy. Maybe God meant for it to be hard since it seems nothing worth having ever comes easy, and what does come easy is not usually worth having

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

I agree wtih the last post and .. EVERY kid has done something to make parents distrust them at one level or another that is there job they are learning about making mistakes and how to deal with t hem and breaking rules and doing what they are not supposed to that is all part of growing up and learning to be an adult. If your kid hasnt done something to make you distrust them- you just havent caught them yet

 

[Feather1414]

I can honestly say I did have a great home life, good friends, some troubles here or there. I don't care if you are still in school or graduated a 100 years ago drugs and sex are easy to deal with. JUST SAY NO! I DID!
PepiPony- I have a pretty good handle on life. Other comments I will keep to myself.

Ladybug- Why on earth would you let someone walk all over you. Stand up for yourself. Been there done it.

Ashley-Almost all your comments are always negative at me. To keep typing would be a waste of posting space

Rabbit and Lisa Yah I'm stressed and venting, thankyou for the sympathy.

In general I'm not belittling problems as much as I'm saying sooner or later you have to grow up. Why so much stress with college? It's your life and your future don't rush into it take your time.

Okay firing squad fire AWAY!!

485783[/snapback]

​

Ok Dazzler, congradulations... you are "perfect" you know exactly what to do in a situation and you are not afraid to tell others how to handle things.

MY GOODNESS, I laughed so hard over this one I snorted milk out of my nose. You are one very negative person. I am SORRY that your dad is dong how he is, but you know what, thats not something that ANY of us here on the forum caused what happened, but we ARE here to support you in your time of need.

With Ladybug, I am VERY sorry with what happened. I know what its like to have something kinda like that happen, and it hurts, its scary and its just a whole mix of feelings and its NOT fun to deal with. I am sorry.

Agreeing with Pepipony right here... you obviously do NOT have a handle on life. I PROMISE that you have had an issue where you did the wrong thing. I was just joking about you being perfect.

Ashley - well said girl, I applaud you. Its so true.

Dazzler79, you NEED to take off your rose colored glasses and live in the real world. I don't know what kind of lala, candy and sprinkles fairy land you are living in, but its not reality. You are being quite rude, inconsiderate and I don't know who on this topic takes you seriously.

And you know what... drugs are NOT easy to say no to when you are in a situation where you want to feel like all your problems have gone away. No, I have NOT been doing drugs, never have and never will touch them. And saying no to sex can be difficult. It really can. I won't go into detail, but I am SURE you have been "caught up in the moment" one time or another and almost had some bad happenings. Once again, no I am NOT having sex, nor doing ANYTHING of the sort. I am not like that, I am waiting until marriage until ANYTHING happens thank you.

 

[Crossbuck Farms]

I love it you are a teenager and already lived life. I guess you know it all.

Yes Feather I'm not afraid to tell whats on my mind.

It is easy to SAY NO!

Hope the milk did not stain your shirt. I think Shout will take it out.

Edited to say. I guess I should say I'm one of those "rare" teenager that got along with my mom and dad. I was a good kid. I did wait until marriage and was proud of that. Call me a goody good. Never did drugs never smoked. So yes life can be okay and dandy.

I do live in the real world. In July I had a misscarriage. I OWN a FARM. Pay a mortagage. Own quite a few horses (35+) which I work my own to keep. I have a college degree. Yah I have stress, I'd call it real world stress.

Not that your stress ain't real but how will you handle the real world as you put it.

You are a teenager venting, and I'm 25 year old adult venting.

 

[Ashley]

Anybody who cuts has some big issues going on somewhere. Most people do not know/understand how a cutter funtions. Even thou you dont do it anymore Feather, you still think at times like one. THey think on a totally different level. When you are a cutter, I would say no it isnt easy to say no to sex, drugs and alcohol. When you cut you are looking for anything to take the inside pain away, anything that will easy it, nothing with hurt more then the pain inside.

 

[OhHorsePee]

I can see your point of being upset over your mother reading your info, but I can also see her concern now that she has. What has been done can not be undone. Time to move on from it. Tell your mom that you are sorry for what you wrote and that you were just venting. If she wants you to go to counseling for her piece of mind (and I'll tell you, if I found out one of my boys were a cutter they would be drug there if need be). It wont hurt you to go. It would just give you an impartial person to speak to. Her not speaking at the moment might be out of guilt. Maybe she is blaiming herself? If you don't start talking to her soon it will get harder to do so.

Good luck!

Fran

 

[Pepipony]

Stress is relative. My stress is more than others ( big time health problems) but far lesser than some. It is not up to me to say that suchandsuch isnt stressfull, I dont have the arrogance, or is it ignorance, to say such a thing. As the old saying going, untill you have walked a mile in my shoes.................

 

[Ashley]

I dont beleive her mom knows/knew she cut when she did.

What people dont get about cutting is no counsler is gonna get you to stop. It has to be something the person choses on there own. The counslers will even tell you that.

Stoping something like that is alot easier said then done.

 

[Crossbuck Farms]

I had a friend who was a cutter. But she was alot stronger and quit.

 

[Jill]

Dazzler, I know you are having a lot to deal with now but you're being pretty hateful here. You've almost always got a chip on your shoulder and have many cruddy remarks to make to others.

 

[Boss Mare]

Anybody who cuts has some big issues going on somewhere.  Most people do not know/understand how a cutter funtions. Even thou  you dont do it anymore Feather, you still think at times like one.  THey think on a totally different level.  When you are a cutter, I would say no it isnt easy to say no to sex, drugs and alcohol. When you cut you are looking for anything to take the inside pain away, anything that will easy it, nothing with hurt more then the pain inside.

486036[/snapback]

​

Ashley (and others),

You know I've posted on this subject before and you know you're very right. A cutter or SI'er has a few intentions in mind and it varies from self punishment, control to replacing emotional pain with physical pain, at least from my experience. I won't go into details, because I don't think it's needed. I have to add though, that not all cutters or SI'ers are suicidal .... and it isn't hard nor impossible to be a cutter or SI'er and say NO to sex, drugs, alcohol, etc., at least from my experience that is.

I had a friend who was a cutter. But she was alot stronger and quit.

486456[/snapback]

​

Dazzler,

You are just 25 after all, go back in time for a moment (not too long ago) and think about how stressful school and growing up in your teen years was -- perhaps you forgot?! If you can honestly say you never had a stressful moment nor had peerpressure present itself to you, than thank God that you truly lived/live in a candy land world.

..... or you can look at it from another perspective and look as a cutter or SI'er as being strong in one perspective, because ultimately the complete weak would choose suicide. People cut for multiple reason, many do it just to fit into a particular group and not actually seeking something from the actually SI itself.

Another thing to remember is that each person has their own definition of stress and different people tolerate it different, no one is the same after all.

 

[Ashley]

AS always Boss Mare

Dazzler~

Go back to your picture perfect world. And sorry but I do consider myself a strong person.

 

[Crossbuck Farms]

Sorry I don't see how my friend being strong is a candyland world or a chip on my shoulder.

Ashley-

my world was never perfect I just could handle it.

 

[Crossbuck Farms]

TO ALL

I DID NOT TYPE OR WRITE ON THIS POST. I HAVE TAKEN CARE OF THE PERSON WHO DID. I JUST BECAME AWARE OF THE FIRE GOING ON HERE.

SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION!

DAZZ

I AM NOT THAT HATEFUL. The most active post I did was with my dad's heart attack.

 

[Pepipony]

Sorry I don't see how my friend being strong is a candyland world or a chip on my shoulder.
Ashley-

my world was never perfect I just could handle it.

486476[/snapback]

​

I think the problem is Dazzler hasnt grown up enough to learn what TACT is. Too bad that.

 

[~LadyBug~]

WOW this has turned into a hate post!!!! Jamie was just venting and asking for opinions, our job was to be there to identify with her and enourage her, not to flame her and everyone else telling us that we shouldnt even have problems!!

Maybe you are perfect....maybe you are the strongest person in the world...maybe you dont have problems with stupid little things like this....GOOD FOR YOU....then dont post on this forum!!! Go play somewhere else where the people are perfect like you!!!

Ashley and Boss mare

Now everyone please have a lovely day

Ash