Thank you, everyone!!!
I know "relieved" and "lung cancer" rarely fit in the same sentence, but they do in this situation!!!
I've been worried really all year about this inflammatory indicator in my blood and just pressing my doctors for "why", so since the infectious disease doctor I was referred to (really because no one else could figure what it might be), told me last Friday about the lesion, the worry / panic / despair has been crushing
Dr. Google kept giving me this statistic about lung cancer and it goes like +/- 6mos prognosis and less than 1% alive in 5 years -- so that is what I thought my news would be. I sincerely had not a shred of hope the Pulmonologist would give me any news yesterday that would relieve me and figured it was likely the news she'd give me would just confirm what I've been so scared about
Phew!!! I cannot say that loud enough -- PHEW!!! Oh, hey............ maybe I'll say it louder when "it" is out and I have better lung capacity
And, I can enjoy the horses again (and probably more so eventually if I have more lung capacity). Since this worry, I couldn't think of them and not think about how would H disperse, as he should w/o me. He loves the horses but w/o me, he'd not be breeding or wanting to show. He'd just want some of them as pets. And while he loves and cares for them, to put some of it in perspective, our three Buckeroo perlino girls, Double, Bomb Shell and Sweetie, he calls "those white ones." I was wondering if and how Erica could counsel him on selling if he maybe didn't even know which was which horse in some cases
Been worried about him having to deal with that and about the future homes of the horses if I didn't live and that made it really not possible for me to deal with the horses the past couple of weeks (and also with the lung thing, now H is having none of me helping for now -- but hugging and granting of cookies is permissible and something I now want to do!)
Probably I'll be some nervous before the bronchoscopy on Tuesday morning, but I asked Dr. Foley already about a sedative as soon as they hook up the IV. I told her (edge of my seat) how when I had miscarriages and had to have D & C's, they'd give me something before the stuff you get for the procedure to take my edge off and she said "oh yeah, I think we'll be giving
you that too." I must have come across as just a touch intense
I won't be looking forward to the surgery and will hope it can be done laparoscopically. I think maybe what she sees during the bronchoscopy will give a clue or the answer as to the type of surgery this would be. It's all kind of a blur from being stunned to hear what my lung function actually is to learning the doctor thinks I'm gonna be around a long time... So I will probably find out some little more on Tuesday and a lot more when I meet with her Friday afternoon
Thanks again, everyone, for the amazing support and prayers. LB has been there for me before and sure was this time, too. It means so much
Jill
