T
Taylor Jo
Guest
Well I've had good things happen in my life since my husband passed away Nov. 11th and I've had some not so good things. I've been doing pretty good emotionally. I have my good day's and bad day's but none that keep me in bed yet. If it wasn't for the horses and the dogs, I probably would but knowing I have them to care for makes me get up.
I got some insurance money and bought a living quarter trailer to take to the shows which will be wonderful. I also bought a 200 cx front loader John Deere tractor which has been a heaven sent for me and 6 horses. However, IF I had to do it over again I wouldn't get it for the simple reason is I spent the money FIRST before actually seeing what the final amount would be from the insurance.
What happen is on a lot of the insurance checks is my husband "owed" on them and I was counting on a certain amount. Lets say I was counting on 14,000 on one check and come to find out when I got the check in the mail it was worth only $3,000. I had about 4 checks like that. GULP. THEN, I had a large sum coming to me and the funeral home said do you want to take it all out and I said yes cause I don't know what I want to do. Well little beknownst to me it was a retirement account and now I can't put it back in and it got taxed, and NOW I will get his on the part that I keep out before I put it back in an IRA as taxable income. PLUS, the amount of money I WAS going to use for income each month won't last me very long. So when I'm about 65=70 years old I'll be out on my bum except for the social security I receive and it's a drop in the bucket. It's SOMETHING, but it won't sustain me even IF I didn't have horses. Thank God I don't have a mortgage. Gee, my electric bill and gas bill in one month just going to town to get groceries could eat up the ssi. I even keep the house at 65-67* most of the time. I HAVE to sell this place, I've got a HUGE basement that I don't heat but it just keeps my house cold.
I'm just worried and scared. Then on top of all that I'm bi polar, how can I hold down a job when I haven't worked in 10 years and i have sever learning disabilities. That's almost worse then the bi polar. When I was married we bounced everything off of each other and I could talk to him about all this and him to me. NOW I have no one. I'm learning to survive on my own though, mistakes, no mistakes. I've lost 15 lbs just from working hard. I can't believe how much my husband used to do around here, MERCY. I'm tired.
I keep asking myself how am I going to do it show season w/o him and I tell myself IF I can do this I can do anything. I learned to use a tractor and the loader and trailer, I unloaded bag after bag of shavings from the truck and stack them, I've moved square bales of hay and unloaded it and stacked it. I've driven a John Deere mower w/ a trailer, I've learned to use a electric drill, I've fixed stalls, I've put hot water deep heaters for all my horses in, I blanket and unblanket them all by myself each night and that's a lot of work.......!!!!!!!! Especially Velvet my big horse, gosh she's huge. I've been keeping the house clean. I've made vet appointments, Dr's appointments, moved OLD furniture out of the house by myself, dishes out of the house, ran ads in the paper, contacted the free store to come and get stuff when they can. CLEANED OUT JUNK, THROWN away junk,
bought a desk and put it in the living room so I can keep track of the bills and the horses w/o letting things slide. Paid bills on time, PAID OFF CREDIT CARDS!!!!!!!!!!! PAYING OFF MY TRUCK!!!!!!!!! I have to I can[t afford the payment.
AND, I still can't let go of the pillow he last slept on, even though I just ordered new bedding for the bed. I told myself, THEN I will let go of it. As it's pink with horses and it won't fit in. But, I tell myself I might just hang onto it a little longer, no one cares anyway. I like to have him close.
Thanks for listening.
TJ
I got some insurance money and bought a living quarter trailer to take to the shows which will be wonderful. I also bought a 200 cx front loader John Deere tractor which has been a heaven sent for me and 6 horses. However, IF I had to do it over again I wouldn't get it for the simple reason is I spent the money FIRST before actually seeing what the final amount would be from the insurance.
What happen is on a lot of the insurance checks is my husband "owed" on them and I was counting on a certain amount. Lets say I was counting on 14,000 on one check and come to find out when I got the check in the mail it was worth only $3,000. I had about 4 checks like that. GULP. THEN, I had a large sum coming to me and the funeral home said do you want to take it all out and I said yes cause I don't know what I want to do. Well little beknownst to me it was a retirement account and now I can't put it back in and it got taxed, and NOW I will get his on the part that I keep out before I put it back in an IRA as taxable income. PLUS, the amount of money I WAS going to use for income each month won't last me very long. So when I'm about 65=70 years old I'll be out on my bum except for the social security I receive and it's a drop in the bucket. It's SOMETHING, but it won't sustain me even IF I didn't have horses. Thank God I don't have a mortgage. Gee, my electric bill and gas bill in one month just going to town to get groceries could eat up the ssi. I even keep the house at 65-67* most of the time. I HAVE to sell this place, I've got a HUGE basement that I don't heat but it just keeps my house cold.
I'm just worried and scared. Then on top of all that I'm bi polar, how can I hold down a job when I haven't worked in 10 years and i have sever learning disabilities. That's almost worse then the bi polar. When I was married we bounced everything off of each other and I could talk to him about all this and him to me. NOW I have no one. I'm learning to survive on my own though, mistakes, no mistakes. I've lost 15 lbs just from working hard. I can't believe how much my husband used to do around here, MERCY. I'm tired.
I keep asking myself how am I going to do it show season w/o him and I tell myself IF I can do this I can do anything. I learned to use a tractor and the loader and trailer, I unloaded bag after bag of shavings from the truck and stack them, I've moved square bales of hay and unloaded it and stacked it. I've driven a John Deere mower w/ a trailer, I've learned to use a electric drill, I've fixed stalls, I've put hot water deep heaters for all my horses in, I blanket and unblanket them all by myself each night and that's a lot of work.......!!!!!!!! Especially Velvet my big horse, gosh she's huge. I've been keeping the house clean. I've made vet appointments, Dr's appointments, moved OLD furniture out of the house by myself, dishes out of the house, ran ads in the paper, contacted the free store to come and get stuff when they can. CLEANED OUT JUNK, THROWN away junk,
bought a desk and put it in the living room so I can keep track of the bills and the horses w/o letting things slide. Paid bills on time, PAID OFF CREDIT CARDS!!!!!!!!!!! PAYING OFF MY TRUCK!!!!!!!!! I have to I can[t afford the payment.
AND, I still can't let go of the pillow he last slept on, even though I just ordered new bedding for the bed. I told myself, THEN I will let go of it. As it's pink with horses and it won't fit in. But, I tell myself I might just hang onto it a little longer, no one cares anyway. I like to have him close.
Thanks for listening.
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