is it just me

[Charlene]

all i can say is, if this is the wave of the future, please let me just stay in the past in my own little corner of the world where i live with dogs and horses and NEVER have to socialize!

this practice may be acceptable to some, maybe even many, maybe even the majority but it will never fly with me!

 

[Minimor]

I forgot to mention in my earlier post....it could get worse. Every once in awhile here there's someone that sends out a 'presentation only' invitation with a minimum amount specified--saw one that specified $50 minimum and another that was $100 minimum.

Most people tend to give that much anyway, but most are taken aback to have it specified.

 

[Charlene]

I forgot to mention in my earlier post....it could get worse. Every once in awhile here there's someone that sends out a 'presentation only' invitation with a minimum amount specified--saw one that specified $50 minimum and another that was $100 minimum.
Most people tend to give that much anyway, but most are taken aback to have it specified.

OMG, you can't be serious!!!!! that is just unbelievable!

i'm reconsidering my earlier decision not to send a gift. i think i'll get them an ETIQUETTE BOOK!!!!!

this just absolutely blows my hair back!

 

[SampleMM]

I forgot to mention in my earlier post....it could get worse. Every once in awhile here there's someone that sends out a 'presentation only' invitation with a minimum amount specified--saw one that specified $50 minimum and another that was $100 minimum.
Most people tend to give that much anyway, but most are taken aback to have it specified.

This is just shocking!

Thankfully, I have never received this type of invitation but if I ever do, rest assure we won't be friends much longer!!

 

[minie812]

I would break off a small branch from a tree, stick it in potting soil and put a dollar bill on it

i'll do that but ONLY if i can use dirt from my yard and i don't have to BUY A POT!!!

ya know, i'm the furthest thing from emily post you'll ever find so i'm happy to know i'm not the only person who thinks this is beyond tacky!! i'm not "up" on modern etiquette (even if i CAN spell it!) so i was thinking maybe this is the wave of the future and I'M the one who is off base!

what makes this even more offensive to me is that my ex retired with a 6 figure income. i know he gives these kids plenty of money and i don't have a problem with that in the least. what i have a problem with is the fact that they would have the nerve to ask for money from people like gary's family who are on fixed incomes and in today's economy, struggling with finances.

Charlene...on the pot thingie. I think "going green" would be great and recycle a cottage cheese container

 

[Magic]

I forgot to mention in my earlier post....it could get worse. Every once in awhile here there's someone that sends out a 'presentation only' invitation with a minimum amount specified--saw one that specified $50 minimum and another that was $100 minimum.
Most people tend to give that much anyway, but most are taken aback to have it specified.

WHOA! If I received an invitation like that, you could be sure that I wouldn't attend, OR send a gift! Because that's not a wedding gift, that's more like the price of admission!

Where HAVE manners gone???

 

[Littleum]

Youch$ "Please insert $50, drive through"

I remembered after I posted there is something *slightly* similar down here in the US.

I've seen it more at Northern weddings then Southern weddings, so I don't know if it's regional or not, but there's a beautifully decorated basket/bowl/box on the gift table at the reception. It's there for checks and monetary gifts. Very often people will give a small gift (or no gift at all) but at the reception, put a check into the basket. There is NOTHING to say "Put money here", it's just known that's where you put money.

Some checks are very small ($5) others are very large ($5,000) I've seen people throw in gift cards or gift certificates as well.

Honestly, in the interest of not causing drama, I'd just make a small donation to a local charity. It might be the only gentle way of teaching this girl anything. You can play both sides of the fence. If you don't give anything, you get slapped with "mean old cow" (even if people agree she's a tacky broad) but if you DO give her cash, you've caved and she learns nothing. Giving a gift to charity I think is really the best way to go.

 

[Charlene]

LOL! would a recycled sour cream container work the same way?

littleum, i am just really on the fence here. i understand what you are saying and to be brutally honest, i wouldn't give a rat's patootie WHAT this girl thinks of me. i am seriously inclined to ignore this invitation.

although i value the friendship of her mother and my ex, it goes against every principle i have to give ANYTHING to this couple. i almost think that a donation to a charity, although i would feel good about it, might be a slap in the face to them (again, i don't care about her).

you would have to know this girl...she has been to numerous family dinners out here at the farm (gary's family) and she always arrives late, piles her plate with enough food for an army, demands to take some home for later, rarely speaks to anybody (she came to one of gary's birthday dinners, sat next to him, never said BOO, not even "happy birthday"

)...so you can see why she is, shall we say, unpopular around here.

 

[Sunny]

I agree with everything that's been said so far. It IS tacky to ask for money that way (though I've never heard of "Presentation Only").

Have you talked with your ex and his wife about how you feel? I'm thinking that just because you recieved an invitation, doesn't mean you're obligated to attend or even send anything. A simple reply (presumably they included a card for that) indicating you're unable to attend should suffice, IMO.

 

[Sonya]

Yes...tacky! I wouldn't go, especially since you really don't care for her much anyhow.

 

[Charlene]

I agree with everything that's been said so far. It IS tacky to ask for money that way (though I've never heard of "Presentation Only").
Have you talked with your ex and his wife about how you feel? I'm thinking that just because you recieved an invitation, doesn't mean you're obligated to attend or even send anything. A simple reply (presumably they included a card for that) indicating you're unable to attend should suffice, IMO.

no, i have not talked to either of them about it. unless one of them brings it up, i don't plan to mention it. i just don't want to cause any hard feelings and for me, it would be too hard to "hold my tongue". i'll let sleeping dogs lie. if they ask, i'll be honest. undoubtedly, if it doesn't come up prior to the wedding, when they don't see me there, they will surely ask why.

 

[Keri]

Just say my ex-husband has it covered!

 

[ruffian]

"I've seen it more at Northern weddings then Southern weddings, so I don't know if it's regional or not, but there's a beautifully decorated basket/bowl/box on the gift table at the reception. It's there for checks and monetary gifts. Very often people will give a small gift (or no gift at all) but at the reception, put a check into the basket. There is NOTHING to say "Put money here", it's just known that's where you put money."

Every wedding I've ever gone to here "up north" has had a basket or such for cards. Since a lot of people do give a check or cash in an envelope, it's nice to have a place to put them instead of just in a pile. It's not an invitation to put money there, it's simply the same as putting a table up for gifts like toasters and sheets. For my daughter's wedding we made up a crystal carriage and 2 white horses as the "card box" it was very cute!

 

[CyndiM]

OH my I can't imagine anyone being so spoiled they would go that far!

When Steve and I got married I wanted to put in a note asking for NO gifts except the recipient's presence. But everyone told me I couldn't do that because people would want to bring gifts. I said we didn't need anything, we just wanted friends and family to celebrate with us. My sisters-in-law over ruled me so I didn't put it in the invitation.

 

[midnight star stables]

Now now, don't be rude.... They DID ask for money, so I have two words for you....

Monopoly Money!!!

:BigGrin

Good luck though... Honestly... I'd give $100 to CMHR

 

[Charlene]

LOL!!! if it wasn't for the fact that i really do want to stay on good terms with ron and sherry, i would send this girl ONE DOLLAR of monopoly money.

i'll just file this all away. at some point in the future, i will get my chance to let them know just how tacky i think this is.

 

[nbark]

My experience in the world of Brides (I make Bridal Boxes for brides) is that the time for a monetary announcement is when the person running the shower puts on the invitation "Green Shower" or "Money Tree Shower", which basically means that they need nothing in the way of household gifts, because maybe thay have been living together or have had their own place and need the cash instead of gifts. This then becomes the norm for the wedding. Putting that on an invitation is not only tacky, but rude and offensive.

I had this happen to me and I sent the invitation back with a copy of Dear Abby's wedding rules (this was a while ago, don't know if it is still around) and did not go to the wedding and with the attitude of asking me for money, I didn't give a rat's behind if they liked it or not. Just my way of handling it.

 

[CKC]

I can't even imagine sending an invitation out like that.

------------

I live in the south..... My Mom made a really cute little decorated mailbox to sit out in case there was cards given at my wedding. She has used it for my siblings weddings as well. I've seen the same kind of thing at every wedding I've been to.

 

[Wee Mite Miniatures]

Asking for money is tacky.

You do not have to give any reason for not sending a gift or attending. Just send the card back with regrets. Since you want to remain on good terms I would just leave it at that.

When my niece got married for the second time after living with the guy for a long time they really did not need anything. On her bridal shower invitation there was a note that instead of gifts please bring a donation for the Why Me summer camp. This is a summer camp for children with cancer. The brides niece would be attending it that summer. At the wedding there was a note on the tables that in stead of favors the money had also been donated to Why Me.

 

[Charlene]

Asking for money is tacky.
You do not have to give any reason for not sending a gift or attending. Just send the card back with regrets. Since you want to remain on good terms I would just leave it at that.

When my niece got married for the second time after living with the guy for a long time they really did not need anything. On her bridal shower invitation there was a note that instead of gifts please bring a donation for the Why Me summer camp. This is a summer camp for children with cancer. The brides niece would be attending it that summer. At the wedding there was a note on the tables that in stead of favors the money had also been donated to Why Me.

now THAT is more like it!!!!! kudos to your niece, what a wonderful gesture!!! that just really warms my heart.