IS it to soon to?

[Taylor Jo]

Thanks Bonnie. I appreciate it. I will be even more careful. TJ

 

[~Dan]

I agree with Kay and a lot of others, please please please be careful and yes hire a counselor and please please please be careful with your money.

 

[miniwhinny74]

Taylor Jo,

I don't know you or your situation (financially) but Miniwhinny had OUTSTANDING advice. It's none of my business, but it does seems like you are purchasing a lot of stuff. Please be careful (for your own future!)

Only you know when is the right time to finish the grieving process and go on...but I also think, as many before me have pointed out, that you are still in the EARLY stages of your grieving process. Yes, it may have helped in the long run that your husband's wasn't a sudden or unexpected death, but it's a HUGE change in your life.

I hate to say it, but there are people out in this world that take advantage of people who are trusting. (I know 'cause my Dad always seems to find them!) Not to say the "tractor guy" is one of them, just that they are out there. Think with your head and not your heart!

I wish you the best and have only good hopes for you in the days to come! Please know we are all thinking of you!

 

[Taylor Jo]

WELLL, I just had a sinking feeling. You know one of those women intuition things. I was talking to him on the phone today as something (tractor guy) told me to call him. He then said something about his mother in law. HUGE RED FLAG!!!!!!! I said; ARE YOU MARRIED, he said YES. TICKED ME OFF!!!!!!!! I WAS NOT NICE!!!!!! SO anyway, that has ended. I will NOT see a MARRIED man. He made the excuse that he doesn't wear a wedding ring cause of his job. What ever.

Yea, I have been spending a lot. I do have the money though. If I didn't I wouldn't be spending it. I'm ok for right now. Thanks for the warning, it's nice for someone to keep you in check. I decided to sell my big horse though, as much as I love her I NEVER ride her and it's not fair to her. SHe thinks she's a mini.

Last night they stayed out till 10 pm and my dog Sam and I had to go out into the woods looking for them as I hadn't seen them all day. I was so freaked out thining they somehow got out. But my trusty lab found them and we brought them home and got them put away. I cried and cried. I was so scared. They've NEVER done that before, but yesterday I was late getting home, so I guess they were punishing me.

TJ

 

[miniwhinny74]

I hate it, that there are people out there with their own agendas like that! I'm just glad you ferreted him out relatively soon!

Taylor Jo, I wanted to say that I think you are amazing and have such courage! I'd still be curled in a ball feeling sorry for myself, and here you are, tackeling (sp?) things you never though you'd do just a few months ago! I have a lot of admiration for you for finding the strength you have!

 

[~Lisa~]

Maybe I missed something did he actually come out and ask you out to dinner or something or could it have been more of a small town friendly hey let me know if you need anything or would like to chat?

Either way I am glad you are feeling stronger about things

 

[Taylor Jo]

OH LISA, he was FLIRTING with me BIG TIME!!!!! Told me to come to his work, come and visit him "anytime" "didn't TELL me he was MARRIED at all. Kept hinting around to me, I don't know just weird, you know how you get a 6th sense a guy is interested. DIDN'T NEVER bring his WIFE into the conversation. WAS WAYYYYYY to friendly.

THEN, today he say's to me. WELL just because I'm married doesn't mean we can't be friends. I'm like ya, YOU didn't TELL me you were married..... He left that equation OUT!!!

I "KNOW" I've been spending to much money. OMG'd. I did buy living room furniture and kitchen and dining room stuff. It's like I HAD to purify the house and get rid of my husband cause I couldn't stand seeing him here. I was terrified to see all THIS stuff...... Everywhere I looked I saw him.....

I guess what I was taking is my feelings that I hadn't been or was dormant cause gosh he'd been sick, I didn't realize just how sick he truly was till this with the tractor guy. BUT, I was taking all the missed emotion that I had for my husband that I wished I could have had with him all those months and putting it I think over onto this one. Like you said vulnerable. Didn't realize it really till your post and sitting down thinking about it today. Ha..... After having a good cry about missing my husband and being mad at him for my horses not coming in till late last night.

Your so right, one of the side of effect of Bi Polar is spending money and yes I have done that, that's for dang sure. Plus, I'm giving my truck up and buying a cheaper one, cause I can't afford a 600 a mth payment.

Truly and honestly without my husband here I'm at a loss and I know I'm suppose to care and it's my future I'm talking about here. But, I'm scared. I HATE being alone without him, yet in a lot of ways it doesn't bother me. Only when it comes to having no one to talk to then I get lonely. The work doesn't bother me though.

I've been soooo stupid with the money and it's like I've made these commitments and crap now I have to live up to them. I want to thank you for calling me on it, I don't mind at all that's what friends are for. I am accountable to you, your my friends. I trust you. Thanks for your advice. NOW I just need to heed it....... TJ

 

[Katiean]

TJ at least you just bought furniture and other stuff like that for the house. My mother, when she lost my dad sold a house that was costing her $120 per month and bought a house that cost $480 per month. She sold my grandfathers house and sold our house and property in OR for practically nothing because when they bought the bare land they paid $4,500. Then my dad built the house. All of this was because she couldn't handle seeing my dad in everything we had. PLEASE, before you sell anything BIG, see a counselor. She now regrets some of the things she sold.

 

[sfmini]

TJ, I am with the others, this would be a good time to see a counselor, adjust any meds you might be on since your life has been turned upside down.

Also, a financial counselor would be a good idea, so you can make a plan and make sure you can secure your future, and your ability to financially keep your home and keep your animals fed.

 

[Charlene]

I "KNOW" I've been spending to much money. OMG'd. I did buy living room furniture and kitchen and dining room stuff. It's like I HAD to purify the house and get rid of my husband cause I couldn't stand seeing him here. I was terrified to see all THIS stuff...... Everywhere I looked I saw him.....

TJ, this way of thinking really disturbs me. may i be so bold as to suggest that you really do need to talk to a professional about your feelings. i don't know if this was a fleeting thought or if this attitude permeates your life but having been through this myself, having my husband's material things, clothing, work boots, tool belt, around me were very comforting and still are. it's been just over 2 years and i still keep a pair of his work boots at my back door, his tool belt hangs on my kitchen wall, his favorite clothing is still in his closet.

i realize that each person grieves in their own way but i'm just afraid that if you "get rid of" all of the things that belonged to your husband, you will eventually be sorry. i would like to think that some day, those things might bring you some comfort and perhaps trigger some happy memories of your life with him.

 

[Taylor Jo]

I "didn't" get rid of everything. Still have his dresser and he clothes, bedroom set which I LOVE, 2nd bedroom set, ALL his tools, ALL my garage stuff, ALL his Bar stuff. A few cabinets. But, a lot of stuff I'm getting rid of was "HIS" before I married him and have NO sentimental attachment over and it's ALL OLD stuff, I mean like OLD...... 30 year old stuff. Plus, some of the stuff "I" had for 20 years. It's not like I'm taking new stuff and replacing it with new stuff. I was taking OLD beat up stuff and replacing it. The dining room set was oak and verily good shape but I HATED that thing, it was his before I married him. He'd had it 8 years before he married me and we were married almost 10 years and it was a monstrous piece. I gave it to his daughter and was glad to see it go.

YES, I AM going to talk to my therapist Thursday. I am going to take your advice. Actually, out of it all I feel I've made ONE mistake and that is replacing my kitchen dinette set. THAT was a mistake. NOT replacing "IT" but with what I did!!!!!!!! Come to find out it was "actually" MORE expensive then what I thought it was going to be as it had to be special ordered. THAT WAS a mistake. EVERYTHING else I got on sale and I have piece about it. Thanks for giving me your advice, I NEED it. I'll let you know what my therapist say's. TJ

 

[Miniv]

Why the need to "purify"? I think down the road, having some things left in remembrance will be comforting. Some of these changes you are doing you will be sorry you did.

Why are you spending spending spending? Yes, it does sound as if the Bi-Polar is off balance right now and it makes sense that it would be. You should let your doctor know.

And yes, a Grief Counselor is a person who you can go to and won't judge. Often they have walked in similar shoes as you.