RainSong
Well-Known Member
I wrote this a few days ago. The only reason I'm cutting and pasting is because I cannot retype it all without breaking down again. I've spent the last two weeks in a severe depression due to this. Actually, it started before this (long before) but was stable for awhile. Worst part is, each time I start to get a little better, I find something that was done, or something new hits, and wammo. I'm back to almost crying, or just numbly fogged.
I don't like being on antidepressants, but I am so tired of feeling like this. The only reason I'm up at all during the day is Nathan- otherwise I'd sleep as much as possible, eat when I had to, and then go stare at the TV in mindlessness till I could sleep again. Truth is I've felt like this a lot since Christmas time, had a reprive, and now it's back.
Found out too, even when we get our stimulus check, we most likely won't have the money to move. The cast of gas, and of the things we had to buy to get by, etc ... won't equal out. Not unless Dave gets a lot more money for his first paycheck then we expect. So, mid-month next month we're in serious trouble.
_____________ (LOTS OF READING) _____________
My mother decided to move in February. We live with her... "we" being my husband, son, and I. We have for two years, ever since our return to Oregon. My husband has been looking for work since May 12th. We've been living off savings. There are three adults besides us in the household, though my step-dad is usually only home on weekends, and doesn't share a room with my mother (don't ask- she prefers the couch).
My mother always said "we" when mentioning the move. About a month ago, my brother tells us my mother has applied for a credit check on a house. A TWO bedroom house. That means one room for him, one for my step-dad (and my mother's storage uses). Excuse me? What?
Two weeks later, we're told "We got the house".
Not once has my mother ever said anything about us not being allowed to move with them. The conversations we were not included in about houses tipped us off before the credit check, however.
Thankfully, my husband has found work- he found it the Monday after the Friday we were told they were moving out ASAP.
This last weekend, they moved. And it's been one huge attempt at screwing us over, I swear. We had to use our move money to get supplies now, rather then waiting (can't cook if you don't have things to cook in/with). They moved my fish (my only pets, my babies) and left them sitting around with no heaters/filters on- and they're all TROPICAL fish. And yes, they know fish.
Then they run off with the freezer- 75% (or more) of the stuff in that thing was bought BY US. Next day we're given a pittance back- and some of it is stuff that had been in that freezer since BEFORE we moved in (two years, remember?). That same day I asked about the computer chair I use- that they have no place or use for.
We had to, again, make a run to the store- this time for food. Thankfully I had cleared our stuff out the fridge- but they left us the fridge that once held rotten meat for weeks at a time, still smells weird, and you can't leave open containers in- I think it probably has something growing in it somewhere, despite being bleached to heck and back again. And no, they didn't NEED the fridge they took- my mother just wanted the automatic ICE MAKER that's in it.
When we got back from the store, we ended up having to ride herd on my sister's toddler and our own son, then there was the moving of fridges, etc etc.
It wasn't until they'd left (leaving the kitchen a pig sty) that I had a chance to realize... THEY TOOK THE COMPUTER CHAIR. And left me a broken one.
My mother was so "gracious" as to say "Well, you can stay till the middle of next month" after the first round of moving stuff the weekend before this last one. All the while making it sound like she was being so wonderful for "allowing" this. Both days of the move, one where we had pretty much nothing we COULD cook, we ended up having to go out for food- and my mother knew this, all while she also knows WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO SPARE because she never bothered to tell us we had to look for a place, and now we're short money because of this crappy mess (and the stimulus check BS... ugh). Meanwhile, each night she's hauling everyone out and feeding them... BUT US.
The year, I have slowly been being cut out of family stuff, and slowly been being treated like I am not family. The last six months saw quicker progression of this, and the last month itself it's increased and is now practically complete. My mother has humiliated me by treating me like some lesser, unworthy person- as if I am not "good" enough to be a part of her family. And I watched her treat my brother like a saint for months during this time.
I hate crying, but I've done it. Never in front of her, only once in front of my brother. If it weren't for my son- he loves his grandmother so much - I would cut my ties until such time as all the hurt and anger fades.
As is, I don't believe he'll see his grandmother again until the holidays (Thanksgiving and such), unless she comes and visits- which is about as likely as her saying she's sorry for this mess.
Poor kiddo. He's gone from having family to not seeing his uncle and grandmother at all (used to see them daily after all, for two years now), and his Daddy has to go away during the week so we can save money to move. It's hard... Monday through Friday evening, sole caretaker and the only adult in a mostly empty shell of something I once called home.
Oh yea. They took the washer and dryer too. I found out last Friday that they were doing so, they took them Saturday- despite the fact they knew we needed to do laundry ('nother expense we needed, right? -.-). I also found out Friday that the house they're renting now... is a three bedroom, not a two bedroom. Fenced yard, no dogs- perfect for Nathan.
My mother made a comment about it how it was going to be nice not having a toddler running around all the time.
She'll miss us both when we're gone. She'll have to do her own chores. No more Boo cuddles.
She's putting her dog to sleep, putting one cat in the pound, probably one dog too- she can't be bothered to find the cat and dog a new home (I tried, fliers and all, for the dog- she didn't help at all). The other dog... well, putting her to sleep is actually for the best; she's old and have very painful hip/backend issues.
They aren't done moving, either. And I'm watching/feeding her fish, her dogs, and her cat until she does something with them all.
I want to break her things. I want to scream, and yell, and find someplace dark and quiet to hide from it all.
I thought we were actually starting to get close, my mother and I. I guess it's a lie, all of it.
I don't even know what I did to deserve all of it.
___________________________________________
She came over after I wrote that. Had to drop off dog food.
She comes to me and she says "You know I don't want you to feel like you're being kicked out, or anything. You're not. You guys really need to be on your own. You were only supposed to stay with us for a few months, and you're your own family."
I said nothing. Didn't even look at her. She knows darn well the reasons we haven't been ABLE to move, and knows darn well we were planning once Dave was working.
Words. That's all it was. Worthless words.
I don't like being on antidepressants, but I am so tired of feeling like this. The only reason I'm up at all during the day is Nathan- otherwise I'd sleep as much as possible, eat when I had to, and then go stare at the TV in mindlessness till I could sleep again. Truth is I've felt like this a lot since Christmas time, had a reprive, and now it's back.
Found out too, even when we get our stimulus check, we most likely won't have the money to move. The cast of gas, and of the things we had to buy to get by, etc ... won't equal out. Not unless Dave gets a lot more money for his first paycheck then we expect. So, mid-month next month we're in serious trouble.
_____________ (LOTS OF READING) _____________
My mother decided to move in February. We live with her... "we" being my husband, son, and I. We have for two years, ever since our return to Oregon. My husband has been looking for work since May 12th. We've been living off savings. There are three adults besides us in the household, though my step-dad is usually only home on weekends, and doesn't share a room with my mother (don't ask- she prefers the couch).
My mother always said "we" when mentioning the move. About a month ago, my brother tells us my mother has applied for a credit check on a house. A TWO bedroom house. That means one room for him, one for my step-dad (and my mother's storage uses). Excuse me? What?
Two weeks later, we're told "We got the house".
Not once has my mother ever said anything about us not being allowed to move with them. The conversations we were not included in about houses tipped us off before the credit check, however.
Thankfully, my husband has found work- he found it the Monday after the Friday we were told they were moving out ASAP.
This last weekend, they moved. And it's been one huge attempt at screwing us over, I swear. We had to use our move money to get supplies now, rather then waiting (can't cook if you don't have things to cook in/with). They moved my fish (my only pets, my babies) and left them sitting around with no heaters/filters on- and they're all TROPICAL fish. And yes, they know fish.
Then they run off with the freezer- 75% (or more) of the stuff in that thing was bought BY US. Next day we're given a pittance back- and some of it is stuff that had been in that freezer since BEFORE we moved in (two years, remember?). That same day I asked about the computer chair I use- that they have no place or use for.
We had to, again, make a run to the store- this time for food. Thankfully I had cleared our stuff out the fridge- but they left us the fridge that once held rotten meat for weeks at a time, still smells weird, and you can't leave open containers in- I think it probably has something growing in it somewhere, despite being bleached to heck and back again. And no, they didn't NEED the fridge they took- my mother just wanted the automatic ICE MAKER that's in it.
When we got back from the store, we ended up having to ride herd on my sister's toddler and our own son, then there was the moving of fridges, etc etc.
It wasn't until they'd left (leaving the kitchen a pig sty) that I had a chance to realize... THEY TOOK THE COMPUTER CHAIR. And left me a broken one.
My mother was so "gracious" as to say "Well, you can stay till the middle of next month" after the first round of moving stuff the weekend before this last one. All the while making it sound like she was being so wonderful for "allowing" this. Both days of the move, one where we had pretty much nothing we COULD cook, we ended up having to go out for food- and my mother knew this, all while she also knows WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO SPARE because she never bothered to tell us we had to look for a place, and now we're short money because of this crappy mess (and the stimulus check BS... ugh). Meanwhile, each night she's hauling everyone out and feeding them... BUT US.
The year, I have slowly been being cut out of family stuff, and slowly been being treated like I am not family. The last six months saw quicker progression of this, and the last month itself it's increased and is now practically complete. My mother has humiliated me by treating me like some lesser, unworthy person- as if I am not "good" enough to be a part of her family. And I watched her treat my brother like a saint for months during this time.
I hate crying, but I've done it. Never in front of her, only once in front of my brother. If it weren't for my son- he loves his grandmother so much - I would cut my ties until such time as all the hurt and anger fades.
As is, I don't believe he'll see his grandmother again until the holidays (Thanksgiving and such), unless she comes and visits- which is about as likely as her saying she's sorry for this mess.
Poor kiddo. He's gone from having family to not seeing his uncle and grandmother at all (used to see them daily after all, for two years now), and his Daddy has to go away during the week so we can save money to move. It's hard... Monday through Friday evening, sole caretaker and the only adult in a mostly empty shell of something I once called home.
Oh yea. They took the washer and dryer too. I found out last Friday that they were doing so, they took them Saturday- despite the fact they knew we needed to do laundry ('nother expense we needed, right? -.-). I also found out Friday that the house they're renting now... is a three bedroom, not a two bedroom. Fenced yard, no dogs- perfect for Nathan.
My mother made a comment about it how it was going to be nice not having a toddler running around all the time.
She'll miss us both when we're gone. She'll have to do her own chores. No more Boo cuddles.
She's putting her dog to sleep, putting one cat in the pound, probably one dog too- she can't be bothered to find the cat and dog a new home (I tried, fliers and all, for the dog- she didn't help at all). The other dog... well, putting her to sleep is actually for the best; she's old and have very painful hip/backend issues.
They aren't done moving, either. And I'm watching/feeding her fish, her dogs, and her cat until she does something with them all.
I want to break her things. I want to scream, and yell, and find someplace dark and quiet to hide from it all.
I thought we were actually starting to get close, my mother and I. I guess it's a lie, all of it.
I don't even know what I did to deserve all of it.
___________________________________________
She came over after I wrote that. Had to drop off dog food.
She comes to me and she says "You know I don't want you to feel like you're being kicked out, or anything. You're not. You guys really need to be on your own. You were only supposed to stay with us for a few months, and you're your own family."
I said nothing. Didn't even look at her. She knows darn well the reasons we haven't been ABLE to move, and knows darn well we were planning once Dave was working.
Words. That's all it was. Worthless words.
