Mean

[bfogg]

I just wonder why people have to be so mean?

I know we all have bad days. I am just as guilty as the next person of saying something i shouldn't

I do wish that we would stop and think before we say things that are just plain "mean"!

You never know what someone is going thru in their lives and sometimes this Forum may be the only nice thing in their whole day.

I know I get some really hateful nasty emails(never signed of course) because of what I do. And yes of course i could find out, but I have pretty much gotten used to it.

And i can understand people getting upset with me what I do is controversial so what the heck.

But to say hurtful things in post after post.......to people they don't even know,makes me sad.

I know they must be hurting in their own life i think and sad themselves, but still lashing out at others doesn't help.

Coming to Lil Beginnings and saying i need some kind words would help instead.

People are under a lot of stress in this country right now,and worried and scared.

Let's try to help each other, even if it's just trying to be a little nicer and more patient with each other.None of us are immune to being hurt so as someone said let's try to hold hands and stick together!

And oh yes as someone said,

When you go out into the world, hold hands ,watch out for traffic, and STICK TOGETHER,

Bonnie

 

[Riverdance]

It is always hurtful when people say mean things. Sometimes they do not mean to be mean or say mean things, but it just comes across that way.

Here are lots of big hugs!!

 

[AppyLover2]

Bonnie it's funny that you would say that. As I was reading some of the posts I found myself wondering why people can't be more supportive and less critical. It's sad that people are so thoughtless or outspoken (or whatever they choose to call it) to justify rudeness. What the heck's wrong with just being nice?

 

[sedeh]

Well said Bonnie!

I know I've read some posts and thought "whoa" that was nasty. But then I read others that have been perceived as "nasty" by some but for me it was just ......blunt?? I think sometimes when you're writing things you hear your voice "saying it" in your head and unfortunately the tone and nuances(?sp) don't come through as meant. So just remember when you read a post that seems a bit strong.....it may not have been meant that way.

 

[Charley]

You have hit the nail on the head here. But it's not just on the forums, it is everywhere.....

 

[Diana]

Very well put Bon. It's not just here as you well know but right in our own backyards at time.

 

[nightflight]

There are always mean people. In my circle of friends when someone is obviously in need of tranquility, we speak of starting a collection to purchase a personal massager complete with batteries, to anonymously mail to them as a gift. Share the gift of joy, right?

**runs and hides**

 

[anoki]

You have hit the nail on the head here. But it's not just on the forums, it is everywhere.....

I have been thinking this for months now....and this past Christmas it was especially bad for me here at home....but like Charley said, it's not just on ANY forum, it's everywhere.

Without getting into details, I have wondered for the past 6 months why I am still living here because of how mean certain people that are living here are.....and I HATE feeling this way. I LOVE living in this house, and generally I get on pretty well with my parents...if it weren't for a couple of other 'family' members everything would be fine....but all it takes is one person who enjoys being nasty (and believe me she does). Though I think my Mom has finally had enough, and feels she has the support of the rest of the family, and she's finally telling her to get out. But it's been a rough 6 months (and really it's been going on for 2 years, but the last 6 months have been brutal).....

I am just looking forward to some peace around this house for a change.....

~kathryn

 

[MiniforFaith]

Bonnie, I agree with you. There is so much going on for everyone, and people that are just down right mean and rude do not think of what they say and how it hits the person they say it to.. I know that it is everywhere -- work, home life, school. That is why some of us(

Like me) come here to "talk" about their problems. And it DOES hurt when people are mean. I feel like this forum is family for a lot of people. People(everywhere) just need to really think of the others feelings before saying or doing something hurtful. I was always told, if you can't say anything nice, then don't say it at all.... That in my mind is one of the reason the world is the way it is today.. Some People just stop caring for others.. But thank God that there are still the caring ones out there

That means the world to people that need them...

 

[twister]

Bonnie, You are right, we need to stop and think before we respond to an email, I know I have posted in haste sometimes and when I read it back have thought that isn't what I meant, but I would never post anything that was deliberately rude or hurtful. And for those that have, stop and think what you are doing, read it back to yourself before you click to send, would you like it addressed to your own family, maybe your intentions are good but try and soften your words. I am sending you hugs Bonnie, I think what you do is wonderful and never stop posting here, I always look forward to your posts.

Yvonne

 

[Charley]

I think you are right that these people are unhappy in their lives. We, as a a nation, have too much...in material things and not enough time to appreciate the goodness that we have in our lives. The simple things like joy, and love, family and friends.

 

[RockRiverTiff]

What a nice post Bonnie. Just today I was put off by what someone said to someone else--I can't even imagine how bad I would have felt if the comments had actually been directed at me. But on the whole, posts like this prove that our little forum is a pretty nice place.

 

[Buckskin gal]

I think one reason people can be mean is because they have been hurt badly and haven't learned how to deal with it in an appropriate way.

Sometimes they just need a hug.

Have you ever noticed how a smile can brighten your day or a kind word make your heart brighten ....well sometimes that is all it takes to melt the meaness away.

 

[Marty]

I think one reason people can be mean is because they have been hurt badly and haven't learned how to deal with it in an appropriate way.

Oh that would be me. I find myself always having to apologize for things I didn't mean at all; I just screw up. They just come out the wrong way and it's very hard sometimes for me to get a handle on things. It's bad enough being so hurt and then hurting someone else when you don't mean to do that at all and I always beat myself up over it. Healing as been the hardest thing I think I have ever tried to do and I'm just not there yet.

I am sorry you are having a crappy day Bonnie.

 

[Miniv]

I've always wondered why human beings find it easier to grab hold of the negative and almost seemingly cling to it, instead of seeing the positive - even when there is more positive around them.

 

[Minimor]

Personally I've wondered why some people won't apologize for wrongs they have done to others. An apology that sounds sincere goes a long way to healing hurts and bringing forgiveness.

 

[kaykay]

Bonnie

I have wondered the same thing over and over. Why are people so mean?? To others on this forum and in every day life? I will never understand it? It definitely though shows a lack of something in the persons life. People with a full happy life dont go attacking others either in real life or online in what they post.

I think being blunt is an excuse a lot of people use to justify being mean.

I am a very forgiving person. But I think like Minimor said an apology goes a long way especially a sincere apology. You cant forgive someone who thinks they did nothing wrong.

I will say this too I am not at all the naive trusting person I used to be when it comes to the internet. Hard lesson but one I obviously had to learn.

I have said over and over life is too short and precious to waste it on bickering and fighting.

 

[SWA]

I don't know the circumstance for purpose of this thread, and won't impose to ask. What ever they may be, I only hope (always) for healing of hearts.

I recently received this in an email from a very dear friend, and I thought it might be helpful "here".

Hope it helps.

********************************************

A DOG'S PURPOSE FROM A SIX YEAR OLD

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old

Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife,

Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker,

And they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the

Family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform

The euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it

Would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure.

They

Felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's

Family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog

For the last time , that I wondered if he understood what was going

On.

Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any

Difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after

Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives

Are

Shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly,

Piped up, 'I know why.'

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next

Stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a

Good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice,

Right?' The six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how

To do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be

Pure ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass and roll over.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're

Not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day , be silent, sit close by and

Nuzzle them gently.

********************************************

I've always felt in my heart that this same "concept" can pretty much be applied to most cuddly animals. God's gift to us all. I've always tried to share this very same "message" through our horses and family. Always will, however possible. With or without them, but prayerfully WITH THEM, however much longer God grants me the privilege.

I have said over and over life is too short and precious to waste it on bickering and fighting.

AMEN.

I pretty much live by this too! Almost all too often, I've just said to folks who've done me VERY WRONG, I just tell them... "Ok...have it your way", life is just way to short to further expend of myself in standing up for what is right.

I still will, most definately!

I will still stand up for things that matter deeply to me, I've just learned (the hard way) that I have to choose my battles, because not ALL of them can be won without losing far greater of myself. In not giving the continual frivolous (sp?) fight, I usually find better ground for standing somewhere later on down the road...Lord willing. Besides...Life is always sure to hand you plenty enough of much greater battles worthy of such devotion.

In the mean time... hoping for healing hearts, always.

 

[Sandy S.]

I have always felt it is a gift to be here. Always treat everyone like you would want to be treated, give everyone the benefit of the doubt, the glass is always half full, forgive, because will it really matter a week or month from now. Everyone makes mistakes and I make more than enough. I know that a lot of people are unhappy and have to take it out on everyone else, but there is always someone worse off than you are, even though sometimes it doesn't seem like it. Take one day at a time and be glad you are in this world. I am one that believes your soul keeps coming back until you get it right, then you take the next step to heaven.

SO BE NICE WHILE YOU ARE HERE!!!!

LINDA L. POSTED THIS AND I AM COPYING THIS SO EVERYONE CAN READ:

Wisdom

A time comes in your life when you finally get it.....

.....when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity

you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere

the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling

to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a

tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look

at the world through new eyes.You realize it's time to

stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or

for happiness, safety and security to magically appear

over the next horizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren't always

fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of

"happily ever after" must begin with you... ..and in

the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and

that not everyone will always love, appreciate or

approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They

are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing

yourself... and in the process a sense of new found

confidence is born of self-approval. You stop

complaining and blaming other people for the things

they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn

that the only thing you can really count on is the

unexpected.

You realize that people don't always say what they

mean or mean what they say, that not everyone will

always be there for you and that everything isn't

always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own

and to take care of yourself... and in the process a

sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to

accept people as they are and to overlook their

shortcomings and human frailties... in the process a

sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to different points of view. You

begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what

you really stand for. You feel the power and glory in

creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering

through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your

next fix.

You begin to experience that principles, such as

honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a

bygone era, but the mortar that holds together

the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You realize that you don't know everything. It's not

your job to save the world, you can't teach a pig to

sing.

You realize that the only cross to bear is the one you

choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the

stake. Then you learn about love. You look at

relationships as they really are and not as you would

have them be. You learn that alone does not mean

lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and

outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and

responsibility and the importance of setting

boundaries and learning to say NO. You also stop

working so hard at putting your feelings aside,

smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and

uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And,

just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul.

So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth

working for and that wishing for something to happen

is different than working toward making it happen.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander

it living under a cloud of impending doom. ....

.... life isn't always fair, you don't always get what

you think you deserve, sometimes bad things happen to

unsuspecting, good people... you learn not to always

take it personally.

You realize that nobody's punishing you. It's just

life happening. Suddenly you can admit when you are

wrong and learn to build bridges instead of walls. You

feel that negative feelings such as anger, envy and

resentment must be understood and redirected or they

will suffocate the life out of you.

You become thankful and to take comfort in many simple

things we take for granted, things that millions of

people upon the earth can only dream about: a full

refrigerator, clean running water, a

soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by

yourself and you make yourself a promise to never

betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less

than your heart's desire. You make it a point to keep

smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every

wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can

listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand,

you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the

life you want to live as best you can.

 

[Cedar Ridge Farm]

Bonnie,

I am soooo sorry for whatever was said either to you or about you. After reading all the comments, I agree with all that was said here. I would like to add that sometimes when people say mean things, they are jealous of us or things we can do. It could also be that perhaps they don't understand a gift that we have so they choose to make it a bad thing. Some of the people that are mean are the reason we have children that are mean. (Please note that I am not picking on anyone in particular with this statement.) If we could all remember the golden rule to "do unto others as we'd like them to do unto us" -- instead of "do unto others before they do unto us"I think the world would be a whole lot nicer place.

Peggy