my life has changed-it's a mess

[bevann]

In reading Dixie belle's story it made me want to write something of my own.Jan 4,2014 my older son,Dec 19, 1961 was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and brain, kidney, and bone cancer.Lots of surgeries, radiation and chemo.He was progressing rather well and we had some hope for a miracle.Recently he has been going downhill with swollen feet and can barely walk.He has fits of raging anger and has become someone I don't even know at times.He lives behind me on another farm so I am able to help.May 11,2015 my 18 year old grandson who was still in high school(no driver's license, calls from Las Vegas,NV area to inform me that my younger son(Jan 26, 1963)had just died suddenly from heart issues. I flew out and spent 2 weeks sorting through papers, paying bills, and trying to find a will and insurance policy(nothing) came home for 10 days and flew back out for another 10 days to do some legal stuff and attend graduation(he just barely made it) both sons are single dads.My life now is major stress-dealing with granddaugter 23 and head up her butt and 18 year old grandson who is in a punk rock band and doesn't want to work-neither child will return phone calls to grandmom.My stress level is maxed out and so is my tolerance Just needed to vent.My animals are my therapy.More of the story later.Got to get up early and go to the pool for exercise Down 25.5 lbs and knees are better-off to the cardiologist to see if chest pain is stress or something else.

 

[Ryan Johnson]

Sending you a massive cyber hug Bevann. My sincere condolences for the loss of your son & prayers for your other son that is going through tough times.

With what you have been thru and what you are dealing with , im not surprised you are suffering from chest pain.

Spend lots of time with your animals and take care of yourself.

best wishes and thinking of you

Ryan

 

[Mona]

Oh no Bevann, I am sooo very sorry. This is so terrible. I hope you will once again find some peacefulness in your life. (((HUGS))) Best wishes for you, and hope that things will find a way to sort themselves out. Congratulations also, on your weight loss and feeling better for it. I would imagine the swimming/exercise is a wonderful stress release for you as well.

 

[Debby - LB]

My deepest condolences on the loss of your son Bev, and Gods blessings for your oldest son. Hang in there with the grands, they will be a trial... just try to listen for your name. So glad to hear you are being proactive with your own health. Big congratulations on your weight loss! I know where you are coming from about animals LOL I need mine too! only medicine I need.

 

[bevann]

Good news.EKC was good so chest could just be stress.I could take up drinking, but there are too many alcoholics in my family tom start that,plus I have an addictive type personality.What I like I like LOTS of and I would rather have my calories in something I can chew.I did try chocolate wine that a friend gave me.IMO it ruined good chocolate and good wine by combining the 2.I tried to drink it, but finally poured most of it down the drain.Trying to keep my sense of humor and find things to laugh about.I really need to put down my 15 yr old Corgi, but I keep putting it off.she doesn't seem to be in pain-just major issues with hind end mobility.She is on Previcox and it helps, but doesn't last all day.tried Tramadol, but it turned her into Zombie dog.I will know when I finally have to do it, but I am dreading that day.Thanks for all the kind thoughts.

 

[Marsha Cassada]

Sincere condolences on your loss. I cannot imagine losing my one of our sons.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Sonya]

So sorry for your loss and all you're going through. Sending good thoughts, prayers, and hugs.

 

[lucky seven]

So sorry for your loss and please accept my cyber hugs.

 

[bevann]

Steven Patrick Dugan 12-19-61 passed away early morning today,Oct 14, 2015( I was there as he came into left the world and there as he left)just a few days over 5 months since the passing of his brother,Brad Michael Dugan, 1-26-63. It is very difficult to lose my only 2 children so close together.My therapy is my animals.If I didn't have them to care for I probably wouldn't even get out of bed.It is so nice to have a place to put my thoughts because I know those of you on here will understand what I mean regarding the importance of animals in our lives.My non animal friends don't get it and I don't understand how people get along without dog, horse or cat hair in their lives.Off to the barn for some more furry therapy.

 

[Ryan Johnson]

My deepest condolences for your loss Bevann.

Sending you many cyber hugs and best wishes during this terrible time.

Warm regards

Ryan

 

[chandab]

Deepest condolences.

 

[MiniNHF]

Im so sorry for you loss, I just went through the loss of my grandmother (my mother's mom) this month as well, then almost a week later, my mom lost her beloved cat of 15 years to mouth cancer; when is rains it pours

. But you are right with animals being therapy through losses, my dog and my two boys definitely help with that since I have anxiety and depression.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[bevann]

Trying to get my life back on track to somewhat normal.Went to doc yesterday in my town only to find out that office person forgot to tell me that appointment was in another location 30 minutes away.Got there late but they took me in-diagnose is burning mouth syndrome(no known cause)treatment is Gabapentin(Neurontin) which I had . Took 1 300 mg at 11PM (great for knocking one out)got up and made it to the barn ,but I am so much more dizzy than usual. Can't drive and can't go for pool therapy as planned.Just have to wait for effects to go away.Maybe tomorrow will be more normal.I Need a good holistic doc-I hate the side effects of drugs.Side effects of many drugs are worse than what ails you

 

[MiniNHF]

I have a good holistic doctor that I use but he is in Newark, de

 

[susanne]

bevann, I am so sorry for all that you've been through, and I am in awe of your strength.

People who don't have animals never do get it -- their loss. The healing power of animals is impossible for them to fathom. Let them help you as only they can -- cry into your horse's mane or simply sit with your dog.

If it helps at all, remember that you have a forum family here supporting you in any way we can.

susanne