My sons ex g.f. called me earlier tonight.. HELP!!!!!!

[rockin r]

To start off, I am a VERY private person. So coming here is very hard for me to say the least. I CAN NOT talk to my mom about this as she will tell her sister (trying to help), and I could not bear the counsequences from it...

I have to get this off my chest so, here it goes....

My son (33 yo) is married, has been for 2 1/2 years. He is my only child. His wife Kendra is a wonderful mother and wife. She comes last in everything, by her choice. They have one child and expecting another in August, I could not be happier till tonight...My sons ex girl friend called me, I knew as soon as Art said it was Susan it was going to be trouble I just did not know"HOW MUCH TROUBLE"!!!!!!!!! She told me she was 7 months preg. with his baby. My heart is broken. My son does not know that she told me, and he forbid her to tell me. He knows that it would crush me. I am glad she told me, after all it is going to be my grandchild, but now I am stuck in the middle. Susan asked me not to say anything to him until after the baby is born. This will devastate Kendra. And I am afraid my relationship with her will be destroyed when she finds out that I knew and did not tell her. I love her like she is my daughter. She is the best thing for Donnie. This will be the end of their marriage. I am sitting here crying as I type this. I don't know what to do..I am going to lose no matter what I do! Kendra will hate me and my only child will be livid if I confront him. Kendra needs to know what is going on, but she is preg. and I fear for that if she finds out. And then on the other hand, Susan is having my grandchild! I want to be a part of this babies life!!! OMG!!! What in the H#@L am I going to do?????????? They all live in Fla. I think I am having a meltdown...Please Help ME!!!

 

[Brandi*]

OMG I am soooo sorry

Shame on him

I don't know what to tell you on this one as I have no kids at this time. I will pray for everyone in this situation though. I just hate to hear about these kind of things. It is very sad

 

[jrae]

Sending prayers your way...for wisdom in this situation. I am so sorry, what a tough position for you and all involved.

 

[CyndiM]

I'm sorry I don't have any advise, I am here to offer support, prayers and and an ear to listen.

Is it possable they won't split up over this? I didn't leave my ex until it was obvious he wasn't going to change (read-about 8years later). With counseling they might be able to survive this. Is it possable she is lieing? Trying to cause trouble, break them up? When you do get a chance to talk to your son about this tell him to keep it zipped up and at home! ((((HUGS))))

Sorry I guess that is advise OH!

 

[The Simple Life Farm]

You are between a rock and a hard place. The most important thing is the health of the unborn children. This will break Kendra's heart, but this is not your doing, it is your sons. Since he has been cheating on Kendra, that would lead me to believe that there are already problems in their marriage. I don't think is was fair of Susan to be the one to tell you since you live so far apart. I would think to be most loyal to Kendra, she is your family now. But at the same time, try to keep open lines with Susan. I would confront your son, it might encourage him to do the right thing by Kendra and Susan. It is his doing, all you can really do is support all parties involved. Bless you heart on this situation, no matter what you do, someone is going to get hurt. But... Susan did know what she was getting into since your son is married.

 

[rockin r]

I'm sorry I don't have any advise, I am here to offer support, prayers and and an ear to listen.

Is it possable they won't split up over this? I didn't leave my ex until it was obvious he wasn't going to change (read-about 8years later). With counseling they might be able to survive this. Is it possable she is lieing? Trying to cause trouble, break them up? When you do get a chance to talk to your son about this tell him to keep it zipped up and at home! ((((HUGS))))

Sorry I guess that is advise OH!

Kendra WILL leave him, and I can't say that I blame her.. Susan....she is a trouble maker...she is sending me U/S pics next week after she goes to the dr. I really don't think she would lie about this. She said she don't want him in her life, just to help with child support. Oh trust me, when I DO YELL (talk) to him he will hear more than keep it zipped and at home! His dad lives there, 4 miles from them. But if I call and tell him what is going on, there will be more trouble than I can tell you! I will not let Kendra take off with my grand children, she truely has no where to go, she can come and stay with me and Art, and my son can fend for himself and I don't care what he thinks! At least I know that Kendra and the babies will be ok with us.

 

[LowriseMinis]

My question is, how does she know it's his? The fact that you knew there would be trouble as soon as you found out it was HER calling makes me think she's got a history of causing problems.

SHE needs to talk to your son NOW. Not in a month, not when the baby is born, now. Maybe you need to tell her that. In your position, if she refused to, I would tell him, nuts to whatever you promised her.

 

[rockin r]

My question is, how does she know it's his? The fact that you knew there would be trouble as soon as you found out it was HER calling makes me think she's got a history of causing problems.

SHE needs to talk to your son NOW. Not in a month, not when the baby is born, now. Maybe you need to tell her that. In your position, if she refused to, I would tell him, nuts to whatever you promised her.

I am not sure what you are saying. She told me he knows she is preg. And then again there is Kendra. She had a hard time carrying when she was preg., with Valory, delivered a month early. I am not willing to take the chance that she might lose this baby because of a phone call for me.. I am soooooooooo confused!!! Susan was engaged, when her guy found out she was preg. he called it off. He had a vasectomy and did not tell her. I wondered why it was called off, now I know.

 

[mininik]

If I was your daughter in law, I would want to know NOW. Obviously there will need to be DNA testing done before child support is made available, but somehow the wife is bound to find out. Even if this child isn't your son's it sounds like he thinks there's a chance, so obviously he hasn't been faithful. As the wife, finding out after being decieved further by family would be more devastating, in my opinion. Afterall, this not just about your son and his wife getting a divorce. This is about that woman's and your grandchild's HEALTH. Who knows what diseases that girl could have had, not to mention your son and whoever else he may be having relations with on the side.

 

[Marty]

I don't have any advice or words of wisdom but Kendra is not going to hate you.

You didn't do anything so nobody is going to hate you.

You are also not in the middle like you think you are.

Your son has to deal with this and spill the beans and suffer the consequences, not you.

 

[hobbyhorse23]

I know if I were Kendra I would be hurt and furious that my trusted relative had not told me "because she was afraid for my baby." What about ME?! I'm the one who's been betrayed, who needs to make decisions before things go any further. I'd think it's easier to move out while pregnant than with a newborn and all the attendent complications.

You're in a really tough situation and I can see how you'd feel like you were in the middle. Just remember that YOU did not make the decision to sleep with his ex. Your son did. If anything happens to that baby it is not your fault. It may not be his either, sometimes these things just happen, but it sure wasn't you.

I would definitely insist on a DNA test though, your son may not want to discuss it for reasons other than because he slept with her. Men can be strange that way!

Leia

 

[dangerranger]

It sounds to me like some family counceling is in order. If it were my son Id start by telling him that its up to him to fix this. and in family counceling is probably the best place to give up this info. the least amount of damage done to his wife. and the best chance of keeping his family. also people who sleep around tend to keep doing these things till they get at the real reasons that they do it. counceling will get at that to. also the ex may just be using you to get at him. kind of if Im going to be miserable He should be too. DR.

 

[Jill]

Oh my gosh!

I am very sorry this situation has been dropped on your shoulders

I have some clients who went through almost the same thing, except they found out when the baby was a toddler.

My gut instinct is you probably should talk to your son privately, and tell him what happened w/o trying to tell him what you think he should do (you probably don't even know... I wouldn't). But he knows his wife better than anyone. If he has the heads up that the ex (yeah...) girl friend is starting to tell family, maybe somehow, he can make this as easy as possible for Kendra.

If this does end the marriage, I would get in touch with Kendra ASAP to let her know how you feel about her, and how sick you were when you found this out. Let her know that you love her and that she is FAMILY regardless.

Jill

 

[Sonya]

What a terrible situation, I'm so sorry for you. I believe you should confront your son and encourage him to come clean with Kendra. I'm not sure that you should tell Kendra if he won't. She IS eventually going to find out...the longer this festers, it can only get worse. I feel terribley bad for Kendra...she is the innocent victim here along with both babies and you too, you don't deserve to be worrying about all this. He sure made a mess of things!

 

[Wee Mite Miniatures]

It could be that this girl is just trying to cause trouble. One of my sons had a girl friend like that. My son was not married when she called me up to tell me she was pregnant with my son's child. I did talk to my son and he knew she was saying that. This girl was only sixteen at the time. When I called her mother I was told not to believe anything the girl said. That IF she was pregnant to insist on testing since chances are it was not my son's. Nice thing to hear from a mother of a girl. Turns out she was not pregnant but just trying to get my son to break up with his current girl friend. This sixteen year old was pushing my son into marriage.

It is VERY possible this girl is just trying to cause trouble for your son. She told you your son forbade her to talk to you. Regardless of that I would call your son and let him know she called you. As hard as it is if it is true it is up to him to tell his wife, not you. If this old girlfriend is calling and telling people it is only a matter of time before she calls his wife, whether it is true or not the wife needs to know. What if she were to get a call herself?

Every one makes mistakes in life. If you truly love someone you will stand by them and help them through the hard times. At this moment you do not know what mistakes your son made. Was it dating a crazy lady? Or was getting some one other then his wife pregnant? Which ever it was he is your son. Talk to him. What ever mistakes he has made he is going to need his family. No matter how bad it is, no matter how you feel, stay out of the relationship between your son and his wife. Let them figure out how to deal with their relationship.

 

[Charley]

You need to talk with your son. He needs to know that this is going on. Since she called you, you must realize that she is confiding in others and we know how this kind of information makes the rounds.

Let him know so he can do whatever he needs to do. But to keep it to yourself is not wise. It may be untrue or it may be true. I would trust him enough to listen to him. This is his problem and you should be there for support for him and his family but not take the situation as your problem. Don't keep it bottled up either as this is not healthy for you. Talk to him!!

 

[AppyLover2]

I agree that you should let your son know that the "ex" called you. It's his mess and he needs to be the one to deal with it. Unfortunately innocent people are going to be hurt. After Kendra finds out about it call her, tell her you love her and that she and those babies will always be family to you no matter what happens between her and your son.

 

[Minimor]

So far you have only the ex's word that this is your son's baby...or even that it could be your son's baby. She says he knows & told her not to tell you....now she has told you and told you not to tell him....I would promptly talk to him and tell him about the phone call and tell him he'd better deal with this. If anyone is going to tell Kendra, I think it would be best if he were the one to tell her. And if it turns out that Susan is lying then your son needs to know what she is doing so that he can protect Kendra from her.

As far as Susan's pregnancy...I'd point out that just because her ex-fiance had a vasectomy doesn't guarantee that he's not the father. Knots slip! More than one couple have ended up with a new baby after being sure they were "safe" because of a vasectomy!

At this point I would be unsure as to whether Susan is telling the truth or if she is lying; it's entirely possible that she is just trying to make trouble. She's pregnant, her fiance has backed out, and now she's out to find someone to take care of her & her baby.

I absolutely would not tell Kendra anything at all at this point--not when you don't know if Susan is telling the truth or not.

 

[mad for mini's]

I agree with Minimor , it sounds like Susan is looking for a bail out. I would call and talk to your son ,let him know what is going on. You have no loyalties to this girl and if she is trying to make trouble for your son, he deserves to know what she is doing. It is an awful situation and I hope that it all works out well for you and your family.

 

[Georgine]

I also would take Minimor's advice.

I would let my son know about the call from Susan, because if she called you, she is calling everyone.

Sounds like Susan has a "history" and her phone call to you, not wanting you to let your son know about it, makes me think she wouldn't mind getting something going between your son and his wife, with you being the "goat".

Start by discussing with your son, and be guided by him.

Wishing you all the best with the situation.