Marnie
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2002
- Messages
- 2,341
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>>
>>Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
>>values.
>>
>>Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?
>>
>>Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my
>>intelligence come from?
>>
>>The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
>>cause I still have mine.
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court
>>Judge said,
>>
>>"And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
>>
>>"That's very fair, Your Honor", the husband said,"
>>
>>And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't
>>like the looks of your wife at all."
>>
>>"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really
>>good with the kids."
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
>>been living with for the last 40 years.
>>
>>The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
>>were used to put the curse on you."
>>
>>The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve a Redneck Murder:
>>
>>
>> 1. All the DNA is the same.
>>
>>2. There are no dental records.
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll
>>take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
>>
>>The agent replies, "Just a minute....."
>>
>>"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
>>
>> Joe: "Really?"
>>
>>Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in heck."
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
>>bathing suits.
>>
>>It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even
>>considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
>>
>>"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
>>
>>"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
>>values.
>>
>>Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?
>>
>>Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my
>>intelligence come from?
>>
>>The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
>>cause I still have mine.
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court
>>Judge said,
>>
>>"And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
>>
>>"That's very fair, Your Honor", the husband said,"
>>
>>And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't
>>like the looks of your wife at all."
>>
>>"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really
>>good with the kids."
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
>>been living with for the last 40 years.
>>
>>The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
>>were used to put the curse on you."
>>
>>The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve a Redneck Murder:
>>
>>
>> 1. All the DNA is the same.
>>
>>2. There are no dental records.
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll
>>take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
>>
>>The agent replies, "Just a minute....."
>>
>>"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
>>
>> Joe: "Really?"
>>
>>Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in heck."
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
>>bathing suits.
>>
>>It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even
>>considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
>>
>>"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
>>
>>"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
