Need some advice please

[dreammountainminis]

Hi Everyone as you all know I have 5 children ages 12 ,11,10 5 and 3 plus I take care of my 79 yr old dad..I need a little advice I am feeling overwhelmed I am in this house everyday day in and day out with dad ,I guess with his age and all i 'm scared to death to leave I 'm afraid something will happen to him while i am gone..

I have been having some trouble with my soon to be thirteen year old daughter , she has been lying and doing poorly in school i personally think she is becoming way to boy crazy for her young age ..I dont let her date wear make up dress inappropriatly ...I dont know how to stop some of this except to maybe spend some quality time with just her it is just so hard having 5 kids and dad and no support at all..

There are no people in my area that will come sit with my dad do you have any ideas maybe if the kids and I would do something together for a weekend or something it would help ease the stress on all involved..

I have been dealing with an abcessed tooth now off and on for two months and i dont even want to leave dad long enough to get that taken care of ...I know the stress is getting to me i can not sleep I barely eat I smoke like a freight train..The kids and i have time together i help each one with homework we rent movies and play games i just think maybe everyone would benefit with some out of the house enjoyment...Maybe i 'm wrong please any suggestions would be greatly appreciated ...Thanks everyone for being here ..

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[MiniforFaith]

I wish I was closer, I would more than gladly come over and help out with your dad. I know how you feel about being home all the time. And I have been dealing with a lot of issues with my soon to be 12 yr. son.. I just think the hormones are rolling in..

: He isn't girl crazy yet, but has the worst mouth on him.. He asked to "make and Appt with me" for me to cut his hair.. I wish I knew what to say or do to help you.. We are more alike than we knew.. We can always do another couple hr. phone call. It was nice to talk to you and can't wait to me you..Keep you chin up.. I know how you feel.. We can get threw it, i pray..

Jodie

 

[sedeh]

Definately sounds like you need some respite!!! Isn't there a senior services dept in your town?? They might have someone that can "babysit" while you take care of yourself. You're not going to be any good to him if you get yourself burned-out and sick. Take care.....wish I lived closer, I'd come give you a break! Good luck.

 

[Miniv]

Why no makeup? And do you have any of the kids help or work with your minis?

I have a 9 year old girl who has 11 year old female cousins....plus other little girl friends that visit. There have been a number of times where I allow them to join me in "dress up" and I show them how to apply makeup appropriately, do their hair, etc.......

On the flip side, I also have them get their muck boots on and make them help me out in the barn! Between the girly girl stuff and the horses, it makes for a good balance, in my opinion.

I've been there and done that with my parents (both of which are passed on now). If you are scared to leave your dad alone while you are outside, perhaps using a baby monitor will help.

Plus, your oldest is now old enough to be left in the house occasionally whenever you need to either run outside or do an errand.....Give her some responsibilities and make her feel more grown up. She may surprise you.

I don't mean to cross the line, but just from what you have described.......if you OVERprotect your kids (the oldest in particular), it can backfire and they will rebel........ I know it can be a fine line in this day and age.

Wishing you all the best. It sounds like a tough situation.

MA

 

[kaykay]

do you get any help from the kids dad? If you call your community services sometimes they have help available for seniors.

You do have a lot on your plate! but you have to remember to take care of yourself otherwise who is going to take care of the kids and dad.

it is a fine line like ma said with teens. If you restrict them too much they go nuts trying rebel against you. 13 is a hard age. Its a very typical age to be boy crazy too.

sending good thoughts

 

[sfmini]

Some towns have respite care, and some even have day care for adults. I know that was heaven sent for a gal that worked for me. They would pick up her mom every day and bring her home. She was then comforted knowing her mom was cared for, fed, and had activities.

Best of luck, as a lifetime single childless person, I couldn't imagine what you must be feeling!

I do agree with MA for what it is worth, let your oldest have some more responsibility, and maybe allow light makeup, you know, like lip gloss in light colors, maybe some good smelling cologne.

Also, maybe some group mixed sex outings, like to the movies? Might help her keep from resenting you, and you could tie it in to her grown up help with Grandpa. (aka bribe

: ).

 

[Marsha Cassada]

Have you thought of letting the 13 year old babysit dad, while you go out with the other children? Sometimes teen children respond to being really needed.

I know a mom with 5 children (no elder dad, though) who dreamed she was being stirred up in a salad. I think it was really a nightmare :new_shocked:

Sending good thoughts to you.

 

[dreammountainminis]

Thank you very much everyone for the support...The kids are very much involved with the minis and grandpa , I always give them breaks they go to friends houses and dances and outtings...We all play with the minis and are all also involved with taking care of dad ,The kids enjoy doing excersises with dad and they are all helping him in thier own way ..And i am very appreciative of that...For some reason I just feel like i am cheating them ..I dont know maybe I am being to hard on myself..

I think the fridgid weather has got me down also...just to cold for me ..And I 'm scared to death to even take dad out to walmart shopping as it is way to cold and i worry myself sick that he is gonna get sick if i take him out ...I've caught myself doing some very strange things also for instance one of the kids get the sniffles and i'm running behind them spraying everything they touch with lysol...I even spray the air ...I guess i just dont want dad to catch any bugs, and with the kids being in school god only knows what they could drag home ...I have even caught myself spraying thier bookbags ,I make them use antibacterial soap and hand santitzer(sp?)

The girls have had friends down here and they have played dress up and all and my soon to be 13 yr old does get to wear light make up to dances and such ..I have let her sit with dad while i am out in the barn doing chores...But like I said i'm scared to death too leave here not because of my daughter I just have this everlasting fear that if i'm not here something will happen to dad ..

I even take dad to the horse shows with us in the summer months , because of this fear ,Maybe its because i just lost mom a year and one month ago...She passed in my arms (massive heart attack at 4 am ..

I have started writing poems about my feelings and that has helped some but gee whiz , i think i'm nuts. I do have a fiance ,he works 12 + hours a day and sleeps when he's home which i have to respect cause he is the only bread winner right now ..

The baby monitor is a great idea i never thought of that maybe then instead of giving a few scratches and feeding I could spend a little more time in the barn...Please warm weather hurry up and get here!!!!

Again thanks guys for listening and being supportive....

:

 

[woodnldy]

Yep this time of the year is a real booger. The baby monitor is a very good idea ,that way if dad has a problem you can be there in a flash. Check and see if your county has a senior aides program. It can be a blessing if they do. Come on here any time and yell if you need someone to talk too, Personally I think you sound like you are doing fine with the 13 year old. I think to many are incouraged to grow up to fast. Their emotions aren't ready for the hormones and they end up in trouble. Encouraging them all to be part of granpa's life will be memories to carry through life. It also helps to develope a caring about others that is lacking in to many today. Go for it gal, it isn't long till spring and you and dad and the kids can get out in the sun and enjoy it. All my best to you!!Cheryl

 

[carlenehorse]

Check with your local hospital sometimes they have a board up where there are experienced sitters for the elderly. You may be able to hire someone for the day. Also check with your doctor he/she may know of a reliable source.

Carlene

 

[backwoodsnanny]

All of us in cold areas feel the crunch about this time of year. Old and young alike and 13 is the beginning of the most terrible years of raising kids in my opinion. Its not at all unusual for a 13 yr old girl or boy to be boy/girl crazy but it sounds like you have a good handle on it and just think in 5 years it will all be something to laugh about hopefully. Just keep on keeping on and Spring will be here before you know it. You surely have a plateful but God bless you for having your Dad while managing that houseful. I dont have any good rememdies that havent already been mentioned.Just wish you good luck.

 

[Shari]

My husband kept watch over his father while is was dieing of cancer and it was not a easy death and lasted a long time.

It affected him badly and he had a rough time. Did not help that his mother with mental issues went off the deep end. She is now living with the middle brother. I do not like that they take off for days at a time and leave her alone or with their young daughter. But it is much better than a nursing home.

Watching over and caring for Elder parents is a very hard thing. Having had to be in a nursing home for 9 days and the better of the two my husband was offtered.

Lets just say you are doing a wonderful thing for your father. Yes, very hard and nerve racking.

I would check out the Senior centers like others have suggested. More than likely you can get an hour or two break a day while they watch over him.

I understand what you are going through and know how scared you are. Your children will be OK.

You also have to learn to give yourself a break as hard as that is to do.

<<HUGS>>

 

[Marty]

We have a senior community center that I used to volunteer at. Your county probably has one too. Sometimes I used to drop my mom off for a couple of hours to play bingo and socialize. At first she didn't like the idea but then she made some friends and liked it.

I think we're all suffering from cabin fever !

 

[dreammountainminis]

I think that is exactly what it is cabin fever......I am praying for warm weather..I think warm weather will do us all good...I have tried senior centers but since dad has parkinsons and dosnt get along by himself they wont let him go to the center...unless i go with him and i can't do that with the little ones ,I'm not giving up i'm gonna keep trying to find something....Thank you for all that have responded and offered support..

 

[billiethekid40]

This is the company (locations almost worldwide!) Home Instead Senior Care They provide non-medical home care for seniors. In my line of work we do it all from just companionship, to complete personal (toileting, dressing etc) care. Some people have service around the clock, 24/7 including weekends and holidays, others have a few hours a day/week as respite care. You could also post a help wanted sign for a "sitter" but keep in mind that with a home care company you get their already trained care givers and liability insurance etc.

I don't know what town you live in so I just did a search for all of PA and here are the different Head Office locations I found. Keep in mind that the head offices often have workers in surrounding areas, so don't be discouraged if there isn't one in your town, try contacting the closest one and see what they can do for you.

Allentown 1924 Union Blvd.

Allentown, PA 18109 610-770-7773

Visit our site

Lackawanna County 639 Northern Blvd

Clarks Summit, PA 18411 570-586-3135

Visit our site

Pittsburgh – Northwest 615 Fifth Avenue

Thornton Place, Suite 202

Coraopolis, PA 15108 412-264-4700

Visit our site

Erie 3910 Caughey Rd

220

Erie, PA 16506 814-464-9200

Visit our site

Greensburg/Latrobe 125 Hartman Road

Suite D

Greensburg, PA 15601 724-836-5795

Visit our site

Dauphin County 3675 Vartan Way

Suite 202

Harrisburg, PA 17110 717-540-5201

Visit our site

Altoona 1301 Allegheny Street

Suite 156A

Hollidaysburg, PA 16648 814-693-2911

Visit our site

South Montgomery County 644 Germantown Pike

Lafayette Hill, PA 19444 610-941-9242

Visit our site

Lancaster 255 Butler Ave.

Suite 301

Lancaster, PA 17601 717-207-0755 (877-543-5337)

Visit our site

Bucks & Eastern Montgomery Counties 1609 Woodbourne Rd.

Suite 204A

Levittown, PA 19057 215.943.7700

Visit our site

Lewisburg 208 S 4th St.

Suite 5

Lewisburg, PA 17837 570-522-6533

Visit our site

Mechanicsburg 5002 Lenker Street

Suite 101

Mechanicsburg, PA 17050 (717) 731-9984

Visit our site

Media 600 North Jackson Street

200

Media, PA 19063 610-565-8901

Visit our site

Pittsburgh – Northeast 244 Center Road,

Suite 304

Monroeville, PA 15146 412-457-0066

Visit our site

Philadelphia 1015 Chestnut St

Suite 1515

Philadelphia, PA 19107 215-925-4610

Visit our site

Pittsburgh – Southwest 393 Vanadium Rd

Suite 201

Pittsburgh, PA 15243 412-276-2400

Visit our site

Pittsburgh – Southeast 4101 Brownsville Road

Lower Level

Pittsburgh, PA 15227-3348 412-884-6122

Visit our site

Pittsburgh – Central 1102 South Braddock Ave.

Pittsburgh, PA 15218 412-731-0733

Visit our site

Plumsteadville 5891 Easton Road

P.O. Box 120

Plumsteadville, PA 18949 215-766-1617

Visit our site

Saxton 1043 Sixth Street

Ste #5

Saxton, PA 16678 814-635-2880

Visit our site

State College 2330 Commercial Blvd.

Suite 500

State College, PA 16801 814-238-8820

Visit our site

Trooper 2605 Egypt Rd.

Suite 205

Trooper, PA 19403 610-650-0222

Visit our site

Lawrence & Mercer Counties PO Box 26 412 Beaver Street

Wampum, PA 16157 724-535- 6101

Visit our site

Washington County 1385 Washington Road

Suite 300

Washington, PA 15301 724-222-7700

Visit our site

Media 175 Strafford Ave

#1

Wayne, PA 19087 610-565-8901

Visit our site

West Chester 7 North Five Points Rd

West Chester, PA 19380 610-431-7877

Visit our site

Wilkes-Barre 216 N. River St.

Suite #550

Wilkes-Barre, PA 18702 570-714-4260

Visit our site

Berks County 1200 Broadcasting Rd

Suite 203

Wyomissing, PA 19610 610-372-2500

Visit our site

York 15 Wyntre Brook Drive

York, PA 17403 717-741-9999

Visit our site

Beaver/Butler County 215 S. Main St.

#2

Zelienople, PA 16063 724-452-6691

Visit our site

 

[dreammountainminis]

Billiethekid40........Thank you so much ...there is nothing there in my area but here is my area if you could please look it up for me...Uniontown Pa is about 15 miles and morgantown west virginia is about 15 miles ..I kinda sit in the middle of no where....Washington pa is about 1 1/2 hr away.. Greensburg pa And pittsburg pa are about 1 1/2 hr also...thank you so much...

 

[billiethekid40]

Hi, I sent an e-mail iff to the company to see if they have any service in your area. I'll let you know what/when I hear back. I'll be out for the day and its also the weekend so we may not hear until monday. There has to be someone on call at all the offices though, so maybe the same holds for the head office and we will hear sooner. I can also do a search for other care providers and see if we can't find something in your area. Wish I were closer, your dad sounds great. My grandfather has parkinsons too, though he has (we all have!) been lucky that he has not progressed very quickly. I notice more and more deterioration every time I see him though, its really a very sad disease to watch take hold of a loved one, isn't it? especially one as relatively young as my grandfather (seems only yesterday we celebrated that birthday that made him an official senior)

 

[Whitestar]

I dont know if you are a member of a church or even a certain faith, but church members are always willing to help those in need. If you are a member, give them a call & ask for help. If you are not a member, I know that many church members still believe very strongly in helping others, of their faith or not, & it wouldnt hurt to give a church a call. It might be good to have your daughter join a youth group so she can be around other kids her age that might steer her into a good path. Many youth groups plan lots of things to keep kids busy which keeps them out of trouble. I know that at 13, she doesnt want to be a grown up with responsiblities, she wants to be a "older than she is teen" that can do all sorts of things that us parents dont agree with. Communication with your kids is the most important thing, letting them know you trust them by giving them some freedom, but making them realize that they are incharge of the freedom by their actions. Have them sit down & the two of you decide in advance if rules are broken what punishment is to be given helped out alot with my kids. We came to a set of rules before problems happened, it gave them the power to make the decision if whether the stupid thing they were about to do was worth the consequences waiting. They still crossed the line, but hey they are teenagers, but I feel like the problems were far less than normal.

Also dont be afraid to talk to your daughters teacher at school, or even the counselor. Many times teenagers make stupid mistakes in their lives because they feel the need to fit in so badly. No matter how we try to raise our kids ( I have three teenagers) the peer pressure from other kids in school can make them do things that are not in their normal character. They may know some "big sister" type older mentors in the school that are willing to help her out.

If you have horses, consider getting your kids in the local 4-H club, gets them out of the house on some fun outings & teaches them important life lessons.

At your fathers age, there is home health care available through medicare. When my mother was living with me, they would come in & take her vitials & work with her on therapy to help her keep up her strength.

Good luck. Debbie