Not really sure how much more I can give up

[Chaos Ranch]

Ok..so I don't mean to come on here and play my boo-hoo flute... but I just don't really have anyone outside of my own home to talk to and I really needed a shoulder to lean on.

Most of you know that I gave up my home and 9 acres...which also meant that I had to give up all of my miniature horses.

I also had to give up my Australian Shepherd breeding kennel... that was really hard because I had finally found my dog breed that fits my hearts desires ... and I just don't think you can get a cuter puppy that an Aussie baby.

Well then we moved over here on one acre... into a mobile home. I have given up most of my websites that I took care of because though I truely enjoy creating them, it was just getting too hard on my eyes to keep up with so many of them. I was spending too many hours on the computer and was getting horrible headaches from it.

Now I Have to give up my truck. Both my Expedition and my husbands F250. I LOVE my Expedition. I am as proud of it today as I was nearly 3 years ago when we got it. Just can't afford the payments anymore. I am hard-core to the bone marrow FORD...now we're dropping down to a 93 Chevy Suburban. OH!

My very best friend in the world... he's been like the only family I have since mine lives 300 miles away from me. My little brother and I were very close... I felt safe, and well taken care of when he was around. He moved to Illinois several years ago and left me here alone again with just my husband and my kids. So my best friend sort of stepped in his place... only... I'm an idiot because my "best friend" uses me horribly...and I'm so terribly desperate for that bond that I lost when my brother moved away that I continue to allow myself to be hurt, used, and tossed aside quite often. I am however, beginning to pull myself back from the friendship quite a bite lately... and so I am loosing that friendship...yes, it is an unhealthy one.. but it was still played a very major...daily role in my life.

My sight...it's just getting worse and worse. I am going to have to cut my hair to make bangs to cover up the bruises and scrapes from dumb me running into things. I don't want to be blind. I just don't want to. People say.... have hope... sorry, but there's 0 room for hope...it is an un-cure-able...un-treat-able eye disease... I am not going to look like a fool holding hope in my hands. Some say... "Life isn't so bad blind...at least you still have your family with you"... and yes...that is very true. I don't want it to sound like I'm saying I have NO blessings at all.. beacuse i do have blessings that other people beg God for. But what I am saying is that I just don't want to be blind. I want to raise my kids, I want to see my grand-babies...I want to see my daughters in their wedding gowns.... I want to see my husband turn into an old man... I want to see...

Last week, a new Gyp dog that I got in a trade murdered my favorite black and tan long haired Dachshund named Lulu. Just killed her for no reason. I sure lost a lot of desire to keep my Dachshunds at that point. I was able to hang on to two of my Australian Shepherds during the kennel clear out. Shaker, my canine soul-mate... and Stetson, one of the orphan puppies that we bottle raised from a week old on goats milk that we got from a borrowed goat. (some of you may remember me loosing Katie, their mother on mothers day and leaving me with a littler of 9 one week old puppies).

About an hour ago. My neighbor from around the curve showed up. He let us know that Shaker and Stetson were down at the other neighbors house today... killing their chickens

We have one day to find them new homes or they will be shot. I have pens made from 52" cattle panels, and inside they are wired with 2"x4" wiring. Shaker and Stetson climb out! I cannot keep them in for nothing. They spent the past 2 weeks in my horse trailer... I let them out several times a day to run...but they kept taking off and I would loose them for hours at a time. They have now figured out how to climb up the back of the horse trailer and slip out the small space at the top. OH! He's just too smart for his own good. So now Donnie is taking them off tomorrow to the breeders house where I bought Shaker from... I wish to God that I could find someone to sell the pair of them to before that happens... she's just a breeder...she's going to take them down to Canton, Tx. and sell them... not caring about what home they end up in. Shaker's hosuebroken and everything...he deserves so much better than that. But... I'd rather her to end up with them than to see them get shot.

I'm sorry to dump my depressing junk on ya'll... but I'm finding it so very hard to even find something to be happy about right now... my therapy for the past 5 years was always my little horses... but now even they are gone. My Shaker, he's going away, I just can't bring myself to go out there to see him... afraid that if I do, I'll start crying, and if I start crying, I really am not sure if I'll ever be able to stop.

 

[jess]

I'm sorry for all you're going through. I know this may be too late if they have to go but if you put a roof on their pen so they couldn't climb out would you still have to rehome them? Just a thought.

 

[Chaos Ranch]

I'm sorry for all you're going through. I know this may be too late if they have to go but if you put a roof on their pen so they couldn't climb out would you still have to rehome them? Just a thought.

Yeah, I'd still have to rehome them... right before they figured out that climbing out was faster, they had been digging out. I can't afford to put concrete or gravel in a 16x32' pen.

 

[Bassett]

Oh my dear Kim, You do have an awful lot on your plate. I am so sorry. Especially about your sight. That would worry anybody. Is there absolutely no hope that your sight can be saved? Praying for you and sending good thoughts your way. ((((((HUGS)))))

 

[Reijel's Mom]

Ugh, Kim - you have every right to be so sad and upset!! I sure wish I was closer so I could at least offer to take those Aussies off your hands while we work to find them good loving permanent homes. Can you get on some Aussie rescue websites and see if there are any rescues that can take them in ASAP and keep the dogs in the house while you do this? Surely if you reimburse for the chicken loss they would grant you a reprieve so long as you can promise that you will have them gone within the week??

I'm sure you're already thought of those things, I'm just trying to help, and obviously can't do anything about all the other sadness in your life. . .

Kim -

Another thought? Could you do another post on the back porch marked "URGENT, any dog lovers in AR?"

Maybe a forum member could help you out with your Aussies??

 

[Marty]

Kim, what are friends for? :love

Why haven't you called me? Are you going to make me come over there? I have shoulders wide enough to carry your troubles too. Let's put our heads together and come up with a solution.

You have the free minutes, (I don't) so use them. I'm home as usual.

 

[LindaL]

I am so sorry Kim for all that you are going thru...You know where I am if you want to vent anytime!! Please remember that I am here for you! {{{{Hugs}}}}

 

[The Simple Life Farm]

Kim,

You can put wire/panel under your fence to prevent the dogs from digging. How about a hot wire to keep them from climbing?? I really wish there was something I could do, I only live 20 minutes from Canton. Unfortunately, I don't have any place to keep 2 extra dogs. If I can help in any other way, let me know.

Kelly

 

[MInx]

You know Kim you are never alone..and lucky to have your hubby and kids..I ALSO know that sometimes it's not enough!

I have many many health problems and have to fight pain 24/7 and I remind myself of my Blessings every day...but....

I think depressions gets ahold of me and does the job on me..from one who always thought I could fix anything to not feeling like I can fix anything!

I don't even care if I get up some days but ya know what? Some people CAN"T get up, ever! So I kick myself and get on with it and off the pity potty..

You can't always do that alone..is there some way you can check and see if your area has any support groups around..local hospitals usually have them..call and ask them about one dealing with loss..any loss..you seem to really need someone to talk to and that might be an avenue to find someone..

I would suggest calling your doctors office to inquire...try it who knows it might help.

I'm so sorry about your eyes, what are they calling it?

All the best,

Maxine

 

[CyndiM]

Why not turn them over to a Aussie rescue? There must be one you could get ahold of, I wish I could be of more help.

((((HUGS))))

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

You know Tapestry minis on this forum was looking for a dog trying to get one from a shelter inOH not sure if that worked out she is in TX why dont you try and google her web site and see if you cant get ahold of her and see if she is still looking for a dog. She was looking at a BC but hey BC -Aussie pretty close right

I am so sorry for all you are going thru

 

[Chaos Ranch]

Hey Ya'll.. I ran by to see if anyone had any ideas...that hot wire is a great idea, I have done it in the past for my bloodhounds I had years ago, but I had a Saint Bernard back then also, and he could lay right down on the wire (had it low for digging and high for climbing) and never even know it because he had such thick hair. I think it might be worth a try... and I have some 2x2 wiring that I can run along the inside of the pen on the ground... I thought of that for a second but worried that they'd get their feed tangled in it. I thought of putting a top on it because I still have a roll of 6 foot wire but I have to be able to get into the pens to clean them out and I'm afriad my back wouldn't be able to handle being stooped over like that to clean the pens. I will talk go to my husband with these suggestions and see what he thinks we might be able to do. Shaker is an un-equaled dog...there's never been another like him, and there will never again be another like him. This chicken thing is very disturbing.. I do not approve of him doing this at all. But he's a young dog, not yet 2 years old. I think he can be worked with.

For the eye thing... I have a hereditary eye disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa. I got it from my dad. His mother was a carrier. She gave it to 3 of her 4 sons. They were all legally blind by the time they were 20. I (being female) was only a carrier. it was not affecting my eyes. I had cataract surgery (cataracts at 27) and the lenses got a common "film" on them which required what they call a "YAG" proceedure. That involves a VERY high powered lasar to break up the film. That lasar destroyed several of my photoreceptors and "woke up" the RP. In the past 5 years I have lost 60% of my vision in one eye, and about 30% in the other eye. It takes you down to tunnel vision. Light destroys your photoreceptors... that's what processes light and your periphial vision. (also does some of the color...which is why many males with RP are also color blind).

So far two of my boys have been diagnosed with RP as well. The 15 and 14 year olds. We're all 3 totally night blind. On top of the RP that takes the side vision, it is quite common for a form of Macular Degeneration to be present with RP... and we have that as well. That is taking our clairity...our focus. Takes a little bit of looking at something before we're able to really realize what it is.

There's been some stem-cell research. I've read many of the emailed newsletters from the Foundation Fighting Blindness....and they are beginning to get hopeful, but politics deter a lot of progress from being made and it's not looking like there will be any kind of a cure any time in my life-time. And if there were... and I was given the opportunity to recieve treatment, I would insist that they give my treatments to my dad. He's never clearly seen the face of my children... he's so smart and so talented that I want for him to see more than I want myself to see.

Oh gosh... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ramble on. It's just that growing up I was told a lot of mis-information on RP so I never educated myself or my kids about it....so when someone asks, I'm afraid I tend to give more information that they really wanted.

Marty... you know I love you dearly... but I know how badly my burdens make me feel and I would never wish that feeling on someone else...especially someone I care about....you've listened to so many of my woes I feel like I'm being horribly unfair to you... you deserve great news... happy stories... I do promise you that we will get our feet put back on the ground, and 2008 IS going to prove itself to be our very best year yet as a family... and I will most certainly keep you up on all the wonderful things that I know are going to happen.

 

[Mona]

You've received many useful tips here already...hopefully, you can get something figured out that will work. Good Luck.

 

[Marty]

Quit being stubborn and give me a call

Here's a link to an aussie rescue group

http://www.aussierescue.org/

 

[runamuk]

This chicken thing is very disturbing.. I do not approve of him doing this at all. But he's a young dog, not yet 2 years old. I think he can be worked with.

This is an Aussie right? Sounds to me like he has alot of herd drive. Do you know anyone who works cattle or sheep that might take him on and give him a career that uses his skills for good

My sisters border collie herds her chickens and after watching him his STYLE is actually quite different from the aussies I have watched and my own aussie......BC's rarely grip....aussies grip much more, which makes them often great with rank cows or nasty ewes

however gripping chickens usually does not end well for the chickens OH!

I understand the frustration we moved from 10 acres all fenced to 2.3 acres not dog fenced, small dog yard, and no more sheep......this makes for very BORED working dogs, my aussie definately could use some heavier work but right now it isn't possible so we do lots of obedience practice, and ball playing.......I'm looking at flyball as a possible outlet for all his angst

So sorry to hear about your vision that is tough.

 

[Cathy_H]

I have no suggestions. I just wanted to let you know that I wish the very best for you & your family - your children also - bless you all.

 

[maplegum]

Hang in there - things won't always be this bad.

I just remind myself that you have to go through tuff times, but appreciate the good times.

 

[bluetaterbaby]

Praying for a miracle!

 

[Boinky]

They aren't cheap but what about a invisible fence? they can't dig under or go over without getting a shock. even if you didn't trust them with it alone you could run it around the pen they are already in so there is double protection.

Another idea for tunneling is to get more stock pannels (or other type of fencing) and place them on the ground around the inside of the pen so they can't dig under i'm not sure if it would be out of budget but you can also do stock pannels on the top and slant them inward like you see fences to keep people out..it's almost impossible for them to climb over if you have it angled in.

I have and raise aussies and i think i'd die if i had to get rid of my four. they are like my kids! i'll try to think of some more idea's and cost effective ones.

 

[crponies]

I hope you can come up with a good solution that you can be at peace with for your dogs. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now. I am praying for you and your family, Kim.