people and their stupid questions!!

[Charlene]

so far, since i buried gary, i have been asked 4 times "where are you gonna GO???" :arg!

at the funeral, some twit asked me "when are you gonna get rid of his stuff?"

this morning a friend called to give me her condolences for my loss. i thanked her. she asked how i was doing. i said fine, i'm trying to adjust. it isn't easy but i'm working on it. knowing i had been absent from the office for about 6 weeks, her next question was "charlene! how are you getting by WITH NO INCOME??"

i am so sick to death of stupid questions, i told her i had to run, somebody was at the door and i just hung up before i ripped her head off and vomited down her neck.

i knew there were stoooopid people in this world but i had no idea i knew EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

thanks! i feel better after venting!!

 

[Jill]

People can be stunningly stupid and insensitive.

Personally, I've had four miscarriages and people would ask me after like the second, third, fourth... "Do you still want a baby?" I felt like saying "Nah, I decided to get a puppy instead."

They just don't get it, but I don't think they mean it at all how it comes across. Most people do not "think" things through like they should.

Hugs to you, Charlene. You have touched my spirit with your posts.

 

[mad for mini's]

Hi Charlene ,

It is amazing how inconsiderate some people can be , I have to wonder, are they being rude or are they truely that ignorate about their comments ?

 

[backwoodsnanny]

Dear Charlene

Though I agree about insensitive stupid people sometimes it comes out of concern and people just dont know what to say when someone experiences a loss like you have. I have a very good friend who lost her youngest boy several years ago and she was faced with much the same questions it drove her crazy too. But even worse were those people who had been her friends who just deserted her because they simply couldnt face her grief. She was so lonely and people simply stayed away because they didnt know what to say. Vent all you want. Anger sometimes heals. You have been such an inspiration to all of us God Bless.

 

[anoki]

Yes, people can be insensitive.....a lot of times they just don't know WHEN they should keep their mouths shut. I have a sister-in-law like this!

She drives me batty! But that is a whole other topic for some day when I can actually laugh at it!! She can say some of the rudest, inappropriate things, and she really, truly doesn't realize she's doing it....

I'm of the mind, if I am worried about saying the wrong thing....don't say anything at all....just be there for the person. If they want to talk and feel comfortable opening up to you, they will...and they just need someone for support.

((((hugs)))) to you Charlene

~kathryn

 

[Charlene]

i knew i could vent here and still get (((hugs)))!

ya know, i think sometimes people are just nosy. and i also think some people love to see other people miserable. i've tried to give these people the benefit of the doubt but when somebody asks me questions like this, i can't help but think they are not asking out of true concern.

the people around me...my son and his lovely girlfriend, gary's family, my boss and co-worker...these are the people i depend on for strength. i just have to try my best to ignore the rest.

thanks guys!

 

[Kathy2m]

I often dont know what to say so I keep my mouth shut, Sorry you are having to deal with this junk,

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} Kathy

 

[Denise]

Some people just dont know what to say and will say stupid things just to make conversation. Or they just could be stupid and insensitive.

Hang in there, I think of you often.

 

[River1018]

Definately not thinking before they speak. I think what happens sometimes is that in such tragic situations some people get so uncomfortable and don't know what the heck to say so they just start talking and don't think about how cruel it sounds. I have known people like that, they would give you the shirt of their back and were the most loving caring individuals one could meet but in some situations I would cringe at what they would say without thinking. OH!

 

[AppyLover2]

Is it any wonder why a lot of us prefer animals to people. They just love us....no stupid questions there (unless maybe it's "when do we eat").

I think in a lot of situations like that a simple response of "Why do you ask?" would be appropriate.

(((((HUGS)))))

 

[twister]

Hang in there Charlene, I think of you everyday, your courage and positive atttitude through all of this inspires me to try to be a better person, hugs to you

Yvonne

 

[iluvwalkers]

[SIZE=12pt]people do tend to say "stupid" things when they doen't know what to say

, it must be hard to deal with them, i'm sorry. i have to wonder if your friend who asked how you were getting by with out working was concerned for you and maybe wanted to help if you were struggling? i don't know her but just a thought, i could be way wrong. again sorry you are having to deal with silly questions and comments, i think of you often, Nikki[/SIZE]

 

[RobinRTrueJoy]

I want names and addresses and I am going to SMACK them for you. ( I wish I could!)

I am sorry that you are going through this. People are really idiots sometimes, me included and I much prefer the company of my animals( who always seem to do the right thing) BIG HUGS for you!

Robin

 

[The Simple Life Farm]

Charlene,

Some people are too stupid to know they are stupid!!! Glad to hear that you have a constant support team near by. Wishing you a bright Holiday Season.

 

[Just Us N Texas]

Charlene, that is one of the things I had forgotten about. It seems that people just burst out all kinds of personal questions, and I don't really know why. Some I think are just curious, some want people to be miserable as you said, and some don't know how to phrase a more dignified question. It will continue for awhile, then it will cool down. See, I had forgotten all about it till you mentioned it. I also remember getting some rather extremely personal questions as well.

 

[Charlene]

Charlene, that is one of the things I had forgotten about. It seems that people just burst out all kinds of personal questions, and I don't really know why. Some I think are just curious, some want people to be miserable as you said, and some don't know how to phrase a more dignified question. It will continue for awhile, then it will cool down. See, I had forgotten all about it till you mentioned it. I also remember getting some rather extremely personal questions as well.

yup, i've had a few of those, too. i hate to be rude but from now on, i think my answer will be "why is it important for you to know that?"

 

[AppyLover2]

Good response Charlene. Thought of another one "Ya know I appreciate your concern, but some questions are just too (personal)(irresponsible)(etc.,) to answer". Unfortunately a lot of those kind of questions are from people who want the "latest" to gossip about. Actually I like Robin's idea.

 

[mydaddysjag]

I dont know the person, but maybe they are just ignorant and phrased their quiestion BAD. Maybe the wanted to know if you needed any help and didnt know another way to say it? Im sorry you have to go through this, I can only imagine how hard this is for you.

(hugs)

 

[Suzie]

Charlene, I lost my first husband to a heart attack when he was 28 and I was 25 and had a 7 YO daughter. I know EXACTLY what you mean. I got the same stupid questions. I learned to just ignore a lot of it, as to address them all would take up all your time! Some people meant well, but did not engage the brain before the mouth was in gear....others were just nosey so and so's who were looking to take advantage.

One tip I can give. Don't rush into anything. Take your time and do things at your pace. People will try to steer you in multiple directions. Even though you have things in hand, you are still vulnerable right now and ill-meaning people know it. I am speaking from experience here. I did not want to be rude to people who I thought were there to help me, but hindsight is 20/20 and there were times I wish I had been rude.....

Hugs to you!

 

[Charlene]

thanks for the comments and the advice and suzie, what a horrible loss it must have been for you.

i have only given a few of gary's things out and only to either my son or his brothers and even then, i made them promise that they would keep them. they were just small things, little hand-held games gary used to play with, a leather coat...but i do not intend to pack any of his things up for a very long time, if ever. i like to open his closet door and see all of his stuff and his stetson cologne lingers everywhere. although my loss is excruciating and painful, i still find comfort in having his "things" close by.

down to the last one, every person who has made these sorts of comments to me are people i know to be unfeeling, nosy and gossip lovers so i don't give them the time of day.