Please pray for my mother

[OhHorsePee]

My mom is 72 and has COPD. She has never smoked a day in her life! Worked for Anchor Hocking for numerous years. She went to the hospital and she was admitted with double pneumonia. So if you imagine having a breathing problem as a norm and add pneumonia to it you could imagine how bad it is right now. She is so bull headed and keeps wanting to go home but there is no way. I keep trying to get her to move in with us and so has the rest of us kids (six in total) but she refuses. I do have an older brother that lives with her but he is like a sponge and pretty do less. It is going to kill her to force her to pick one to live with but I do not see a different out come if she wants to live. I called her and she had my brother tell me she was sleeping so I would not force her to go to the hospital (when her oxygen level drops more she gets confused then I can force the squad to take her). This happens twice a year as a rule anymore. She absolutely refuses to go to assisted living either as an option.

For anyone who ever says "where are the children" when it comes to an elderly person needing care or hospitalization, it's not that simple. She is normally 100% to her mind and when they are you can't force the issue.

Thank you

Fran

 

[kaykay]

fran im so sorry!! its so hard for someone to give up their independence. sending prayers!

Kay

 

[hhpminis]

Fran

I really feel for you. I do know exactly what you are up against.

I just got done, 2 weeks ago, moving my parents into assisted living. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Although I knew it was what needed to be done, the guilt involved with this was terrible.

My Father has COPD, continues to smoke and will until he dies I am sure. He is on oxygen when he is not smoking and occasionally he gets real bad and then forgets that he needs to use his oxygen which makes it even worse. His legs are so weak from lack of good circulation that they barely support him and the pain is constant and hardly standable.

My Mother had a stroke 1 1/2 yrs ago and Dad has become the caretaker of the 2. I have had in home care for them 7 days a week 5 houres a day for quite a while now but it is just not enough. I would also go over after work and make sure they had dinner and visit most days. This past year it has become increasingly worse and I have been trying to get them to move for over a year now.

I finally took the option of saying no away from them and just told them they were moving. I had someone take my Dad to his doctors appointment and when she brought him home it was to a different home. We packed up everything and moved it in the time he was gone.

I hope and pray that it will be easier on you than it has been on me. It is all consuming, physically, emotionally, and spiritually to deal with this. However, I have to say that now I can go over and just visit with them. I do not have to snoop around to find what needs to be taken care of or scold them like children for not doing something they should have. I have to say it was a good decision as hard as it was, I would do it again.

Hugs to you

 

[nootka]

This is such a difficult thing. I am so sorry for what you (and Annette) are up against. In an ideal world, us parents would never have to become a burden to anyone, and always able to care for ourselves.

I know I don't want to think of myself putting that stress and pressure on my kids, and unwittingly, that is how it's happened with your poor Mom, Fran, it would seem. She doesn't want to be a "baby", she just wants to be herself.

You have to talk to her, though, and explain that for her to be a "grown up" about it, she has to give you the comfort and peace of mind that having someone there to help her and keep an eye on her will give you, or having her with you, etc. I know you've probably tried it, but she has to look at it from your point of view.

I am sure easier said than done. I am so sorry for her and I will keep her in my thoughts.

Liz M.

 

[Bess Kelly]

Oh, my. So sorry to hear everyone and just know that I'm there with you!

My mom is 80, I'm an only child. She lives alone, a widow. Fortunately, she's pretty healthy (her mind works fine, she remembers EVERYTHING

)...but, is at the age where she is having issues. Never having been a truly physically active person, she is now having more and more problems with her ability to get around. Had a knee replaced, needs to lose 75 lbs, and I see it becoming more of a concern as the months move on.

I suggested she move with me, but she felt she would be giving up SOOO much.

Her doctors were close, her neighbors (I didn't have any on my fenceline!), shopping....etc. When I told her I could bring her in to her doctor for her 6 month check, she hadn't been to the shopping center in 2 yrs, and only saw her neighbors on garbage day at the curb, well I was NOT the fav daughter (

just the only one). She suggested I move in with her -- no, 40 minis won't work in her back yard. So, I said, well just know that if you ever NEED such home care, your butt will be moving to MY HOUSE.

A house which I built to accomodate wheelchairs & assisted rails, etc. on first floor..and enough room on 2nd for me to have my own bedroom, livingroom, bath plus guest quarters.

She's always been independent but, it's a matter of time. They do not want to be a burden. I don't want that for my own kids. One of the reasons I stay active is to keep my physical ability as long as I can.

 

[minisaremighty]

Fran: I'm keeping your mom in my thoughts. Hoping for a speedy recovery and easier breathing.

As for the living situation, you and your siblings might have to take things into her own hands. If she refuses to choose (and I'm sure it must be hard for her because she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings), then you all must decide who can do it and just do it (like hhpminis did).

I'm fortunate that we decided to buy our property with my mother (she was 57 when we moved out here) and she will remain with us. But we do have my husbands parents to consider. I'm sure his mother would move in with us, too, but we will find some assisted living place for his father if necessary because that man ain't movin' into MY house! LOL!!

Bess: That was a great thing, to build a house with those accomodations in mind.

We hope to be able to do the same within the next few years.