pre teens grrrrrr

[JO~*]

[SIZE=12pt]Ok my daughter is almost 13 and a pretty good kid but she tends to be a follower and thats what worries me.[/SIZE]

Would you let your 12 or 13 year old (girl) go to the show with two other girls that age? Not an afternoon movie but a friday night thing? I don't know the other girls or their parents that are not going anyway.

The other girls called my daughter and asked if she wanted to go and that they are going to see either The Pink Panther or When a stranger calls. Didnt know what one they wanted to go see. I have a problem with that.

Ok tell me what a meanie I am or that you agree with me.

If it was an afternoon thing and an ok movie I'd have no problem with it.

 

[Feather1414]

Personally I am 16

Although I know that even when I was 13, I was MORE then responsible ehough to do something like that.

As for the not being able to make up the mind, I do that ALL the time! My friends have gone to see one movie, and see another because sometimes you just change your mind.

It shouldn't be that big of a deal. Maybe you drop your daughter off at the theatre?

Ask yourself just how much you trust her. That will answer your question.

 

[capall beag]

Personally, I would want to really KNOW the kids my kids were hanging out with.

Pink Panther looks like a funny movie though

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Hey, she will think you are a meanie for the next 6 years :lol:

: Then she will love you for it!

:

 

[wade3504]

I am not saying your daughter would do this or her friends but my sister when she was younger-she's 28 now- would have my mom drop her off at the movies, meet her friends male and female, do other things somewhere else during the movie, and come back in time to have my mother pick her up. She always got mad at me and my older brother because we were the ones who never got in trouble because we did what we were told, then came my younger brother and sister.

Amanda

 

[minimule]

Pink Panther looks like a funny movie though

It is a really funny movie but it is hard for ANYONE, even Steve Martin, to out do Peter Sellers and his antics. It is good for several good belly laughs!

 

[runamuk]

NO be the meanie ...... what I have done in the past with my son now 14 ......my friend and I would find a theater with a movie the boys wanted to see (sometimes we wanted to see it too) and go to an afternoon matinee ...if we were watching a different movie we always checked times to make sure we were starting and ending at nearly the same time........otherwise we'd go with them and sit all the way across the theater from them

:

 

[Marty]

Nope, not at night.

Too many crazy perverts out there just lurking for opportunitys.

A Matinee would be better and espeically I would have her armed with a cell phone too.

Also have her increase her friends. Safety in numbers.

 

[nootka]

My choice would be to either go see a movie myself either the same movie, or one in the same theatre, and have them meet you at the door to the theatre right after and before (not outside), as well as meet the girls themselves and talk to moms/dads so you know them, ask for numbers, etc., also have them decide on which movie beforehand, and change the times to pre-6pm (ending time no later than), or just not let them go at all if you can't manage all of that.

She has to understand you have her best interests in mind (yeah, I remember being that age and it feels like everything BUT), and there are rules she has to follow.

Liz M.

 

[minisaremighty]

My choice would be to either go see a movie myself either the same movie, or one in the same theatre, and have them meet you at the door to the theatre right after and before (not outside), as well as meet the girls themselves and talk to moms/dads so you know them, ask for numbers, etc., also have them decide on which movie beforehand, and change the times to pre-6pm (ending time no later than), or just not let them go at all if you can't manage all of that.

She has to understand you have her best interests in mind (yeah, I remember being that age and it feels like everything BUT), and there are rules she has to follow.

Liz M.

What She said! :bgrin

Seriously though, this has come up several times with my 11 year old daughter and I do pretty much what Liz suggested. That or we hang out in the shopping area that our theatre is in and just go back to the theatre when the movie is expected to be out (I always check with staff to find out the exact time).

 

[Secret22]

Personally I am 16

Although I know that even when I was 13, I was MORE then responsible ehough to do something like that.

As for the not being able to make up the mind, I do that ALL the time! My friends have gone to see one movie, and see another because sometimes you just change your mind.

It shouldn't be that big of a deal. Maybe you drop your daughter off at the theatre?

Ask yourself just how much you trust her. That will answer your question.

About the trust part........... I agree

:

 

[schutzandwhinnies]

If you haven't already done so you could set up a game plan for your daughter's social life so she knows what will fly and not. The earlier the better. Some people say that you are controlling, but I say my child always knows what to expect and is a lot less disappointed because the rules are routine and not a randome yes or no. For instance: My girls know (they are 13 and 17) that certain things must be in place before they can even think about hanging out somewhere with friends. I have to have met the parents and the child. I want to have that child stay the night at least once so I can see what kind of decision maker they are and how much of a drama queen they are. It is a good way to see what theme song is playing in their head, (boys, gossiper, drugs, music, even down to what food choices they make, how they dress etc...) this will help you to get a picture of what they might be like in public and around boys. You can listen to their conversations during dinner etc...and this will help you as well. Then I make my decision about letting my girls around them outside a controlled environment. Some I will give the ok and some not. If the friend calls as in your situation the answer is no, but you can help it along by having her invite the girls for a sleepover next weekend and you can assess them at that time and then they can see a movie or whatever. It sucks for the kids in the foundation stages, but is very worth it in the long run. My kids are not bummed out as much as when their hopes were high and got crushed. This way they know the drill and most of the time don't even bother to ask until it is set up. I know it seems like a lot to do and some kids are even bright enough to fool the Warden (that's what they call me), but they sure watch their P's and Q's when their out with my kids. They never know when I may be lurking :lol: I have made surprise showings at places and this works well for future second thinking on doing something stupid. Just 2 days ago my Maddy was telling me about how 2 of her friends had some pot and were offering it to her at school. When I asked what she did, she said, I laughed at them and said are you crazy, you haven't met my mom have you?

: I am stricked, but my kids know I love them. Create a game plan that you can both agree on as a foundation you both can count on and never stray so she will eventually just go with the flow if she is a good girl to begin with. Comunication and consistancy is what I believe kids need. Just my opinion. Sorry so long winded, but this really does work for my girls. :aktion033:

 

[nootka]

Amy (schutzandwhinnies) has it right. Strict or no, consistency is comforting, it is very important to have consistency in a child's (or even an animal's) life as far as discipline especially.

If she knows the rules and you want to make an exception, sit down and explain why and that it is only once, not the "new rule" and she needs to ask if you want her to make an exception to a rule and explain to you why she wants that exception. This opens up a very mature dialogue of reasoning and reaction for kids that age, something that will help them as they mature and deal with others socially.

Only you know if this situation is acceptable to you and your family/daughter, so you have to make the ultimate decision, but I would have probably handled it in the ways I mentioned. Even though I have boys, I still like to keep close tabs on even the teenage one.

He doesn't challenge me about it.....much.

:

Best wishes,

Liz M.

 

[minimama]

You know, there are a couple of posts on the forum right now about ages and dating and going out at a young age. I just wanted to say something. For the most part, as a parent, it is not that we do nto trust our kids if we choose not to let them go to something like this night time movie with friends. It is that we don't trust the friends, and/or we don't trust the other people that are out there. This could be a very innocent adventure and a great time, but then, there could be a gang at the theater that just wants to torment young kids out for a bit of fun (we have one in a town near us that hangs out at the theaters) there could be some creep on drugs that hurts my daughter. There was a young boy traveling with his parents and they stopped at a rest stop here in California just a year or two ago and he went in to go to the bathroom and was killed. Another child did it and when he was questioned he said he just wanted to see what it felt like. This is the person we don't trust, these are the ones we try to keep our children safe from. Setting rules and guidlines for our kids is something we do because we love them so much we want to see them make it safely to adulthood so they can make their own decisions. And a thriteen year old is much less likely to make the right decisions then a sixteen year old.

I would be the meanie. Or I would offer to be the chaparone. I have done this when one of my girls wanted to go out. I have been the one to take them. offering to pay for popcorn and soda just to be the tag along mom works wonders.

:

 

[whiskeyranch]

My daughter will be 13 in May, and I absolutely would not allow this in the day or night. I am also the parent that all the kids tell the gossip to. I hear what goes on. I also feel it's an honor that the kids(not just my own) tell me things, they know I sometimes won't approve, but they still talk to me.

I'm sure I get fooled sometimes, but who doesn't?!

I too would offer to go and sit alone at the movie with them. Let them sit on their own in the theatre. If their intentions are to just hang out together and watch a movie, then it won't be an issue.

There are too many temptations, creeps, etc. in the world today, and it doesn't matter how responsible, respectful, or good your child is. I've seen some of the best families, with smart, awesome kids who have made bad, bad choices. It sometimes only takes one bad decision to put a black mark on the soul forever.

It's not always kids who are followers, sometimes we parents follow too.

Sign me,,,,,the meanie, who's children, and children's friends know the rules.

 

[minisaremighty]

Another thing we don't allow is spur of the moment type things with friends (doesn't make us popular! LOL!! :bgrin ). I can't stand that and it's always a NO. Usually it's a no, not today because you know the rules about last minute requests, but if you wish to plan ahead, we can make arrangements (this is for sleepovers, movies, etc).

I also, like to know the kids in advance (and their parents). We always invite them here and rarely let our kids go elsewhere. I like them where I can keep an eye on them. I agree to about trusting my own kids, it's the other kids that concern me. I've seen some of them make some pretty unwise decisions :no: Most of them don't come from good families (seems to be all to rare these days), so they don't have good guidance. I try to help them when I can. At least when they are in MY home, they see how a happy functioning family CAN work as opposed to what they are used to at home.

 

[JO~*]

I am so glad to see that I am not the only “meenieâ€

I had a talk with her last night after she was done whining about not being able to go and she then understood why I said she couldn’t go last night.

I told her if it had been a matinee and if they could have said exactly what movie they were going to see I may have said yes. Of course I still would have took her and picked her up----and asked to see the movie ticket stub.

:

 

[The Dynamic Duo]

My mom lets me byt then again she has a felony for blowing up a building and meanwhile blowing her freinds finger off

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: . so she is pretty

: .