Relationships

[Mini Horse Lover]

Hey everyone!

Who isn't sick of relationship woes? I swear it's this weather here. Been raining and never stopping to have the sun shine! Well as most of you know I attended the University of Minnesota Crookston for Equine Science. I dropped out, didn't like the staff or program. Well I met a guy there that I thought was amazing. I left the other boyfriend of 2 years to take a chance with him.

Well parents told me to live with him. Now I'm living on food stamps and a dead end cashier job to keep my life together somewhat. I know my parents are teaching me a valuable lesson and it's working! I've grown up in a hurry! Well living with him has proved difficult. We fight and doesn't want me buying my miniature horses and others. It's really frustrating. I'm trying to buy a miniature stallion now and he's saying we need it for something else. Well I have everything I need. I have had my eye on this stallion for a long time.

Well we don't stop fighting. He got in trouble last year for drugs that wasn't entirely his fault. Well I have been a drug addict in the past. I'm over it and an adult now. Well he still thinks he can't live without it. He says, "Oh I won't smoke all the time. Just once in awhile." Doubt it as he was high all the time when we first met. And now he's on 90 days home monitoring and 5 years probation. But I won't leave him because I have the perfect place for my miniatures. Heated barn with all the amenities to board and train at. It's what I've been dreaming of to have my horses in. I can't leave this place. It may be in North Dakota but this barn is for the horses. It's almost like staying together for the kids. Even though we don't have any.

He was so sweet when we first met. Text and called, facebook, and everything! Drove hours to see me all the time because he was outta school before I was. And my parents love him to death. Now he tells me to shut up and stop talking because he's thinking. Or hits me if I play hit him first. Says that girls should be hit if they hit you first. And sorry to talk about sex but it's like a chore for him. I'm on antibiotics for an ear infection and it decreases birth control. And we bought other protection and I have to ASK him to have sex! Is that even possible for men? Otherwise he sits there and plays video games or computer. It's like I'm not good enough. It's like he doesn't even enjoy it. That's why I haven't been on the forum in a long time. Tough times.

So I ask my best friends on here,

What do I do? I'm scared for the horses. And I just got over a 2 year relationship. And this new guy and I have been together for only 3 months. I don't want to already break up with him because that's exactly what the ex is looking forward to as we are NOT on good terms in any way, shape, or form.

Please guys. I'm stressed all the time and have gained 40 pounds in 2 months. It's not healthy. It's hurting me.

Thanks for the help.

Kasey

 

[MyBarakah]

Hi Kasey,

I haven't been posting for quite a while.. but after reading your post... GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are you doing living with a person like that.. You already know the answer... he's NO good.

Why do you think you have to have a man in your life... You can do JUST FINE on your own!! You DO NOT need a boyfriend or guy in your life to survive!!

You need to get on your own, live your own life and get your life on track before ever adding another person into your life.. You are YOUNG and have the WHOLE world infront of you!!! Why let a messed up male side track you from reaching your goals in life!!

What are your goals?? What is the direction you are wanting to go with your life???????????????

I would be moving back home... get your life in order... and stay away from the men until you have things back on track...

I wish you the best of luck!

 

[Mini Horse Lover]

I do have a lot of issues. I'm just not all there. I have depression, anxiety, and other issues. Been on pills for years. One minute it's good with us and the next it's not. I don't get it! I know that horses are horses but I do love them and want whats best. They love it here.

I want to raise miniature horses like everyone on here and be the best I can be.

Kasey

 

[Katiean]

My ex was a drug addict. When he got in trouble he would put his stuff in my purse so he wouldn't get caught with it. I did not do drugs so he figured he would not get in more trouble if it was found on me. All they would have to do is test and they would have known. Anyway, he NEVER hit me for any reason. You do not want to be with someone that hits. After I left I ended up in Las Vegas. I was engaged to this guy that I thought was the best thing ever. I found out the only way this man could have, well, relations is if he was watching a porn flick. One night he did some really bad things to me and I was so glad we never got married. If he is this way now, things will only get worse. Find some place for your horses and get out. To go and buy another horse at this point would be a mistake. You will again find the stud of your dreams. But only if you are alive to do it.

 

[Mini Horse Lover]

He wants to get married and all this. And I just don't get it. I guess I am scared of the ex because he's going to be like I told you so. He always calls me rude names and other hurtful things. Ugh I'm just so stressed out. He's one of those that you can't convince and thinks that you don't have to do something right away. I will admit that I'm a spoiled brat and love my way. So I do demand him of things but he's a pig! I'm always cleaning up after him!

 

[krissy3]

He wants to get married and all this. And I just don't get it. I guess I am scared of the ex because he's going to be like I told you so. He always calls me rude names and other hurtful things. Ugh I'm just so stressed out. He's one of those that you can't convince and thinks that you don't have to do something right away. I will admit that I'm a spoiled brat and love my way. So I do demand him of things but he's a pig! I'm always cleaning up after him!

I understand that the horses are holding your life together , and the barn , and your great care for them is probably the only thing that IS working for you , and that you have some sort of control over. It is not easy to walk away, especially if you have animals. You can move kids with you anywhere , but animals not. if your not ready to let go of the animals yet , then i would save your money, and start networking. Find a serious person that is older that maybe needs your help on her farm, in exchange you can have your horses there. I think you will need your horses as a support, and to give you strength and peace. People will tell you that you can come live with them , but from my expierence it is just kind words for that moment , and they dont really want you to take them up on it. So stay where you are, bite your toungue, and try to keep the place as peaceful as possible, read a few books that put you in a better frame of mind, meditation, or relationship books , whatever you feel like. Meet people , ask people if they are serious about helping you and your horses. Once you have things lined up for you and your horses , you wont have a second doubt about leaving. I think a lot of people dont realize how hard it is to leave, when you are alone and have horses, and dont have mom and dads visa to help out.

good luck to you, and keep us posted on your decisions,

Kristen

BTW... almost all men need to be cared for in some way or another that you will hate. Peeing on the toilet seat, leaving undies on the floor, dishes left on coffee tables, that part usually doesnt change, a lot of men are not good communicaters, either. take the next month to come up with a list of the things that you like about this man , and your relationship, and the things you dont, then from the things you dont like , write down why, how it makes you feel , and how it could be different, and how it would change you if it were different. Then talk to this man about your feelings, but be careful NOT to accuse him of making you miserible ( i do that all the time , and its not fair) tell him why you are hurting, and maybe he will want to make some comprimises. No relationship is easy, if people tell you they have a perfect relationship they are not being 100% honest,it may just be "perfect "at the moment. Being single is not easy either, there are always money issues as a single person, however they can do whatever they want , provided they have the money to do it. So take it slow , and do a lot of thinking. The grass isnt always greener. If you dont like that he hits you , dont him him, if he continuest to hit you , well then you need to address that very seriously with him, but you do have to take accountability for some of your relationship problems too.

 

[stormy]

For me the answer would be very simple. If he hits you, if he ever has hit you get out. If he is verbally abusing you get out! No horse, barn, house or any thing is worth allowing your self worth to be destroyed.

 

[loveminis]

Being scared is normal but GET OUT NOW ! Sounds like you made a big mistake and he is going to take you down.

 

[LindaL]

Besides the obvious, which is this guy is BAD NEWS in every shape and form and you do NOT need to be with someone who belittles you, hits you (and justifies it!) and is on drugs...One of the 1st things you said was that you were on food stamps and at a low paying job...and you want to buy another horse??????????????????????????????????????????

"I don't get it"

 

[Sonya]

Ok...many things stick out to me here and you are not going to like my response....like Linda said...if you are on food stamps and struggling financially, the horses need to go...plain and simple. And if you are both hitting each other...you need to leave, not later, but now! You need to go back home to your parents and get your life together. You can get horses later, better horses when you are more secure financially and emotionaly. Why do you care so much what the ex-boyfriend thinks? He has nothing to do with your life anymore. If you don't make some serious changes very quickly, your life is going to be ruined very early, this relationship is extremely unhealthy. No one likes to run home to the parents after being out on their own, but if your parents knew what was going on, they would probably drive up there and drag you home. Please get out of there and go home before you get yourself seriously hurt or killed...no one should be hitting anyone.

 

[Matt73]

Don't think about it. Don't worry what your ex thinks. Get OUT! NOW!

This will only get much worse. Also, by asking for sex, you are just putting more power in his hands. He does not value you; there is no discussion to be had. Men that treat women (and other men) like this have a very serious negative self image; they are insecure and severely flawed. This manifests into verbal, emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse. I was in an abusive relationship with a guy in my early twenties and he only got one chance (the first smack and I was outta there); he was also a charming guy (turned out he was not only doing copious amounts of cocaine behind my back, but was a dealer, too

....ahhhh, the innocence of youth).

 

[Mellis815]

Wow..what a messed up situation.

First and foremost you need to worry about yourself, not anything else but getting yourself out of there. Period. If he scares you or attempts to hit you, call the cops on him if you have to, trust me if he has hit you once, he will hit you again, and if you keep making excuses that "oh I hit him first" yadda yadda...then you are being mind controlled by him and need to get OUT! Especially BEFORE you end up pregneant!!!! You don't need kids in this!

Second, get rid of your horses, all of them!!!! Don't use the excuse of "well, he has a barn" who gives a Crap if he has a barn!!! If you are on food stamps and working a dead end job, why do you even have them. Can you really care for them like you need to be doing?? Sell them, take that money and put it as a down payment on an Appt. Perhaps you can do an agreement with someone that when you get back on your feet, they will let you buy them back. Until then, you need to let them go. If the lady that is selling you the staillion had any inclination that you would not be able to properly care for your horses, she probably won't sell him to you anyway, at least I wouldn't.

The main point, this isn't about horses, him, a place to live a job....it's about YOUR SAFETY!!!

I agree not all relationships are perfect, trust me, me and my husband get into spats as well, however, he has never, ever, ever, ever, ever hit me or attempted to hit me. If he EVER tried to hit me...I would rent a wood chipper and he would disappear...period.

GET OUT AND QUIT MAKING EXCUSES!!!! (we're all here supporting you!)

 

[Hosscrazy]

What if your best friend suddenly came to you and told you this was happening to her...what would your advice be to her? I'm sure you would tell her to get out now, and you would probably even help her pack and move, right?

You need to treat yourself as you would treat your best friend.

Liz R.

 

[hunterridgefarm]

I have to agree with everyone on here. I am sure if you did not want to go back and live with your parents there is some type of a shelter you could go to that he could not find you.

You must have some money if you have horses and are able to take care of them. If you do then why are you getting food stamps???????????? I do understand that u have to eat as well. But your saftey has to come first. No there is no easy way out but when he hits you I would call 911. Then you have your way out.

You also said that you have only been dating and living with him 3 months. what was so good that made you leave your ex for him why didnt you take the time to get to know him. I would not do that.

Why should YOu have to ASK FOR SEX.... I have never asked my husband that he the same goes for him..

I think that there is more to this story then you are telling. IMO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE WHAT I HAVE SAID BUT I CANT HELP THAT. YOU NEED TO LET GO OF THE HORSES TILL YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN 2 FEET. IF YOU NEED HELP FROM THE STATE THAT YOU LIVE IN THEN YOU DONT NEED THEM. I JUST DONT GET IT....

IF I WAS OUT ASKING FOR THE STATE FOR HELP ON MY FOOD THEN I WOULD NOT HAVE THE HORSES. YOU NEED TO SELL THEN AND GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THERE.

 

[Tab]

I hope for the best for you! My heart goes out to all people and their struggles! I would have two challenges for you. Leave the relationship and then get to know yourself extremely well. To the point where you enjoy your own company and like being alone. Then don't get into another relationship until you are at the point where you absolutely know yourself.

At that point you make standards for yourself. Meaning, don't rush into sex. Guys want what they cannot have! They will pursue and win you over as long as you aren't giving them what they don't deserve until marriage. Only if it's meant to be and they treat you what you are truly worth! They will follow you to the ends of the earth if they are really into you.

This is very outspoken of me, and this is advice a Grandmother would give you, but I am extremely old fashioned. God loves you. You are amazing and you are worth MUCH more.

Luke 12:6-7

6Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Don't expect anything less.

 

[Mini Horse Lover]

Thank you guys for the support!

I am on food stamps and work the dead end job. But we also live in his parent's house and everything is free. So I do have money to buy the horse. He's not all the expensive at all. And parents have offered for me to come back home. But I don't want to seem like a failure to them. And yes I guess I should stop thinking about what the ex thinks. That's why he's an ex.

I just sometimes feel so helpless. I do want to get a hold of someone to help get back on my feet and realize who I am again. I used to be strong, determined, and had dreams. Now when we fight I can't yell at him because he tells me not to and that it doesn't work on him. I want to just write down everything and then tell him how it makes me feel. He's never had a relationship before so I guess I do give him leeway but still. There are some things that should be common sense!

And is it bad that I had a dream about my ex that we were together again and dumped the guy I'm with now? I told the guy I'm with and he's mad now. But at least I'm being honest!

The guy I'm with now is named David

The ex is named Josh

Kasey

 

[hunterridgefarm]

Kasey

I dont think that your parents would think that you a failure. Do they have a clue to what is going on with you?

i wish you the best of luck.

you need to get out of there. also dont make excuses for him

 

[FoRebel]

Kasey, I've been there, done that, bought that t-shirt with my ex. darn near same situation minus the horses and living with his parents. I was stupid enough to marry him and ended up pregnant. My ex told me to end the pregnancy and when I refused, he put his foot through our bathroom door! My son was born at 26 weeks due to an infection I had. When my son(Robbie) was born my ex and I were still married but separated... He told me when Robbie was born that I should just "let him die!" He never cared at all. My ex threatened me numerous times, was very verbally and emotionally abusive! I put up with him as long as I did because I was pregnant. The last straw for me was when he threatened Robbie!

My point here is, the guy you're with right now - David - is abusive! GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE NOW! Do it before he threatens to kill you, your horses or you get pregnant and he threatens your child. No horse - I know how much you love your horses - barn, or anything else is worth staying with him. Move home. Your parents aren't going to see you as a failure, they're going to see that you're adult enough to know you made a mistake and need their help to straighten things out. If you are staying with David because your ex is going to tell you "told you so", DON'T! Who he heck cares what your ex thinks?!! Your life is more valuable than what anyone thinks of you!!!

All I have to say is SELL THE HORSES, GET OUT OF THERE NOW AND MOVE HOME! Get your life straightened out... you DO NOT need a man!

 

[Mini Horse Lover]

I don't want to end up pregnant. Like just this morning we went to mail a package we sold on ebay and he says "Oh I didn't bring any money." When he said he had! I told him "Don't look at me! You said you were sending it." And he got all bent out of shape cause it costs 2.24 to send the package and he had to use his debit card. It was so stupid. Then he says I never do anything.

I really do miss my parents.

 

[loveminis]

C'mon girl !! Stand up, be strong again, and get the heck out.