Relationships

[REO]

Your forum family cares about you!

All those that are telling you to get out of that mess, please listen. I mean, calm your mind, and slowly re-read everything they said. Think about each line. Re-read what you've said and allow yourself to feel what it all makes you feel inside.

Now some words from me. Said with love so I hope you stop and think about each thing I say.

You say your parents love him? How can they when they don't know what's he's really like and how nastily he's treating you? How do you think they'll feel if they knew?

Your parents won't think you're a failure for coming home! But they would be hurt if they knew you were using that as a flimsy excuse for staying with him and being treated like that! THEY love you! He doesn't, or he would NOT treat you that way!

Think back on all the hurts he has caused you and how they made you feel. Is that the way you want to live your life? The life you want for yourself? He's not all of a sudden going to change and it all be sweet and happy.

Why do you think you don't deserve to be happy? Why else would you think that that abusive life is all you deserve?

YOU can be in charge of your happiness, your life. If you stay there he is going to keep hammering you down until there's nothing left. There is "jail" where you are told what to do, have no choices, are battered down and abused. Or there is FREEDOM! Where life and happiness are waiting!

NOTHING is worth his destroying your self esteem. You have your whole life ahead of you! How can you grow and become the person you want to be when he's tearing you down to his miserable existance?

I see 3 "reasons"

#1. Your parents. Read what I said above!

#2. What your ex thinks. Really, is staying in a bad place worth "proving" something to him? No!

#3. Free board for your horses. No, not worth it!

I wish you a happy life!

 

[Shortpig]

I'm very sorry you are going thru this. Abusive people don't get better they get worse. However, here I am going to say very clearly. STOP hitting him. I don't care if it is even a slap. No one has a right to hit another person. That includes women. Some people are actually prewired to hit back no questions asked. You need to move out of that place and if that requires you to sell your horses that's what you have to do. Either that or find a way you can board them and work that off by cleaning stalls and whatever they need you to do. Been there done that myself. The money I earned at the time went to support my daughter so to keep the horses I loved I worked for a barn owner and had great friends who gave me their hay fields. I found a way to get thru it. By the way it taught me I didn't need a man to survive and have been alone now for about 10yrs and love it.

If your parents have offered to move you back in go for it. They want you safe and that is very important to a parent, believe me been there also.

Women are very strong people and can make it on their own without men. It is a blessing if you can find a partner to share your life with but friends can be even better for the support people need.

I wish you the very best in your decision but in the end you are the only one who can make choices for you.

 

[HGFarm]

I only have two words!!!1 GET OUT!!

And dont waste any time doing it! Go home!! You have learned a lesson and in this life you dont have to prove anything to anyone at all.... YOU need to be in a safe and happy environment and this one is dragging you through the mud!!

Why do you think you need to be treated this way? Why do you tolerate it? Do you think you do not deserve better? Well, you do!! Pack up your stuff and just leave. You dont owe him or anyone else an explaination other than "I'm not happy and I'm done"

 

[Mini Horse Lover]

Thank you so much guys!

I love you all and feel so supported! You're all right. Free board and money is NOT worth it. He just doesn't show affection and other loving gestures which is what I'm used to with the old boyfriend. And I know I will find my stud again. I really miss my old life with my parents.

My mom just called me today and it made me miss her so much. She wants me to take the dog and he means so much to me. I showed that dog and got him all kinds of titles. And boyfriend won't let me have him! It's so frustrating and I've never really had a family. My parents are wonderful but have the old style of raising and reprimanding. Which is okay but we've never really said I love you or been close. So it does scare me. Plus I don't have a car here to pack up my stuff and go home. It's only his car here because my car is in Minnesota.

Ugh not fun!

Kasey

 

[FoRebel]

Kasey - CALL YOUR MOM and tell her what's going on! I bet you anything that her and your dad will come and help you move home! I'm going to be point blank here, STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR NOT GETTING OUT OF THERE AND PROTECTING YOURSELF! Call your mom asap!

 

[krissy3]

I have to ask you ... how willing are your parents to help you ? Willing enough to come pick you up , once you have placed your horses in a safe place. If you leave it is possible that your boyfriend will take his frustration out on YOUR horses because you are not there. The horses had nothing to do with this mess so it wouldnt be fair to make them stick around for the aftermath, you know what I mean? I think you need to stay there till the animals are place in safe homes, then if you really want to go , pack up and walk out, take the dog with you if you want.

But please dont leave those horses behind in his care. I supported you staying because I had a RANT on my husband a while back and the forum got out of hand and told me he would start abusing me .. It was out of line , and my husband is NOT that kind of a person. We have our trubles , sure , like everyone else married to a strong man... we are both stubborn and want things our way, and I dont like to change.

So if the things that you stated are really true , like the drugs, you will never be able to get past that without him getting help, its not your problem. However the hitting ..I read that you are hitting him in play fights and he hits you back... Hitting is unacceptable , from a man or a woman to another person or animal, so both of you need to address that issue.

I see that there is still a lot of growing for both of you to do , either together or alone. I am going through some major growing pains STILL at 41 years old. I married a Swiss man from the Alps... this is not a fun project, woman are submissive here, the culture is different then San Francisco where I am from. On the otherhand he pays for things..like everything except my horse stuff, but all horse medicle bills and my phone , and everything else, car insurance, everything , its the culture..... so, I had to really think about growing up in this relationship. I am not allowed to get the house dirty, the swiss are compulsive cleaners , that means no shavings or hay or dirt allowed in the house, let me tell you that is a major pain in the A** for me... and I run his hotel , its a lot of work, but the trade off is good , when I think about the good old days of freedom , and bills , and never enough money. All I am saying in a round about way , is , relationships are hard, and you will always have to grow and change and accept things you dont like. You have to decide if the drugs ( and I think thats an important issue) is worth dealing with. I would say NO, but thats your decision to make. I support you in what ever you decide to do.... from across the pond. Its easy to say " girl walk out " when the shoes are not yours... Life is rough, I am sorry you are walking this path. But there are other directions for you when you are ready. But please put those precious ponys in safer hands first, that is YOUR responsibility. Just give them to someone for a TEMP loan until you can pick them up and re pay for the costs of housing them.

good luck and god bless

K

 

[CharlesFamily]

I only have one thing to add to this - this is NOT how a man treats a woman he loves. He is telling you in every way possible that he does not value you as a person. I don't know you, but anyone who puts the care of her horses above herself has got to be an amazing person. You deserve better and you are entitled to better.

There are changes and hard times in everyone's life. In my early 20's I had built up a very nice herd of minis that I was breeding, training and showing. I was very successful and loved everything about it. But my husband and I could do that because being newly married and out of college and just starting our careers, we were living with my parents. We knew we wanted a place of our own, but couldn't afford a house with acreage right away, so I had to make some tough choices. I found wonderful show homes for my horses, sold them and my husband and I bought our first house and started our family.

Now, 15 years later, our children are older and we are established in our jobs and we were able to buy the place we wanted with a barn and acreage and I am again able to have my horses with me.

What I am trying to say is that life is about tough choices and timing. You have to trust that this just isn't the right time for you to be trying to start the horse herd of your dreams. Find a good home for your horses, move back home and get your life in order. Put YOU first. Think long-term and not short-term. It may seem like it will be forever for you to reach your dreams, but trust me, the time will pass in the blink of an eye.

I just know that I would be heartbroken if either of my daughters were ever in this siutation and I pray they never have to make the tough choices you have to make now. But as a mother, I want you to know I would drive to the ends of the earth to save my daughter from the life you are describing. Call your mom. Make the arrangements you need and go home and start over. It's not too late!

Good luck and we'll be praying for you!

Barbara

 

[Marty]

If you were my child, I'd come get you in a heart beat.

Tell your mother the truth, and that you need her help to come home.

She will be very happy to do it.

There's no place like home.

Just do it.

 

[disneyhorse]

A relationship with ANYONE (be it a friend or a significant other) should ENHANCE your life. It should make your life BETTER. If it's not, get out.

You need to get out by any means possible.

Good luck to you,

Andrea

 

[txminipinto]

I agree with everyone else 100%. You said you want to raise miniatures and be the best that you can be just like everyone else. Honey, you can't be the best if you are in abusive relationship, depending on someone else for shelter (and for your horses), on food stamps, and not taking care of yourself first! You sound very very young so I am urging you to call YOUR MOMMA and get out of there. You are on a path right now that will ruin your life and you will never achieve your dream.

Those of us who have achieved our dreams did the following things first:

1) stayed true to ourselves

2) got an education in something

3) got a job that would eventually support our dream

4) got our own place (not rent, own)

5) got our own transportation

6) and then when we were financially stable, did we take on the dream of horses.

NO WHERE did I mention needing someone else to help that dream come true. You don't need him. All he's going to do is hurt you or get you pregnant. And once that happens, if you stay on this course, your life will go into a tail spin. GET OUT NOW.

You only get one life. Make it the best it can be and get the most out of it every single day.

 

[Sue_C.]

I AM WOMAN...HEAR ME ROAR...!

 

[Mini Horse Lover]

Thanks for all the help guys!

I know it's bad to put my horses before myself. And I found a place for them down the road in a much nicer barn and it's a secure facility. The guy is only charging me $100 a month for all my minis. And I do miss my mother and want to go home to her. They are not big horse people my family that is. They don't like animals. Hence why they are giving me the dog.

David just left for work. Didn't even say goodbye or anything. The only thing I need him for anymore is the car. Last night I sat him down and just told him straight what's been going on. He looked freaked out that I stood up to him! I told him he needs to get off his high horse and be a man and not a boy. He was shocked.

I want to own my own place. I guess I'm just scared of failure and relationship woes.

Kasey

 

[loveminis]

Well... aren't you scared to stay with him ? If you get your own place or move home maybe you should stay single for awhile and concentrate on your horses and yourself - and your relationship with your parents.

 

[Mini Horse Lover]

I am not necessarily scared but just frustrated and fed up. I'm sick of men and their games.

Kasey

 

[krissy3]

If you got the horses out of there ..then whats keeping you..pack up and walk out, get a cab, call a friend, ask your boss or manager for help if you dont have a friend to help you. I suggest you do this while he isnt there (pack your things)

I am real glad your horses are safe...now lets get you safe

there is a great book called " In the Meantime" ... its writen for people going through exactly what your going through, it may be a comfort to you while you are clearing men out of your life for a while. You just need a good long break from men for a while.

 

[Katiean]

I discovered real fast that if you are comparing your current with an ex, there are big problems with the current boy friend. Since your horses are out then you get out. I left when no one was home. It makes it so much easier. That way you do not fight about "oh, that is my jacket (even though it doesn't fit him and he bought it for you)". No confrontation that way. My brother came and got me out of a really bad relationship that as soon as the guy left the house my brother pulled up with and we threw it all in a trailer and left fast.

 

[StarRidgeAcres]

A relationship with ANYONE (be it a friend or a significant other) should ENHANCE your life. It should make your life BETTER. If it's not, get out.

You need to get out by any means possible.

Good luck to you,

Andrea

I second Andrea's thoughts. Period.

 

[Mini Horse Lover]

Thanks guys! Well I don't have a car but my mother said she's willing to come get me on June 7th because they are moving to Brainerd and says they will have room to bring all my stuff and me home. She said for now she's going to pay for me to stay at a friends house here in town.

Yey!

 

[Sue_C.]

Mothers almost always come through!!!

I hope you are out of there already.

 

[Mini Horse Lover]

I am! I told him I need time alone and didn't tell him where I was going. I just left when he was at work today! Ah it feels great!