Teenagers!!!!

[Marty]

I know what you mean about not being where they are not supposed to be and I understand completely about giving them an inch and they take a yard. That's when I reel them back in........when they take advantage like that because that is just flat plain out disrespect. And then I'd get that mouth again. Then that's when they don't go out for a good long time after that and think twice about lieing about where they went and how they behave. They want their privlidges back, they have to earn it back. They just don't seem to "get it" about things that could happen when they are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Let's not forget that Michael was only a stone's throw from our house in daylight and not even on the road at when he was run over.

But the 5 minutes late, oh gee whiz.......lighten up.

We had the 5 minute late thing too and Jerry would stand there and watch that clock and lower the boom on them being 5 minutes late. But there was fog, and then rain, and you know what I told him? That I would rather them be an hour late than to end up speeding and get in a wreck for the sake of being 5 stupid minutes late. Like I said, you have to pick and choose your battles. I know all of us parents just want our kids to grow up to be good responsible adults and to protect our kids and God knows that I did too. Hang in there and don't ever give up on your kid.

Now here's an exercise that you could just do for yourself.

Write your son's biography.

When I wrote Michael's, I was nearly amazed at how good a kid he really was under all that sillyness and goofing off and all his troubles and trials and tribulations. Seemed like every negative thing that I could think of, was outnumbered a million times over by his good points. I just didn't always see it until I wrote his story that is on his website. I just Thank God that a day never went by without telling him that he was my world and how I loved him. Even if that meant chasing him out the door hollering "Hey, by the way I love you kid"..........

If you write down everything there is to know about your son, I'll bet you will be very proud of your young man, a lot more than you think. You will get through these ruff times.

 

[Feather1414]

I myself am a teen.

I KNOW I can be stubborn, and rude, and really quite obnoxious and I also know that I am a good person.

What drives me insane is the fact that I am 17, and I honeslty have more restrictions now, than I did when I was 13. I am ALWAYS grounded.

Last night for instance. I have to take a night time class and last night it went 7-9. My mom told me to call when I needed a ride home. I got out of class at 8:30 because of weather((its Night Astronomy, couldn't see stars)) and my best friend Sarah who is also in that class and I went over to her house. It was 12 degrees outside and I was wearing my show choir dress because I came directly from a performance.

I went to Sarahs because I was cold, and I didn't feel like standing outside for another 20 minutes waiting for my parents to come and get me.

I got to Sarahs and at 9 I called for a ride from her house, lost track of time. My mom told me my dad had left half an hour ago to come and get me, and I had to go back to the school.

So I put on my snowgear again and get ready to walk back to the school when my dad knocked on her door.

First thing he did was tell me I was grounded because he had been waiting for so long.

Excuse me... what ever happened to "Call when you need a ride"

Not MY fault my dad decided to come and get me when he felt like it. He didn't even call me to tell me. I had NO knowledge of this, and if I had known, I wouldn't have gone to Sarahs house.

However now I am grounded from seeing my friends, when the last time I saw them outside of school was Halloween. That was the last time I hung out with anyone besides show choir, or for the musical.

Am I so horrible to be mad?

It's very frustrating when I know I won't see my friends very much next year and especially when I need them most, I can't hang out with them. There are times I have to come home and just sit around an empty house... like last week my mom was mad because the doctor was mad at me. So I lost my privelige to hang out with my friends.

My friends are NOT bad kids. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't have sex, nor do any of my friends.

Marty has heard a few of the stories with my friends and I - think about the mormons and the beat stick. Gosh, we beat the crap out of each other. We don't go and drink or drive around or anything.

 

[nootka]

My feelings are that you have to give them room to "make mistakes" while they are still "in the nest" and close enough to catch them when they fall. They resent the fact that you saw them fall, but they also appreciate that you gave them the chance to get back up and try again.

They just MIGHT be listening to some of what you say, and certainly don't force them to go to any church.

Honestly some of the worst people in the world that I know, are church-goers, and the opposite is true of some of the BEST that I know (as in they don't attend church, but are super good, loyal, and loving people). Noone should be judged by their religious preferences, nor by the method in which they choose to worship (or not) any god. It will only harbor resentment of another kind.

Encourage social activities, but at this point, you cannot force them.

Sit down and tell him that you are worried, and not trying to alienate him, and the reason you come off harsh, or strict, is because of that fear (at least this is how I feel about my own 17-year old son). He's practically old enough to be out on his own, and let him know you want to know from him what you could do to help him get off the ground, to help him be a success, but that you want things in return, and that's the tough part. He'll take it or leave it, and he knows you love him no matter which choices he makes.

For me, the hardest part has been shifting from the mother of a young child who needs me all the time, to being a mother of a young man who really only likes my company (yes, we hang out a lot, and I may not be all that "cool" but I know we have a lot of fun, and he CHOOSES to be with us, and brings his girlfriend along, too, sometimes his other friends, and they all genuinely enjoy our company, it helps us get a feel for what they're "into.")

Anyway, at this age, there's so little you can force on them, as it all tends to backfire, so offer your support with the guidelines of responsibility. Many good posts from great parents on here already.

Liz M.

 

[PaintedPromiseRanch]

karla where were you a few years ago??? or i guess more appropriate would be where was I... your advice is SO GREAT, i wish i had heard it back then. my girls are 15, 17 (both at home) and 24 (married and gone), at this point the 15 and 17 have "been there done that" with the attitude, many times i found myself wishing i had stopped after the first one, i would be DONE by now... i got so tired of parenting, always nagging about chores etc. marty's idea of writing a biography was a great one too, my husband's boys left our home to live with their mom after being with us for over 4 years, and watching him deal with their "defection" was a real eye-opener for me. my girls do and did things i don't want for them but luckily for me no drugs etc. involved. having horses has been a real life-saver, always gives them something to do and something to plan for and think about... my mom took the 15, 17 and me to see Flicka a few weeks ago, at the end of the movie my youngest turned to me and said "mom i am so glad we are growin gup with horses" - yes it costs a lot of money to have them, and we do without a lot of other things people have and do these days, but i feel it is a really good choice! i am only sorry that the boys came into it too late to REALLY get involved, and ended up leaving. one good thing about that though is they have learned to appreciate their dad now that he is not around every day...

well good luck to all of you with teens, and all of you coming into your years with teens. one rule of thumb i was told long ago is, think about the issue, and whether 100 years from now anyone will care... like their wardrobe and simple stuff, if you can give in on the little things you can hang tough on the big important ones. grades and school, now, it may not be "100 years" but it could have a major impact on their future, so worth fighting for... as an example.

 

[Maxi'sMinis]

I just was searching LB and found this 2006 post and thought it might just help a couple others dealing with teens these days.

I found quite a bit of useful info here and maybe some updated helpful experiences could be added? I have a 19 year old that is attached to a phone and doesn't understand she will need to put it down to hold down a job, lol. Don't know how this will help with the youths that frequent LB, but LB isn't the only place having to deal with erratic behavior and what comes out of teen mouths these days. I sure wouldn't talk to my Mom the way the kids do these days, including mine, oh and her spoiled rotten boy friend ugh!

 

[Katiean]

When I was a teen I didn't want to disappoint my parents. I guess I was a rare child. I think to get a kids attention now a days is with a 24" 2x4. No just kidding. One of the most important things is that they still need to remember who is paying the bills. Also, consistency. If you say something that carries a consequence, stick with the consequence.Don't just threaten do it! IMO things older teens need to learn is how to manage their money and chores and rules. Gee, doesen't that sound like when they get out of school and get a job. when you have a job you manage your money, do your job (or chores) and follow the rules or you are fired. This is something kids need to know. Listening to your parents is like listening to you boss at work. You might not like what they say. You maybe don't even like them. But, they are incharge.

 

[sfmini]

I read for quite a while before I realized how old this post was.

I would love to see updates from the parents of these now former teens to see how their stories of teenhood ended. That in itself might help those parents dealing with those challenging teens to see there is a light at the end of the rainbow.

 

[JaniceZ]

When I was 15-16, I thought I could handle anything that came my way.

I was never a 'true reble', but my parents and I would fight like cats and dogs.

Looking back at it now i reallize it wasnt the issues that caused the fights, but the way I approached them. I wish now that I had been 'nicer' to my parents. but its a phase. I guess we all go through it.

One of the most important things is that they still need to remember who is paying the bills.

And one way to remind remind them (i say this like im old, im 19 lol, but mature for my age), Is make them pay certain bills. I have had a full time summer job since I was in grade 5. Starting in Highschool, if i wanted something my parents didnt think i needed, i had to pay for it. I bought my own cloths, paid for my horses board, vet, farier, grain, and bedding, and when i decided i needed a cell phone, i paid for that to. as you can imagine i soon found out i needed to get another job to pay for everything i wanted. At one point i was cleaning at my highschool, had a paper route, and did chores at the farm i board at inorder to pay for my things. It made me realize the true value of money, at the same time as making sure i can budget (something i am extreemly thankful for now that I am paying for tuition and rent as well as everything else).

My mom calls it that strong dutch work ethic

.

My parents were very helpful too. They would cover my chores, my paper route etc. and would help me out if there was anything I needed. (another reason i wish i had been nicer)

My current complaints about my parents: they will NOT cut the apron strings. I am currently in my first summer back after one year of university, and I have grown up ALOT in that one year away. My parents however, treat me exactly the same as they did before I left. I have heard that your first summer back is always the worst. So I hope anyways LOL

 

[Miniv]

I read for quite a while before I realized how old this post was.

I would love to see updates from the parents of these now former teens to see how their stories of teenhood ended. That in itself might help those parents dealing with those challenging teens to see there is a light at the end of the rainbow.

LOL! You read my mind....... I looked at my previous post. The child was age NINE. She is now 13.

I THOUGHT I was so ready... Nope. She wants to sit down and share on Monday, but by Wednesday I am SO "not with it" and wouldn't EVER understand..... then next week mom and dad will be the best.....HA!