To me, this is child abuse

[Miniv]

Kim C and Amanda........

You've both made excellent posts.

MA

 

[susanne]

While I would not abort a child because of such a condition, I would do everything possible to prevent such a pregnancy (I'm NOT anti-abortion, but it is just not a choice I would make for myself, and especially not in this situation. I am getting off-topic, but I always believe that the way to prevent abortion is to provide without judgment free, effective birth control.)

This child has been born, and he or she is worth every bit as much as every other human life, and is not to be discounted or valued less. But that is not the issue here. The wrong was done before the child existed...before it was conceived. It does not devalue the child to say that the parents were selfish.

The parents (both of them) in this case had a choice before the child was conceived, and I believe that the choice they made was WRONG. Why would anyone knowingly allow this to happen when they personally know the pain this child would very likely face? As has been mentioned, there are so many children needing adoption that the need to reproduce themselves is unnecessary and selfish.

The father indeed had a choice -- to wear a condom or have a vasectomy. I DO NOT excuse him for not knowing the risks. He was married to someone with the condition, and if he loved her at all, then he would want to learn all that is known about how this would affect her life. He had to have known something about it from living with her, and he acted unconscionably by having unprotected sex and risking such a pregnancy.

I also have to ask: since we don't know this person, why are we not naming the disease? Even though the issue at hand covers more than just one disease, I'd like to know what it is in this situation.

 

[mininik]

"People are put on this earth for a reason no matter how many there are." -wade3504

Yes, but most people are born because their parents simply don't care or want to prevent it. I just can't stand how ignorant and selfish some people are. The same people who will complain about lack of opportunity, over crowded cities, traffic and pollution are the ones squirting out more people to add into the mix. In dingy places where there aren't enough resources for the people living there already, what do people do? They make more people! People who have had to suffer for one reason or another squirt out more people who will likely suffer the same or worse. WHY?!

"As for some people should breed, others shouldn't at all, and you should only have one there is no one to decide that but God. What if, for those who think that, that your parents thought that before you were born? As far as having only one child I and my other brother and sister wouldn't be born, but then again if my mother had decided to have me completely checked out before I was born and wanted a perfect child I wouldn't be here today." -wade3504

People have a choice and that choice has many names from ABSTINENCE, safe sex, birth control and condoms to sterilization, abortion, etc. So what if my parents hadn't conceived me or you and we weren't here today? Who cares? I wouldn't know and neither would you or anyone else. This isn't about perfection, I am not for "selectively breeding" people BUT I do feel that people should use their God given BRAINS and not act like a bunch of monkeys having sex and making babies "just because."

 

[Sue_C.]

If Humankind was truely being delt with by "survival of the fittest...wouldn't we be in for a surprise.

I am a huge preponent of adoption as well. I myself, was adopted, and out of five children in my Family, two of us are.

Personally, I would not choose to have a child, should there be such a life-affecting disease awaiting it.

I would have to be in the position myself, of carrying one, having accidently conceived; to know what I would do. That is something I feel you only know...if and when it has happened to you. There is no right or wrong, it is an individual choice, and something that one would have to live with no matter what choice is made.

 

[wade3504]

"People have a choice" -mininik.

Your absolutely right, but one of them is to conceive a child, one or multiples.

Amanda

Edited to add: Chaos Ranch, I wish I could get things across like you do. Great posts.

 

[nootka]

"The father indeed had a choice -- to wear a condom or have a vasectomy. I DO NOT excuse him for not knowing the risks. He was married to someone with the condition, and if he loved her at all, then he would want to learn all that is known about how this would affect her life. He had to have known something about it from living with her, and he acted unconscionably by having unprotected sex and risking such a pregnancy."

--susanne, this is how I also feel.

I am not saying anything about the poor babe already here, as they had no choice, but rather the decisions, it sounds like, were made for the wrong reasons to have children.

I think to "cop out" (I know some of you will hate me for this) on a religious reason as in "god won't let it happen if it wasn't meant to be" is not a valid excuse. WE have to be responsible for our behavior as human beings, we have to TAKE these matters into our own hands and hearts and make wise and healthy, caring decisions. To knowingly conceive a child w/out the full knowledge of the father, even though HE was definitely lacking in his decision making skills, himself, is just plain irresponsible, if there was very little chance that the person resulting would have much chance at a life even approaching normal (I'm not talking about diseases that have smaller impacts, but it sounds like this child is severely afflicted and again I don't know what the disease is, so I'm guessing a little bit).

This is again one of the major reasons I find religion to be crippling as an advanced society. WE need to take care of ourselves and stop saying we are just doing what "so and so wants" (insert the name of whatever religious deity here). If we all lived this way, we are to just turn a blind eye and let the chips fall where they may and forget about educating ourselves to such wonders as the theories and proof of evolution, and scientific advances which yes, have some risks involved, but have made great leaps in improving all our lives and ultimately our quality of life.

This woman and her husband did, through a deliberate act, and one of neglect, bring a life into the world which apparently had a very good chance of an awful disease. The husband has left and that is not 100% fair, I hope he is still at least somewhat available to his child no matter what, but the mother has hopefully found some measure of joy in her decision to bring this baby into the world for its "purpose."

There is no answer, really, for as long as there are people on earth, we will make poor decisions, but ultimately, we have to take care of each other and learn from our mistakes. It is just too bad that this poor decision has resulted in unnecessary suffering and pain when there were likely hundreds of suitable babies waiting for love and attention.

Liz M.

 

[lvponies]

I can't make decisions for others, nor would I want to. It's their life and they have to make the choice that's best for them. For ME.....if my doctors told me that I had a good chance of passing on a genetic disease that I "wouldn't wish on my worst enemy", I would have taken every precaution to prevent pregnancy. If I wouldn't wish the disease on my worst enemy, why would I want to inflict my child with it?? I too agree as someone said, that it was a selfish decision to bring the child into the world and to not tell the husband of the risks.

 

[whitney]

I can only speak for myself but if it were ME I would have adopted.

 

[CharmedMinis]

Everyone has made very good points, and I've enjoyed reading this thread.

However I'm going to have to agree 100% with everything Nikki (mininik) has said in this thread, I couldn't have said it better myself!!!

We all worry sooo much about how many horses (and other animals) we are breeding, and what traits we are breeding for, and what animals should not be bred because of their flaws...........

And yet, we seem to not look at our own flaws before we breed ourselves!

I have chosen not to have children for the following reasons: I have Bi-Polar Disorder which we believe was passed on to me from my Father's family. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and multiple Eating Disorders which came from my Mother's family. I also suffer from Depression, Manic from my Mother's side, and Clinical from my Father's side.

I also have teeth problems which we know from dental work are hereditary.

Why on earth would I want to pass all that on to yet another person

:

If I decide someday that I want kids, I'll adopt. But at this point I have enough to worry about just taking care of myself.

:

 

[Miniv]

I agree....Fascinating thread. And I'm SO happy to see the idea of adoption come up with many people.

I am also adopted, my younger brother was adopted. And Larry and I have adopted. I can safely say that, although I wasn't born from my mother's "loins", I can't think of a more wonderful mother to have. And my own daughter -- she may not be biological, but she is the daughter of my heart and soul. For me, I feel very blessed to have experienced three generations of such a special link in unconditional love.

I actually feel sorry for people who don't ever consider looking at adoption as an option.

MA

 

[Sue_C.]

I actually feel sorry for people who don't ever consider looking at adoption as an option.

Absolutely. With all of the unloved, and unplaced children in our own country alone...adoption is one of the most selfless, and wonderful things a person can do. It does take a selfless ego, though. It's not for the one's who think they just have to "reproduce again and again from their own loins, no matter the cost", kinda thing.

It worked amazingly well in our Family; we consider ourselves very fortunate in our "pick" of Parents.

: I cannot imagine having better parents than I have; and neither the adopted son nor I were ever treated any differently than the other, fully biological kids.

 

[Miniv]

It worked amazingly well in our Family; we consider ourselves very fortunate in our "pick" of Parents.

: I cannot imagine having better parents than I have; and neither the adopted son nor I were ever treated any differently than the other, fully biological kids.

Guess you and I have more than minis in common. My parents had one biological son and none of us ever felt there was any difference. And in many ways I've always felt that I had a closer Spiritual bond to both of my parents than many of my friends who were raised with bio-parents.

MA

 

[pepperhill]

I have not ever been in the position of having to make this type of decision, the worst thing my kids inherited was near-sighted eyes from me and crooked teeth from my hubby. Neither of these things ever crossed our minds when we decided to have kids.

However, I can relate the personal anguish a friend of mine went through. She had a son and everything seemed fine until he was about 7 yrs old. He started to have vision problems and to cut to the chase, he has detaching retinas. One has completely detached and he is blind in that eye, and the other has progressed to the point of only peripheral vision (75% loss in that eye). Turns out this is hereditory through my friend, not her husband. She just didn't know she was a carrier. She struggled with her guilt, while watching her now 10 year old son struggle with adjusting to his blindness. Ultimately, she had herself sterilized as to never inflict this on another child. In her opinion, the fact that he had his vision, and then lost it was too heartbreaking for both of them to go through. He goes through periods of anger at her for his situation, especially when he can't go ride bikes anymore etc. He will adjust in time. My friend knows this, but she still feels that it would almost been better if he had been born blind, then to have sight and lose it the way he did. She felt strongly enough about it to do the ultimate in birth control.

As for me, I don't know. Things were rocky for their mental health as well as their physical health. But can I say that boy won't have a fabulous life going for him in the future? No. Tough issue.