What do you do when

[Katiean]

What do you do when the kid that was your partner in the horses and reason you got the horses in the first place doesn't want to show any more and won't even go out and brush a horse. They expect you to keep all of the horses and won't do anything? They won't feed or water. They say they are pets and won't spend any time with them like you would a pet. I tell her it isn't fair to them to let them just stand out in their pens and just be. I try to tell her it costs $120 every 6 weeks just to trim feet. Every penny she gets goes to buy lunch junk. She doesn't help financially or physically. What would you do. I don't want to sell any of them because I know what kind of home the last one we sold got. What to do?

 

[Shortpig]

My daughter went thru the same thing in her teen years. I think they reach a certain age and decide it isn't fun anymore. They want to hang out with their friends and do what their friends are doing. We didn't have that many so I have just kept and taken care of them. After she got a little older her interest came back. Now she and her husband have two big horses and they take complete care of them, I don't do anymore than to go say hi to the horses occassionally.

Horses as with all animals need us on a daily basis. Sometimes that is more than kids are interested in doing. They drift away and if they are true horse lovers will at some point miss it and come back. I hope yours is one that will miss it and come back to it. I don't think I would force the issue because that would make it nothing more for her or him than a responsibility that he or she doesn't want right now. What I would do is sit down and have a serious conversation about what they are interested in at this point. Explain your feelngs on it and then listen to the reponse. Then take some time to think about it before selling out if it is something you love and full fills a place in your life.

Best to you and yours

Marie

 

[Frankie]

I don't think you DO anything. Most kids enjoy all animals up to a certain age. They only continue on with the animal if they know it is a love or passion for them, not just a little enjoyment. If they don't have that, well, they just don't. My son showed for 2 years, most of it was learning. When he was 12 he just decided it wasn't his thing and we both knew it. That's ok, he is now a wonderful musician and knows that is his passion. I think it's more important to help them find their passion, not make something in to be their passion.

We can always hope, but they are their own person!

 

[~Lisa~]

I think that is very normal for teenagers. I know I can speak for myself but i feel it is my job to raise a well rounded child who can follow their passion whatever that may be.

In Ravens case she does spend less time with our horses now, she plays basketball, runs track, cheerleads not to mention is a honor roll student who never brings home less then a A. She spends the entire summer away from home with her "second" family - a trainer she works for. She works very hard daily there with all the horses and in return can show in a couple of classes at local shows and go to Nationals to show. All of that takes some of her time and she is a normal 13 yr old girl who is showing interest in boys, clothes, music and all that other teenage stuff. I learned what does not work is trying to make her feel guilty.

It does frustrate me sometimes that I have 5 show minis and they sit around alot but you know what they are happy, I would not really be happy without them and she loves them and loves horses I have to accept she is trying to find her place in this world, trying to figure out who she is and how she deals with who she is, throw in teenage drama and it can be overwhelming. I lessened her work load during the week - I do it all and most nights she does help me with feeding. I can live with that and it works for her.

If she ever tells me she doesnt want to do this anymore then I might make different choices but for now she does love the horses and I would not want to punish her for wanting to explore other activities as well. I really do think alot of it is just kids trying to learn who they are- their place in the world and what they truly love to do and not to mention time management for all the things they love to do

 

[bevann]

I think for many of us the horse thing is in our genes.It is either there or it isn't.In my case my grandaughter has also lost lots of interest.I bought her a riding horse which was ridden about once every 6 months and she wondered why the horse wasn't push button.It was sold.Now she talks about wanting to take riding lessons.My comment"Save up your money and I will help you find a good instructor"Hasn't happened yet.She is interested in so many other things now and the horses have been put on hold.I still love haviong mthem around so I am keeping a few for me-the old and infirmed since I owe them a good quality of life.3 have Cushings and 1 has melanoma and all are on meds.They have been good to me with their babies and the mental and physical therapy they have provided in an often crazy world.I have reduced my numbers from almost 40 to 9.I gave several away to good homes after being badly burned on some sales by people who really neglected them.I would suggest that you evaluate what you get from having the horses.You can't force someone to have the passion you have.They must choose their own love and way.Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[ErikaS.]

My step-daughter did the same thing. We were both horsey people until she became a teenager and found other interests. Then I was left with ALL of the work. I sold her biggy horse that she no longer took any interest in to a nice family with a younger girl...And I sold my TB, bought 3 minis and thus lightened my workload but still had horses to kiss on Determine what you can afford and how much work you are willing to put in by yourself because it's all you from now on. Some people are horsey people for life (I am) some are not.

 

[krissy3]

Tell the kid that she wanted the horse , so she has to take care of it , she cant go out and play until her horse chores are finished. If she still doesnt want to horse get rid of it , and NO more horse for her. I think she needs to learn how to stick with a project, not just give up and let mom take over , thats teaching her that its OK to give up. Later on in life when she is up against something she doesnt like , or something that she thinks is too hard for her , she will just give up. my parents would never let me get away with that, and it did teach me to work through problems in life and not to walk away from them .

good luck,

if she is not interested , then its OK , you cant force her to love horses, but i dont think its a good idea to let her have it both ways.

 

[CharlesFamily]

I have always owned horses - and it is certainly in my blood! I was your typical horse crazy girl. I read every book, watched every movie, and you couldn't get me out of the barn! When I had two daughters, I was hoping that they would feel the same love.

Both of my girls enjoy the horses, but so far it is not their passion. My youngest is more involved than my oldest. Right now, most of the work does fall on me. But that is okay, as I have told them they are "my" horses, I just let them play with them!

Now, all of that will change next year when they are showing them in 4-H. I have told them, once that happens they are their responsibility. They will be right beside me pulling their share of the work, or they won't be showing. That's just how I feel it should be. It's how I was raised. I saw too many kids when I was in 4-H who would only show up long enough to jump on the horse to go into a class and get handed a ribbon. Their parents were the ones up early bathing the horse and cleaning the tack.

That said, you cannot force her to want to do this. If it isn't her passion, she may eventually come back to it, but can you wait for that? It's going to be a hard decision for you to either decide that this is "all you" now or are you going to try and find some good homes to lessen your workload and expense.

Good luck!

Barbara

 

[Jill]

I don't know because I would never get something like a horse if I wasn't a big part of the reason to get it... If the kid was no longer interested and was the main reason I got the horses, I guess I'd have some horses for sale.

 

[kaykay]

Kyle has been helping with the horses and showing them since he was 9. Every year my friends would say "he wilil stop soon" He never did yet. Hes 18 now and still loves showing and training but it is harder as they get older. I do think it helped that several horses are totally his. So he has ownership and I think that helps a lot.

But from day one he had to help. It was not an "option" He still does chores everyday and does it pretty much on his own. He also learned to trim horses from our farrier and also does that for us and other people.

When we sell horses or win money at shows he gets a cut of that.

I do think though like above they either have horse fever or they dont. Its not something you can force.

I also have seen parents screaming at their kids in the ring which in turn will make something fun horrible. I know its hard but you have to learn to keep your mouth shut and just let them do their thing.

Another thing we did was let him bring a friend to shows and that also helps especially since there arent a lot of boys that show

Kay

 

[Katiean]

I don't know because I would never get something like a horse if I wasn't a big part of the reason to get it... If the kid was no longer interested and was the main reason I got the horses, I guess I'd have some horses for sale.

I have always had horses. I just wouldn't have gotten horses again when I did if Jessie didn't want them. Also, she doesn't go out to play. She watches DVD after DVD or she plays on the computer. She hounds me about having Text messaging blocked on our phones. However, I do not think a kid needs a camera phone with texting. I guess I watch too much DR Phil. I would not have kept Dusty. I would not have foals due. had she not wanted all of this. If I try to tell her what it all costs me each month she gets mad and tells me to get over it. I may end up killing her over this whole thing. The thing is, she wants to play with the foals and name them. She doesn't want to clean stalls. When she was showing, she wanted all of the glory and still will not lift a hand to harness a horse. Body clipping and bathing is another thing she will not do. She tells me I won't let her use the clippers and I actually do not have any memory of ever saying that. She is having a fit because I was going to show Dusty and she wanted to. Well, she can't until next year. Rules are rules. If she is just mad because she doesn't turn 13 until August she can get over it.

 

[CharlesFamily]

Ya - I'm sorry, but with that attitude, not showing the horse she wants to should be the LEAST of her problems! Like I said, I am strongly of the attitude that if you don't work, you don't play. The other night, my daughters and I went down to the barn to ride our QH. My 11-year-old disappeared to play with the neighbor when it was time to brush and tack up. She showed back up after her younger sister had ridden and wanted her turn. I said, "Sorry, you weren't here to help with the work. You don't get to just show up and ride like I'm your servant who gets your horse ready." Of course she walked off in a snit, but she knows better than to say anything or she wouldn't see the outside of her room for a LONG while.

Same thing happened with my youngest yesterday. We were working with Toy and my oldest got to be the first one in the cart as we are training him just so he could feel the difference with weight. My youngest had left because it was "boring" watching all of the preparation. She whined about why she didn't get a chance. I told her she left. How is she supposed to learn what she has to do if she doesn't stay around to watch?

I guess you are the only one that can figure out the answer to your problem. It sounds like Jessie has lost interest in anything except for the fun. Sorry you are facing this and I hope you can come up with a good solution. If you find a cure for the moodiness of pre-teen girls, let me know that, too!

Barbara

 

[disneyhorse]

When my sister and I were kids, we got horses. Well, I would ride my bike down after school every day and take care of mine. My sister would go every day, then every other day, and before you know it, almost never.

Because I was picking up her slack, my parents said that her horse was now mine. Well, she pitched a fit, so my parents said if she could take care of it every single day for three months, she could have it back.

Didn't last.... so the horse was again mine.

Sometimes these are life lessons.

You have to work for what you want.

Therefore, if it were my daughter, I'd start compromising. Does she want horses? How many is she willing to work for?

Horses are very time consuming and expensive. If it's not a priority for her and it's a burden for you, start selling some off. Maybe if there are many less to work with, she can find time for just one or two. And if she can't, then move them along. There are always more horses, and she can then work off/earn money to buy one when she is old enough or willing to work for them, if it's what she truly wants.

My parents were willing to give my sister and I whatever we wanted, but we had to WORK for it. Whether it was taking care of it, or earning straight A's and B's in school to earn it, or whatever.

It carries on... I am dedicated to my animals, I take care of them rain or shine, sickness and health.

I take care of my truck, I worked for it and now even though it's paid off I make sure it's washed and the oil is changed and anything is taken care of immediately.

I dunno. But I myself don't have kids. Only know what my parents did, and seems to have worked

Andrea

 

[Jill]

I think Andrea / Disney made a great post. I personally didn't have horses until I was in my 20's and could afford one, however, I paid for my school clothes and any other non-necessities since I was 16 and I have been on my own (including paying for education and house) since I was 18. I've often thought specifically regarding horses, if they'd just been "given" to me as a kid, I may not appreciate them as I do now. I also think working for what I wanted / needed from a young age has given me a far bigger step up in life than handouts ever would have. If something is just given to you, you don't always appreciate it the way you would if you have to work hard to get it. It's hard for a young person to appreciate how dearly something costs another person when they don't have to make sacrifices or work for (much of) anything that they have been given.