Would you be offended?

[ILoveMyGelding]

On New Year's Eve my brother popped the question to his long time girlfriend. I was expecting it during Christmas but he waited until New Years. They've already set a date and have made almost all of the plans already. His fiance asked me to go dress shopping with her and when we got home she asked me if I would be in charge of the guestbook. My question to you is would you be offended if you were his only sibling and they put you in charge of the guestbook? I feel like it's a smack in the face usually the only sister is a bridesmaid or something right? My brother and I don't get along and when he was home for Christmas we barely even talked to each other. I really don't even care if I'm in the wedding but she's got me helping her plan this and that. So far I've gone with her to look at the church, we went and looked at reception halls, and then we went dress shopping together. Don't I deserve a little more than the guestbook?

 

[justaboutgeese]

Not that I am an specialist in marriage protocol. I believe the bride uses her friends and relatives in the bridal party. I think you should just be gracious and be thankful your brother has found the woman of his choosing and you should do what it takes to make the day memorable for them. Just my .02 cents worth

 

[mininik]

I agree with geese 100%...

:

Life's too short to be offended even if you "should be entitled" to more.

 

[RENMACMINIS]

Are you a bridesmaid or the maid/matron of honor??? Of all the weddings I have been in and/or attended and/or helped plan the bride usually has a friend or a younger sibling that isnt in the wedding taking care of the guestbook. Yes you should be glad he found someone to love enough to want to spend the rest of his life with. Be glad she is asking your opinion also she must like you to ask you for it.

 

[Marty]

The maid of honor is the one that is supposed to be going around with her to help here with the choices of certain things and to be her helper.

Someone that is not in the wedding party usually handles the guest book.

It is certainly not uncommon to have a sister of the groom in the wedding party, if she and the bride to be are friends in the first place, but mostly her friends would be asked first.

If she hasn't officially asked you to be in the wedding party, I suppose I'd be wondering then what your position actually is.

I am assuming that you are very disappointed that you have not been asked to be a bridesmaid. That is what is sounds like to me. I'd probably be pouting myself too if my brother left me out of his wedding party too, but I was very close to his wife all throughout their courting days.

 

[KrisP]

I'm with Geese also, be thankful your brother has found someone to spend his life with.

And I'd be glad to NOT have to buy another bridesmaid dress, LOLOLOL. I've had 4 over the years and NEVER had another place to wear them.

Seriously though, feel honored she appreciates your opinion and enjoy your friendship with her, don't let petiness get in the way of their big day. (this from someone that eloped so I wouldn't have to make all those decisions!)

krisp

 

[luvmycritters]

Not that I am an specialist in marriage protocol. I believe the bride uses her friends and relatives in the bridal party. I think you should just be gracious and be thankful your brother has found the woman of his choosing and you should do what it takes to make the day memorable for them. Just my .02 cents worth

I agree with the above comment as well. KrisP also had some good points. Who knows - she undoubtably has no idea how she has made you feel - I would try not to concern my self with it. ( But yes, I would be a tad put off. )

Lori

 

[Michelle@wescofarms]

That happened with my brother, and I didn't even get the guest book!

It did bother me at the time, but in the long run it's their wedding not mine so they get to do what they want! I could have made a big thing out of it, but why?

I'm happy they got married as they'd been together for eight years and they've been married for fifteen years now.

Does that one day matter to me now - no!

 

[susanne]

Since you're not close to your brother, wouldn't you feel awkward being in the wedding party?

I'm SOOOOO glad that my soon-to-be-ex-sister-in-law-from-he11 did not ask me to be a bridesmaid!! I would have been so uncomfortable. Keith and I did perform the music at their reception and even got the hardcore Baptists up dancing... She asked my one sister (an incredible cook) to cater the reception, but then insisted on including weenies in ketchup and marshmallow jello!

My two other brothers married wonderful women who had their friends and sisters as bridesmaids...(my sisters and I joked about being "the three spinster sisters without a man in sight..."

When Keith and I were married, I knew my two sisters would kill me if I put them on the spot by asking them to be bridesmaids. Instead, one made my dress and the other catered the reception. One of my good sisters-in-law arranged the flowers. Keith's mother made it clear that she expected Keith to have his brother as best man (even though his brother wouldn't be the best man if he were the last man on earth). Keith had already asked his best friend, so he had two best men.

Oh, heck...I'm glad my family has a great sense of humor, or I'd probably be considered a sister-in-law-from-heck, too!

 

[stormo41]

Not that I am an specialist in marriage protocol. I believe the bride uses her friends and relatives in the bridal party. I think you should just be gracious and be thankful your brother has found the woman of his choosing and you should do what it takes to make the day memorable for them. Just my .02 cents worth

i also agree with geese.

Me and my brothers have agreed on one thing throughout out whole lives. If ever one of us gets married we will not touchier each other by asking eachother to be our wedding parties, Not that any of us plan on getting married anyway.

 

[billiethekid40]

Now, if you were HER only sister, then MAYBE you could wonder why you weren't in the wedding party, but if you aren't even close to your brother, you should be honored to do the guest book! Besides, if the ceremony gets long, you'll be glad you're sitting down, not standing with the wedding party. And hey, when you get married, you can make your brother an usher, instead of a groomsman. :lol:

 

[sfmini]

I am with Goose and KrisP.

You know, life is too short to get all bent out of shape over this. This is their day, they should have it the way they want.

Oh, and Kris, next time I come visit I want to see a picture of you in one of those dresses! :lol:

 

[minimama]

I would consider a bit of a slap in the face. Most weddings I have been to or helped with, the siblings of both sides are in teh wedding. Brides brother is an usher, grooms sister, a maid and so on. If you are not happy with what was asked of you, you can decline to do it and just enjoy the day and dressing up. maybe they will get the hint and you are off teh hook.

 

[wcr]

I can sympathize with a few hurt feelings but would get over it pretty quickly. In the big picture this is only one day in a lifetime and a couple years down the road it will have no meaning whatsoever. It isn't worth investing a lot of time over hurt feelings so just be supportive and help in any way you can and enjoy the experience.

 

[Magic]

I agree with those that have said not to sweat it. You and your brother don't get along, but his future wife is including you in a lot of the plans, so she apparently wants you in their lives. She could be helpful in healing whatever rift has become between you and your brother, even.

Just try to remember that it is THEIR day, and do what you can to help them make it a memorable and happy one.

 

[Frankie]

I really wouldn't worry about it so much. To each his own.

I'll give you a great one! My little brother and his soon to be bride decide that NEITHER family would be in the wedding. No one from either side. They wanted family members to sit and enjoy, not have to do any work. In their opinion it meant more,,,,,,,,,,,,,but to some siblings,,,,,,,, it was a disaster!!!!!!! Never have I seen so much arguing, by both families.

Got to admit, I kind of enjoyed, the just watching part.

 

[susanne]

I forgot to mention one issue in Keith's and my wedding...

Since my dad died when I was nine, both of my good sisters-in-law assumed that I would ask one of my brothers to give me away. I assured them that I didn't belong to either one of them and that nobody was going to give me away! Of course, even as a little girl I was not the cuddly little sweetie, but rather a prickly, independent, bullheaded tomboy, so I'm sure my brothers never would have expected such a request.

Dang, I'm just a party-pooper...

 

[ILoveMyGelding]

I guess I just shouldn't let it bother me. But it doesn't help that she's asking me to help her with all the plans. I really don't want to be a bridesmaid or the guestbook person. I'd be much happier sitting in the pew watcing them. No I won't do anything to ruin this day for them. I am not the immature one, my brother is. I've tried all of our lives to get along with him but I ruined his life the day I came into it. Or so that's what he says.

 

[Miniv]

Add me to the list of "DON'T SWEAT IT" and actually be relieved! (I was the groom's only sister and sibling still living and wasn't in the wedding party either.) After seeing what the wedding party had to go through - I was GLAD. :bgrin

A wedding is ONE DAY. After that day is over, it's the years that follow that you share with your brother and his wife that are the important ones.....

MA

 

[chandab]

My sister and I are 4 years apart and live 1000 miles apart, we have never really gotten along. My husband and his brother are 5 years apart and live 3 miles from each other.

My sister got married 10 years ago, she asked me to do the guestbook when I arrived for the wedding. Fine with me. It was a beautiful wedding, I'm glad I went and thankfully we now get along a little better (it's amazing what a 1000 miles will do).

When I got married, 3-1/2 years ago; I asked my best friend to be my matron of honor, my sister did my guestbook. My husband, who tolerates his brother; had his best friend be his best man and his brother was an usher. We had a beautiful wedding, despite the torrential down pour (water ran down the width of the street about 3-5" deep).

I say don't sweat it.