I'll start!
The first of my Holiday Bloopers began late in October when it was decided that I needed clothes….to go Christmas shopping in. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but here’s the thing: I go nowhere. No where at all except the occasional trip to Walmart for groceries and that’s it, so I don’t really need any nice clothes for any other reason. I know I’m a mess because I can destroy any article of clothing in record time just by being clumsy, spilling things or falling down or tripping over my own two feet so clothing is simply not a good investment for me. My kids used to threaten to call "What Not To Wear" on me so many times......That show couldn't begin to handle me. However, all I had left to wear was my barn clothing with assorted rips and stains so this summer I splurged on about four new tops and a couple pair of shorts to get me by on my Walmart shopping day. Then here comes winter and I was in the same place with stained and ripped up sweat suits which is what I wear all winter long. I have my good ones with no rips but a couple of stains that don’t show much and then there’s my barn ones that look like they’ve been eaten by rats. So finally Mr. Retirement said I HAD to go get a few new things to wear so I wouldn’t look like a bag lady all the time; especially when we would go Christmas shopping together in the big stores and maybe have a bite at a restaurant that didn’t have a drive-thru for once.
So ok. I headed out to the Mall for a couple of decent tops. Nothing fancy by no means, just something that I didn’t have to keep sewing up. I didn’t have anything decent to wear clothes shopping in the first place but I figured I could wear this giant big old sweater which would cover up a multitude of sins that I was wearing beneath it. I admit I looked like quite the homeless person because the sweater used to belong to my mother about 30 some odd years ago. The plan was to run in, grab a couple of blouses, and run like heck out and go home. I headed straight for Sears because let’s face it, nobody shops there and it should be slow on a Monday. I grabbed a cart which is force of habit, get part way in the store, headed for the escalator, and darn if my shoe didn’t break in half. Yes I have shoe issues also. I just don’t buy any, ever! I prefer my hot pink $7.00 Dollar Store crocks to any shoe in the world. So here’s me with my big fat clogs that are not from this century, from somewhere in the 1980’s as broke as broken can be. I had no other choice than to carry it and walk on one shoe to the shoe department to find a new pair of shoes. I have a very bad foot that needs surgery so I’m limited to getting a shoe with no back on it, thus the stupid clog. To make matters worse, I limp anyhow because my bad foot is on my right, and my bad knee which needs surgery too is on my left, so its a little bit crazy knowing what side I have to limp on any given day! And to loose a shoe, compounded the limping situation so badly I was trying not to laugh about it.
There was only one pair of shoes in the entire place that was my size and comfortable so I grabbed them and put them in the cart with my broken shoe and limped like crazy to the escalator. I parked the cart at the other escalator so when I came back down, it would be right there. After trying on some ten shirts and hating them all, I gave up and left only to find my cart went missing. I hobbled over to the nearest cashier to see if she took it but she was busy checking out a customer who she knew and decided to have quite a chat with her. She left me standing there for quite some time so I waited and waited as patiently as I could. Finally it was my turn and she tells me she hasn’t seen my cart but offered to help me find it. About that time I realized I left my sweater upstairs in the dressing room so back up there I went with my one shoe on my foot. Got the sweater, came back down and the lady had found my cart guess where? In the shoe department. I ended up in JCPenny for my tops that day, wearing my new shoes. I was very happy to get back home..
Now I have few really nice winter blouses, a couple pair of new slacks, new shoes, and I haven’t worn any of them yet because I’m afraid I’m going to wreck them the minute I go out the door and I will. We’re going Christmas shopping this weekend and Mr. Retirement has informed me that I’m not wearing my sweat suit or my pink crocks. Ok then.
This was my first blooper of the 2012 holiday season. There’s more too.
So, what’s your holiday blooper?
Merry Christmas.
The first of my Holiday Bloopers began late in October when it was decided that I needed clothes….to go Christmas shopping in. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but here’s the thing: I go nowhere. No where at all except the occasional trip to Walmart for groceries and that’s it, so I don’t really need any nice clothes for any other reason. I know I’m a mess because I can destroy any article of clothing in record time just by being clumsy, spilling things or falling down or tripping over my own two feet so clothing is simply not a good investment for me. My kids used to threaten to call "What Not To Wear" on me so many times......That show couldn't begin to handle me. However, all I had left to wear was my barn clothing with assorted rips and stains so this summer I splurged on about four new tops and a couple pair of shorts to get me by on my Walmart shopping day. Then here comes winter and I was in the same place with stained and ripped up sweat suits which is what I wear all winter long. I have my good ones with no rips but a couple of stains that don’t show much and then there’s my barn ones that look like they’ve been eaten by rats. So finally Mr. Retirement said I HAD to go get a few new things to wear so I wouldn’t look like a bag lady all the time; especially when we would go Christmas shopping together in the big stores and maybe have a bite at a restaurant that didn’t have a drive-thru for once.
So ok. I headed out to the Mall for a couple of decent tops. Nothing fancy by no means, just something that I didn’t have to keep sewing up. I didn’t have anything decent to wear clothes shopping in the first place but I figured I could wear this giant big old sweater which would cover up a multitude of sins that I was wearing beneath it. I admit I looked like quite the homeless person because the sweater used to belong to my mother about 30 some odd years ago. The plan was to run in, grab a couple of blouses, and run like heck out and go home. I headed straight for Sears because let’s face it, nobody shops there and it should be slow on a Monday. I grabbed a cart which is force of habit, get part way in the store, headed for the escalator, and darn if my shoe didn’t break in half. Yes I have shoe issues also. I just don’t buy any, ever! I prefer my hot pink $7.00 Dollar Store crocks to any shoe in the world. So here’s me with my big fat clogs that are not from this century, from somewhere in the 1980’s as broke as broken can be. I had no other choice than to carry it and walk on one shoe to the shoe department to find a new pair of shoes. I have a very bad foot that needs surgery so I’m limited to getting a shoe with no back on it, thus the stupid clog. To make matters worse, I limp anyhow because my bad foot is on my right, and my bad knee which needs surgery too is on my left, so its a little bit crazy knowing what side I have to limp on any given day! And to loose a shoe, compounded the limping situation so badly I was trying not to laugh about it.
There was only one pair of shoes in the entire place that was my size and comfortable so I grabbed them and put them in the cart with my broken shoe and limped like crazy to the escalator. I parked the cart at the other escalator so when I came back down, it would be right there. After trying on some ten shirts and hating them all, I gave up and left only to find my cart went missing. I hobbled over to the nearest cashier to see if she took it but she was busy checking out a customer who she knew and decided to have quite a chat with her. She left me standing there for quite some time so I waited and waited as patiently as I could. Finally it was my turn and she tells me she hasn’t seen my cart but offered to help me find it. About that time I realized I left my sweater upstairs in the dressing room so back up there I went with my one shoe on my foot. Got the sweater, came back down and the lady had found my cart guess where? In the shoe department. I ended up in JCPenny for my tops that day, wearing my new shoes. I was very happy to get back home..
Now I have few really nice winter blouses, a couple pair of new slacks, new shoes, and I haven’t worn any of them yet because I’m afraid I’m going to wreck them the minute I go out the door and I will. We’re going Christmas shopping this weekend and Mr. Retirement has informed me that I’m not wearing my sweat suit or my pink crocks. Ok then.
This was my first blooper of the 2012 holiday season. There’s more too.
So, what’s your holiday blooper?
Merry Christmas.
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