Advice on a relative's wedding

[KanoasDestiny]

Ok here's the situation...my brother-in-law got married almost exactly a year ago in a little chapel in Vegas. Him and his wife didn't do anything fancy... they didn't get all dressed up or have a best man/woman, and only immediate family and friends were invited. However, they did welcome gifts, and my husband and I gave them a pretty big amount of money as our gift.

On their one year anniversary (next month), they are having another wedding, where they are inviting everyone that wasn't invited before, dressing up, and having a reception and the works.

Here's our dilema...do we have to give them another gift? My husband is the best man, and he's afraid he'll look bad if he shows up empty handed. However, I read in Dear Abby that gifts are not supposed to be given the second time around. What do you all think??? Personally, I think the whole thing is beyond stupid, but I don't want my opinion to bias whether we give another gift or not.

 

[Reijel's Mom]

I personally wouldn't give a gift in this situation and wouldn't feel bad about it.

 

[Magic]

You already gave a gift, and IMO this seems like a ploy to get MORE gifts/money out of people. But regardless, you aren't required to give another wedding gift. Since your husband is the best man, you and he could give a (small) gift as an anniversary present, if you so chose. But if your brother in law doesn't give you and your husband gifts on your anniversary, I'd say you are totally off the hook!

 

[Miniv]

This may sound crass, but did they acknowledge your large monetary gift?

You may want to give them a small "token" gift........otherwise, just a card with a special personal message to them.

IMO, you shouldn't be pressed into providing another major wedding gift or check.

 

[susanne]

On the other hand...

A gift is one way of saying, "We're really happy you're part of our family and we love you both."

...and if you don't feel this way, why would your husband stand as best man? What matters is not what everyone thinks, but what is in your heart.

When is a gift ever necessary? If a gift would be a financial burden, then surely they would not expect anything; otherwise, why not just give a gift because you love them and want to show your appreciation for them? It needn't be extravagant...but a heartfelt and meaningful gift is always appropriate.

 

[h2t99]

I would get a really nice card and write a very nice note in there about how happy you are for them on their anniversary and put it into the card box at the reception!! That would be the extent of the gift I would give!! Or another thought would be to donate a small amount of money to a charity in their name, and put a note in the very nice card what you have done!!!!

 

[CyndiM]

When I was reading your post my thoughts were the same as Maryann's, a small token gift IMO would suffice and would keep your hubby from feeling bad.

Why not a nice picture frame with a picture from their first wedding that maybe they don't have.

 

[susanne]

I think CyndiM's idea of a photo from their first wedding is beautiful.

 

[Marty]

I wouldn't show up empty handed.

I would get them a small gift.

 

[bingo]

I seriously doubt this is a ploy to receive more gifts. It is not uncommon for those that had a small wedding to then have a larger celebration, renewal of vows type of thing at a anniversary.

You have to do what you feel comfortable with and I think I personally would not feel comfortable going in empty handed to a ceremony my husband was a best man at.

I might not choose to give a large monetary gift but something like a frame or some other small household item is very appropriate.

 

[KanoasDestiny]

Thank you so much everyone. I hadn't even thought about giving an anniversary card, rather than a wedding card. I think my husband will agree with that idea. Also loved the picture frame and charity ideas. I knew that you guys would be a huge help.