Sonya
Well-Known Member
>How Many Riders Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
>
>This amusing list landed in the EquiSearch mailbox--a tongue-in-cheek look
>at the various equestrian types.
>Author Unknown
>
>WESTERN PLEASURE RIDERS:
>Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver
>and spangles all glow to their best and so that all the highlighter on Old
>Peanut Head makes his nose look so smooth and sparkly. Oh, maybe you
>without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't ride, you can
>do it.
>
>ENDURANCE RIDER:
>Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse
>respiration/hydration levels down to respectable levels. Once that is
>done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing
>a light bulb.
>
>DRESSAGE QUEEN:
>Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to
>subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash
>your hands when you are finished. The very thought!
>
>CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN:
>These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great
>patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical
>masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but
>will forever be just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any
>type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the
>principles of classical light bulb changing.
>
>EVENTER:
>Wuss! As soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at
>that stone wall while riding heck Bent for Leather cross-country, I'll
>change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It'll put hair on your chest..
>Only dressage riders require lights, anyway.
>
>SHOW JUMPER:
>Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world
>knows that the sun shines out of my rear. Why, when I release over a jump,
>the spectators are practically blinded.
>
>NATURAL HORSEMAN:
>You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the
>Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video set available
for
>$179.00 on my Web site). Once you have done this, you will find that there
>is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb
>will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb
>coaxer" designed by me--$99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get an
>introductory video thrown in), behave as all good light bulbs should.
>
>HUNTER RIDER:
>Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's changing
>light bulbs somewhere else right now.
>
>FOX HUNTER:
>As soon as we finish with the hunt breakfast, Darling, and polish off
>what's left in our flasks... heck we only need light at 5 AM to braid on a
>High Holy Day. We're used to catching our horses in the dark! OK, so after
>we collect all the hounds, hose our horses and ourselves down, have
>another glass of refreshment, I'll send someone else out to do it later, I
>need a nap.
>
>
>This amusing list landed in the EquiSearch mailbox--a tongue-in-cheek look
>at the various equestrian types.
>Author Unknown
>
>WESTERN PLEASURE RIDERS:
>Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver
>and spangles all glow to their best and so that all the highlighter on Old
>Peanut Head makes his nose look so smooth and sparkly. Oh, maybe you
>without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't ride, you can
>do it.
>
>ENDURANCE RIDER:
>Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse
>respiration/hydration levels down to respectable levels. Once that is
>done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing
>a light bulb.
>
>DRESSAGE QUEEN:
>Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to
>subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash
>your hands when you are finished. The very thought!
>
>CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN:
>These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great
>patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical
>masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but
>will forever be just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any
>type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the
>principles of classical light bulb changing.
>
>EVENTER:
>Wuss! As soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at
>that stone wall while riding heck Bent for Leather cross-country, I'll
>change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It'll put hair on your chest..
>Only dressage riders require lights, anyway.
>
>SHOW JUMPER:
>Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world
>knows that the sun shines out of my rear. Why, when I release over a jump,
>the spectators are practically blinded.
>
>NATURAL HORSEMAN:
>You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the
>Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video set available
for
>$179.00 on my Web site). Once you have done this, you will find that there
>is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb
>will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb
>coaxer" designed by me--$99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get an
>introductory video thrown in), behave as all good light bulbs should.
>
>HUNTER RIDER:
>Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's changing
>light bulbs somewhere else right now.
>
>FOX HUNTER:
>As soon as we finish with the hunt breakfast, Darling, and polish off
>what's left in our flasks... heck we only need light at 5 AM to braid on a
>High Holy Day. We're used to catching our horses in the dark! OK, so after
>we collect all the hounds, hose our horses and ourselves down, have
>another glass of refreshment, I'll send someone else out to do it later, I
>need a nap.
>
