Guys, I'm kind of freaking out

[hobbyhorse23]

I'm not doing well with this. We lost my mother's Arab two weeks ago at 30 years old and the whole family was just lost in grief. I hurt so bad I didn't even dare post it here because I knew I'd babble for four pages on what he meant to us and way too many details about that last day. I got a call at work telling me to come home, he was being put down.

Today, I got another call. After I went to bed early last night my dad went out to feed the boys their late night snack and noted Spyder had not cleaned up his dinner and wasn't interested in his hay. He came and got Mom and when she went out Spyder was shivering hard and didn't want carrots, etc. She threw a warm cooler and a sheet on him for lack of a blanket and checked on him all night and said in the note I found this morning before work that he had laid down and was fine and eating carrots by 3:30AM when she last checked him.

Well I'd overslept and so wasn't able to do more than check him out the window before leaving for work but he was out playing with Kody and looked bright-eyed and fine so I didn't worry. Mom called and left a message while I was at work. As I reached for the phone and dialed my voicemail I realized my hands were shaking and my stomach in knots and it took me hours to figure out why. After last week, I was expecting to hear that he was deathly ill or already gone. As it turns out, right now he isn't but something isn't right. This horse is historically either really ill (allergic reactions with lots of swelling, obvious choke episodes, etc.) or totally healthy. He's never had an off day in the 14 years I've had him, nor has he ever turned down a meal unless he was sedated. I was severely disturbed to find out that he was not even interested in carrots last night, and "lying down" meant he not only had been down but had STAYED down while Mother walked around him and touched him all over. She's not his special person and he hasn't ever even let me within twenty feet of him in a reclining position, ever! I'm so terrified now. She says this morning he once again is not wanting carrots, not eating well, and generally just not right.

I can't do this again, I just can't. I can't lose two of them in two weeks- I think it would kill me. I burst into tears in the lunch room after she called, just completely lost it.

I know he'll be fine, but for gosh sakes someone say all those comforting things to me. I feel so afraid. I can't do this twice.

Leia

 

[crponies]

I hate it when any of mine are sick, and I can't imagine what it would be like if I had just lost one. If it helps you any to know, I am praying for Spyder.

 

[Miniv]

Leia,

I know what you are going through.....

We lost a wonderful longtime mare earlier this year and I didn't think I could go through another loss like that again ........but .......I did.

If the horse says she (or he) is ready, we as their earthly caretakers don't have a lot of choice, unfortunately.

We had to say good bye to another lovely mare a couple of months later and somehow we managed it. This time it was not health related but old age........I will tell you that when the time comes you WILL find the strength.

Wish I could give you more reassurance than that. But when our equine companions want to go, they don't give us a whole lot of choice but to be strong and understand their wishes.

Blessings,

Maryann

 

[hobbyhorse23]

He ISN'T ready to go.

I just had him out last night and he was practically dragging me down the road, bright-eyed and snorting and begging me to ride him. He was chasing Kody and following me all over the yard begging to go out and whickering for his dinner and and and...

He isn't ready to go. He just isn't.

That is the one thing I can usually tell long before my Mom can and I'm not getting that vibe from him. She says he's not depressed, just sort of introspective.

Thanks for the prayers.

Leia

 

[SunQuest]

I so understand how you are feeling. My first experience right out of highschool was with a special horse and a special dog that passed away within 3 weeks of each other. It is a feeling that I will never ever forget, and one that to this day brings tears to my eyes. This happened in 1986.

And while my sister and I were devistated beyond all belief, I can tell you that you will survive should you experience the same. I am afraid that I have lived it and know it.

And then this year. We lost a mini and had another very close to the edge of another being lost within 8 days of each other.

No amount of time or preporation can prepare you for a loss of any kind no matter how much time there is between them.

I am so sorry about the loss of your Arabian. I lost mine at 18 years young (1995) from a tumor. Wasn't easy on me then, not easy on me now, and those Arabs have a way of warming ones heart like no other.

As for your Spyder... He is definately greiving. No doubt about that, especially if he is introspective and he knew your mare. Our large old Appy became introspective as well at the loss of our Arab.

But you are right to be concerned over the not eating and the laying down and not getting up. Get a vet to check him please. If the vet says he is just grieving, at least it will bring some peice to your mind. With his age, you can't be too careful.

Many huge ((((((((hugs))))))))) to you, and keeping Spyder and you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[justanothercowgirl]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the stress you are going through. I will send good thoughts and prayers for you and of course a big forum (((((((HUG))))))))

 

[hobbyhorse23]

As for your Spyder... He is definately greiving. No doubt about that, especially if he is introspective and he knew your mare. Our large old Appy became introspective as well at the loss of our Arab.

I apologize for replying to every post, it's a slow day here at work and I'm obsessing in lue(?) of being able to go home.

No, the funny thing is he's not. The first couple days after Bo died Spyder acted a little unsettled and clingy with me and the mini but was otherwise better than I had expected. When we removed the body on Thursday (he died on Tuesday) Spyder suddenly seemed to realize after dark that he was gone and paced the fenceline and called for him for an hour or so. He sounded more forlorn then desperate. That was Nov. 10 and he's been fine since then, spending a lot of time with Kody and chowing down with gusto. He's enjoying having the run of Bo's pasture (it's better than Spyder's) and eating in Bo's better stall.

Spyder is a dominant guy and never really developed a friendship with the departed horse, just liked beating up on him and not being alone. That's why I'm so concerned with this sudden not wanting to eat. He was fine at dinner last night! And out playing with the mini this morning. But something's not right.

Argh. I'm going to go buy him a nice winter blanket after work and spend a few hours out in the barn loving on him to see what's going on.

 

[Valerie]

I just wanted to send my good thoughts & prayers, I am sorry you are going through this right now. I hope you can take some comfort in the fact that others out here are sending good thoughts your way. I hope he gets to feeling better soon!!

 

[Candleliteranch]

I lost my gelding and our 30 yr old mare seemed to take it all in stride, actually better than I expected. About 2 weeks or so later, she stopped eating, drinking, lost the spring in her step and the sparkle was gone from her eye. I still don't know for sure what was going on. I spent a lot of time with her, just talking and brushing, telling her how special she is and how improtant of a role she is in our lives. Lo and behold, three days later she began eating and drinking. the empty look is gone from her eyes and the spring is back in her step. She is still 30 years old and her time will come, but I guess she decided that this just wasn't the right time for her to leave us. Thogh she and Diablo had a very close friendship, I don't think that always has to be the case for them to be upset over the loss of a herdmate. Sometimes just the aabsence of your Arab and the changing dynamics can cause an upset.

I am by no means suggesting that you should not consult a vet. There very well may be an underlying cause for the way she's acting that you don't see on the surface. In any case, prayers for both of you for a healing heart. PM me if you want to talk about your Arab. I totally understand how you feel as I just went through this.

You take care.....

 

[sedeh]

You know your own horse and it seems that you're worried that it's something serious. Everytime that I have ignored my "something's not right feeling" I have regretted it! Please have a vet come look at Spyder.

 

[nootka]

Awww, Leia, I know you must be so afraid and tense right now.

I've heard numerous stories of delayed reaction of grieving over a loss, usually the same time frame, too.

I have hope that he will pick up and go on, but I think he needs time to readjust and find his feet, so to speak.

You know your horse best, and hopefully when you can see him, you can make a good decision about how to handle things. I don't know that it wouldn't be a good idea to talk with your vet about it and see if they think a visit would be in order.

I know my old mare, Gramma, I find myself watching her very closely, and she will go through off phases now and then that get me on edge, or even sleep too hard in the pasture some days, giving me fits. But she is still here, beginning her 30th winter and full of life in her long fur coat.

I do understand and I bet Spyder has more time than you think left to give you grey hairs.

Liz M.

(please do keep us posted either way when you have time...now I'm worried, too. I did not know about your mother's horse and I'm sorry for that loss...they are so special...)

 

[luvmycritters]

Sorry for the loss of your mom's horse, I hope that Spyder will be ok - please keep us posted, Lori

 

[rabbitsfizz]

I agree this could just be a delayed reaction. It could also be a chill - you said he was shaking?? Can you get him on some a/b's??? Have you taken his temp?? Leia my heart goes out to you, I have been where you are standing, in my case I watched the mare being born as well. It was my privilege to hold her as she was sent on her way, but, even now, ten years later, I miss her!! I still cry for her. I hope this is just another of Spyders "glitches" but, I always expect the worst- that way everything else can only be better!!

 

[hobbyhorse23]

Update this AM: Gosh, I feel sort of silly now. It was torturing me so much hearing mom say he was doing all these totally out-of-character things and not being able to go out and see him and judge for myself, but when I went out last night as soon as I got home from work it's like nothing had ever happened. I think you're right, Fizz: "glitch" is the word!

Mom went out with me and was saying he'd been like a completely different horse last night but he was clearly back to being himself. He didn't whicker at me at first, but he was sure bright-eyed and begging for treats as I loved on him and groomed him and put his new toasty winter blanket on him. I couldn't quite tell if he was nervous (expecting a shot or something) or cold when he was uncovered for grooming, but he settled again as soon as he was covered so I'm thinking this really may have something to do with being cold. Weird! He's been fine until now and temps are only in the 40's even at night, but maybe it's the damp from the heavy fog we've had all week. In any case his temperature was normal when mom took it yesterday afternoon and he was back to ripping hay out of my hands and wadding it up by dinner.

I don't think he's ever had a hot meal before though.

I brought out a kettle of hot water and poured it over his beet pulp to encourage him to eat (yes, testing the temperature with my finger before feeding it to him) and he stuck his nose in it, made a face and gave me this look like "What did you do THAT for? You ruined it!"

I had to bribe him with more senior feed poured on top to get him to even try it.

Silly horse.

So for now he's all tucked into a slightly over-sized, wrong color blanket and will stay there for the foreseeable future or until the mini decides it makes a great handle for catching the big horse. I think I will be the only one this holiday giving thanks for wadded up hay and dirtier-than-usual stalls.

Thank you all SO MUCH for your prayers and support, I'm sure it made the difference for him and I know it did for me. I will keep an eye out for signs of grieving and of course will be spending extra time with him when I can to make sure he's okay. I love this horse like nothing else. Bo was one in a million, but the partnership I have with Spyder is pretty incredible and means the world to both me and him. He's my baby, my trooper, my old man and braveheart.

There is one thing though....After blanketing the mini last winter, a 72" blanket seems so darn HUGE!

LOL

Blessings from my barn to yours,

Leia and Spyder and Kody too.

 

[bfogg]

Hobbyhorse,

please email me.

Bonnie

 

[Hosscrazy]

I'm glad to hear he's feeling better this morning! I do hope you get in touch with Bonnie - she'll be able to tell you things that could really help you out.

As far as the grieving goes, yes, it does take a long time. I lost my senior mare at the end of July and found myself getting choked up this morning just thinking about it. Give yourself time to heal, and again, I do hope you contact Bonnie.

Best,

Liz R.