Had to watch my baby led away in handcuffs last night!!

[lvponies]

My daughter is only 16. She's gotten involved in doing drugs. As a result, she's gotten physically violent with my husband, my 14 year old daughter and me. Sunday night I found her at a known drug dealer's house with her boyfriend (who is 19). As they walked out of the house, he had to support Mary as she was staggering and having trouble walking. I got her in my car and immediately noticed that she was slurring her words, sounding hoarse and at times sqeeky when she spoke. Got her home and the night from heck started. Fighting, screaming, attacking us, breaking things, her boyfriend calling and being nasty. Found about 10 pills in her purse and looked them up on the internet. Said they were Tylenol 3 with codeine for which she doesn't have a prescription. She threatened us with a knife, a large shard of glass from a broken mirror, a broken glass candle holder and a door stop. We didn't get to bed until about 3:00 AM. Didn't call the police as we had done that back at the end of December when similar things happened. The police said then that there wasn't anything they could do with her. Couldn't take her anywhere even though my husband and I were bleeding and she had broken my glasses. Apparently in WV, they have to get a prosecutor into the magistrate's office and have a hearing in order to put her in juvie. They said at that time that the prosecutors usually wouldn't do it.

So....anyway....yesterday was quiet as she stayed in bed most of the day. Had told her that she couldn't use the phone to call her boyfriend and if he was caught over here, we would have him arrested for trespassing. Told him that too. My younger daughter and I went out to get takeout for dinner. I came back and Mary had attacked my husband trying to get to the phone. I called 911. 2 policemen came, one with a drug dog. As they were walking in the front door, Mary attacked her sister. The police came in and put her in handcuffs and sat her hiney down. Told them everything that had happened the night before and gave them the pills we found. They brought the drug dog in but all he found was pot residue in her room. Mary admitted while they were here that she had done heroin the night before and that she had stolen the pills (which were really Darvocets) from her grandmother's medicine cabinet when we were there the day before. My M-I-L has chronic pain from her back and her legs. When I called her about the pills, she said that she had a brand new bottle with 100 pills in it that was hidden in her cabinet. There were 51 pills missing out of the bottle ( we only found about 10 pills in Mary's purse)!! I really emphasized with the policemen that we were afraid for our lives and couldn't live like this. One of them told us that he wouldn't leave her here and would find a way to get her to juvie. It look a couple of hours and sending a State Trooper to a prosecutor's home to bring him in for the special hearing, but the policeman was good on his word. They led my baby girl out of the door into a police car in handcuffs.

I have mixed emotions about all this. I know being in juvie is a good thing. It will get her away from the boyfriend, get her away from drugs and hopefully she will do some hard thinking in there and decide to straighten out her life. But......it was just so hard seeing her taken away. She's my first born and I love her. Regardless of what she's done, she will always have my heart.

:

The policemen said that she will have a hearing where it will be determined how long she would stay in juvie. They said to expect that she will be there at least through the summer, but it could be longer. She will be a senior in high school this year. Hate to think she will miss all that, but she really brought this on herself. I had told her back in December that if she wanted to live with us that she had to abide by our rules......no drugs, respect at all times for her family....just being a good girl or else!!

It seems weird without her here. She called a few minutes ago and I guess she's doing ok. Told her I loved her and hoped she would do some thinking while she's in there. Only got attitude back from her. Didn't expect anything different!!

Just on a side note re the boyfriend.....when Mary was acting up in December and we called 911, they searched her room and found naked pix of her and the boyfriend. The boyfriend was found guilty of contributing to the delinquency of a minor and did some jail time. Just got out at the end of April. Anyway.....last night they found letters he had written Mary while he was in jail. I hadn't read them, but they said since there was sexual content in them and he had written them while being in jail due to nude pix, that they may be able to arrest him. Hope they do!!!

If you get a chance, I would appreciate your thoughts and prayers for Mary. She's not normally a bad kid, but drugs and the wrong choice of a boyfriend have her started down a path that I'd rather she get off of. NOW!!

Thank you for listening and being there for me. I really do appreciate it!!

Kim

 

[Danielle_E.]

Oh Kim :no: what a heavy burden you have as a mother. You did the most loving thing you could have and that took "guts". I hope your entire family can "heal" but especially your daughter. She has her whole life ahead of her and hopefully she will now be able to "see" that where she is and can't get at the drugs. Bless all of you, your entire family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I don't think there is anything more difficult than raising children. Hugs to you.

 

[LindaL]

I'm really sorry to hear about the things that are going on with your daughter. While I think that juvie may be good to keep her (and your family) safe for now...she is still a drug addict and will need intensive treatment. I hope you will get it for her, so you can have your daughter "back".

Good luck and keep us updated.

 

[Marty]

What a mess. I'm so sorry.

Although my kids were never into drugs or alcohol, they still got in all sorts of other stupid troubles. At one point, the hus decided to play hardball with Michael and tried "tuff love" . I must tell you that it backfired terribly and just made matters worse so go slowly in making your decisions.

I know here for a fact that in juvi-jail there are plenty of drugs to be had easily, so don't kid yourself in thinking that it's necessarily a good place, but at least she is away from the boyfriend. In this state we have something called "unruly teen" but not sure exactly how that works but you may want to check and see what is available to you in yours. There must be a way to get her some therapy/counselling/rehab available.

I hope you can find someone qualified to help guide you through this difficult time.

I am so very sorry this has happened to your family.

 

[Mona]

Oh no, I am so very sorry. You did the right thing, and what needed to be done. When she gets out, the healing and rehabilitation will have to continue. These drugs drugs out there are ruining, and even ending our children's lives. :no: Wishing you the best of luck, from one concerned Mom to another. (((HUGS)))

 

[zoey829]

Oh Kim I am so sorry for you. I had no idea you were going through this. I have seen your posts on the other board and you have been so helpful. Now it is my turn.

Your situation is so sad. Remember it is the drugs talking not her. So you have to do what you have to do. Her getting help is the best thing. You mentioned her being a senior. Belive me if she dont get help she would not get through her senior yr. She can always go back. She is so beyond the senior yr right now. You also need to focus on your other daughter too. This is a long road ahead. Dont give up. What I have seen the most is parents in denial. Love her and be thier for her. I lost my nephew this yr to drugs. He hung himself in my brothers barn. SO sad. It was all drug related. Please get her away frm the boyfriend. Take you safety seriously and do what you can to help her but not in harms way of your other daughter.

I know I am rambling but I have seen this way too often. I am a high school teacher and I have heartbreak every year.

My cousin's son has a court date for drung on the 11th. I pray they send him for help since his mother is in such denial about the whole drug thing. You are not alone. You and your family are in my prayers!!!

Love ya

 

[ClickMini]

I am so terribly sorry you are going through this. Your experience is pretty much identical to what I was going through 3 years ago. We experienced your exact same scenario at one point. My daughter was declared an "At Risk Youth" on our petition, which gave us an opportunity to have court-assigned sanctions placed on her if she did not perform to our agreements. At one point after that my daughter overdosed on alcohol and cocaine, and was admitted to the hospital not breathing. My baby was a heartbeat away from death. It was the worst, darkest, most horrible period of my life, and hers. We have come back from that brink, thank goodness. She is now a young mother of an absolutely perfectly beautiful daughter, completed her GED, and is attending beauty school. She still has some bumps in the road here and there, but is really starting to get it together. I am so proud of her. My prayers will be with your family as you travel this path, it is a long one, rocky and difficult. At some points you may be on your knees begging for mercy. You are not alone. Stay with your baby, she needs you more than ever though she will never admit it. When my daughter was violent I wrapped my arms around her like a straight jacket and would not let go. The entire time I would be saying over and over again, I can't let you do this, I love you too much to let this go on. I have had my glasses broken, I have been bitten, hit and kicked at various times at pretty much that age 15-16. My daughter and I are now pretty close, she is 19 years. She knows that no matter what she can count on me, not to enable, but to love unconditionally. Sending huge hugs and much love to you, you are going to need all the strength you can muster to get through this.

Edited to add: I know what it is like to be scared of your child. During my daughter's problems I had installed a deadbolt on my bedroom door and I was scared that either she or someone she knew would hurt my animals to get back at me. I pretty much slept with one eye open at all times. Back then, I am sure she would have been glad to know I had those feelings. But now I know that it hurts her heart to know she did that to me. Keep believing in your daughter and in a good outcome, never let it go. There will be a bright and beautiful sunrise on the other side of this darkest of nights.

 

[Crabby-Chicken]

You have done the right thing, definately. I worry about you, your husband and daughter. What trauma to go through for all of you. She, has made her choices. You guys did not choose to live like this. I hope there are state interventions that can help your family. I am so sorry for all of you. It is heck.

 

[zoey829]

I am so glad you had a happy ending. Your daughter sounds like she bloomed into a beautiful woman. Kudos to you and her.

 

[tifflunn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} and more {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry- Please hang in there – we are probably a month ahead of you with our (just turned 18 ) son- He has been fighting with drugs and his issues on and off for a few years now- he had the option of cleaning up or leaving- he left -came back-treatments are available ( no good unless they want the help) had to call the police due his viloence ( not the first time), hired drug dogs to check our place out for drugs-suspensions from schools, jail time- anyhow been there done that and still doing that-(he is not living with us at the moment and due to his issues can not return here unless he is actively seeking help for his issues) your familys safety must come first ( and your younger children- and we also know what being afraid of your child is like) and then you do what you can to help your child through the situations they are in- - this is a heart wrenching issue with no one answer or easy solutions as you already know.

Feel free to PM even just to vent. We are thinking of you!

Tiffany

 

[MeadowRidge Farm]

Kim, I am so sorry you and your family have to go thru all of this. You have done the right thing, by getting her the help she needs. Prayers and hugs for you and your family while you ogo thru this horrible time. Corinne

 

[PaintedPromiseRanch]

oh Kim!!!! there just aren't words... i am so sorry to hear of your troubles, sending lots of {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} your way!!!!! lots of good advice here sounds like, i guess i am lucky because i have no experience with this.... unless you count an ex-husband. i cannot imagine how horrible this must be for you. please do not forget we are all here for you

:

 

[FoRebel]

Oh Kim, I'm sorry that this has happened to your family. Hopefully things will turn out for the better and you, your family and daughter can get some help now. Remember she hasn't only hurt herself but she has abused you and your family too, so your family may benifit from some outside help as well....

HUGS! My thoughts and prayers are with your daughter, you and your family!

 

[wildoak]

I empathize with you, it's not an easy road nor is it one that will get behind you for a long time to come. Glad your daughter is in a safe place, and prayers that she is able to get clean and stay clean.

Jan

 

[Cara]

:

:

: yea of course i will pray for your family , i had a friend sorta like that but he didn't get to the point were he would try to hurt people. thank god i got to him in time. i know how you feel, its hard hopefully mary will come around, and have more respect for herself and you. i will pray evey nite

:

 

[lvponies]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers!! I really, really appreciate it very much!! This is so heart wrenching for me, but I know we're doing the right thing.

Her case manager called me this morning to tell me about visitor's hours and phone calls. She's allowed 1 phone call Tuesday and Thursday evenings for a max of 10 minutes. Only her immediate family is allowed to have contact with her. Visiting hours are on Saturdays and Sundays for 1/2 hour. The state has appointed an attorney for her who will be representing her interests. I guess the 1st step will be a preliminary hearing where they determine if there are grounds to move forward. Chances are that she will be referred to another facility where she will undergo a 2 month psychological evaluation to determine what is best to do for her. I guess we wait and see. When Mary called this morning, she said that she will have her hearing and get out of there. Don't think so!!

The case manager said that I have the option to contact Mary's attorney and have him request bond for her. I told her that I don't want Mary home at this point. She was very nice and told me to not feel guilty for feeling that way. She said some parents do bond their kids out and they never learn that there are consequences for their actions!! Tough Love......here we go!!!

Mary will be going to school while she's there as they have school all year round. The case mgr said the teachers are very good and all have their masters degrees. She said that the guidance counselor there will contact the guidance counselor at the high school and try to make sure Mary is working on all her credits to graduate in May 08. She said the credits earned there will be transferred to the high school.

Mary has a concrete room by herself with a concrete slab coming out of the wall. There is a pad on the concrete slab for her mattress and a steel toilet in the room. The doors are open/closed by a control panel, so no one is allowed in her room except her. They furnish all her toiletry items. Doubt if she will be getting the expensive shampoos and hair products that she is used to!! The case mgr said it is a jail. She wanted to prepare me for when we visit that Mary will be wearing an orange jumpsuit.

So......I just hope she learns something from all this and changes her life around!!!

 

[~Karen~]

{{{HUGS}}} I feel your pain,

I am so sorry to hear that for you, your husband and Mary. I hope that they can get her the help she needs and that she does alot of thinking and soul-searching while she is spending time in there. By the sounds of it, I don't like the way the laws are in your area when it comes to this sort of thing, what you had to go through before receiving help. It's sad that she got caught up in such a bad choice for a boyfriend. Can you get a restraining order against him? If there is any way possible that you can get her into a treatment facility, I'd be glad to reccommend Deveroux near Galvaston Tx. My daughter had to go there and I was really pleased with their program. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be glad to listen. I've been down some rocky roads with my own 1st born daughter (although not quite the same situation, but some very difficult times still yet). Just PM me. I'll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. I know it is so hard to raise children and especially teenagers and during this day and age.

~Karen

 

[zoey829]

Belive it or not you are on the right track. Dont feel bad about the bond. You have to protect your family and her. I looked at your web site and those girls are beautiful! May God bless. Please keep us posted.

 

[Jill]

Kim --

I am sorry for what you and your family are going through! I think that it may be a blessing that your daughter is as young as she is right now -- where you are able to force her to help at this age and if she were older, it would probably be harder. I will be thinking of you!

Jill

 

[mydaddysjag]

If they cant keep her in a juvinile system she may be better off in a residential program. Hate to admit it but about 10 years ago I was pretty out of control (not on drugs etc) and my family had me admitted to a residential program. I hated them for it for the first few months, but now Im glad thats what they did, or who knows what I would be doing now. The residential program is structured, it has school there, they have group meetings geared towards things like drug abuse, peer pressure, depression etc. Every minute of your day is basically scheduled for you, but it teaches kids structure. I have known plenty of kids who go through juvenile to only come out knowing more ways to get away with or be sneaky about the same crap they were doing before they went in. The residential program actually TEACHES you why not to do the stuff, the consequences, etc. In the last 2 years I have had a few friends and aquantiences die over drug related things, and I only wish that their parents would have known what to do with them before it esciladed to the level it did. I lived in the residential for a few months, with visitation only on weekends, and after a while I was allowed to go home for the weekends and holidays. It was good that way because it transitioned me back into home life, and it was testing me to see if I could control myself at home.

I went from an out of control kid who attacked family, didnt go to school, and basically did what I wanted (thorugh NO FAULT OF MY FAMILY) to a pretty well rounded young adult progressing in life well. Im golad my mom had the strength to send me away to somewhere to get help, or who knows where I would be now.