Had to watch my baby led away in handcuffs last night!!

[AppyLover2]

I admire your strength!!! It's hard turning someone we love over to others, but in extreme cases it's the best thing we can do for....them and for ourselves. Stay strong. I finally contacted the authorities when I realized someone who knew more than I did was the only hope. A mother's love endures slights, pain and indifference. Actually.....I think being a parent is very over-rated!!

:

 

[MInx]

:aktion033: BRAVO! How very brave of you to vent all this to us but then you know we are a 'family' and have all had our own trials and tribulations!

Is there any chance the court could send her to the West say to Utah to one of those rehab ranches? If it's ordered through the court the state will pay for it , if not it costs about $4000 a month!

We know!

We faced this same stuff minus the drugs, and never got the child in question out there due to not being arressted so no court involved and our family certainly doesn't have that kind of money.!

I know there's been some negative press about "Outward Bound" type stuff and the return rate isn't terrific but it can help and youd know she was safe and you could get your family a respite from what must be substantial stress.

Just an idea you might ask the court about.

Maxine

 

[MBhorses]

:no: i am so sorry for your hurting with your daughter. My brothers got into drugs, that is why we have custody of my neice right now Skylar. Drugs can't hurt, kick and destroy them and those they care about. My boys got so bad they sold all their stuff in their house. They both stole money and things from friends and family members. Both have been in and out of,but go back to the bad stuff again. The Lord has help our family alot without him we will be lost. We will be praying for you all.

: Know you are not the only one who has or is going throught this. We try to tell others about my brothers to maybe help someone else from doing it.

God bless you all,

melissa

 

[Miniv]

Bless you! What you did was "tough love" and is sometimes necessary.

I read a young person's post just above who hopefully gave you a young person's perspective on things and she actually AGREED with your actions, overall.

You are so obviously walking a delicate fine line and I admire you for your decision. Your 16 year old is on a road where she will hopefully get some help when she was denying the help YOU had to offer. And at the same time you have another young person that needs protecting too........

Again, I say Bless you!

MA

 

[nootka]

I am so sorry for what you are going through, and just know that you are doing your best in this situation out of love for her. I think someday she will fully realize exactly how much you love her even if her judgment is clouded, now, due to youth and her problems.

I wish I had anything to say that would help as I've only been on the other side of the coin at this point (I was the kid of a drug addict though I did not do drugs myself), I do worry for my kids and so far, so good. Getting professional help for her is a good idea since too often the emotions involved in family relationships actually hinder the process of recovery.

My best to you and to her....

Liz M.

 

[lovinarabs]

Oh man. My sympathies go out to you and your family. I was the youngest sibling to an abusive older brother and he didn't have the excuse of drugs. He was just messed up. And I remember the fights and the suicide attempts like they were yesterday. You're doing the best thing for your daughter and the rest of your family. I hope she is able to straighten herself out and you can resume some normalcy in your lives. Keep the faith.

 

[backwoodsnanny]

Prayers from here as well. You have a PM.

 

[HGFarm]

So sorry to hear of the problems!! I sure know how you feel. Are there any groups in your area on Tough Love? She is old enough that she is going to have to figure out what she wants to do and where she wants to go in life.

I hope that she can get into some councelling or something to help her, and you guys. However, if she chooses not to, you cannot MAKE her quit. I know someone whose sister is a meth addict and has been for years (I'm really surprized she's still alive) and has been court ordered to rehab, done jail time, etc.. etc.. and the gal is in about her mid 30's and so stoned out of her head she has NO idea what she is doing and will ask the same question over and over about 10 times. She can't function, hold a job, or even a conversation. She has chosen this way of life and will not stay off the drugs. The grandmother keeps giving her a place to stay, gives her money, etc... thinking that she is helping her and that the gal will quit, but it just makes it easier for her to continue her lifestyle. Her latest escapade was getting thrown out of her apartment she had with a dealer for a brief time, and she drove around in her car for DAYS with her 2 cats - ok it is about 109 degrees here and the vehicles get to oven temperatures) and the cats died in the car and were still there days later. She couldnt figure out why her car 'smelled funny'.

Just sending her to juvie is not going to make her quit doing the drugs. The rehab success rate, last time I looked, was about 3%. Not good. I hope that she can get some help, to find out WHY she thinks she needs to do this to herself, and hopefully will get things straightened out!! Otherwise, she may be right back with the same people when she gets out.

Can the boyfriend be turned in again for what he is doing? Can restraining orders be filed? I am shocked that that is what it took to get her picked up and into some place where she can think for a bit..... wow.

Please look into any councelling programs or ANYTHING that is offered for the family.

My heart aches for you- it's not going to be easy, but you must be tough and keep going. Give the rest of your family big hugs and work together on this.

Am sending you a PM

 

[PrestigeMiniHorses]

Oh Kim.....I know how you feel or atleast my mom does. My younger sister, Kally, just turned 17 aand has been clean for almost 6 months. She has been in rehabs and juvie. Right now she's getting random drug tests done monthly just about. She used to bite, kick, sneak out, etc. And she would cuss like a sailor. I tell ya we thought there was nothing she couldn't do. My mom would cry all night long with the things she would say. She broke alot of my moms things. She was dating a guy way older than her. I think he was maybe 22ish. She lied all the time. The guy she was dating actually raped her while they were at work together. He's doing jail time now thank heavens. But for the longest time she wouldnt straighten up at all. The rehab center in pueblo, CO had to bring in this one lady that wouldnt let my sister walk over here. kally got mad but this lady knew what to do. she was able to crack my sister and made my sister realize that wasnt the place to be. shes doing better now but we are still at risk of her falling back into the system again.

Kim I will pray for you and your family. Where there is a will there is a way. And she has to admit there's a problem first. and in order to change her ways shes gotta do it herself. she will end up there again if she doesnt...

 

[Diana]

Kim, So sorry to hear about your troubles. I'm sure that it helped you a bit in writing this down to share with all of us. Hang in there and hopefully the courts will take over and help her out. I'm sure that there is a wonderful girl down inside and will come out in time. Some of us don't know how lucky we are that our children didn't turn to drugs, drinking or wild boys/girls. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts. Please keep us posted if only a place for you to vent. We are all there for you and your family

 

[runamuk]

Sending hugs your way.

I completely understand what you are going through if you want to PM or email ever feel free. I have been battling this with my son for going on 4 years, he will be 16 next month. We moved back to WA and finally are able to get some help for him, Idaho had very little in the way of programs. He has just done another 70 days in juvie he has an ARY petition and is on probation......tomorrow is the big day............there is finally a bed at a long term drug rehab and hopefully sending him there clean/sober will help him make some progress. Our juvie the kids cannot even get cigarettes, let alone drugs so we know he is going into treatment clean and not going through withdrawls etc.......

It's all about choices, and some kids seem determined to make poor ones no matter how hard we as parents try to support and direct them down the right path. :no:

As I said holler any time.

 

[lvponies]

I cannot tell you how much the posts, PM's and words of encouragment and support have meant to me. You all are truly amazing people to care so much about someone you've never met. I deeply appreciate you all being there for me!!! Big {{{HUGS}}} to you all!!!

: You have all helped me so much!! Thank You!!!

I spoke to Mary last night. She seemed to be doing ok so far. The only thing she wanted was for me to call the boyfriend and get his mailing address so she could write him. Sorry, kid of mine, not going happen!!! I am sincerely hoping that she will get over him while she's away, but I remember being 16 and totally obsessed with a boy to the point that nothing else in life matters. All I can do is hope he moves on to someone else!! Some of you mentioned a restraining order against the boyfriend....the police told me the other night that since he's of age and she's not, all I had to do was tell them that I don't want Mary with him. If they see them together, he will be arrested. Said they arrested someone last week for just that reason. Boyfriend has also been told that if he comes over here, he will be arrested for trespassing. I don't know if the police went to talk to him or not, or were able to arrest him for anything or not.

Mary said that they did a drug test on her and it came back clean, but in the next sentence said that she was being kept in a holding cell last night in case she suffered drug withdrawals. Don't know what's true and according to the case manager, they can't share any of that info with me because of the HIPPA privacy laws. She said she couldn't even tell me if they had to take Mary to a doctor for some reason. Don't quite understand that as she is a minor child and I would think the parents would be entitled to be told about any medical conditions she's being treated for.

Mary asked me on the phone last night if she really said she wanted to kill me in front of the police. Yes she did!! She also admitted in front of the police that she had done heroin the night before, but she's still telling me that she hasn't done any drugs. I told her that if that's true, it was pretty dumb to say you did heroin right in front of the police!!! Might have thought that one through just a little better before she opened her mouth!!

:

Mary didn't want to talk to her dad on the phone last night and that hurt his feelings. He had a heart attack in January and has been suffering some as the result of all this stress. He's just worn out!! My younger daughter, Bethany, is still nervous as Mary had threatened to have some of her friends come over to beat us up and do stuff to the house. She's having some difficulty sleeping as a result and so are we as she comes in our room in the middle of the night to tell us about noises she's hearing. Hoping she starts to feel more comfortable as time goes on.

Thank you all again for your support!! I just cannot express in words how much it means to me!!!

Kim

 

[wildoak]

Kim, just a suggestion.....from one who has been there. Have your daughter sign releases with everyone that allows them to talk to you about her. From therapists to attorneys to doctors - esp if you are footing the bill and she's underage I would not give her a choice. She either signs the releases or you don't help her through this. It will give you a much greater insight to what's going on, as there are times they will open up a bit more to a relative stranger.

Glad she sounds like she is responding a bit now, hang in there.

Jan

 

[lvponies]

Jan....thank you for the suggestions about the releases. I will look into that.

Don't know how true this is, but my younger daughter spoke with a friend over the internet. Her mother works at the juvenile facility where Mary is. The mother told the daughter (and told her not to tell!) that Mary tested positive for meth, heroin, crack and pot. Unbelievable!! Like I said, don't know if this is true or not, but if it is, I'm guessing that the combination of all these drugs contributed to her violence and anger.

Oh....and she also heard that the boyfriend's mother is going around telling people that we beat Mary and that Mary called 911. The police took her away for her protection.

:

 

[runamuk]

Jan....thank you for the suggestions about the releases. I will look into that.

Oh....and she also heard that the boyfriend's mother is going around telling people that we beat Mary and that Mary called 911. The police took her away for her protection.

:

Hang in there. We have heard all kinds of crazy things about ourselves that we didn't know...... people will believe what they want and most will consider the source.

Definately get the releases, we had to get the judge to court order our son as he was being a total butt about it. And I honestly had no idea what was going on as the counselors etc...would not talk to me. It was to the point where he was ditching his outpatient treatment and yet if I called to make sure he had attended they told me they could not tell me.

 

[AppyLover2]

It's totally unfathomable to me that the parent of an underage person can't get any information. Just another of those laws that make no sense what-so-ever. Sounds like those releases are a must have. I really feel bad for your whole family. Sounds like Mary has succeeded in making everyone's life, including her own, a living he!!. And you've gotta laugh at that nonsense with the boyfriends family. I'm sure they're just repeating what he told them. Hang in there. We're all pulling for you.

 

[FairytailGlennMinis]

I am so very sorry you are having to go through all of this. One thing popped into my mind that you might could use as well--if there were nude pics of her and her boyfriend, that is child pornography and you might be able to go after him for that and statutory rape as well as committing indecent acts with a minor. That is one route you might be able to take in order to get him taken out of the picture for a bit.

As for after jeuvie, there are a lot of boarding schools that deal specificly with kids like your daughter. They are usually very expensive, but Sallie Mae, PrepGate and some other places can help with funding. There are also usually grants available. A school away with a therapeutic and/or rehab program may be a good shot for getting her on the right track.

I hope and pray this settles down for all of your family.

Best Wishes,

-Amy

 

[HGFarm]

Hang in there. She is going to tell you anything right now, probably not the truth, because she still doesnt want to admit or deal with what she is doing. Kids are not stupid but many know how to 'play' their parents or others to get what they want.

Be tough. Dont believe ANYthing you hear from folks, whether it's the boyfriend, her, neighbors, etc.. and yes, I would surely do the releases so you are informed correctly from the sources, instead of wondering what is going on. This way she can also be called on things when she is not telling you the truth.

She may not be telling you the truth because to do that would be to hear the words out loud that she has a problem, and she is not going to want to admit that right now. There is going to be no instant cure- it could take weeks, or months.....

 

[runamuk]

It's totally unfathomable to me that the parent of an underage person can't get any information. Just another of those laws that make no sense what-so-ever.

You and me both...let me tell you I was livid when I was told I couldn't get any info due to "his" privacy excuse me I am liable for his actions in a monetary sense yet they can't tell me if he even attended the stinkin class

:

:

When I go off on the current state of animal laws well the current state of minor laws are about the same..................I am responsible but have zero right to know.................how much sense does that make

Again I am here if you ever want an understanding shoulder...............we survived intake (barely) and I only hope and pray that it will help..................we cannot help those who do not want to be helped..................this is something I would never wish on my worst enemy.............it is a day to day nightmare come to life. :no: :no: :no: definately not the hopes and dreams one see's for their child :no: :no:

 

[HGFarm]

I hear ya runamuk, and it is ridiculous. They want to hold parents responsible for their kids, but it seems the parents can just foot the bills and provide a roof, and the heck with the rest of it. Part of the problem with this world today, in my opinion....