Help!!!

[Soggy Bottom Ranch]

Hi Group!

I need some advise for a delimma that's starting to take place reguarding our family christmas. Dave and I just bought this place not long ago, and we're excited to share it. My family is coming for our christmas on Dec. 22nd, most of whom have not even seen our new home yet. My brother and his fiance have two dogs that are just like their kids to them, which I can COMPLETELY relate to because I have cats that are just like my kids most days. However, these two dogs are not diciplined very well, and they don't listen well either. We've had get togethers at our old home where they have brought their dogs, and every time we'd turn around they were sniffing at the food on the table, or under our feet. My brother will scold them, and then laugh while the dog is still sniffing at the food. If he goes to shoo them away, they'll be right back there in two minutes anyway, and then start all over!

All the get togethers we have had where the dogs come along, have been outside camp overs, so they were never allowed in the house, and my cats have never seen them, or been around them. They would be terrified if the dogs had come in! We have constantly asked my brother to pick up their dog poop as well, and he just laughs at us, and says "you live in the country, why pick it up, just mow over it!" Well, I don't know how many times I'd stepped in some dog poop walking across the lawn to get the mail. It makes Dave very angry, so last time, after he asked my brother to pick it up, and he ignored Dave, Dave just picked it up while my brother watched him do it. Personally, I feel it's very disrespectful.

Sorry to be long winded..........I'm upset, and to busy to have time to deal with this, so it's just getting to me more than it should I suppose. Here is my delimma. My brother said that they can't find anyone to watch the dogs for them that day, and that they are maybe gonna have to bring the boys. Dave told me absolutely not! We are not dog people, I hope I don't get flamed for saying that, it's not that we don't like them, we do, it's just that we choose not to have them. Dave absolutely does not want them in our new home since we have all new furniture and carpet. I don't like the idea of my cats being scared out of their mind, and hiding all day just because of the dogs, and then I wonder if they would possibly start to mark their territory because of the dog smell left behind?

I asked if they could stay in the garage or the barn, and they said no because neither is heated. What I don't understand is, why is this our problem to manage or make better? Why can't they board them for the day, or get a pet sitter? All I want is a nice family day spent together, so do we have to be the ones to give in here, and let these dogs come in to our nice new home? We don't force our animals on someone when we go to visit, we get someone to watch them, or we board them as we are doing right now, and as we did with our cats when we moved.

Would surely appreciate anyones advise or opinion here, and if you've ever had this happen to you, please share what you did to solve the delimma. And even if you have no opinion or advise............thank you for letting me vent! I'm just to busy trying to get caught up on my sewing orders to deal with this right now, and not even sure if this is my problem to deal with or not? They did say that if they can't find someone to watch their dogs, that they may not come. I want them here, I really do, but isn't this going a little to far? Again, why not be a responsible pet owner, and board the dogs?

 

[h2t99]

I can totally understand!! My parents use to always let us bring our dogs, well their dog that they got 2 years ago does not like our dog, so we have to get someone to watch our dogs when we go anywhere. It was hard at first because we do not live close and we use to always just stay the night, but we chose to be dog owners and we respect my parents house, so the dogs stay at home!! Your brother should respect you and not bring them!! Also your cats may get upset enough to mark their territory if the dogs come in!! Plus what if his dogs decide to mark their territory in your house!! Maybe you can have one of your parents or another relative say something to your brother about not bringing his dogs!!

Good Luck!!!

 

[StellaLenoir]

Is it only one day? They should try a pet sitter, that comes a few times a day to feed, let out ect. Pay a neighbor kid or something.

It sounds as if they do not take your rules seriously, and that is disrespectful! I would tell them due to past behavior their dogs are NOT allowed! and if they cannot come, oh well. Next time they will prepare better, because they will relize you are serious and sticking to your guns about the dogs.

I may sound mean, but I hate when people are passive aggressive by not following rules, or forgetting or whatever, they are really just doing things to get their way.

I have a few family members like that and it drives me crazy. Good luck and I hope they grow up some and can come for Christmas.

 

[wantminimore]

If it's only for the day why can't they be left at home? Aren't they home during the week when your brother is at work?

My sister has a dog that she likes to bring with her. She's not very firm with the dog either. We have a huge summer party every Aug. and one year there were so many dogs, I was not thrilled. I have a few chickens and I told my sister that if she brought her dog that he would have to be tied and I was shocked at her reaction

. She said she would pay me back for any chickens her dog killed and she was mad at me because I didn't want her dog here. I don't bring my animals to her house when I visit.

I can totally understand where you're coming from. I don't think it would hurt the dogs to stay in the garage while they are visiting.

Leslie

 

[Marty]

Nobody's dogs are welcomed at my house period.

Keep your dogs home or don't come over.

I have one dog that is a fighter and a biter, and then there is Amy the resident lunatic. That is enough dogs here; enough blasted confusion.

I do respect you do not want a dog on your place and they have to also. Heck, it's YOUR HOME, your new home for pete's sake so it's high time they respect that no means no.

Make yourself perfectly clear.

Don't mince words.

Be firm.

You do not owe them any other explaination except that.

This is what you say:

"We do not want any dogs on our property, inside or out no matter what"

"I really want you to come, but there is no way you can bring your dogs here, and that is the way it is"

Put the ball in their court, where it belongs.

You are not the bad guys.

 

[Ashley]

If I have to bring my dogs they stay kenneled. Either in the shed(its heated) or in the basement of the house. THey go out ot potty, I pick up and they go back to there kennel.

That said tell them to ask there vet. Most of them do boarding.

 

[Pepipony]

Manners are so easy to teach, so long as you are smarter than the critter OH!

Do you have a parent that can talk to them? He's seeing you as the kid sister still, so maybe a parent can line him out. If not and since you have asked nicely, too many times and have done this the miss manners way, maybe its time to be a B**** about it.

If the dogs sniff the food, get after them, nicely the first time, then get ticky. If bro doesnt step up, just get tickier each time. When dogs go outside, hand bro a bag, if he does nothing hand him another. Still nothing, bag the poo and hand it to him, still nothing? Put it in his car.

We all fall into the rolls that we had as kids. Doesnt matter how old we get, we are still just that little pesky kid

Bro will either get the message or have a temper tantrum. Either way, you sanity will be saved and maybe he will learn a lesson in manners.

 

[bfogg]

I find their behavior unexcusable,and I would not put up with it for 5 minutes.

They are welcome but they need to leave the dogs home. If they need to leave a little earlier to take care of the dogs oh well......

This is not your problem, this is a problem they created with their immature and disgusting behavior. Leaving dog feces for someone else to clean up when you are a guest in their home is telling the people you do not respect them or care about them or their property.

seems like your brother could be a little jealous of what you have as well, and is simply allowing his dogs to trash your property.

I would just say would love to have you but for the safety of our our animals that we love as much as you love your animals they need to stay home where they have everything they need to make it a happy day for them as well as our cats.

Hang tough or this will be your fate every single holiday.

You are in the right.

Hope it works out for you,

Bonnie

 

[mad for mini's]

I have house dogs and I do not expect everyone I visit to include them in our activities . You are not being unreasonable in your requests ! Your brother is being very disrespectful and likely will not change. If you allow him to bring his dogs , even to be kept in the garage, they WILL end up in your home the first time that your back is turned. I would tell him that you do not want his dogs there , Period ! Let him know that you are looking forward to seeing them but the dogs are not welcome around your new home. You should not feel guilty at all . As for the lack of clean-up on his part , I would have been scooping up those piles into a bag and then nicely place it in their backseat before they left !

Pepipony : I must have been writing as you were posting , I had the same thought ! Send it home with them.

 

[Miniv]

It is YOUR house.......YOUR rules.......What part of "NO DOGS", don't they understand????

Stick to your guns or you will have this problem forever. It's not YOUR responsibility to find a place to put THEIR dogs.

And if they try to pull the "We're not going to come if we can't bring the critters", then tell them --

"That's too bad, we'll miss ya!"

MA

 

[mininik]

I would let them know the dogs will have to be crated or on leash at all times and when they come over say, "Here's some bags for when they potty (in the back/front/sideyard only, please)." If they protest simply tell them you do not intend to turn your new home into a free range "Bed & Biscuit."

 

[Soggy Bottom Ranch]

Boy oh boy, what a great bunch of people you are!

I have been feeling miserable over this for a while now! I feel as though Dave and I will be looked down upon by our family for being this way, but I have to say now, I feel so much relief having gotten this off my chest.

You have all brought up some very good points, and there's a couple things I'd like to add. First would be that we are about 3 - 3 1/2 hours from all of my family now, which makes it difficult. We knew this would make things difficult when we moved, but there were very specific and necessary reasons for moving, and it just had to be done. The travel time would mean that if they left the dogs home, they would only be able to stay a couple hours, and then have to leave to be home in time to let the dogs out to potty.

My brother is about 11 years younger than I am, and quite arrogant, so this is certainly not about jeolousy. He has been using my mom for about three years now, and taking advantage of her kind heart. She lives nearly 2 hours from him, and when we lived in our old home, we were the go between meeting point for them. If my brother and his fiance had to go away for any amount of time, mom would take the dogs, and drive to our place to meet him, so he wouldn't have to drive the whole way. I don't think mom liked taking the dogs, and I certainly know my step-dad didn't, but he's their son, and they've always been the type to "please" the kids.

He e-mailed this morning to tell me that her family can't take the dogs, and they can't find anyone else to do it, so someone may have to stay home.............guilt trip! So I Googled "Pet Sitters" in his area this morning, and two came up. I e-mailed back to tell him that maybe for situations like this, they need to consider getting a Pet Sitter, and gave him the numbers I found! I told him I really really wanted them both there, and that I was sorry, but we just would prefer not to have the dogs in the house. I'm not giving in, now that I know that I shouldn't feel guilty!

Thanks bunches you guys!

 

[mad for mini's]

Good for you ! Now don't give in ! If they can't make it because of the dogs then that is not your fault ! Anyone who is a responsible pet owner knows that to have a furkid means sometimes ( OK ! alot of times) making sacrifices .

 

[Reijel's Mom]

It sounds like you handled it beautifully!

Now on the flip side of the coin what bothers me is when my in-laws (who live less than an hour and a half away and whom we see pretty frequently) pressure us to stay over. Yes, I want to come, but I don't see the point in spending the night and having to pay to board my animals and pay someone to do my horse chores just so I can sleep in someone else's bed, and get up in the morning and leave. It's different if there is a reason, like if we would all have an event together the next day. But every year we get that pressure to stay over, and every year we have to remind them that we'd have to board the animals and have someone do the chores. I know part of the problem is they don't get why my animals are so important to me (they don't have any) and I resent that, even though I try not to.

Sorry to hijack - guess I needed to vent, too OH!

 

[Laura]

I think you handled it properly. It is about respect. You want them to know you love them and want them to be with you for the holidays, but be assured if you had two children who were destructive and unruly in their home, you would certainly hear about it..pets are easier to train than children for sure~LOL

 

[mininik]

Ah, Laura, but how many people would actually tell someone to leave their KIDS home for a holiday get together?

To many dogs are part of the family and if both owner and host are willing to compromise, visiting dogs don't have to be a big issue.

 

[woodnldy]

Geri If the pet sitter idea doesn't work I think I would print this entire list off and send it to the problem family member. It seems they need an attitude adjustment and it's never to late to learn. Don't feel guilty tho,It is your home and you can set the rules. They do in theirs don't they?

 

[Reble]

I am going to be on the other side for just one minute.

I do love my animals but never take them to other people's homes, now my daughter she brings her 2 dogs here all the time. They are like their kids.

Have to arrange my dogs to make her dogs welcome. I can adjust for short periods.

I always told her first look after a plant, than animals than you might be ready for children

So, just wondering how much of a nice visit you and your brother will be having, they are not going to let this go.

As you said someone will not be showing, or will come and leave early. As long as you can live with what happens and not feel guilty, do what is best for you.

Just for one day, I know they are being selfish, but do you know someone you can set up close for their dogs to be watched.

If possible tell them the dogs have to be on a leash in the house or can you put them in another room where you can put up a gate where they can not go into carpet area or kitchen.

Or the garage put in a temporary heater or heat lamp.

Just a few suggestions, either way, I do not think your Christmas with your brother is going to be a happy one.

 

[mad for mini's]

If you were talking about a respectful and responsible dog owner, I would just for the day try to accomodate them but from what you have said about him I don't think that will be possible. He would take advantage of your hospitality again and you would be in the same boat you were in before.

I have three house dogs , when we go to my parents , the dogs have to stay outside . My mom has severe allergies to them , the dogs are perfectly fine in the garage with a crate and a heated pet bed.

And we always shovel up our dogs waste , even though my dad lets his dogs piles sit in the yard .

 

[Miniv]

Let us know how your e-mail worked with the Pet Sitter list........

I betcha a button that your brother will try another manipulation tactic........Please be prepared.